- [Voiceover] Do you think you're a good child
to your parents?
- Why do you want to be on TV?
- I don't wanna be on TV,
- Why you gotta film me and shit?
Is this like some kinda intervention or something?
- I didn't ask to be here,
- This outward bound shit is a lot better than rehab,
Or sleeping with my hands over my ass in jail,
- I'm being punished because I have a girlfriend,
- Reality TV,
Can't say I watch it too much,
- Describe yourself with just single words,
- Okay, let's see,
Nice, sincere,
and innocent,
Is that gonna get me on?
- Protective,
- Unpredictable,
- Really? Come on,
That's like,
like a, is there another question?
Cause,
- Shark fuckin' just snatched it man,
like, a flip, I went under and like,
when I came to I had one leg,
- Are you serious?
- Nah, I mean it sounds better
than a motorcycle accident though,
Right?
- Why do you want to be on TV?
- I got good hair,
- Fuck you,
(cellphone buzzing)
- [Voiceover] Mr, Barrett, this is Kim France
of Globus Financial, about your past,
- [Voiceover] Julian, this is Brian
at Frontier Pictures, we wanna talk Summer Camp reboot,
ASAP, give a shout,
- [Voiceover] It's me Barrett,
Money's been transferred,
Call me on this number,
- [Voiceover] How do you feel about death?
- What?
(clicking)
(light guitar music)
- [Myrna] So, how goes the camp, Mr, Barrett?
- [Julian] Up and running in two weeks, Mryna,
- Good, What can I getcha?
- The usual,
- I knew that, just checking,
- Thank you, darlin',
- [Woman] Get in the car, get in the car!
- [Michael] I'm gonna speak to Julian,
- [Woman] You'e not gonna speak to Julian, Michael,
- [Michael] Yes I am, - [Woman] About what?
- [Michael] I need to speak to him about,
(bells jingling)
- How goes it Sheriff?
- I was thinking of making a visit,
little bit later on today,
- How's your deputy brother?
- [Myrna] Yeah, why didn't Michael come in?
Tell him I got some free pie, he doesn't
have to sit out there in the heat,
- Yes, he does,
But thank you Myrna, I'll tell him,
- Problems with your deputy brother?
- Nothin' I can't handle,
- [Julian] Thank you Mynra,
- [Myrna] You're welcome again,
let me get you some utensils,
- [Julian] Okay
- My dad told me that you two never got along
when you were making your movies up here,
- He was right,
Now you and me are in bed together, who knew?
Kinda awkward, don'tcha think?
- I never saw any of your movies, not one,
I don't watch horror movies,
- Why is that?
- Well, because I think that they suck,
- Okey dokey,
Oh, I uh,
haven't really said it but I'm sorry about your dad,
To Ray, fuck cancer,
- Look, look, the only reason that I am even
agreeing to do this,
is because my father gave his life
for this cum stain of a town
and while you were here and you're off making
your movies and getting rich and everything
all he got was a pat on the back and a gold watch
after 50 years of service, while cancer ate his stomach,
- There goes my appetite,
Look, it ain't gonna happen to you,
All you gotta do is learn to play the game,
All you gotta do,
- [Sheriff] So much for reality TV,
- There's no such thing as reality TV,
It's all plotted out down to the last detail,
Unlike our reality, Donyln,
- So, tell me about these kids you've got comin' up here,
anything I need to know about?
- They're not kids, they're in their 20's at least
and I told ya everything,
So, you really like playin' sheriff?
- How bad does it have to be when you've gotta
do what you're doing just to go back to the well?
- Hell of a question,
- Life's been a bitch to both of us, Julian,
- I guess so, baby,
- Cheers,
- So what's that for then?
- To getting out of this town,
- Hey, Myrna, I need some more coffee,
- [Myrna] Sure,
(gentle music)
- Hey, it's good to finally see you again, John,
- [John] So what's going on, Julian?
- Flight was good?
- Well, first time I ever flew first class
in this miserable career,
- Same old John,
Good to see you pal,
Let me show you around,
- My God,
Place hasn't changed since the 80's,
Got Reagan stashed here somewhere?
- Yeah he's dead but, I'm still bangin' handsome,
- [Julian] That old cable station owed me a favor,
- Techs laid out three dozen cameras
in a two mile perimeter,
Pinhole cams get hooked on to the contestants,
- Where's the crew?
- Hey pal, you're lookin' at the crew,
- When's Rachel get in?
- Soon,
Yet the contestants oughta be here ahead of her,
- Yeah, Julian, we gotta talk about these contestants,
I have some pretty big concerns,
- Ah, let's wait for Rachel,
- They think they're coming to some kinda
outward bound program, right?
- Well they are,
It's gonna build self esteem,
- Oh, Jesus, please don't start with that bullshit,
Look, these are troubled kids,
They need real counselors,
Licensed therapists,
You got me and Rachel, so unless I'm missin' something,
- Rachel went back to school and became a counselor,
- And me?
Still haven't said why I'm here,
And do they know that this is being pitched
as a reality show?
- It serves the storyboard for Summer Camp
remake no matter what,
Hey, I'll tell 'em,
- So let me get this straight, you plan a remake
of a film that you have no funding for
based on a fake counseling camp
as a reality show for a shot for shot template?
- Sounds pretty shitty when you say it like that,
- You don't need me for this,
- Oh, come here,
Look what I found,
Check this out,
- No Julian! We're not doing another take,
She's been in the water for three fucking hours
she's freezing,
You're such a douchebag, turn the fucking camera off,
- So you fly me halfway across the country
to bitch slap me with karma?
(laughing)
- That's funny,
- [Young man] Does anybody want anything to drink?
- [Girl] Tomato juice,
- I'll go pay,
(whistling)
- Pump that gas hole,
You a top, bottom, or curious?
- Oh no, no, no,
The camp's got a tab here,
And a computer, there's no internet out there,
- Really?
How'd you know I was with the camp?
- Are you kiddin' me?
You're basically the only folks under 60 round here,
- Yo, Adrienne,
So, we got shipped off to fucking camp,
I just hope it turns out to be
a fucking camp,
Ya know what I mean?
- [Girl] Just admit, you're gay,
- You don't say shit to me from the airport to here?
And now you fuck with me?
- Oh, am I fucking with you?
- Maybe you just wanna fuck me,
- Faggot, please,
- Say it again,
- You're so pretty, fucking you would make me a dyke,
- [Voiceover] This is the actual camp they used in those
summer camp movies, that's awesome,
Think that other group is here?
- [Voiceover] Wonder what they're like,
- [Voiceover] Can't be anymore fucked up than us,
- [Voiceover] We'll see about that,
- [Voiceover] That must be their car, hope they're hot,
- There they are,
My future stars,
So, any problems at the airport?
- Had a great reach around by the TSA,
- Is that a fact?
I'm Julian Barrett, please tell me your name
and where you're from,
- Novak, Metcalf,
- Sarah, Wesport, Conneticut,
- Vinny, my mom's vagina,
- [Adrienne] Adrienne, all over,
- Matthew, people call me Matty,
I'm from Jackson, New Jersey,
- Good to meet you Matty,
- Katie, Pennsylvania,
- Pennsylvania,
- You got cameras in our bathrooms?
Can you watch us takin' a dump?
- Bathrooms are camera free,
- Right,
- There's no service in this bumblefuck town, man,
- [Julian] Let's move it,
- Just saying,,,
(eerie orchestral music)
- Home sweet home,
Great,
- Thanks, Got any boxers?
(creepy piano music)
(breathing loudly)
(suspenseful music)
(water splashing)
- Camera's every man,
You gonna need a wider lens if you gonna get all of this,
(coughing)
(laughing)
- Shit,
- I know you all have a lot of questions,
So, I'll get right to the fact of the matter,
Okay, you're all forced to come here,
it was either this, jail, or rehab for almost all of you,
Fortunately, you all have parents who care about you
and though I know most of you don't believe that,
I think by the time this speech is over,
you're gonna be happy you're here,
I'm Julian Barrett,
I directed and wrote a series of horror films
in the 1980's called Summer Camp,
Now, while you're here to work on yourselves,
there's the opportunity to have some fun
and win a considerable amount of money,
- Fuck this,
I'm out,
- The winner gets a million dollars,
- So, we're a bunch of fuck ups
and we get a shot at a million dollars?
God bless America,
- Who knew?
Your head counselor is Rachel Steel
from my films,
- I can't believe this, I've never been so wet,
Rachel Fucking Steel,
- And this is the camp kitchen,
it has everything you can think of,
- [Vinny] Pinocchio!
- It's a walk through freezer, it's off
and the latch is broken, stay away from it,
Follow me,
- Follow that ass anywhere,
(ominous music)
- As you know from your agreement this is a real camp,
these are real woods with real critters in them,
Bears are no stranger to this place,
Big, black bears,
Okay, should there ever be a problem,
there's a handgun in the main desk in the boathouse,
There's ammo as well,
- You put a handgun in the drawer and just let us
casually know it's there?
- Well you'll be glad I did if you find yourself
being chased by a 400 pound black bear,
- Oh man, why's it always gotta be a black thing, huh?
- Come on man,
- [Julian] That would be funny, if that were funny,
- I'm just saying,
- Follow me,
Some cameras are still photos,
Resign yourself to the idea that you're being
recorded all the time, okay?
- See I just don't understand how we went
from being punished to now we're on a reality show,
- Well, this is experimental, it may never get picked up,
- If it doesn't get picked up does it have anything
to do with the million bucks?
- No, the last one standing gets it,
Last word on that,
And why do you look at a chance to correct yourself
as being punished?
- No bro, he's just saying,
- Yo, I wanna get caught jerkin' off,
you know like really goin' at it, like all red in the face
and like sweatin' and shit, so then they can't blur it out
and then all the uptight people watch it
and they get all offended and they start complainin'
and then they just start trendin' me on Twitter and shit,
- How much thought did you put into that?
- [Julian] 12 hour batteries and everything's waterproof,
Charge overnight and you have a backup,
keep it pinned chest high or shoulder level,
they get everything and what they don't get
the other three dozen will,
Okay, let's hustle up guys,
- Yo, I'm outta here, guys,
no way I'm doing this bullshit for this kook,
I'm just sayin',
- You know, I gotta tell you something,
I find the phrase "just sayin'' to be a passive agressive
pussy way of trying to get the last word,
If you want the last word in an argument
just say, last word,
It throws the other person off,
you're sayin' I claimed the last word, period,
That's the way to do it with balls,
Or, you just punch your no dick opponent
right the fuck out,
- Yep, but reality TV?
You can't TV reality, I need rehab, okay?
And we all signed up for rehab,
- Not me,
- Okay, but rehab it's like outward bound camp,
you can't just do a switcheroo and throw
a million buck at ya,
- I'll let anyone throw a million bucks at me,
- The only way out is elimination,
If a single one of you forfeits, you all lose the money,
Last word,
- Okay, I don't know why you guys are here,
but I know why I'm here,
And this doesn't even make sense to me,
I fucking hate horror movies,
- Fuck, you will not ruin my shot at a million dollars,
asshole, last word,
- Lower your voice,
- Just sayin', who's with me?
- I will eliminate you,
- Hey, hey Novak,
- I will eliminate you!
- [Matty] Stop, relax, relax!
- [Novak] He's gonna ruin it for all of us!
- Just relax!
- I'm not goin' to fuckin' rehab,
- Get out,
- [Calvin] Calm the fuck down, man,
- I'm not goin' to fucking rehab,
- Alright, just relax,
(ominous, pulsing music)
(bugs chirping)
(coughing)
(cell phone chiming)
- What the fuck?
(whoosing)
(screaming)
- So this kid threatens to walk off
and you don't even care?
- It's ten miles to town, he's not a kid,
and he's walkin' nowhere,
- He's a walking lawsuit, Julian, that's what he is,
Jesus, you haven't learned anything,
- John, John you starred in three films,
- Two, Julian, two,
I was signed for more,
- Where you and Rachel hacked, impaled, and burned kids
to death and now you have an issue with scaring children?
What's up with you pal?
- Julian, I read their profiles on the flight here
and these people have some serious issues,
I mean out of everyone you tried out, why them?
John's right, messing with their minds,
- You mess with millions of minds, doll,
- I think that's why I got out and I went back to school
for counseling,
- And we weren't trying to say our work was real,
for Christ sakes, their movies Julian,
you know that,
This is mental abuse,
And Rachel, please don't get all high and mighty
about your new career,
Alright, we all know that work dried up for you
after these shit films, no offense Julian,
and you got tired of stalkers sending
you cum-stained fan letters,
- Whoo! That's rough,
Look, look you both slummed from one horror convention
to another signing autographs for ten buck a pop,
not bad dude,
- And you had your assistant hand deliver me
a pretty little note saying I was dropped
from the second film when I had a signed contract
for at least two more,
- I asked you to be apart of this to make
amends for the past,
I apologize,
- Oh, you wanna pity fuck me,
- No, John, you fucked me,
And you fucked Rachel,
You had to go to the press with your
on set safety issues,
- You had kids getting hypothermia,
for Christ sake!
Unsafe cables in the water, two props almost killed,
- You cost us all a fourth film and my career
after two lawsuits drove me to fucking bankruptcy
and the studio blacklisted me, you son of a bitch,
- It's all in the past,
- And now you got these messed up kids,
- They're not kids, John,
(keyboard clacking)
Are you in or not?
- Well, Julian,
I'll tell you to your face, cause that's how a man does it,
I'm out,
I'll work conventions until I die before I work
with you again,
Last word,
- I would tell you to go fuck yourself
but you just did, last word,
- John!
- I'm done, Rachel,
- Are you really leaving?
John?
- What?
- Why did you come here?
- Cause I got a free first class ticket to one
of my favorite places in the world,
And you know what?
I'm really glad I got to be here again,
And because I had just the slightest hope
that just maybe, after all these years,
things had changed a little bit,
But they haven't,
- Things have changed, I've changed,
I am really here to help these kids,
- What as a counselor?
Please, Rachel, I've seen your luggage,
you got like four wardrobe changes a day in there,
you're already primpin' for all the cameras,
We all know why you're here,
- You know what, John?
Fuck you,
- Get out while you can, Rach,
(ominous music)
- So I know this has been one hell of a surprise
for all of you, but Jerry's departure will not affect you,
we made an exception,
However, if any of you should pull that,
the money is forfeited,
- I have so many questions!
- Rachel, you were in all three films, right?
- Yeah but check it out, look, in the second one,
in the third,
- Well, actually, I was killed in part two
and I had a flashback in part three,
but you know what, let's, let's really get to
know each other, guys,
now is a good time, before I actually tell you
how the TV show works,
- But you were the killer?
- Not in part two, John Hill was the killer,
he drove me insane,
Since having all that fun in the 80's, I went back
to school and I became a therapist and,
- [Novak] Well, that's real smart,
(laughing)
- Guys, seriously, settle now,
You good?
And while this is an experiment for television,
I'm really here to help you guys,
to deal with all of those issues that brought you here,
I wanna help you, okay?
- Now hold on, here's the that thing I don't get,
We're all 21, over 21, how can they force us to be here?
- They can if your parents have you by the balls,
- Katie MacFarland, you were caught having
sex in your parents bed, the problem is your dad
he's a federal pro-life judge
and you aborted the result of your sex romp rebellion?
And then posted it on Facebook?
Nice going,
- You may not be a tranny but you got some balls,
- Fuck you,
- Christian Novak, possible homicide involvement?
Christian,
Mom and dad high profile realtors,
so I guess you added to their housing slum,
Sarah Varaway, Sarah?
Sarah you brought your girlfriend to your parents
Christmas turned coming out party
after you both got a drunk and made a little
merry under the Christmas tree,
In front of their very important and I assume
very conservative friends?
And Matt Johnson,
Even when you're bad, you're good,
- Thank you,
- Perfect score in military test, ASVAB?
Refused to go into the Marines even when
General Daddy pulled some strings
to get you in as an officer,
And um,
your brother was killed in Afghanistan 2002,
I'm sorry,
So we know Jerry is gone, he did some bad shit,
he lost a lot of money,
Vincent Santone,
- Present,
- Videotaped your step mother cheating
on your Wall Street father and posted her banging
some guy on a website, I take it you're very good
with a camera?
- Yeah, check out revengeex-wives,com
and you tell me,
- You know, isn't this, this is private information,
- You didn't read the fine print?
Anything goes on the show,
Calvin Thompson, Calvin lost your leg,
lost your girlfriend and a shot at playing pro ball,
- Fuckin' A! What the fuck?
- Ming Lloraltevan,
Sex with two underage girls,
- Now hold on, I was 19 and they were 17,
I ain't no pedophile,
How you know this shit anyways?
- Melissa Childs,
- What the fuck, man?
- I don't, I don't have anything on you, Melissa,
- Hey, pictures worth a thousand words,
- And Andrienne Forez,
- Stop,
- Nervous breakdown last year,
I'm sorry, committed to Byberry Mental Facility
after attacking,
- Shut up!
- Here you go Mr, Hill,
- Aha, did Betty make it?
- Just the way you like it,
- Nice,
You know Myrna, I don't know how
you've done it all these years, runnin' the general store,
waitin' tables over at Penny's,
- Yeah that's why I look like shit,
- It's good to see you again,
- You too,
- Sorry it took me 20 years to get back
but you have not aged a bit,
- Kinda like this town, huh?
You know, somewhere out there's a motel room
with a painting of this town as it ages
and I don't wanna see it,
- Take good care of yourself,
- Yeah, you too,
(foreboding music)
- [Voiceover] Yeah?
- Hey,
- [Voiceover] Hey, you okay up there?
- Yeah, guess who's comin' home?
- [Voiceover] Julian changed?
- Yeah, same old asshole,
No, he hasn't changed a bit,
That's alright,
- [Voiceover] Are you flying first class?
- No, I'm not flying first class, but I'll see you soon,
Love you,
- [Voiceover] Love you too,
- Bye,
(choking)
(scary music)
- The premise of the show is simple,
I mean you need to be the only survivor,
- [Matty] And what, exactly, does that mean?
- [Rachel] It means that you guys are the victims
and somewhere out there is a killer,
It's just like the Summer Camp movies,
- [Sarah] But you were the killer,
- [Vinny] Wait, wait, there's a killer running around?
- [Rachel] Exactly, you have to stay alive
and when someone is killed they're gonna place
a black cloth on the cabin door
and that's just drama for the TV audience,
- [Melissa] I love it,
- [Matty] How do we get killed?
- [Rachel] Well, you could get simply touched
on the shoulder or stabbed with a foam machete,
or shot with a paintball, all kinds of ways,
but believe me, you'll know it when they get you,
So, while avoiding elimination you guys
have to get the camp ready for it's reopening,
(all groaning)
Hey, come one guys, this is for a million dollars,
You guys will do your tasks and your chores
and the challenges and you are safe when you do
the challenges, that's when you gain your immunity,
- [Vinny] When do we get to sleep?
- [Novak] You'll sleep when you're dead, bitch,
- Oh shit, oh man, this is like that show,
you know that girl wants her watermelon
and then it like came back and smashed her
in the face, it was fuckin' awesome,
you guys see that?
- Never seen it,
- Oh, okay, I'm gonna show you,
Have you seen it?
Oh fuck, shit, ass,
I don't get any service,
I mean it was like the fuckin' Kenny assassimation, man,
- Assassimation?
- Yeah,
- You said assassimation,
- I know what I said, shit, it was like,
you know?
- Oh, yeah,
- Look, you know what?
We're gonna do a lot of things just like that,
- I'm just excited, that's all,
- Okay, that's good I'm glad you're excited,
But hopefully no one loses their head,
We have lots of challenges, guys, okay?
You pumped?
- All campers are required to meet with Rachel Steel
for regular counseling sessions,
- They're watching us now,
- I feel like something's missing,
- You know,
I didn't put any of my private shit down anywhere,
- Then our folks did when they threw us under the bus,
- I'm gonna win this thing,
- It's not about winning, Novak,
- Winning is everything, motherfucker,
- Whoa,
Easy there, hoss,
- One million dollars is a good start to fixing
a lot of fucked up shit that happened in our life,
And that halfer fag almost wrecked it for us
before we even got started,
- And you're the other half?
Asshole!
- There's a pattern here with us,
- We still don't know what she did,
I'm talkin' to you scream queen,
- Hey, back off,
- Okay, be the nice guy but if you wanna win
you're eventually gonna have to screw her, Matty,
- Alliances between contestants are permitted
but will eventually prove useless as there
can only be one winner,
- Thank you,
- Jerry did not wanna come here,
I think it's safe to say that we all
feel the same way, right?
I mean, we screw up, our punishment is
a million bucks,
It doesn't add up,
- I had a choice, this, jail, or rehab,
Now I got a shot at being a star,
- Gay pornstar,
Maybe,
- I'm sick and tired of your bullshit,
- Alright, man, come on, man,
Chill out,
- What're you gonna do?
Beat me with your fake leg?
- How'd you like a fake hand after I break off
the fist you hit with?
- Shit, we don't need a killer,
we'll just take each other out,
- What about the princess of darkness over here?
Look at her,
- You know what I'd do to you
if I were the killer?
I'd knock you out,
tie you down,
- Nice,
- Strip you naked and try to find that steroid-abused
nub of a dick of yours and shove
a thin, glass rod right up your pisser,
Then, I jerk you off with just two fingers,
cause that's all it'll take,
Once you've managed to get just a little hard
I'd snap it,
Watch you come blood,
- [Katie] Holy shit,
- That's what they did to the douche bag jock
in Summer Camp three,
- You're Columbine's Prom Queen, you know that?
- I killed my brother,
It was in self defense,
You look like him, Novak,
That's why you're here right?
To fuck with my head?
- I don't know what you're talkin' about,
- He raped me for over a year,
He forced me not to say anything, he threatened me,
said it was because he loved me,
Until I couldn't take it anymore,
So one night, while he was asleep,
I went into his room and I stabbed him repeatedly,
After everything he did to me,
my parents still sent me away,
He was their pride and joy,
with a full scholarship to play football at college,
(eerie music)
They came to see me once,
To tell me about this camp,
They said if I came here, then I could come home,
I won't go back to Byberry,
So let's just say I have more of an incentive
to win this thing, Novak,
And I will,
- Yeah, throwin' it down, yeah,
- [Novak] Shut up,
- I know it was you who fucked with my digital
photo frame,
Put pictures of me and my brother on it,
- I didn't go anywhere near your cabin,
- I don't know how did it, or why, or if it's all part
of this bullshit game,
- I didn't do shit,
- Watch this guy, he plays dirty folks,
you can't trust him,
- And the fun begins,
(thunder rumbling)
- Hello?
- What are you, blind?
- Ah! What the hell?
- I knocked and called but you were in the shower,
- So you decided to sit in the dark and sneak a peak?
Is your camera on?
Hope you enjoyed the show!
Seriously?
- I'm sorry, I didn't think I would scare you,
- Well you did,
- How did you end up doing this?
- [Katie] I was told I'd be cut off if I didn't try out,
I never thought I'd get on, but, when I heard there
was money I didn't fight it,
- I had a choice between two camps,
this one and one of those "re-programming" camps
where they think they can cure homosexuals,
- So, why are you in my cabin?
- Safety in numbers,
You wanna read these scripts together?
- I wanna go to bed,
- Then let's take shifts sleeping,
- How do I know you're not the killer?
(ominous thunder rumbling)
- Hot people are never the killers,
(soft piano music)
(thunder rumbling)
(knocking)
- [Rachel] Calvin, you okay?
- [Calvin] All day,
- Okay, yeah good,
Whoa!
(upbeat guitar music)
♪ It started out with an ending
♪ Though the ending took it's time
♪ And all the dreams we were defending
♪ Weren't ever really mine
♪ Ah, Rosalita,
♪ Let's be through with all pretending
♪ Guess all grapes make bitter wine
♪ I'm going where the road is bending
♪ I'll see you somewhere down the line
♪ Ah, Rosalita ♪
- Okay, now it's time for a little one on one challenge,
okay?
We're gonna do the American Gladiator challenge,
We have two people, two sticks right here,
and I'm gonna put you out on the dock,
I put a little yellow tape there,
so if you fall over the yellow tape
or in the water, you're immediately disqualified,
- I'll take Captain Hook over here,
- I'll take Novak,
- Oh, good Adrienne, good girl,
- Well I was hoping to get a shot at the abortion queen,
but the scream queen will do,
- Novak,
(intense orchestral music)
(whistling)
(cheering and clapping)
- [Matty] Come on, Adrienne!
- [Vinny] Alright, get it, get it,
- [Ming] Too weak, Novak,
(all cheering)
(whistling)
(screaming)
- Novak!
- [Adrienne] No!
- Ah, fuck!
Fuck!
- [Matty] Hey, that's enough!
- Just grow a dick and balls,
- Relax, man, relax, that's enough,
- I don't play well with others,
- Novak, you were gonna kill her,
- Well that's what I wanted you to think,
- Why?
- Because that's what's expected of me, right?
- I'm the guy out of his fucking mind,
And don't let Adrienne fool you, she's just as much
of an act, I'm on to her,
- What're you talking about?
- Cameras are on me, right?
- Yeah, I mean, sure, I don't know,
- None of this is real,
Movie star turned therapist, give me a fuckin' break, lady,
Go talk to Adrienne,
- I plan to,
- When I walk of this thing, I'm gonna be
one million dollars richer and a star,
She flushed herself out at the campfire,
- Flushed?
Wait, okay,
Can we start over here?
- I was told there was gonna be another,
all I had to be was patient,
- Another what?
- Okay, this game has rules,
Part of my therapy is following those rules,
I get it,
But if it were up to me,
I would kill everyone at this camp,
And collect the one million bucks,
- So, who's doing the killing?
Who's actually out there doing these eliminations?
- I have a team,
They stay in town and they come out here
as scheduled to prowl around and do their thing,
- Did you give Novak or Adrienne
any inside information just to make good TV?
- They're all pitted against each other,
they just don't realize it yet,
I have no idea who's gonna win this thing,
- Who put up the million dollars?
- I'm not at liberty to say,
- Is there a million dollars?
- Your check cashed, right?
I know you cashed it quick enough,
- So who put it up, what network, what studio?
- Angel investors, last word,
(knocking)
- Adrienne!
- So, motorcycle accident?
- It's no accident,
Stupidity,
I wish I died instead of her,
Her parents do too,
- What was her name?
- Monica,
- So, if you win you'll give her family the money?
- I mean, I'm not gonna try and say like it'll make
things right, but no, it's the right thing to do,
(cellphone buzzing)
You alright?
- I have two bars!
- On your phone?
- Yeah!
My account's terminated?
- Hold on,
- My father, asshole,
- Hang on, I didn't cancel my service,
- That's weird,
- Yeah, it's fuckin',
Well you know I just,
- I gotta get back,
(rustling)
- Oh shit, hey!
(screaming)
Fuck!
Shit!
What're you doin'?
Get the fuck off!
Fuck you!
(suspenseful music)
- Jesus Christ!
- Close enough,
- Were you following me or heading
to Adrienne's cabin?
- I ran around the lake,
- How do I know you're not the killer?
- If I was, I'd fuck you to death,
The cameras,
- I like to be watched,
(moaning)
(breathing loudly)
What's wrong?
- Faster,
Faster,
If I go any faster I'll start a fire or strip it raw,
- Tell me not to fuck you,
- What?
- What? I thought you liked to play this way,
You've been wanting me to hurt you this whole time,
Tell me not to fuck you,
- Don't fuck me,
- Tell me not to fuck you,
- Get off me,
- Tell me not to come in you,
- Get off me,
- Tell me not to come in you,
- I'm serious, get the fuck off me,
Stop!
That's fucking gross,
- Can't get pregnant with it there,
(laughing)
- Not the first time it's been there,
(knocking)
Just a minute,
- Say a word about this to anybody
and you're goin' home in a body bag,
(knocking)
- Hey,
I knocked this time,
Is everything okay?
- I just went for a run, I'm all grungy,
- Smells like sex in here,
- I think it's safe to say that Calvin's
not coming back,
Where have you been, Adrienne?
- Rachel did the killings in part two and three,
- You're barking up the wrong tree,
- I was wondering when you were getting
around to that,
- You scared the hell out of me,
- Ironic, ain't it?
Need some help?
- All I have to do is hang this,
See? No ghosts,
Looks like Calvin's next,
- Wouldn't it make sense to take your stuff
if you've been eliminated?
Something's not right here, Rachel,
- [Rachel] Listen, I have an idea,
Holy shit,
What the fuck?
(car rumbling)
Oh my God,
Shut down,
(stomping)
Oh my God, oh my God,
Come on,
(knocking)
- Who is it?
Who's there?
(rattling)
(dramatic music)
- Hey!
- I called twice to see who was at the door,
you didn't hear me?
- Rachel, how many times have you skulked outside
someone's cabin in our movies, huh?
One of the camera's showed you near the office
so I guess I thought you might wanna talk to me,
- I was taking a walk,
- Everything goin' okay?
- So, you mean to tell me you came by tonight
just to ask me that?
- Well actually, I was over at the Thompson boy's cabin,
he left a bunch of stuff and I want to get it shipped
off to him,
- Oh, when did he leave?
- I had a car come for him, I don't remember,
He's in town now,
- Did he have any parting words?
- Well, he was surprised who the killer was,
- Have you heard from John?
- Not a word,
On that note,
I forgot to ask you something earlier,
- What's that?
- Why did you tell Frontier Pictures
that I wasn't suitable to direct a remake
of Summer Camp?
- I don't know what you're talkin',
- Something about I was too old,
That the film needed a fresh vision, a young director,
And you were offered executive producer,
am I right?
- Julian,
When Frontier Pictures approached me awhile ago
to be their executive producer, I,
- Yeah, they were gonna put up good money,
weren't they Rachel?
- Unfortunately, a big chunk of it was
to buy me out or off, right?
- You declined that offer,
- Maybe,
I would never let anyone take control of that property,
- And that's not how it happened,
- It's okay, Rachel,
Because the remake has a green light,
it has a script, and it has me as director,
and I'm callin' all of the shots,
All I need is an ending,
- Oh my God,
(dramatic music)
(knocking)
- Who is it?
(thumping)
Julian!
(scary music)
- Let go of me!
Let me fucking live!
(groaning)
(splashing)
You better hope I don't float,
(laughing)
- Has anyone seen Missy?
(clattering)
- Oh shit,
Fuck,
I'll wash this shit by hand,
- Try this,
- What is that?
- It's my hoe,
- Has this been in your ass crack all day, my friend?
- Come on man, you've got like industrial strength
gloves there,
(laughing)
- What the hell is that?
- What?
- Yo, keep a lookout real quick, okay?
- For what, what am I looking,
- Shut up (shushing)
- What is that?
Alright, I'll look,
- Get the fuck out,
Fuck, yes, yes!
Vinny, Vinny!
(cellphone buzzing)
- Watching you, have sex through the other,
(humming)
This is set is bullshit, fuck this pass,
(banging)
Fuck me,
Fuckin' shit,
Piece of shit,
(cellphone buzzing)
Oh shit!
(foreboding music)
No!
Come on, man!
Fuck!
What the fuck is this?
This ain't real is it?
What the fuck?
(ominous music)
No!
Fuck!
(rattling)
Now, come on!
(cracking)
- That thing that I found on the roof,
is a cellphone jammer,
My brother had one,
As soon as I turned it off service came right back on,
- Why are our accounts cancelled?
- Doesn't cancel accounts, someone is doing that,
- Why jam our phones?
- Why did somebody cancel our accounts?
That Jerry kid is right, shit ain't right here,
- So either Adrienne, Ming or both are eliminated,
- Missy girl, I thought you were way smarter than that,
(thumping)
Is that the fuckin' freezer?
(crying)
No! No!
(screaming)
- No!
(screaming)
- No!
- You know what, I like this book,
it gives us four different ways
to do a threesome and somebody finally mentions
girl, girl, girl,
- 'Kay, I'm gonna go take a shower,
We're done for the night anyway
and I am not walking ten miles anywhere in the dark,
- Sounds good to me,
- Hey Vinny, why don't you see if
you can find Rachel, alright?
Ask her if she has a car,
- The fuck he will,
- Hey, - [Novak] I will not
be eliminated,
- Novak, none of this is right, okay?
Why don't you ask Sarah why she got a text message
from her girlfriend saying that her parents
have no idea where she is?
Alright?
- Why don't you turn off the cell phone jammer
and we'll do the logical thing,
we'll call home,
- [Adrienne] He did this, you sick fuck!
- Hey, Adrienne,
- He threw that at me when I was in the shower,
It's my brothers jersey,
- Are you fucking crazy?
I was fucking down here you stupid bitch,
- No you're,
fucking with me! - [Novak] That's enough of
your fucking pills, take your fucking pills,
- [Adrienne] You're a fucking asshole,
- Hey, why would you do something like that, Novak?
- I would kill every last one of you
before I get eliminated,
- [Adrienne] Fuck you,
- Oh man,
I'll tell you what, I'm gonna try to find Rachel
and Julian, try to figure this all out,
- Screw this shit, I'm just gonna go to my cabin
and have a little party, if you know what I mean,
Probably like play like board games, jengo,
- I'm gonna stay with you, okay?
- You sure?
- Yeah,
- That's cool,
Well if you see the cabin rockin', don't come knockin',
Or, I mean you can knock, I'll be there,
(knocking)
- Julian!
Hey Julian!
- Maybe we should try Rachel's,
- No,
No, Julian is in charge here, alright my brother
always said you go to the brass,
(breathing shakily)
Holy shit!
(car engine purring)
- Did you see that?
- Yeah,
- [Adrienne] What is this place?
- It's his command center,
- Is that our camp?
- I believe so,
- You know our cell phone don't work,
- No, no, no,
This is not a cellphone, it's a satellite phone,
My dad used to have one,
- Do you think it'll work?
- I don't know, let me try it,
(beeping)
Yes,
- [Voiceover] Barrett?
Julian, what,
- Hey dad?
Dad, it's Matt,
(clicking)
- What happened?
- Maybe we got disconnected,
Let me try again,
(buttons beeping)
- [Voiceover] At the tone, please record your message,
when you are finished recording you may,
- Shit, its the fuckin' voicemail,
Hey dad, it's Matthew, I don't know if we got
disconnected but please, when you have a chance,
give me a call right away, alright?
Okay, bye,
- Can I try?
- Sure,
I just do that?
(ringing)
- [Voiceover] Hello? - Mom?
Mommy? It's Adrienne,
- [Voiceover] My daughter is dead,
- What's the matter?
- Hey,
What's the matter, did it not connect?
- She said, "my daughter's dead,"
- Jesus Christ,
(screaming)
- Oh my God, is that Vinny?
Is he dead?
- Shit, we gotta get to the girls,
Let's go,
(screaming)
- [Katie] No, no, no, no, no!
(screaming)
Please!
- Am I hard enough for you now?
- No!
Oh my God!
No!
- You're getting cut from the show, Adrienne,
- [Matty] Adrienne!
Get back!
(screaming)
Stay back,
He's going, he's going, he's going,
He's tough,
But those fingers had to hurt,
- [Adrienne] He's also fucking nuts,
- [Matty] Yeah, come on, come on,
Come on,
Hey, come on, we gotta keep going,
Come on,
- Why is he doing this?
- He wants to win,
- What is that?
(suspenseful music)
- Stay back,
(screaming)
Shh, listen, look at me, look at me, you're okay,
Look at me, I'm not gonna let anything happen to you,
I'm not gonna let anything happen to you,
Listen, I have a plan,
Listen to my plan, okay?
We're gonna wait here til morning,
there's nobody's gonna hurt you,
There's two ways to get in here,
there's that door, listen, listen, listen,
there's that door and there's this door,
Nobody's in here and I'm not gonna let anybody
get in here, you understand?
Look at me, I'm not gonna let anything happen to you,
Do you understand?
You're fine, look, look, look, look in the window,
look in the window,
It's almost dawn, okay?
- There's a gun in the lakehouse,
- Huh?
- There's a gun in the lakehouse,
- Yeah, Julian said there's a gun in the boathouse,
We'll wait here til morning,
Alright?
(water running)
(birds chirping)
(hopeful music)
Stay there, stay there, stay there,
(clanging)
Come on, come on,
Come on,
(dramatic orchestral music)
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
Let's go,
Shit!
- What, what?
- The fucking gun is gone!
(gun firing)
Get down!
Adrienne! Adrienne!
Come on we gotta go, let's move!
- [Novak] Hold the fuck still!
- [Matty] Let's go!
Ow, fuck!
Oh shit!
Adrienne,
Adrienne, no!
(gunshot firing)
- [Adrienne] You missed, fucker!
- Fuck!
- Just a little closer,
- The only way outta here, is through me!
(Adrienne laughing)
- Fuck you, Novak!
Yeah! I got you you motherfucker,
(gasping)
Whoo!
(clapping)
- That was brilliant,
Just brilliant,
Why, you just gave me the greatest ending, ever,
Never has anyone been killed that way,
- So, I did okay?
- Honey, you deserve an academy award,
- So when I called my mom,
she said I was dead,
Do they really believe that?
- Ah baby, I'm afraid that part of it's true,
Everybody's parents, including yours,
paid a lot of money to have you killed,
- So, what?
Do they get a refund because I won?
- Oh, that would be great,
If only it were so,
(gun firing)
Fucking actors,
- [Voiceover] How do you feel about death?
- It's cool,
As long as I'm not the one dying,
- Uh, I have a lot of life to live to go,
so, I don't know how I feel about, about death,
- We all gotta die sometime,
- [Voiceover] You think you're a good child
to your parents?
- Yeah, I do, actually,
- Am I a good child to my parents?
Let me think about that one,
No,
- I did what I had to to survive,
- I mean, it's more like, you know,
is my parent a good parent to me
and that's like the real question,
- I think I was always a good kid,
I mean, wrong place, wrong time,
(somber music)
- Don't start thinking too much,
- Michael was never gonna sit on this,
there's too much to lose,
We were never that close anyway,
Simple as that,
- Cool,
And you?
- I got plans,
- You know, we really oughta look at this as a
public service,
Boy, they were bad eggs, Donlyn, really bad eggs,
- I guess that guy my dad turned you on
to worked out, huh?
- Yeah,
- So what did their parents finally end up
paying for each of them,
- Like I said, two mil,
You don't count Rachel, John, or your brother,
they're props,
Actually, your brother was like a macguffin,
- I have no idea what that means,
I told you, I don't watch horror movies,
Makes you not wanna have kids though,
Pretty expensive abortions,
- I might have to steal that line,
Retro-abortions, somethin' like that,
- Twenty million cash, huh?
- Yeah, who knew,
- So, after I get my cut, you gonna make your movie
for 18 million?
- You know, you really should've watched more horror films,
Yeah,
Then you woulda see that comin',
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