رسانه اینترنتی مای موویز MyMoviz جامعترین سایت فیلم و سریال
Yeah, man, everything is measured, cut, marked,
Just needs to be mounted,
Right, you can take it from here?
You're hopeless, man,
No, no, it's cool, I got it,
I will just come back after the trip
and take care of it, finish it up,
Yeah,
No, no, no, we know about you and power tools, bud,
No, I got it,
Jeez, Yeah, I know,
Sure,
Right, Oh my God, man,
So, did you use this thing to cut a cake
or to skin a bear?
This big-ass knife you got in this box
marked "wedding stuff,"
Really?
I don't remember it being this big,
I was really drunk, though,
Right, yeah, I set myself up for that one,
Okay,
Yeah, no, I got it,
I'm just gonna lock up,
I'm gonna drink some of your beer,
eat some of your food,
that way I can avoid Misha's cooking,
Yeah, it's that bad,
Right, Yeah, okay, well, hurry your ass up,
Let's get on the road,
Fucking kidding me!
What was that?
Jim and Neil's dog came over to our property again,
Oreo? He's harmless,
Yeah, well, he comes over to the yard
and he pisses all over my stuff,
I had a million-dollar job on Avolencia last week
and all my gear smelled like dog piss,
I told Jim if he did it again,
I was gonna toss him back over,
Don't tell me that you threw Oreo over the fence,
I didn't throw him over the fence, jeez,
I picked him up, I set him down
over the shortest portion of the fence,
He squirmed out of my arms at the last minute,
Threw him over the fence?
Jesus Christ,
You love to blow shit out of proportion, you know that?
If that was your precious garden, though,
- oh, man,,, - You know what?
Let's not do this right now,
They're gonna be here any minute,
Fine,
Have you been reading these?
Yeah,
- Really? - Yeah,
Wow,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to barge in here like this
and acting all crazy,
I just,,,
I mean, this is amazing,
Look, I promise you, I'm gonna make the best father,
And this kid, he's gonna be an all-American
by his freshman year of college,
Or she, she will be an all-American,
No, I don't know,
What don't you know?
This could be a game changer for us,
Hayden, a baby doesn't fix a marriage,
A baby isn't magic,
Sometimes it makes things worse,
Let's just talk about this when we get back,
and we need to get ready,
They're gonna be here any minute, come on,
We have to go,
I got it, I got it,
You guys should take in this fresh air,
I'm comin', Comin',
Yeah, man, not bad,
Not bad,
I'm so relieved, it's,,,
It's pretty good,
You doubted me?
You don't think I can put together
a kick-ass weekend?
Well, now that we're rewriting history,
we'll just forget that vacation from two years ago,
Yeah, let's definitely forget about that one,
Wait, I didn't hear any of you guys complaining
when you all got a full refund, so,,,
Well, it really is beautiful out here,
- It actually is, - Yeah, it is,
It's quiet,
All right, so is there a bellhop
or we got to get these bags ourselves?
Oh my God,
- What? - Look,
Oh my God, you guys, he's not moving,
Who's not,,, what?
- Hold on, - Stay here,
What?
Hey, man, you okay?
I don't think he's breathing, man,
Oh! Ah!
Oh, Jesus!
That's the point, though, you never know,
Never know what?
Never know when the element of surprise might, uh,
surprise ya,
Is everything okay?
Ooh, son,
One of you guys dealing drugs
or a hip-hop guy or something?
Yeah, I like me a practical ride,
but that's a gas guzzler right there,
Whatever tickles your pickle, though, am I right?
Ladies, ladies, ladies,
Bo-Lee,
I live down on the property,
I'll be your concierge for the weekend,
I'm Misha, and this is Nora,
Ah, pleasure,
Bo-Lee,
I like that,
Yep, Bo hyphen Lee,
It's a family name,
Bo, Hayden,
I'm the one who booked the place,
Yeah, it's Bo-Lee,
That's my buddy, Chris,
And it looks like you already met the wives,
Mm-hm,
You boys are gonna have yourselves
a damn fine time this weekend, huh?
Okay,
As the song goes, follow the leader,
You know, say, man,
seeing you on the ground like that,
we thought you were dead,
Maybe I was,
Nah, helps my spine,
Old back injury,
Yeah, my chiropractor says the same thing,
Lay on the lumpy ground with some gravel,
It does wonders for your back,
Watch your step,
You coming, Nora?
Great job,
Thank you,
All right,
So we got, uh, we got an L shape,
There's a bedroom down that way,
There's two more down there,
Each got their own bathroom,
you know, a commode and everything,
Given there's two pair of ya, it might be a good idea
to sleep on opposite ends of the house anyway,
know what I mean?
That's the living room over there,
Fireplace, feel free to use,
Woo!
Uh, kitchen, got a kitchen,
uh, table, chairs,
Go out this door here,
there's like a courtyard and whatnot,
You got lots of land here, a barn, stables down there,
You got the run of the property,
you know, except, uh, except those trailers,
That's where I stay,
Mm, People always ask, uh,
they're asking about internet and cable TV,
No, sir,
I got some DVDs you can borrow if you like,
If you need to get on the web,
there's a coffee place down in town,
and there's a bar across from the Payless,
I go down there to watch the kung fu fights,
They got good cable,
No, we're just here to unplug for the weekend anyway,
And I'm sure my wife, for one weekend,
can be off of Facebook,
No one is on Facebook under the age of 60, dear,
but I will need to get on Insta,
Is that the site where dudes go to find other dudes?
No! No,
It's Instagram,
Maybe you and me, we can hike into town this weekend,
We can, you know, find some shops
and find a little Wi-Fi,
- Yeah, - Gee, I don't know,
That's a hell of a walk, like 12 miles,
I can see you ladies like to get sweaty,
Okay,
Uh, got some keys here for ya,
I'll leave these here,
Can't figure something out, just give me a holler, knock,
come on in, I don't care,
I like to walk around all-natural,
That means no clothes on,
- That was a joke, - Okay,
Or was it?
Clean up after yourself,
The good Lord hates a slob,
Good Lord hates a slob,
Oh my God,
Okay, seriously, where did you find this guy?
I guess that's why I got such a good deal
- on this place, - Yeah, no kidding,
I knew we shouldn't have left it up to your cheap ass,
Oh, no, Chris, he's not cheap,
Don't you remember?
He got the plastic champagne flutes,
not the Styrofoam last time,
I remember that,
All right,
Well, I'm gonna go unpack,
Hey, guys, let's all freshen up and meet back here,
and I will make us some sangria,
- Ooh! - By sangria,
she means sangrias, plural,
- Nice! Nice! - Ooh, Lordy,
All right,
Let's do it,
This place isn't so bad, right?
Bo-Lee is a lunatic,
I'm sure you two will become fast friends,
Is that a shot at me or at him?
Oh my God,
I'm kidding, relax,
Well, he certainly was into you and that outfit,
Let's just make the best of this weekend,
Okay,
Let's just make the best of this weekend,
Babe, you never know when Bo-Lee Norman Bates
might be lurking,
I know,
You know how those guys are, I mean,
they've been out here their entire lives,
Just ain't as woke as us city folk,
Mm,
He didn't give you the creeps?
Eh, he's harmless,
Bit of a weirdo, but harmless,
Mm,
If he oversteps this weekend, I'll be sure to say something,
Oh, I'll be fine,
I can handle myself,
Trust me, I know you can,
My badass and hard-working wife,
- Mm, - I'm gonna get changed,
Okay, I just need to compose a few e-mails before Monday,
It's supposed to be a work-free weekend, remember?
I know,
It'll just take a sec,
And it's hardly work anyway,
Well, good luck anyhow,
There's no Wi-Fi here, remember?
I just need to compose them while they're still in my head
and I'll send them Sunday night when we get in,
God,
And then this motherfucker says,
"I don't need to see your ID, just hers,"
I'm like, "Fuck you, man!
I don't look that old, do I?"
- Come on, - And then you looked
in the mirror?
Look at Nora bringing the heat,
Look at your girl, huh?
I'm telling you, man, this is why I could
never win a fight with her
because she's too quick for me,
- Too quick, - Well, I mean, come on,
You do, you look young for your age, he does,
but you don't look under 21,
Well, shit, neither do you,
- Ooh! - Oh, no, you didn't,
No, you didn't,
Do you see this? Do you see this?
Do you see the shit that I put up with?
- All the time, - Oh, well, please,
You don't look under 21,
- I mean, come on, - No, first of all,
you,,, Misha looks like she could pass for 21,
and second of all, you don't say
that kind of thing to a woman,
- Mm-hm, - What is wrong with you?
Really? Chris, help me out, man,
She does not look under 21,
- Yeah, Chris, - Chris, what do you think?
Yes, Chris, what do you think?
Um, what was the question?
No, I, uh,,,
Look, I,,, I know that she's not 19,
so, uh, I can't, uh, really say,
But it's simple,
The question is, does Misha look
like she could pass for 21 or no?
- And the answer is yes, - Yeah, he's thinking,
We've got company,
Ahh,
Suppertime, suppertime,
Sorry to barge in,
Got a bulb blew down there at the barn,
Owner keeps them up here in the washer/dryer room
in y'all's place, so here I am,
Do your thing, man,
It's your place,
Oh, no, no,
No, I run things here, but, you know,
this weekend it's y'all's home,
Carry on,
Okay, that spitting in that bottle?
- That's nasty, - It is,
- That is nasty, - Oh, yeah,
We know lots of guys that do that,
- I played baseball,,, - What are we, in 1940?
Oh, shit, Brad, one of my best friends,
he still does it, he sells real estate,
Drives around, shows clients properties,
He's still spitting in it, keeps it
in the center console of his Mercedes-Benz,
- He does not, - Yes, he does,
It's true,
I met Brad and he's charming,
He's nothing like Bo fucking hyphen Lee,
Yeah, please, poor Brad,
He's not here to defend himself,
Oh,
Well, I'm all set,
- What's in the bag? - That's a lot of bulbs
you got there, Bo-Lee, jeez,
Bo-Lee, I gotta,,, I'm sorry, I got to ask you
a serious, serious question,
Would you ever consider selling real estate?
Oh my God,
What's so fucking funny?
Nothing, man, it's just,,, I'm sorry,
It's just,,, it's an inside joke
about a guy we know is all, yeah,
Yeah, we're just joking,
- Tell me, - Sorry?
Tell me this joke,
No, really, it's,,, it's a long, boring story,
Stupid, really, it's dumb,
- It was a joke, - Being silly,
Having a little too much fun is all,
Either you tell me the story
or all y'all are out,
- Hey, come on, - Tell me the story
or I'm gonna go get my gun
and I'm gonna make you tell me the story,
Okay, okay, let's, uh,,,
Be cool, okay?
I'll tell you the story,
Look at this fucker here!
Look at this fucker!
"Oh, oh,
Oh, now, fella, let's be cool,
I'm the sheriff around these parts,"
And all y'all's faces,
Y'all's faces,
Okay, we like joking here, but when you threaten people
with a gun, what the fuck is that?
- That's not cool, - Well, he doesn't have a gun,
- How do you know? - Right?
Is that,,, is that Italian?
I put you folks on tacos or,,,
fried chicken,
Anyhoo, I'll get out of your short and curlies,
Adios,
Okay, what I want to know
is who was that fried chicken comment directed towards?
Was that,,, was that for me?
Oh, he didn't mean it like that,
He's just joking around,
Yeah, well, he needs to learn some tact,
- Tact? For that guy? - Fried chicken, really?
Seriously, that's a tall order,
- Oh my God, - Hey, hey, I don't think
that he meant it that way,
Here's the thing, I need to know
who is the Mexican in this scenario
because I think he's talking about me,
Is it me?
There's the better question,
Okay,
Taco guy?
I'm taco man,
Whoo!
Guys, are we going hiking in the morning?
- I got to call it a night, - Yes,
I'm not a morning person,
Yeah, exactly, you're not,
I mean none of us are, right?
And the gallons of sangria? Come on,
I'm calling it, I'm calling it,
No, no, I'll get these,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Yes, it's just a couple of plates,
It's just a couple of plates, go to sleep,
- You sure? - Yeah, I'm positive,
- Okay, - Yeah,
- All right, buddy, - Nora, you coming with?
Yes,
- Thank you all for dinner, - You're welcome,
Your famous pasta was delicious,
And I'll see you in the morning?
See you in the morning,
Although, reluctantly for some people,
- Goodnight, - Well,,,
What?
Well, aren't you a sweetheart?
Are you gonna help me?
No, it's just a couple of plates,
You've got this,
Jesus Christ,
I think I drank too much,
Hayden always makes you do that,
I'm gonna shower,
I'm gonna close my eyes a second,
Oh, Christ,
The kitchen is clean,
Great,
Oh my God,
This is so you, you know?
"Let's have a nice weekend, honey,"
And then you do a complete 180,
I'm going to bed,
Clean up after yourself,
Fucking bitch ass,
Were you trying to fuck with me?
The bathroom window just now, were you trying to scare me?
What are you talking about?
I've been right here,
It's cold as hell out there,
Why would I go outside?
You think it was Hayden?
Mm-mm,
He wouldn't mess with you in the shower,
That's crossing the line even for him,
Well, something was,
I bet it was that fucking Bo-Lee guy,
Mm,
There's nothing out there,
It was probably just the wind,
No, I already looked,
It just felt like something was watching me,
and then I heard a noise twice,
I'm positive it was not the wind,
You felt like you saw someone
and then you felt like you heard a noise?
No, I didn't feel like I heard something,
I heard something,
Don't do that,
Okay,
I'll go look,
Really?
You're quitting?
It's vacation,
Jesus fucking Christ,
So jumpy, handsome,
Sorry, you scared the shit out of me,
You trying to start the next epic brush fire here?
Yeah, you're not kidding,
What are you doing out here?
Well, I was heading to bed,
and then I saw you over here puffing away,
I thought you quit those things, by the way,
- Yeah, yeah, - Nora is gonna kill you,
Shh, Nah, she already knows,
I think she wants to kill me anyhow,
Oh, and what the hell is up with you
going to bed so early,
leaving me all alone in there with Misha?
Just tired is all,
I'll be more fun tomorrow,
Not too tired to come out here and steal a smoke,
No, man, she, you know, she thought she saw someone
outside our bathroom window, so I,,,
told her I'd come out here and check on it,
Two birds, one stone,
Yeah,
Well, shit, hey, give me one of those cowboy killers,
Thank you, sir,
Someone outside your window, huh?
I don't know, man, You know Nora,
She always gets so jumpy and paranoid
when she's not surrounded by asphalt and,,,
stoplights,
Starts running Texas Chainsaw scenarios
through her head,
Plus, that Bo-Lee guy, man, kind of freaked her out,
Yeah, well, our boy, Bo, I don't think he's got
too much practice interacting with people,
That's what I told her,
"It's Bo-Lee, by the way,"
What's going on with you and Misha?
You guys all right?
Mm,
What makes you ask that?
Nothing, you just said that I left you alone with her
tonight is all,
We're going through a little bit of a rough patch,
Really?
Everything all right?
Oh, you know, the normal stuff,
Work, money, communication,
I can't stand that fucking bitch anymore,
so there's that,
- Come on, - I don't know,
Just got to work through a couple things, that's all,
Anything you want to talk about?
Nah,
You know, I've got a feeling
that this trip is gonna be real good for us,
We're gonna get some things resolved,
Start out with a clean slate,
What about you and your girl, man?
Aside from the occasional peeping Tom or Sasquatch,
whatever the fuck it is you guys think
you saw out here,
- We're good, - Yeah, well,,,
Well, I'm happy to hear that,
Well,,,
Man, I hope you and Misha are all right,
Yeah, thanks, man,
All right,
I'm going to bed,
See you in the morning?
Yeah,
- See you in the morning, - See you in the morning
bright and early,
Yeah,
Oh, you're in a big hurry to get your ass kicked,
You know we're racing to the top of that mountain
we saw on the way in,
and I'm feeling real good today,
What? All right, you're talking shit already?
Okay, well, it's on then, let's do this,
Oh, yeah, I don't know about that, man,
You guys had that surfing competition,
she caught, like, twice as many waves as you did,
Then she beat your ass at arm wrestling,
Okay, all right, that's good, don't encourage her, man,
What about you? You getting in on this?
'Cause I would love to take your big ass down,
Guys, are we on vacation,
or are we doing a Spartan Race?
No! Gonna let you two competitive freaks go at it,
I'm gonna stay back and watch,
And speaking of freaks,
Are you still drunk from last night?
Okay,
Let's do this,
Yeah, let's do it,
You look fine, come on,
Don't let him stress you out,
Maybe lighten up on her a little bit,
This is what we do, man, she kind of digs it,
This is, uh, our weird way of working things out,
That's a very weird way of working things out,
Maybe you are still a little drunk,
Maybe,
Hey, is that a beer?
Come on, man, share,
Hey, ladies,
Y'all going to a party?
No, just a hike,
She looks like she's going to a party,
No,
Just a hike,
Promise,
Didn't get my invite to the party,
Okay,
Let's, um, let's wait for the boys,
I don't like the feel of this guy,
Just tying her shoe,
That's why Velcro is the way to go,,,
,,,if you can afford it,
I guess,
I just don't think he's seen many women like me
around here,
Seriously, oh my God,
- Where are they? - Ugh,
Shit,
Wearing down already, Nora?
- What's up? - No, we're waiting on you guys,
So, don't look now, but the psycho Bo-Lee killer
is over there in the woods watching us,
Yes, he was just talking to us,
- Where? - I don't see him,
- I said, "Don't look," - What?
Oh, sh,,,
Seriously, he was just there,
He was just talking to us,
He was eyeing me up and down,
Yeah, he was over there like 20 seconds ago,
- He was digging, - Yeah,
- Are you sure? - Yes,
Yes, he was right there,
Okay, I'm creeped out,
Oh my God,
- Where'd he go? - He's not there anymore,
Come on, let's get this train going,
No, but he just disappeared, I don't,,,
♪ Bo-Lee, the vanishing hick ♪
Oh, it looks a lot more steep up-close,
You sure you're ready for this, Haydie, baby?
Yeah, I was born ready,
Misha, last chance,
It's a hard pass for me,
I told you already, I know better
than to challenge her,
You go get your ass kicked alone,
Guys, the light here is so pretty,
Let's get our group pic now before the light changes,
That's a nice little setup you got going there,
Oh, yeah, I love it,
So this little thing holds my phone,
and I can take pictures or videos
with this little thing,
It's great, it has something like a 50-yard range,
All right, y'all, Come on, scooch in,
scrunch in over there,
and let's just look like we like each other,
There's no Wi-Fi out here, How does it work?
It's a camera, not a phone,
You don't need service for a camera, Grandpa,
Another Grandpa crack,
Didn't know the extra years
were already a fucking problem for you here,
All right, on the count of three,
let's all say, "Hayden is old as hell!"
One, two, three!
Hayden is old as hell,
Boom, Grandpa's gonna beat your ass!
Honey, can you grab my stuff
and I'll meet you back at the ranch?
I'm gonna get you!
Cheatin'-ass motherfucker!
What do you say, head back?
Absolutely,
Looks like Bo-Lee went out for the afternoon, huh?
Yeah,
Probably to bury some more bodies,
You want some more?
- No, - Here, buddy,
He's done,
Come on, want to take a walk?
Oh, it's cold,
It's so pretty out here,
I know,
No, it is, it's really beautiful,,,
It's almost like you forget how not peaceful the city is!
I know,
It's so different here,
I know,
- But it's cold, - You cold?
Yeah,
I am,
- Better? - Almost,
- I don't care anymore, - I know,
We got to be smart about this, okay?
Like you said,
Not anymore,
I hate it,
I hate living in the house with him,
- You don't understand, - I know,
- You don't understand, - I know,,,
- I can't, - I know, I know,
I can't, I can't,
I know, I know,
And it's over,
It is,
Just haven't told her yet,
Hey, you know something?
- She's a good person, - She is,
She doesn't deserve for this to go down in a shitty way,
It's not like you and Hayden,
We just fell out of love is all,
You're gonna leave her, though, right?
Yes,
You haven't left Hayden yet,
- Jesus, - Hey, hey, hey,
that came out the wrong way,
Hey, babe, it came out the wrong way,
I'm sorry,
This is a fucked-up situation,
- Right? - Yes,
We just got to figure out how to best advocate this,
smartly,
Okay,
I can't stand the way he treats you,
Just cast away what he has,
Babe,,,
What he had,
- What he had, - Yes,
After this weekend,
it's you and me,
- I love you, - I love you,
I love you so much,
- Yo, hey! - Jesus Christ,
Hold up, bro,
Wait a minute,
Listen, that is not what it looked like, all right?
Okay?
We cool here?
My daddy had a sayin',
From the Bible, I think,
"Be sure your sin will find you out,"
Boy,
I smell fire and brimstone coming for you,
Bo-Lee,
Bo-Lee, please,
Please don't say anything to my husband,
It's,,, it's complicated,
Please don't say anything,
Thank you,
I don't know, if it wasn't for this Achilles injury,
I might've had you this time,
Oh, please, you're gonna make excuses now?
What?
Achilles injury is no joke!
It's like someone lit the back of your foot on fire,
There you guys are!
- Hey, hi! - Hey!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Bo-Lee!
Where are you going?
You don't need to leave on our account!
Oh, uh, I mentioned I'm not gonna be around tonight,
My brother's in town,
Gonna be staying at the casino,
No, you didn't mention it,
Yeah, yeah,
I might not even come back tomorrow,
My brother, he's a wild one,
We start dippin' into that whiskey,
we get into all sorts of sin,
So, who won?
Your wife did, man!
She's a machine!
She smoked my ass!
Yeah, we're gonna have to start getting
some new people on these trips
so I can have some, like, real competition,
Oh, I gotta pee,
Shit, shit,
Dammit,
It's not in the car either,
I know it's not in the car, Chris,
I put it right back in the bag,
It was right next to my suitcase last night,
Okay, okay, I'm just trying to help you,
I am fucked if it doesn't turn up,
It will, it will!
- It's gotta be here somewhere, - Shit!
Fuck!
Anything?
Misha hasn't seen it,
Shit,
How could it just disappear like that?
Did you use it today?
No, I promised Chris I wouldn't use it
until after the hike,
Shit,
- Oh, man, - What's up?
I'm not accusing him, but,,,
I mean, Bo-Lee, when he came and changed that light bulb,
he could've just walked right in here
and then snatched your laptop,
But he never came in here,
Look, he could've just walked straight in here
and then straight out,
- we would have never known, - You know, you're right,
and he had that big bag with him, too,
So you think he just came in here and grabbed it?
He could've came in here when we were on our hike, too,
but all of our stuff is still here,
Yeah, mine too, as far as I know,
Fuckin' son of a bitch,
Babe, his car's not here, he's not gonna answer,
Well, then I'ma go in and take what's mine,
That's not a good idea, Nora, listen to me, stop!
Hey, I hear you, but you can't just go
breaking into his place,
I was just throwing scenarios out up there, okay?
We don't know that he took it,
Of course he did!
Nora, there's nothing we can do right now, he's not home!
Let's go have dinner, okay?
Then after dinner, we'll come back
- and then I'll confront him, - No, Chris,
what if he's in town now selling my computer?
I don't have Bo-Lee's number, okay,
but I will call the owner, I'll go on the website,
I'll look for an emergency number,
and we will track him down,
Well, tell them I want to press charges,
I don't think that's the right way to do it,
I think we should say,
if he brings it back in one piece,
we won't press charges,
Otherwise, hey, you bring the hammer down on him,
Yeah, there you go, that's smart thinking,
Come on, let's get some food,
Sorry,
All right, so I'm a freshman on varsity, right?
At practice,
I'm terrified, because this guy
is not only a senior, he's the captain,
and he's a starting running back, right?
And I'm playing scout team safety,
so I say to myself, I say, "Listen," I said,
"Chris, you've gotta make a hit on this guy
that's gonna lay him out,"
to get the respect of the rest of the team,
Kinda like when you're in prison
and you pick a fight on the biggest guy
so that everyone else knows you're not to be messed with,
- you know? - Yeah, yeah?
You know all of this from all your years,
you know, behind bars?
Well, yeah, look, I watch enough Locked Up
to know that that's a pretty spot-on analogy,
Am I right?
The point is, I read the play,,,
Read the play? No, no, no,
- You knew the play, - Eh,
You were the third string running back,
- Here we go, - You just decide
to blow the play up!
- Freshmen, right? - I will not confirm or deny
whether or not I knew which play was coming,
but the point is I did blow it up,
'cause I came running in at 100 miles an hour,
But this crazy SOB
comes running in at 200 miles an hour
and bam, we have a collision that is heard for miles,
The rest of the team, they stop what they're doing
to A, go nuts with applause and cheers,
and B, to make sure that we're still alive,
I take off my helmet,
and I run to the wrong sideline,
'cause I have no idea where the hell I am,
And this guy sees me running out there,
and he yells out to me, he goes, "Hey, freshman!
I remember my first tackle!
You won't!"
Have I said this before?
Have I told you guys this story before?
No, babe!
But what Chris fails to mention is
that by the end of the year,
he was the starting running back,
so I had to live with losing my job
- to a freshman, - That's not how it went down,
- was it? - Well, I almost forgot,
Who's up for some tequila, yeah?
- Oh, mm-mm, - Tequila!
- Yeah? Tequila time! - Oh, no!
Let's do some shots!
Doesn't matter what you say, 'cause you're all doing 'em!
Oh,
Yeah, he likes to drink,
Oh, God, I don't think I could do another drink,
After today, you deserve all the drinks,
Mm,
By the way, guys, I wanna make a bet,
100 to 1, he comes back,
he's gonna wanna play a drinking game,
What is this, high school?
I'm gonna get as drunk as possible tonight,
That's my plan,
- Mm-hm, - All right, all right!
Shots, shots, shots!
There you go, ladies!
And one for my man over here,
I think that calls for a toast, you know?
To good friends,
to good times,
To a happy life, but most of all,
to my beautiful wife,
- Cheers, - Cheers,
Salut,
Cheers,
Oh!
It's not so bad, actually,
Good job,
Always good stuff, man,
- Oh, - It better be good stuff,
It cost more than your car payment does,
What do you guys think?
Drinking game?
Told you,
I, for one, am not in the mood
to be bouncing quarters
and throwing ping pong balls, no,
Hey, Debbie Downer!
We don't have to play a game like that,
Why don't we play something a little more grown up,
How about truth or dare?
Okay, what, are we having a sleepover now?
Should I get my jammies?
No, no!
Come on, this'll take your mind off of things,
I know you're upset about what happened today, all right?
I called the owners,
they're gonna try and get a hold of him,
and everything's gonna be okay,
All right? I promise you,
Thank you for making the calls, I appreciate that,
Okay, good then! Let's play,
Oh, yes, girl!
Whooo!
Yeah, girl!
- Oh! - Oh!
Oh, shit,
That's hot,
Wait, hold on,
- Shoot the shoe! - Do it!
Do it! Do it! Do it!
Come on, man!
Shoot that shoe,
Don't you dare kiss me with that mouth!
I was 17,
and I kicked her ass,
Don't mess with Nora!
Proud of that shit,
Pulled her hair all the way out, started that mohawk trend,
I did that,
Pulled that shit out on the side, baby,
Truth or dare?
Dare,
Perfect,
I dare you to take that phone out of yours
and read your last three text messages out loud,
No, girl,
Hmm,
Shit,
Wow,
Of course not,
You and that fucking precious phone of yours,
Yup, It's my fucking phone,
Baby,
I got it, I got it, I got it,
When you two have your little bundle of joy,
who do you want it to look like?
Neither,
We ain't gonna have any,
It's not your turn, asshole,
It'll happen, buddy,
Oh, no,
No, you see, it's not,
Because Mrs, Under-Fucking-21 here, she's incapable,
You know what
you always fail to mention?
Is that his fucking sperm count
is as low as a fucking corpse,
you fucking old man,
What the fuck?
Well, science seemed to say otherwise
when my ex-girlfriend got pregnant,
You wanna go down that road about what happened?
- Okay,,, - About what happened
- to your girlfriend? - I wanna go down that road,
- Let's go down that road, - You don't want to go
down that road,,,
,,,after you left her,
I should not have asked that,
That's my fault, I should not have asked,,,
that was an insensitive question,
I'm sorry, y'all,
Let's do another question,
Yeah, he's right, let's do another question,
But first, I just want to make it clear,
the reason that I left was because I think
the decision to have a child should be between two people,
not just the woman, not just the woman,
Yes, it is between two people, you motherfucker!
You can't force me to have a child,
- and you never took me in,,, - Who says you get to decide?
You're forcing me all the time,
- and you think it's two people,,, - You are so fucking dramatic!
- Calm down! - Go fuck yourself!
Why don't you,,, why don't you go
have a cigarette, whiskey dick, you,,,
Mm,
Drink up, that'll fix it,
Fucking hypocrite,
Your hypocrisy is fucking endless,
Fuck you!
Whatever you fucking say,
- Oh, - Jesus Christ,
Shit, man,
Wow,
I think I'm drunker than I thought,
Chris just starts smoking again like he never quit,
Shit, I gotta get that computer back,
- Oh, God, shit, - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, shit,
I got the spins, man,
You got the spins?
What, are you getting soft on me, big guy?
Hey,
Whoa,
Hey, buddy,
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
Jesus Christ,
Come on, big fella,
let's get you,,,
Let's get you up and walk this off,
I don't wanna fucking do shots anymore,
Yeah,
But Chris thinks I should just leave it alone,
- Don't listen to him, - And I'm like, I really need it,
I really need to,,,
oh, I've gotta do something, right?
Hold on a second,
What,,, what the hell?
Whoa, girl, girl, what's wrong with you?
- I'm good, - You all right?
Yeah,
Come on,
Why do you,,,
That's not cool, man,
You get so aggressive with Misha,
- You shouldn't get,,, - It happens,
- But just mean,,, - It happens,
- Too much, I'm fine, - Okay, I'ma get you some water,
- No, I'm good, - I'll be right back,
I'm fine,
You get mean, why do you get mean?
Hey,
I might lighten up on her a little bit
if she wasn't fucking somebody else,
What are you talking about, man?
- What am I talking about? - You guys have so much history,
- You have history, - History?
What's that old saying, buddy?
"History is just a pack of lies agreed upon,"
What the fuck?
Garbage,
Garbage,,,
Fuck,
Bo-Lee,
Fucking Bo-Lee!
You know, I really shouldn't be that surprised about Misha,
'Cause they say 50% of relationships,
somebody is having an affair,
Challen,,,
Challenges? No,
Cheating, lying, those aren't challenges,
They are reasons to fucking end shit,
Apology not accepted,
All right, girl, come on, come on, come on, come on,
Come on, come on,
- Is this still,,, - Yes, it's okay,
It's okay,
Wake up,
Is she that wasted?
No, I think it's more than that,
I think it might be alcohol poisoning,
Okay, we need to lay her down,
- Come on, - Actually, I've got an idea,
Oh, shit,
- I'm just sleepy, - Mm-hm,
Wake up, wake up, wake up,
Mm-hm, I see you,
Come on, come on, girl,
Dude, what's that?
Oh,
This?
This is a delicious vodka soda,
- I'm okay, - She's gonna be fine,
Trust me,
Shit, Where is Chris?
Chris is outside still,
Must be a two cigarette kinda night,
Okay, well, are you gonna help me or what?
Or do I need to go get Chris?
She's fine,
What is that supposed to be?
Are you doing drugs now, too? Is that what's going on?
That's why you're acting so weird?
Me?
No, I'm not doing drugs, but my beautiful wife, well,,,
Wait, she,,, she's doing drugs now, too?
- Well,,, - Is she mixing drugs
- and alcohol? - Not knowingly,
But I put some in her drink,
You know when I was making them in the other room
and I just brought 'em out here,
I put it in Chris's drink, too,
Makes it a lot less painful that way,
No, no, no, no, no, see,
I didn't put anything in your drink,
But it's gonna be more painful,
Good evening,
You know, a lot has happened
since you took your little tiger snooze,
You've got a gag in,
My bad,
Listen, I will make you a deal,
If you promise not to scream,
I will remove the gag,
But I am asking you, for my sanity,,,
I'm asking you not to scream,
Now more importantly, I want to explain to you
what's going on here,
Okay?
So nod your head "yes,"
Yeah,
That's my good girl,
For your fucking sanity?
It's pretty clear you're insane,
Where's Chris?
Chris!
And Misha!
Did you hurt Chris?
Ooh, define "hurt,"
Just tell me,
I'm fucking with you!
Yeah, I hurt him!
- I hurt him real bad, - Oh,
I hurt him so bad he died, actually,
Oh,
Oh, God,
Oh, please, God,
You're fucking going straight to hell,
you piece of shit!
You haven't even let me explain to you yet
what's going on,
Once I do, you might change your mind
about some things,
Misha was so sick,
You drugged her,
Did you kill her, too?
No, No, I didn't kill her,
She's out there,
She's with Chris,
That,,, that is the key phrase,
The key phrase is "with Chris,"
You see, your husband, my best friend,
was fucking my wife,
And I could almost deal with that,
The cheating, the sex,
But it's the lying,
It's the lying to my face
like I am a fucking idiot,
So you killed my husband and your wife,
You killed two people, for what?
For your fucking ego?
You just ruined your life, too,
We all lose,
You should be thanking me,
because he was disrespecting you, too,
- He was making you look stupid, - Fuck you!
Fuck me, fuck them!
Fuck them for cheating!
Fuck them for ruining friendships,
for ruining marriages,
for ruining our lives when our backs were turned!
I knew,
What? Bullshit,
Of course I knew,
Chris can't even hide a cigarette behind my back
without me knowing,
You think he can hide an affair?
I was gonna fight, no matter what the consequence,
But the consequence did not include murder,
Because unlike you,
I'm not willing to throw my life away
because someone disrespected me
who didn't even love me anymore,
Oh, Nora,
I got more bad news for you,
I'm not throwing away my life,
And I'm sure as shit not going to prison,
Help! Murderer!
Help us!
Help!
How,,, how did you get that on my phone?
I mean, you do know someone has to take the fall
for this messy situation,
and it sure as hell ain't gonna be me,
That gadget you have,
man, that thing really comes in handy,
But you should really be more careful
when you're putting in your code,
'cause you never know who might be
looking over your shoulder,
If you think that little fake video
is gonna clear all of this up,
then you really are insane,
Of course not,
That's why I had to borrow something else from you,
Hang tight,
Bo-Lee didn't snag your computer,
I did,
Been doing all kinds of crazy shit on here recently,
I mean, this thing contains the ramblings
of a woman scorned,
I had a lot of time to plot your wonderful revenge,
Yeah,
And now I needed to add some stuff out here
so the timestamp matched,
but you realized your computer went missing
before I could sneak it back in here to you,
Yeah, well, actually, this is my favorite part,
This is a little bit corny, but I just love it,
It's this,
It's this, you recognize it?
You recognize it? Huh?
It's your wedding knife,
You used it to cut the cake,
For the cake ceremony,
I thought it was brilliant!
I mean, it really shows your state of mind,
Now you're using it as the murder weapon?
You naughty girl,
Naughty girl,
And what are you gonna do when Bo-Lee comes back, huh?
Or have you thought about that?
I did!
It actually works out perfect,
Him leaving for the night?
I can finish you off
and make as much noise as I want to,
And then when I'm done,
I'll take this, just jab it through my love handle,
maybe add a few little rope burns,
Play dead,
Bo-Lee shows up, sees me on the ground half dead,
and I dazzle him with my amazing story
about how I fought you off
in your murderous rampage,
Bo-Lee, that simple motherfucker,
He's gonna become the MVP of this story,
my star witness,
See that?
That's the answer to your other question,
Is Misha dead?
I wouldn't buy any Misha stock if I were you,
No,
Hayden, you don't have to,,, Hayden, don't!
You don't have to do this, you don't have to do it,
Shh,
I'll just be a minute,
Oh, God, oh, God,
Oh, shit, no,
No, no, no,
No,
Oh, shit,
Come on, Come on, come on,
Nora,
I'm sorry that you have to die,
And that you have to take the blame for all of this,
Life's unpredictable that way,
I mean, sometimes we are tested and we prevail,
Sometimes, we are just too broken,
But it's the ending,
The ending we're never prepared for,
And this is how yours ends,
No, I'm pregnant, please!
That's why I wanted to work on our marriage,
because,,, for the baby,
Did Chris know?
No,
Pregnant,
Well, at least you spared him that sorrow,
This is their fault,
Come on,
This is on them, this is not you,
All right?
All right,
Come on,
They put me in this position,
Right, they put me in this position,
Not me, This is on them,
This is their fault, this is their fault,
not my fault!
This is their fault!
It's theirs!
Clever girl,
You killed Chris and you killed Misha,
and then I had to intervene,
I told you this pain was no joke!
You hit me in my weak spot,
Now I've gotta hurt you,
Oh! Fuck!
No,
Bo-Lee!
Bo-Lee! Bo-Lee!
Bo-Lee!
Shit!
Bo-Lee! Bo-Lee!
Come on, Nora, come on, come on,
Bo-Lee,
Bo-Lee!
Shit,
Oh, goddamnit,
Ow, Ow,
Shit!
Goddamnit!
Come on, you fucking son of a bitch,
You fucking son of a bitch,
How's that pain, asshole?
God, ah!
Fuckin' bitch!
Oh, God,
911, what's your emergency?
Yes, yes, hello,
I have been attacked by a man and he killed my husband
and he killed his wife,
No, I don't know,,,
Oh, thank God, Oh, thank God,
You die now, bitch!
Just hear me out, just listen to me,
You might want to step aside,
I decided to come home early, Good thing, huh?
Coppers on the way,
You're okay now,
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