رسانه اینترنتی مای موویز MyMoviz جامعترین سایت فیلم و سریال
Hi, fellas,
Oh, you can't go back there Ollie, she's rehearsing,
Oh, all right,
How's high school, Ollie?
Getting ready for the prom?
High school's good, Cassandra, Thanks for asking,
How's "In a Couple Years, You'll be Too Old to Dance" school?
- Don't know what she sees in him, - Exactly,
Hi, Stella,
Good girl,
Did you miss me? Hey, did you miss me?
It's me, It's me, Jack,
Good girl, how're you feeling?
How you feeling, girl?
I got you something,
Ready for this? You ready for this?
Guess what it is? Guess what it is?
Good girl,
You must be Jack,
Uh-huh,
I'm Ron,
I'm sorry, I've got a little,,,
Nice to meet you,
Sally,
How do we like this guy?
- Dude! - Dude!
Hey, why did you throw that on the ground?
And why're you putting all your stuff in my room?
Well, my room's a closet and you're at college,
Dude, that is my James Brown T-shirt,
No, it's our James Brown T-shirt,
- No, it's my,,, - Yes, it's our,,,
- Technically it's our,,, - No, technically that's my,,,
- We did not buy it together,,, - Okay if it's yours,
it's mine now because it looks better on my hot body,
- Take it off, - No,
- Take it off, - No, I'm not taking it off, No,
Jack, stop, Stop, Stop, Okay, Okay, Okay, Fine, Fine, Fine, Fine,
Did you get your ears pierced?
- Yeah, why? - Mom, let you do that?
I'm a millennial, Jack, Mom works for me,
I'm wearing this, This is mine,
Bought it,
Mom's sort of been my personal slave
since I won that advanced Bio thing,
Oh, yeah man, That was so awesome that you won that, Ollie,
Dude, I'm so happy you're here, This year blows without you here,
Mom's new boyfriend's a scoob,
- I know, I met him, - It's like, dude, embrace your baldness,
No one is buying that comb-over bullshit,
I think about Mom and him banging, and I think
he probably does this with his hair,,,
You think of Mom and him banging?
And goes, "Yeah, yeah,"
Yeah! Yeah!
Why does Mom do this? She must just hate being alone so much,
I mean she's not alone, She's got us,
Yeah, but I guess we can't be like,
"Mom, don't feel so alone,"
Aw, man! Stella seems cool to me,
She's still a full figured gal,
Nah, her tumor's bad, man,
She's been pooping in my bed every night, and,,,
- She's messed up, dude, - And Mom's, like, throwing a party for her?
Yup, Crazy ho,
She thinks that Stella's gonna want some of her own kind to bear witness when she dies,
I think it's kinda creepy, Isn't it?
It's very creepy, It's very, very creepy,
But you can still smell her popcorn paws,
Nice popcorn paws,
Big, warthog-belly Stell,
Miss you so much, girl,
Oh, this cart's working out well, right?
Yeah,
Hey, so is school good?
You kinda going AWOL on me, dude, and you haven't responded to any of my texts,
No, just, uh,,,
Hey, you know that trip you wanted to go on,
the high school scuba one? In the Galapagos?
Yeah,
Mom said I could go on it this summer,
Really? I thought that was a really expensive trip,
Yeah, but I asked huh, and she said I could go,
And now, honestly, I don't know if I really want to go,
'cause I met this girl and,,,
Wait, Wait, Jack, stop! Holy shit!
- Whoa! Underboobs? - Yeah,
Yeah, these are her underboobs,
- JACK: Nice, - OLLIE: Yeah,
We've been kinda daring each other to send each other pics all day,
I sent her a butt pic,
- Cool, - I'm actually getting kinda worried,
Dude, could you check and see if I have a rash on my ass?
I really don't wanna do that man,
Please?
Okay,
- You're all clear, - Are you sure?
Yeah, Yeah,
Gonna take your word,
I was thinking about sending her a full-frontal, I don't know,
it's kinda cold out,
My size is still probably fine, Normal to large,
I mean, not magnum, but,,,
Have you like, uh,,,
- You know,,, - No, no, But, its imminent,
It's gonna happen, My acne's cleared up,
I need two women to show me the ropes in the sack,
I'm kidding,
Keep on, you crazy goons,
Hey, um,,,
All joking aside,
I heard you popped the cherry of Cassandra Peerpod,
- Who? - Cassandra Peerpod, the ballet dancer,
- I don't know,,, - Heard you guys,,,
I don't even know what that name is,
- Cassandra Peerpod? - Yeah,
I must've been wasted,
Yeah, Well, you had to have been pretty wasted to fuck this girl,
- She's kind of a biatch, - Yeah, yeah,
There's this girl that I met at this party, like, a year ago,
and we, like, just kissed and we talked about undersea creatures
and had this amazing conversation, I got, like, so obsessed with her,
And then I kept calling her and calling her and she never called me back,
And then today,
I was on the subway, I saw her on the subway platform,
It was amazing,
Wait, but what happened?
Nothing, I'll probably never see her again,
she got on a train and left,
- That's the end of the story? - Yeah,
That's the most depressing story I've ever heard in my life,
Why did you tell me that?
So, Jasmine, Eli and Joe were all run over by my mom,
Maddy ate rat poison,
Sam walked off the deck with his leash still on, and, um,,,
Oh, my God!
And Wicker,,,
Wicker, I don't know, I think she vanished under mysterious circumstances,
It was not mysterious, Wicker was like, "There are a lot of dogs
"dying around me, I gotta get the hell out of here,"
- Yeah, - Dogs are dying
- all over the place, - Probably,
Anyway, you guys are so lucky,
You have one dog your whole life, That's such a beautiful thing,
Are you sure you want to have a party for Stella?
Don't you think it should just maybe be us
- hanging with her on her last,,, - No,
It's so good we're having a party,
I wish we had a party for your dad when he,,,
- When we put him to sleep? - Yeah, actually,
You are one batshit, crazy bitch, aren't you, Mom?
I know, I know,
You're gonna let him talk to you like that?
What? Oh, no, he's just joking,
Oh! Disrespect is your idea of a joke, huh?
- Hey, Mom, have you seen the guy trying to see his own eyes? - I love that guy,
No, don't do that, Ollie, stop it,
Open your eyes, man,
Do they look okay? You wanna just look in the mirror?
- You can probably see them if you just look in the mirror, - Mirrors lie,
Stop! Stop!
Why? Why is that funny?
Uh,,,
It's just funny,
Well, Ron, If you want me to explain it to you,
he can't actually see his own eyes,
He knows, He knows, He knows, Ollie,
- Oh, I wasn't, I just,,, - Jack,
did you tell Ron all about how you study Marine Biology in college?
Uh, I've been, I've been studying Marine Biology in college,
Oliver too, Oliver's gonna probably,,,
Oliver just won the science award, Did you know that, Jack?
Yeah, I heard, That was amazing,
- That was awesome, - So great,
Speaking of Marine Biology, kind of,
there's a big push online to get fish
on the menu in my restaurant,
- I mean, its crazy, right? - Oh,
I tell them "We do chicken, understand?"
It's the Authentic Chicken Kitchen,
It's not the Authentic Fish and Kitchen,
- Right, - People are nuts,
Mmm-hmm,,,
Mom, love you death, babe, bye,
I gotta go, Thank you for dinner,
Oh, Ollie, It's a school night, You can't go, And Jack's here,
Oh, that's fine, If he wants to go, I don't,,, Yeah,
Okay, you can go for an hour,
What? An hour? That's not long enough, Cock-Block Sally,
- Don't hinder my chances, - Hey! Don't sass your mom,
Hey, don't sass me, baldie,
- Well, uh, what am I supposed to say to that? - Okay,,,
Apologize to Ron, please,
I'm sorry, Ron,
for acknowledging what everybody already knows
that under that comb-over you bald as a baby's testicle, my man,
And you're a spoiled little shithead,
Mom!
That hurts my feelings, Ron, I demand an apology,
Apologize,
Here's your apology,
- Whoa, Mom, - I'm sorry,
He's a bad influence on me,
- Man! Ron! - All right, Just wash your plate, please,
I'm gonna wash it,
I'm gonna wash it with my tongue,
Sorry,
Really nice meeting you,
- You know,,, - I'm sorry,
It always ends like this,
I try to understand, I don't get the guy, I don't get him,
Ooh, you're kind hard on old Ron, aren't you?
I'm doing him a favor, That relationship's a non-starter,
You know mom, She always dumps those guys eventually,
I'm just helping to expedite the process,
So it's pretty much a humanitarian gesture,
Exactly,
You just want Mom all to yourself, don't you?
Yeah, my mom is sort of like my only friend, but,
hey, quality over quantity,
You know, I missed you, Nelson,
I missed you, George Walters,
- Good to see you, - Good to see you,
- I've missed you - I've missed you, too,
Hey, I'm George, I've a question, so,,,
I sent out invites for this pizza party
and nobody responded, so, would you wanna come?
I would love to go to your pizza party
except that I'm lactose intolerant,
I'm gonna have to decline,,,-
No, I'm also lactose intolerant,
- You're also lactose intolerant? - I'm also lactose intolerant?
- Yes - That's wonderful,
Okay, so we're gonna tell my mom,
we're just gonna be like, "Mom, you just grab off all the cheese,,,"
- That's my mom, - That's my mom, too,
That's your mom? No, I don't even understand
how that's even freaking possible,
Did you get me these?
- Sweetie,,, - I, uh,,,
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, From me, - I love violets,
I'll put these in the vase,
- You're welcome, - Yeah, Thank you,
Thanks,
So, who're you going out with?
You're going out with Underboobs?
Yes, but when she comes over you got to contain yourself
because she would kill me if she knows you saw that,
- I'm gonna say, "Hi, Underboobs," -Don't,
Kill you, if you knew she saw what?
My girl friend, um,
sent me an s-chat of her fat sweater puppies,
You have a girlfriend, Ollie?
That's the information you got from that? I gotta be real,
Not the response I expected from you, Sal,
I get it, I'm a big joke,
Talk to me when you have your own restaurant chain,
Come on, Ron, They weren't even talking about you,
They were talking about Ollie's girlfriend
sending him a picture of her boobs,
What?
- Hello, - What the hell?
No, it was of her underboobs, okay?
Relax, dude, Jesus Christ,
Violet?
- Hi, - Baby,
Meet the gang, Come here, Meet the whole squad,
Everybody, This is Violet,
Violet, this is everyone I love,
and Ron,
Hi, Violet, Ollie was just,,,
He's told us so much about you,
Oh!
Taken any good pictures lately?
Shh!
It was a picture that disappears in like three seconds,
How did you manage to show it to your entire family?
I didn't show it to anyone, I just,,,
My brother was over my shoulder when you sent it,
and then everyone else was just collateral damage,
Your brother saw it? You know what, Ollie?
That was the most awkward and embarrassing moment of my whole life,
- I'm not kidding, - Okay, look, I'm sorry,
And I understand that you're really mad,
and you have every right to be, but,
for what it's worth,
I love that you sent that picture,
and I really hope that this teeny-tiny little incident
does not deter you from sending pictures of that nature in the future,
- You're so immature, - Really?
I'm gonna get the whole, "You're two years older than me" lecture?
- I can't believe you let Jack,,, - Jack's cool,
- Jack's seen lots of different underboobs, - Oh, my God!
Look, Look,
Now would have been a very good time,
to give you the flowers that I bought for you
for the solo thingy and apologize for being immature,
But unfortunately,
my mother thought that my brother got them for her,
and I didn't have the heart to tell her the truth,
So I gots no flowers,
It's actually really sweet,
It is? Wait, what is?
The fact that you let your brother take credit for flowers he didn't buy
because you wanted your mom to be happy,
Oh,
Well, when you put it like that,,,
That's really, really, really sweet of me,
- Mmm, - You're really, really lucky to have me,
I mean, I am a saint,
So, you're okay with your son dating an exhibitionist?
Oh, for heaven's sakes, Ron,
They were just playing around, That's what kids do these days,
No, not decent kids, I'm telling you,,,
You spoil them, Sally, They boys, they,,,
They're not learning how to be men,
I will talk to Ollie about how he acts towards you,
It's not nice, I agree,
You could tell him I'm sick and tired of the bald jokes,
I mean, I'm not even that bald,
- Am I right? I mean,,, - Yeah,,,
You're not,
Hey, Jack, we're gonna go to a party, you wanna come?
Yes, please, Yes, Yes,
Wait, What? Ollie,,,
I already told you, you're not allowed to go out on a school night,
What? Mom, Violet is outside and I already finished all my homework,
Oh, okay,
Oh, okay? What?
Just that he did his homework so,,,
Ollie, you can't go out on a school night and that's final,
Mmm-hmm, Later, Mom,
- Young man, - Old man,
- I love you, Mom, Bye, - Oliver, stop, Wait,
I'll meet you outside,
Come here,
Ollie, over here,
Okay, it's fine, you can go, okay?
Just come back in and just sneak out down the,,,
Just jump off the roof or something, okay?
Pretend I made you stay,
Fine, I'll stay if you're gonna be such a bitch about it, Mom,
- Is that okay? - Mmm,
Well, yes, but can you now apologize for calling me a bitch?
- Really? - Yeah,
- You are so pitiful, Mom, - I know,
Sorry for calling you a bitch, Mom,
- Good, - Can I go now?
Yeah,
When are you gonna dump that scoob, Mom?
I don't know, honey, Soon, But you shouldn't be so mean to him,
You hurt his feelings, Well he's really sweet when he's not being defensive,
Okay, whatever, Can I go?
Yes, Bye,
No!
Uh, Ollie invited me to go with you guys,
Is that cool if I tag along?
- Yeah, I don't care, - Yeah,
I, uh,,,
I think I saw you on the subway today actually,
- You did? - Yeah,
You still like octopuses? Or, sorry, octopi,
What?
Oh, at the,,,
At the party, I just remember
we were talking about undersea creatures for some reason,
- and you said that you liked the octopi, - Oh, yeah,
Octopus, yeah,,,
Or whatever,
Did you not remember meeting me?
- I remember, - Okay, good,
And, and, and,,, You never told Ollie about us, like,,,
- He doesn't,,, - Why?
It's not like it was a big deal,
I mean we just kissed,
Yeah, Right, right, right, Well, I know,
Yeah, we just, uh,,, I guess,,,
So,,,
Ollie's more your type, or whatever?
He's more of an extrovert or something?
I'm only asking because I just called you so many times,
I was, like, calling and calling and you never called me back,
You know why I didn't call you back,
- Uh,,, - Why would I?
After you,,,
Oh, shit, Fuck, ow! Ow! fuck!
You guys ready to rock and roll?
So we finally solved the big mystery of why Violet like me so much,
Guess what it is?
- I don't know,,, - You'll never guess what it is,
Turns out, I'm actually really sweet,
Like when I let Mom think that the flowers were for her tonight,
That was really sweet, Sweet,,,
Yeah, maybe it's not so sweet if you brag about it, Ollie,
I still think it's sweet,
She still thinks it's sweet, bro,
Hey, actually me and Jack realize we know each other,
You do?
- Uh, yeah, yeah, We,,, - We met last year at a party,
Yeah, she never called me back,
What? Another girl didn't call you back?
Dude, you're slipping,
What do you mean another?
You were telling me about the girl in the train today that you saw,
Jack saw this girl that he was in love with on the train today
and she never called him back either,
I'm sure she had her reasons,
- What was her name? - I don't remember her name,
Was it Amy?
No, who's Amy?
I don't know, I was just gonna start with the A names
and then go through the alphabet to help you remember,
It wasn't Amy,
Holy crikey! This is someone's house?
It's Cassandra's parents' house,
Wait, Isn't Cassandra the one you said that I,,,
Oops! Yeah, the one you nailed,
Could be awkward, I just realized,
Sorry,
Violet, what are you doing here? Did Cassandra invite you?
Um, Richard did,
Oh, well, it's Cassandra's party, Not Richard's,
Well, tell Cassandra we brought the male escort she ordered,
Oh, I didn't see you, Jack, Um,
all right, you guys can come in,
Take your shoes off over there,
The floors are, like, imported from the ancient Roman ruins,
Do I know huh, too?
She's Cassandra's best friend, She probably knows about the boinking,
No! Please don't sit on that couch
because it's white and Cassandra's father would flip out
because it's, like, super valuable,
Sorry,
uh, just so you know, Violet, it's kinda awkward having you here since
the party's for Caroline and you're replacing her because of her toe,
Hey, Caitlin,
if you don't shut the hell up, I'm gonna pee all over that couch, I swear to God,
- I'm telling Cassandra, - Oh, are you? I'm so scared,
At the Salem bitch trail, she's the first one I'm burning,
We should leave,
What? No way we're leaving,
- Are we bro? - No, we're not gonna leave,
We stay here, and we're not gonna take our shoes off, either,
We're just gonna rub our shoes,,,
We're gonna march all over these ancient ruins,
- Yeah, Caesar, - Et tu, floor,
Dude, champagne, Sir, Hello,
- Wait, after I what? - What?
You said that I did something, and you didn't call me after I did something,
It's nothing, Jack, it doesn't,,, No, No,
- You said something, - It's nothing, Jack,
- You said,,, - It doesn't matter,
It matters to me, okay?
It matters to me what I did to blow it with the coolest girl I've ever met in my life,
Oh, my god, Jack, Okay, you slept with Cassandra,
Did you think I would never find out?
Okay, where is she?
This Cassandra girl, would you just point her out to me?
- Seriously? - Yes, because I keep hearing this name,
and I have no idea who that person is,
- The girl with the crutches? - No,
No, the one with her hair pulled back in a bun,
All of those girls have their hair pulled back in buns,
- You really don't remember huh, do you? - I don't know this girl,
- Cassandra? - Yeah, hi, Jack,
Hey, do we know each other? Because I know that I never met you,
but I heard a rumor that we slept together, so I'm just trying to,,,
See who started that,
- I don't know, - Yeah,
You agree we've never met before?
We've met, You were just too busy hitting on Violet to remember,
But we never slept together, right?
We never hooked up in any way whatsoever, Am I right?
Thanks a lot Violet, That was supposed to be a secret,
No, Cassandra, That's a lie,
Yeah, So?
I was just,,, I was just messing with you, Violet,
You're so gullible,
I'd never sleep with you, Jack,
You think I sleep with guys who live in Queens?
Is that supposed to hurt my feelings? Guys who live in Queens?
It just doesn't,
They have, like, a mountain of seafood over there, You have to check it out,
That's for the invited guests, Oliver, You can't have any,
Oh,
Do you want it back?
Oh, my,,,
I'm leaving,
- Seriously? - I wanna leave too, Ollie,
What? We just got here,
Okay, Just wait, One sec,
Here you go, babe,
Thanks,
Hang on,
Whoa! Now I feel better,
Wait, so what happened with that girl Cassandra, dude?
Was she mad you didn't remember her?
She fucking made it up, man,
- What? - Yeah,
Why?
I don't know,
My mom says that ballet dancers are evil, George Walters,
- We have to stay away from them, - George Walters?
- Nelson has a friend,,, - No,,,
- Do it, - No,
- Come on, George, - No,
Hello, I'm George Walters,
How's it going?
Hi, my mom invited me to go to a pizza party with Nelson
and all her friends, just George and Nelson,
- I love George Walters, - She loves me, Nelson,
Wait, I thought you loved me,
I'm an embarrassing nerd, too,
I love both of you,
Wait,
- Let's do our dance, - Okay,
Okay,
You stretched?
Okay, first I paddle around like this,
One more,
Don't drop me!
Watch him, He's a master at work,
- How many tries for the bunny? - Oh, the bunny's un-doable,
but I can get that octopus in two,
He promises something very big,
Unrealistic? We shall see,
He's moves it slightly, All the way to the side,
He goes for something, and gets absolutely nothing,
So off the mark, you wonder if he's Stevie Wonder,
A failure? Yes,
A failure of a brother? So far, yes,
All right, All right, Here we go,
- Needs a shot of tequila, - This is the one, This is the one,
We cheer him on,
Great positioning, ladies and gentlemen,
This boy has the stuff to go all the way,
Hey, Jack,
I work security here now, I know about you and the claw,
He doesn't cheat, Marty, He's very loyal to your mother,
Security cams, Jack,
Marty! Marty, the coin thing is broken again,
- Psycho, - Psycho,
Jack decides he's gonna get back in the game,
Did we have faith in the wrong kid? Maybe,
Maybe he'll pull through in the last minute,
Be very careful, He grabs the octopus,
- Oh! Oh! The octopus is going, - Oh!
It's going, It's going,
He's my brother, Everybody, this is my brother,
Here, Do you want it?
Oh, you should give it to her,
No way, I'm getting her the bunny,
I'm getting you the goddamn bunny, baby,
Okay, claw,
It's you and me, Let's dance,
Uh! Let's get freaky,
And not off to a great start,
Fuck!
- Let's play something else, - No,
I'm getting that fucking bunny for my girl,
- Ollie, - Give me some more quarters, woman,
We don't have any more quarters, He took all of us quarters,
Okay,
Stay here, Don't let anyone touch this machine,
We're gonna be here all night,
Hey, Violet,
That was so badass when you poured that red wine on that priceless couch,
That was pretty,,, Pretty badass,
You said I looked like a mermaid,
- Really? - Yeah,
My dress was blue and kinda sparkly,
I remember your dress,
And you said I looked like a mermaid,
That's how the whole octopus, undersea conversation started,
Right,
Yeah,
And then you told me how they mate,
Um, octopus,,,
- Octopussi? - Octopussi,
That was a little forward of me, huh?
You said, um,
the octopus lady tries to eat the octopus dude,,,
So, he hides behind a rock, and,,,
Yeah, he, like, does this thing where he's just like,
"What's up?"
"What up?"
It was so weird, when you didn't call me back I was just, like,,,
Like, I just went out and thinking that,,,
Maybe you found out I was going to a lame college
or you thought I was a loser or something,
I don't know,
I wish I called you back,
I liked you so much,
I like you so much,
Uh,,,
I,,, This, uh,,,
We, uh,,, This is,,,
I,,,
- Hey, - Hey,
Hey, are you okay?
Uh,,, Uh-huh,
Oh, I got these flowers for you,
The other ones weren't actually from me,
- These are, - Aw, Thanks, sweetie,
I'm glad you came home,
Do have any pot?
Uh, yeah,
We're getting Stella baked,
I figure she's in so much pain,
She's gonna feel so much better soon,
There we go, girl,
Do you think she's feeling it already?
She looks kinda crazy,
You look a little stoned, Stella,
Are you feeling high?
Coming, Coming, Coming,
Coming, Yes! Yes!
I knew it,
What did I tell you? I told you I'd win, I told you,
Man, I wish Jack was here,
Hold on, Let's send him a picture,
Hold this,
Smile, Smile,
All it took was hard work, dedication,
about ten thousand dollars worth of quarters,
and a smoking hot muse like you, baby,
Getting high with my two favorite ladies,
It's my idea of a good time,
The best,
Something bad happened today, Mom,
What?
I sort of uh,,, Kissed Violet,
- Ollie's Violet? - Yeah, she's not really Ollie's Violet,
Sort of, Jack? You sort of kissed her?
We kissed, We definitely kissed,
Where was Ollie?
He was getting tokens for the claw, he didn't see anything,
Thank God,
What there aren't girls at college?
No, Mom, I really like this girl,
Jack, I don't care,
Don't go near that girl again, Did you hear me?
- Yeah, - No matter how much you like her,
- Okay, - And don't get all guilty and tell Ollie about it,
just to make yourself feel batter,
- Got it? - Yeah,
I won't, I promise,
Okay,
Good boy,
Mom, am I a disappointment to you?
What? No, sweetie, just don't kiss her again,
No, I mean, because I didn't get that scholarship to Columbia,
Oh, that, Screw Columbia, They didn't deserve you,
You will never be a disappointment to me,
Ollie's probably gonna get that scholarship 'cause he won that science award,
Well, if he does, then I will remove my witch's curse from the place,
but until that moment, it sticks,
Mom, is that, um,
trip to the Galapagos that Ollie's going on, isn't that really expensive?
Yeah, it's expensive, but I really liked that he wanted to go,
And I think it would be a good idea for him,
You didn't think it would be a good idea for me to go?
You? Did you wanna go?
Mom, how do you think Ollie even knew about that trip?
I had that pamphlet, remember?
I slept with it under my pillow for weeks and I got that job
at Queenie's to wash dishes so I could afford to go on that trip,
I really, really wanted to go on that trip,
Sweetie, why didn't you just ask me?
'Cause I was embarrassed that it cost so much money
and I didn't want to put that on you, you know, so,,,
- I just,,, - Oh, Jack!
That is so,,,
That just makes me feel so,,,
I,,,
- Sometimes you remind me so much of your dad, - Stop,
Oh,
He would be so proud of you,
I mean, I'm looking at you,
but it's like this cardboard cut out of you,
And then behind that is
this big giant mirror,,,
Reflecting all of these yous,
- And then,,, - Mom, I think you're really stoned,
Yes,
Yes, I am,
When was the last time you smoked weed again?
Twenty-six years ago,
It always made me hallucinate,
Like now, I can't see the ceiling,
Oh, there it is,
Now it's gone,
Oh, its there again,
Gone,
There,
So was it good for you?
Yeah,
Okay, Good,
I kept getting so worried I was gonna,,,
Mess it up and do it wrong,
- Me too, - Really,
Yeah, it was my first time too, you know,
Oh, yeah,
We killed it,
So, um,
what made you finally succumb to my charm?
Was it the bunny? It was the bunny,
That damn bunny,
That bunny probably cost you more than a Porsche,
It did, I'm completely poor now,
But it was totally worth it,
- Violet, - Yeah?
I'm just really, really happy,
I have no idea, I will ask, though,
Yes, Thank you,
Do you guys wanna bury the body,
or would you like to cremate it?
Oh, we're burying her,
I found a beautiful place overlooking the ocean,
Oh, which reminds me,
I need shovels,
- Shovels? - Hey, what happened
to Ollie last night? He didn't,,,
- Oh, he,,, - Never mind, I don't even want to know,
And by the way, I'm taking these and putting them on the washing machine,
When you finish eating, Jack, can you just put them in there with a little bleach?
Stella had a really bad night, and she's,,,
I got to go upstairs and wash her right now,
Aw,,, Poor old Stella, the stoner,
Please prepare yourselves for the entrance of King Oliver III,
Yeah?
Where were you, with your porn star last night?
Oh, yeah, Sally, oh, my god,
I'm not gonna let this fall off, I swear, Sally, I swear,
- I swear I'm not gonna let this princess fall off, - Why aren't you at school?
Uh, why aren't you frying chickens with the Colonel?
'Cause I don't fry chickens, for your information,
I hire others to do that for me,
Well, for your information,
I don't go to school, I hire others to do that for me,
Did that girl really send you,,,
Porno shots of her rack?
I mean, she might be the type of girl you wanna,,,
Bang the heck out of, but,
you don't want to marry, am I right?
What type is my mom, Ron?
Hey, don't get fresh, That's your mother,
Look, Jack, it's a bird's nest,
Quit it, Stop, Hey!
- Little baby birds, - Hey! Hey!
Ron, take your hands away, Stop it,
Will you freaking quit it? Jesus H, Christ,
Hey!
Look, Stella, everybody's here for breakfast,
You never see him at his worst,
And you wanna know what he just asked me?
The one who you assured me was less a trouble maker than this character here?
He just asked me whether you were the type,,,
Tell your mother,
I just asked if you were the type of woman that
a man wanted to bang or man wanted to marry?
He said that?
You think that's funny? Why am I not surprised?
So what did you say?
- Huh? - Do you want to bang or marry me, Ron?
- You're kidding, right? - Duh, she's kidding,
Look, it's nothing personal, Ron,
but I think my mother would rather take this fork
and stab it in both her eyeballs,,,
Oh, my god, Ollie,
Oh, really?
Oh, why don't we ask her?
Sally, were you just joking, or do you really want an answer to that question?
I mean, I was,,,
Ollie and I are gonna take Stella on a nice day out,
Oh, good,
Stella, how do you wanna spend one of your last days before Mom offs you?
- Shh! Don't say that, - I'm just kidding,
Aw,,,
- Oliver, - Ron,
- Stop it, - Please leave,
- If Sally's not meeting your needs,,, - Please leave,
I'm the first person, I think you're cute, That's all I mean,
Great,
I gotta change,
I mean, I don't know what to do, I'm trying,
I mean I try to talk to them, it's like they're mutants,
Dude, I'm straight up in love,
Everything went perfectly,
Foreplay, boom, Nailed it,
Condom, boom, Nailed it,
And we didn't just do it once, We did it one, two, three times, bish,
Did she, uh,,,
I didn't really last as long I would've liked to the first time,,,
I didn't really last as long as I would've liked to the second time, either,
honestly,
But the third time, I nailed it,
How did she, um,,, How did this, like, happen?
Well, you left, and I won her the bunny, and he jumped my bones,
Can you help me with the fucking dog?
Yeah,
Stella,
- Hey, - Hello,
I'm coming to Stella's celebration Sunday, Looking forward to it,
Reggie, come on, Ro, come one girl, Come on,
- Something wrong with that, right? - Yeah,
We celebrate our dog dying?
- Hey, - Hey,
- Guess what? - What's up?
Recently, my dog had four puppies,
Oh, this dog?
- Uh-huh, - Out of where?
Out of there, mate,
We have no idea who the father is, though,
It's a scandal,
It's a broken helm,
The puppies are extremely cute, though I prefer sharks,
- Wait, what's that? - What?
I let you see Violet's under boob, I can see this,
Is this the octopus you won last night?
Is it? Yeah, I guess so,
Why would she send you,,,
I don't know, I mean,,,
How did she even get your number?
Oh, because you hit on her last year,
Yeah, yeah, Right, right, right,
You know what's so funny about you hitting on Violet last year?
Is that,,,
I mean I'm always worried about girls liking you better,
but with Violet, she had the choice between you or me,
and she chose me,
If she sent you the octopus, she probably sent me a picture of the bunny, too,
Oh, no, she didn't, That's weird,
It's no big deal,
I'm sure she just wanted to let you know
the octopus went to a good home,
See you, Leo,
Girls do that kind of weird shit,
They, like, give stuffed animals feelings,
There's this one girl who's in the tenth grade,
at lunch, she never picks the chocolate milk
'cause she's worried about hurting the plain milk's feelings,
Hurting the plain milk's feelings? What are you talking about?
I don't know, man, I mean girls are,,,
Different,,, They just have a different set of values,
I know, man,
Wow, Mom, stoned?
Wow, I would've killed to see that,
Nah, Mom should never get stoned, She was like,
hallucinating that there were three different versions of me
and she kept crying about how I reminded her about dad and stuff,
Dude, I just got my first semester grades emailed to me,
They're all D's and F's,
- I'm, like, flunking out, Yeah, - What?
D's and F's at that college?
Mom's gonna flip her shit,
No, don't fucking tell her, man, I mean it,
I won't,
I don't wanna have to be the responsible brother now,
Eat all the garbage, Let's go, Come on,
- Come on, Let's go, - Come on, Stella,
You want a sniff of doggy heaven?
Come on, girl,
Hey, is that, uh,,,
Yeah, I texted her to come join us,
No, man, no, Why,,,
I mean, I thought,,,
I thought it was gonna be just you, me, and Stella,
Sorry, I didn't know it was supposed to be just a brother hang,
- Do you want me to,,, - No, it's fine,
Look at her,
She's so beautiful,
I always feel like a before photo of a Proactiv commercial when I'm with her,
- Hey, - Hey,
Saw you from across the room,,,
Didn't know what you were up to, but I thought I'd say, "What's up?"
- You're so cool, - Thanks,
Mind if I kiss you? Thanks,
Okay, Okay, Let's go in the water,
Don't you want to go in the water? Look,
Look at that, Look at that, Stella, come on,
Come on, Get in the water,
This is getting depressing,
It's right here, Come on, Come on,
Remember when she used to run in the water and bring us tons of seaweed?
I remember when she used to swim out and try to rescue us when we'd go in,
Yeah, Maybe we should just take her home,
What're you doing?
What does it look like I'm doing?
It's April, You're gonna be cold as balls in there,
I'm hoping Stella will rescue me,
Wait!
You're gonna die,
Help!
Whoo!
- Dude, you have no choice, - Dude, I know,
Okay, stay here,
- I'm coming, - Come here!
Come in the water!
I'm coming, baby,
Hurry!
I'm trying,
I'm doing my very best,
This is not as easy as it looks like, I have very tight jeans,
It's freezing!
Jack, get in the water!
Nah, I'm just gonna hang here with Stella,
No way, You get in here,
Stella, get in the water!
Hi,
Did you get the octopus?
Yeah, Ollie saw it too, actually,
Wow, do you guys just watch over each other's shoulders all the time?
Why would you send that to me, Violet?
Just,,,
You know, like, can't we be friends?
Friends? Yeah, Okay,
- You know, - What?
I know that you slept with Ollie last night,
Why would you do that if,,, If,,,
I don't know,
You left, and I was confused, like,,,
Confused about what? That,,, Who is the right brother?
I mean, we're not the same person, okay?
We're different people, I was born three years before he was ever born,
so then you have,,,
Yes, he's coming in,
Talk to me,
Come on, Stella, in the water,
- Come on, Stella, - Come on,
Come on, Stella,
Ow!
Come on, Stella, come on,
- She's coming, - That's what she said,
- Come here! - Come on, Stella,
Come here, Stella,
Come on, baby,
Isn't she, like, the most incredible girl you've ever met?
Uh, yeah, I mean,,,
I don't know, She's older, so,,,
She may,,, You might not want to get too deep with it,
I don't know, What do you think?
I mean, I think I'm in too deep already, bro,
I'm, like, six feet under deep,
I mean, who cares that she's older,
I mean, it's just two years,
Yeah, I mean,,,
I got the goods, man,
I got a bit slab of 17-year-old salami right here,
All the ladies are dying to hop on my master wang,
- What's up, Ron? - Oliver, Jack,
Oliver, I would like to extend my apologies for,,,
Making inappropriate comments about your girlfriend this morning,
Okay,
And, so both of you know,
any time you wanna stop down
one of the Authentic Chicken Kitchens,
I'll be happy to serve you up an order of our finest,
On the house, of course,
Why are you suddenly being so nice to us?
I was very comfortable with our relationship the way it was, Ron,
Well, we all have to learn how to get along, don't you think?
So I don't have to constantly kick that kiester of yours when we're family,
Holy mother of cock,
Did you tell that idiot you were gonna marry him?
Oh, did you run into Ron?
Yes, And he's talking to us about being a family,
He said when we're family, and I quote,
"He doesn't have want to constantly kick that kiester of mine,"
Do you believe he still uses that word, "kiester?"
I thought that word got retired with my middle school principal,
- Mom, - You know what else he says? Folks,
Folks, It makes me feel like I'm dating a congressman,
- Okay, Mom, Is it true? - No, no, no, I'm not gonna marry him,
Then why is he talking to us about being a family?
I told him I would think about it, That's all,
- Why would you tell him you'd think about it, mother? - Oh, for heaven's sake,
It wasn't a formal proposal,
Remember that whole bang or marry thing this morning?
- Yes, - I think he just felt
obligated to show that I was the kind of woman that men wanted to marry,
I would have been perfectly happy if he just said
that I was the kind of woman that men wanted to bang and we just had sex,
That is his forte,
Jesus Christ, mother,
Do you wanna make us even more messed up than we already are?
Hey, you guys, Will one of you just take out that box
out of there? It's the clouds for doggie heaven,
"We love you, Smella?"
What?
- Why does it say, "Smella?" - What?
Oh, my God!
I can't believe they messed the sign,
I mean an M doesn't even look like a T,
Why did they do that? That just makes me,,,
- Mom, - I mean,,,
Yeah, Mom, Stop,
No, it just makes me sad because
I just want everything to be perfect for her, She's such a good girl,
It's okay, Stella can't read, Mom,
Then what happened?
Well, it took a couple of tries to get her to go out with me because I'm younger, but,,,
I don't see why that would be an issue,
Ollie's always been really advanced for his age,
Oh, thanks, Mom,
Yeah, I'm a little socially awkward,
So I just have my mom brag to everybody about me,
Jack, Come in, we're doing arts and crafts,
No,
No, it's chill, I gotta do my homework anyway,
Oh, I feel bad, You don't to see your brother that much,
If you want to,,,
Uh, I think it's best we just let Jack be for now, Violet,
A little overwrought there aren't we, Sally?
I just meant,
if you want to hang out with your brother, just the two of you tonight,
I totally understand,
No, No, Jack gets it,
It's hos before bros, That's the house rule,
Ollie, why don't you get the door, please?
What bee's gone up your ass today, Mom?
- Just get the door, Ollie, - Jesus Christ,
Violet, sweetheart, you seem like a really good girl
and I know you don't wanna cause any problems,
but I love my sons more than anything else in the world,
and my sons love each other more than anything else in the world,
And if you come between them,,,
I swear to God, I'm gonna fucking kill you,
I know,
I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know what to do,
I know, baby, I know,
Oh, God, Oh, sweetheart,
I didn't know that you knew,,,
I would have just told you, I would have,,,
I know,,,
Life is so complicated, isn't it? Especially for women,
Oh, my God,
'Cause men are sometimes a little dense,
- Right? - Right,
Mom, look,
Ron looks less like a pedophile now,
- Oh, you,,, - You like it?
- I like it, - You like it?
Mmm-hmm, Yeah, I like it,
Why are you crying? What the hell happened in here?
I gotta apologize for my mom,
She's not usually like that,
I don't know, She's been in a really weird mood,
Last night apparently she got high with Jack
and started crying about our dad, and then today
she started crying because the "We love you, Stella" sign
came out "We love you, Smella,"
Ollie,,,
We have to talk,
Do you think it was the sex?
Maybe I didn't bring her to orgasm or something,
- No, man, - Because,,,
I couldn't tell if she,,, I mean,,,
How can you tell if a girl,,,
Like, I know that some girls have multiples,
but I didn't know how to,,,
I didn't know how to really give her, like, one,,,
It wasn't about the sex, man, You just stop thinking about that,
I can't stop thinking about it, I'm thinking about, like, everything,
I'm second guessing literally everything single thing,
Like,,,
What if she liked the octopus better than the bunny,
'cause remember she texted you that picture,,,
Maybe she fell in love with you once she got to know you better,
or maybe she likes that ballet fucker, Richard,
who spins her, and twirls er, and lifts her up,
and touches her, and,,,
I just feel like I'm going fucking crazy,
Sorry to interrupt,
but I brought some food from my restaurant if you guys are hungry,
Yeah, man, Thanks,
You want some chicken?
This chicken's fucking tasty, Ron,
- Yeah, man, - At the Authentic Chicken Kitchen,
we use only the finest ingredients,
We say that in our commercials,
But it's true, and it makes a difference,
And people really appreciate the little extra effort,
Sally, you taste the paprika?
Mmm, Is that what it is?
- It's so good, - Yeah, And it's never dry,
Our white meat is never dry, I'm very strict about that,
The kitchen never serves dry white meat,
Ollie, you like the french fries?
We're famous for our french fries,
- Yeah, They're really crispy, - Exactly,
Jack, you like the fries?
Hmm? Oh, yeah, Yeah, These are amazing,
Guys eat up, Don't be shy, Don't be shy,
You know, you want more, I get on the phone, have it delivered,
I own the joint,
- Thank you, - Enjoy, It's my pleasure,
I like your hair,
You like it?
Yeah, Hey, I mean,,,
It's great for the wind, right?
Please tell me that you didn't break up with Ollie because of me,
Hi,
Shit, I gotta,,, I have to go,
- Hey, - Hey,
Dude, so I was thinking,,,
Maybe you could talk to her,
Like you could tell her, how upset I am that she dumped me
and how much I love her,,,
Hey, Ollie I really, I don't think I should be the one who,,,
Please, Jack, please, I'm begging you,
I really,,, I can't do that,
I'm begging you, I need you, I really need you,
Just come with me to her show tomorrow,
I can't go alone,
Um,,,
- Okay, - Okay, thank you,
- I love you, - I love you too, man,
You think she's having an affair with that guy?
No, that guy is as gay as a bowl of dicks,
I don't know, man, He's got his hand up in there pretty good,
Shh,
Shh, yourself,
We're having an important discussion here,
She makes these other girls look like the flying monkeys in The Wizard of Oz,
God, she's so beautiful,
My face is shaking,
Jesus, I feel like my entire body is having a meltdown,
Just be cool, man,
Give her the flowers, tell her she did a good job,
and let's just get out of here and go to Stella's death party,
Okay, come in with me,
What? No,
You have to, You promised,
- Please talk to her, man, - Ollie,
You're a year older than she is, You go to college,
You're super tall, she'll listen to you,
Hi, Ollie,
She's in the bathroom, She'll be out in a sec,
Hi,
Um,,,
I got worried that there wouldn't be anybody to give you these violets
or tell you how amazing you were, so,,,
I came,
Thanks, Ollie, That's really sweet,
- Hi, Jack, - Hi,
I brought Jack along to,,,
Tell you some of the good qualities you may have overlooked
when you broke up with me,
Go ahead, Jack,
Right,,, You wanna do it right here?
Yes,
Jesus,,,
- Ollie loves you, - Ollie loves you,
I love him, too,
You do?
- Then why did you,,, - Yeah, why did you break up with me?
I just,,,
- There's someone else, I think, - I knew it,
No, no, no, So, if you just take that
someone else out of the equation, cause that someone else knows,,,
Knock, knock,
Is this a bad time?
Yeah, Cassandra, it's a really bad time,
It fucking sucks, Go away,
Violet, when you're doing that extension, you really shouldn't take it up so high,
- Shouldn't take it up so high, - And your turnout still need a lot of work,
- Like a complete overhaul, - I mean, we have to compensate for you up there,
We do, We do,
Are you kidding me? She was the best one up there by far,
- Wasn't she, Ollie? - Hell, yeah,
- You guys, it's fine, - No, it's not fine,
Oh, yeah? How many ballets have you guys seen in your life?
We don't have to have seen a lot of ballets to know that
she looked like a butterfly out there
and you guys looked like a couple of fucking moths,
- Come on, Caitlin, We don't have to listen to this, - Don't have to listen,
And you're paying for the couch you poured red wine on, Oliver,
- I know it was you, - It was totally you,
- Yeah, I did do it, - Actually, Cassandra, I was the one,,,
No, you what it was me, But I shouldn't have just poured red wine on it,
I should have doused it gasoline and set on fucking fire,
Nice guys you picked, Violet,
- You've got great taste in men, - Great taste,
You know what, Cassandra? Just give it a rest,
Okay? Every one's exhausted and we haven't even got notes, yet,
By the way, Violet, does Ollie know
what's going on between you and Jack?
What?
Get a life, Cassandra, No one believes a word
that comes out of that jealous mouth,
Well, if you don't believe me, ask Caroline's brother, Marty,
He does security at the arcade,
He says he has actual surveillance footage
of Violet and Jack kissing by the claw on Thursday,
Actual surveillance footage,
Actual surveillance footage from Marty, the meth-head?
Yeah, That sounds like unimpeachable evidence,
Fine, Don't believe me,
- Don't, - Fine,
I won't believe you, and you know why?
Because Jack and Violet aren't like you,
They're not snakes in the grass who lie, and scheme and betray people,
They would never do that to me,
Notes in the green room, Right now,
Hurry, Move it,
Move it girls, Franz is waiting,
- Ollie, - You heard him, Franz is waiting,
You guys, notes are starting,
Ollie, I'm not gonna go sit in a surveillance booth with a guy
who used to try and run us over with his motor cycle,
If you tell me you didn't do it, I'll believe you,
I can't, man,
- Ollie, where are you going? - Where am I going?
I'm going to go celebrate killing our fucking dog, is where I'm going,
Come, you go after grandma,
Thanks, baby,
Aw! Hey, sweetie,
Are you ready for some party fun?
All right, It's time for the circle of love,
So, Ralph, Why don't you go first,
Say some nice things about our wonderful Stella,
Hi, I'm Ralph, I live next door,
Stella was,,, Is a good neighbor,
Uh, she didn't bark much,
I'm Glinda, I know Stella from the dog park,
Don't I, sweet girl?
Most of you who know me, also know I love sharks,
So, here's a picture I drew for Stella
of a cookie-cutter shark,
Aw!
Look, Stella,
I'm Dennis, a representative from Peaceful Pet,
and I will be administering the euthanization shot to Stella today,
allowing her to be released to her eternal rest,
Okay, Okay, Yeah, All right, baby?
We're gonna have a lot more party fun, Right baby?
I'll go,
Okay,
Hi, everyone, I'm Ollie,
Uh,,,
Stella's been a part of our lives for,
well, since I was about four years old,
which is,,,
About, or almost as long as I've known my mom or my brother,
And, it's longer than I ever
knew my dad,,,
So,,,
In a strange way, she means more to me than my dad ever did,
I'm,,, I'm sorry, I know that sounds weird, Mom,
- It's just,,, It just,,, - No,
It just shows you,,, how much she means to me,
You always got my back, Stell-bells,
I used to think that
my brother always had my back, but I realized today that isn't true,
So,,,
I wish that my dad was here today,
because I know if he was here he'd kick your fucking ass, Jack,
What?
Ollie, I'm really, really sorry, but can we please talk about this in private?
The girls like you so much, don't they? But you know what?
You're never gonna be like dad, You're not smart enough,
The closest you'll ever be to a marine biologist
is being a fucking towel boy at a beach club,
Oliver, stop that right now,
Do you know he's flunking out of college, Mom?
What?
- God damn it, Ollie, - Oh, no,
How could you do that to me, Jack? How?
I would never do that to you,
If you met her first or anything, I would never do that to you,
- I did meet her first, - Well, she didn't want you,
- She did want me, - Then why did she sleep with me?
- I don't know! - Will you both stop it right now,
Maybe she just slept with you because she didn't want to hurt the plain milk's feelings
- Did you ever think of that? - So I'm the plain milk?
So I'm the plain milk in this scenario,
which makes you the chocolate milk? You white motherfucker,
Sally, I'm not going to do anything until you ask me to,
Ron, do whatever you need to do,
I'll get the hose,
You knocked me into the hot dogs, asshole,
Save your life,
Stop it, Both of you, Stop it, now,
Jack and Ollie, Stop it, now,
Excuse me,
Excuse me, Can I get everyone's attention, please?
I think the dog has passed,
- Passed? - She's dead,
I didn't get to say this earlier
to all of you in the commotion, or whatever,,,
But I'm real sorry for your loss,
Thanks, Ron,
I don't know what I was thinking,
having a stupid party,
Well, at least, Stella had the good sense to leave early,
Death is tough, That's all,
So, you're flunking out of school, Jack,
Does that mean you're gonna lose your scholarship?
Probably,
Thanks a lot, asshole,
Thanks for kissing my girlfriend, asshole,
Hey, both of you,
have some respect for the dead,
Sorry,
So you really think she's just plain milk to me?
Don't listen to me, man,
I'm a loser,
Probably going to get my scholarship taken away,
spend all my time at the dining hall with a fucking hair net on my head,
Look at you, man, You're amazing,
I'm,,,
I'm real proud of you,
But really, do you think she just slept with me because she felt bad for me?
Well, she's right there, so you should go and ask her,
Oh, fuck,
Turn around, Turn around,
I can't turn around She's right there, She sees us,
Okay, you go talk to her, She wants you anyway,
No, I'm taking myself out of this, You go talk to her,
No,
What, no? Jeez, Oliver, go and talk to her,
No, you're the one who kissed her,
You're the one who slept with her,
- Get out of the fucking car, - You get out of the fucking car,
- You go, - No, I'm not gonna go talk to her,
Hey!
You both should go,
Now man the heck up,
- None of my business, I know, - No,
It's the right thing to do,
Did you? I totally forgot they were at the back of the car,
Yeah,
All right, fuck it,
- You coming? - No,
Just please get rid of her,
Wait, Jack,
Give these to her,
- Hi, - Hi,
- We can't, - I know,
Okay, I'm, uh,,,
Uh, Ollie picked these for you,
He's in the car,
Oh, yes,
Oh, fuck, Fuck!
Shit,
God damn it,
Thank you for the flowers,
I wrote down, um,,,
Some things I wanna say,
Can I?
I mean, they're not, like, things, They're just bullet points,
So, um,,,
Number one,
Ollie, I'm an only child with divorced parents who hate each other,
I've never known what it's like to have a brother or a sister
or be a part of a family who loves each other,
I never even had a dog because my dad is allergic,
Anyway, um,,,
I wanna apologize for coming between you and Jack,
What you guys have is so precious and beautiful,
and I ruined it because I'm selfish and I wanted you both,
Wanted Jack, you mean, You felt sorry for me,
- That's not true, - Yes, it is,
No, it's not, Sometimes you're so,,,
Yeah, I know, I'm so immature, I got it,
You're so mature, and that's why you like him,
You just felt bad for me, I was like,,,
Your fucking consolation prize,
And what was I for you?
Wasn't I just your prize? Your first conquest?
No,
I loved you,
I loved you so much,
Well, what else on your,,, PowerPoint presentation?
Just,,,
Mostly how sorry I am,
that,,,
You have been nothing but sweet to me,
and supportive,
and so fun to be with, and so loving,
and you came to my ballet, even after,,,
- I,,, - What can I say?
I'm a patron of the arts,
And so funny,
And you forgot great lover,
- What? - In your list of my great qualities,
- you forgot great lover, - You are,
You are, Ollie, You're the best,
I'm the only,
I'm glad, I'm really glad,,,
That you were my first,
I figured we should clean up this, uh,,,
Doggie hell?
Yeah,
Your mom is in there,
She's crying,
Saying it's her fault that you and your brother are fighting,
- Something about a trip to the Galapagos, - Oh, my God, no,
If you don't mind me asking,
what is she talking about?
It's just some stupid highschool trip that I wanted to,,,
Just tell her that it doesn't matter to me anymore, okay?
It has nothing to do with that,
Are you smoking marijuana?
Yup,
You do that often?
Yup,
You think that may have something to do with
why you're flunking out of college?
Look, Ron, I really have no interest in getting a lecture,
from some random guy my mom is dating, okay?
No, I,,,
I didn't mean for you to take that personally,
Really, I didn't, I mean, I actually think you're a really good guy,
I thought your chicken was amazing, and,,,
And don't know who else she could find to help
illegally bury some dead dog in the middle of the night,
It's just,,, It's my mom, She's,,, You know,,,
She hasn't moved on,
- I get it, - Yeah,
Yeah, That's exactly what it is, She hasn't, uh,,,
She hasn't moved on, and,,,
I wished she would, It would make it a lot,,,
Easier on me, and take a lot of pressure off,
Pressure to do what?
To, uh,,,
Be like my dad, I guess, so my,,,
Mom and brother wouldn't miss him so much,
So why was the trip to Galapagos so important?
It's,,, It's just a fun trip you know?
I wanted to go on,
I guess I really wanted to see these red-tipped tube worms,
What the heck is that?
Red-tipped tube worm? It's an a-fertile worm
that lives in the bottom of the ocean,
like, way under the bottom of the ocean,
It exists in this entire world without sunlight and eats bacteria
and has this little red-tip that's kinda like,,,
Sort of a head, I guess,,,
Why the heck were you interested in that?
Well, my dad was studying the effects of pollutants on them,
and we had this inside joke when I was twelve if the red tips were their,
uh, heads or if they were their asses,
So I was excited to,,,
I guess I just wanted to go on the trip to find out, you know, which it was,
I find all hydrothermal-vent creatures really interesting,
Like, on the trip I was hoping to see these ghost fish
that you can see right through,
And then, oh, there's these little tiny shrimp
that have eyes in the back of their heads and can see everything,
I'm a really good scuba diver, so I thought maybe they would pick me
to be the one that went down and,,,
And checked them out, But, uh,,,
You know, I'm not just that guy anymore, you know,
My dad was the one that cared about that kinda stuff,
Well, what guy are you?
I'm the guy that smokes pot
and kisses other people's girlfriends, I guess,,,
You know, the thing I love about Marine Biology is,
the more you study it,
the more you realize that everything under the ocean makes sense,
Sounds comforting,
It is, It really is,
What?
- Are those ours? - These are ours,
The shark boy got us these puppies,
He was just gonna get us one, but then he saw us fighting
at the dog party, and he thought, you know,
"They need two, They're not gonna share one puppy,"
- Oh, my God, - Isn't that amazing?
Mom doesn't know about it yet, but she's,
she's about to find out,
Jesus Christ,
Unbelievable, right?
I thought we could name him Nelson, and we could name him George Walters,
Nelson, Hello, Nelson,
You look like a Nelson,
Nelson, my mom is gonna be so mad you chewed up this pillow,
Actually, to tell you the truth, it was George Walters that tore apart that pillow,
not Nelson,
I'm sorry, Nelson, for falsely accusing you,
I wanna tell you something, You can't tell George Walters,
You're so much cuter than him, It's ridiculous,
Also,,,
George, it's not a competition, but you are far cuter than Nelson,
Your dog's eyes are in different area codes,
You're still adorable,
- You're adorable, - He's falling asleep in my hand,
He's falling asleep in my hand,
He's falling asleep in my hand right now,
- Oh, my God, - Oh, man, that's the cute,,,
That's the most adorable thing I've seen in my entire life,
Where were you?
Violet?
Yeah, I went to her performance,
But I didn't talk to her after or anything,
I realize that being anywhere near her is kinda like,
aliens shining a light in your face
and you have to follow them, even though you know
they're gonna perform scientific experiments on you,
I love you, man,
I know,
- What're you watching? - Oh, I was watching Mom's Stella video,
- Can I watch it? - Yes,
Stella's her name because, wait why is her name Stella, Daddy?
Stella,
We love you, Stella,
For ever and ever and ever and ever,
I put the camera on a tripod,
Oh, I wanna hold her,
- Hello, baby, - Right over there,
Look at Mom and Dad, They're so cool and young and pretty,
Yeah, I forgot that's how dad's voice sounded,
I know, His voice sounds so cool,
I'm sorry I said that you aren't as smart as him,
I didn't mean it, You're the smartest guy I know,
Well,,,
I am pretty smart for a towel boy,
Do you remember the day that we were on the beach
and Dad was in the wheel-chair?
- Yeah, - Remember that?
And the wheelchair was sinking into the sand,
Yeah, And then they had to come and get a truck to get him out,
- Yeah, - Yeah,
And Stella was there, right?
Yeah, Stella kept dropping all that seaweed on Dad's lap,
And being like, "Throw it for me, Come on, come on!"
And we were all laughing so hard, That was like,,,
Really that was, like, Dad's last good day,
but it was just such a good day, I think about that day a lot,
Hey, Nelson, High five,
Oh, wait, You don't have any thumbs,
Why can't he high-five if he doesn't have any thumbs?
You can high five without thumbs,
You can't thumb wrestle,
- but you can high five, - No thumb wrestling for you guys,
No middle fingers, No pinky swears,
No finger in my butt-hole,
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