رسانه اینترنتی مای موویز MyMoviz جامعترین سایت فیلم و سریال
[bright music]
♪ Let's go out and make the road shake ♪
♪ I've got love to make
♪ And I've got to leave in the morning light ♪
♪ I've got a book to write
♪ Leather bound in my feathered hand ♪
♪ To make you understand to make you understand ♪
♪ That it's just for now
♪ It's just for now
♪ 20 years on a steady slope
♪ I'm all out of hope
♪ Never thought that we'd come this far ♪
♪ No matter where you are
♪ Oh, I'm telling you that when I go ♪
♪ There's something you should know ♪
♪ There's one thing that you should know ♪
♪ That it's just for now
♪ It's just for now
♪ It's just for now, hey
♪ It's just for now
♪ Ooh
[school bell rings]
Good morning, Mr, Cutler,
Shakespeare wrote plays, not books,
-So? -So, everyone has the right to be stupid,
but you're abusing the privilege,
[Mr, C] Ah, love, let us be true to one another!
For the world which seems to lie before us
like a land of dreams,
So various, so beautiful, so new,
Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,
nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain,
And we are here as on a darkling plain,
swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight
where ignorant armies clash by night
So what do you guys think?
-[phones buzz and ding] -[student coughing]
[school bell rings]
[students chatter]
I'm sorry, Mr, Arnold,
If it's any consolation, stage writing
is still all the rage with me,
[gentle music]
[woman On PA] Don't forget, Monday marks the start
of our annual Book Week celebrations, Who knows?
Maybe even all the staff will contribute this year,
Right, Mr, Cutler?
And as he sat there, shoulders slumped, head in hands clockwatching away the seconds
of his miserable excuse for an existence,
each tick a tiny dagger pricking away
at his soul's very core, It was then,
in that malignant standard sixth period English class
that the penny had finally dropped,
He'd become what he'd always feared most:
a teacher,
"What will become of me?" He asked himself over and over, "What will become of me?"
Would he ever taste the rich fruits of success again?
For he had known her once, fleetingly, before she
unceremoniously left him, oh, so long ago,
What will become of me?
[arrow whooshing]
[audience applauds]
[jazzy music playing in the background]
You going to buy a copy, Mr, C,? Better be quick,
-They're selling like hotcakes, -I don't like cake,
Well, I think Richard Witt's wonderful,
-I own all his novels, -That figures,
He told me you two used to be friends in college, What happened?
He became a Dick Witt, that's what happened,
He also told me that, quote, you choked on his success
and stopped talking to him when you couldn't land another book deal
and became just another jaded high school teacher, unquote,
That's very sweet, You know, Melanie,
some of the world's most famous authors were teachers once,
Shakespeare, Frost, Tolkien,
Even the Harry Potter lady was a teacher at some stage,
Not at Little Fields they weren't,
Yes, well, that's beside the point,
Point is, is that we like to give back,
Oh, how very noble of you, Mr, C,,
-I like to think so, -Mm,
What'd you think of my story, anyway?
Imaginative,
Any advice for a fellow author?
Yes, beware of advice,
You're a fucktard, Mr, C,,
[Mr, C,] Okay, step away from the cupcakes now,
-It says free, Mr, C,! -That doesn't actually mean they're free,
Nor are they for students, especially gluttons like you,
-Sorry, Mr, C,, -Straight and narrow,
Do we need to have that conversation again?
Straight and narrow, I've got it sorted, It's all good, Mr, C,,
Is it? 'Cause I've got to tell you, Tyrell, I'm a little concerned,
And whether you like it or not, I'm responsible for you,
I don't want to see you going back to juvie,
I swear, I got it all sorted, I swear, Mr, C,,
-Now, shouldn't you be in class? -I've got a study free, Mr, C,,
Well, maybe you should go and study,
[laughs]
You're right, Mr, C,,
Take it easy on the sugar, too,
We want to win that basketball final,
We're playing against my old school,
They fired me,
I got you, Mr, C,, We're going to take them down,
-Me and you! -Get out of here,
[school bell rings]
[pants]
Lee,
It's fine,
Don't worry about it,
-When do you have to be there again? -Five,
Oh, that's the staff meeting,
Oh, don't worry, I'll cover for you again,
You know, Carrie was King's fourth novel,
first one to be published,
He was a high school English teacher
living in a trailer park trying to make ends meet,
Had his phone disconnected, he was so poor,
Publishers couldn't even ring him to tell him they were publishing his book,
-Are you alright, Nick? -A year later, he's sold over a million copies,
Are you alright?
I'm a bit nervous, that's all,
Nicholas Cutler, nervous?
No way! Listen to me,
You're going to be great, Everything's going to work out, Remember, trust in the plan,
Yeah, but this is six and out for me, Lee, I've got all my chips on the table
and I don't have the power of telekinesis,
Well, I haven't read the book so I don't know the reference,
But you have something so much better,
You have zombies, You have zombies!
Everyone loves zombies!
-So trust in the plan, -Yeah, I know,
Famous authors have moments of self-doubt,
-I mean, King, he threw most of his manuscripts-- -Ugh!
Who cares about Stephen King? You're the king, Now say it,
-I'm the king, -No, "Trust in the plan,"
Oh, yeah, trust in the plan--
-Say it again, -Trust in the plan,
-You're the king! -I'm the king!
You are the king! You are the big fat king!
-[Nick laughs] -You are the king!
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah,
Good, Good,
But you are coming to my awards dinner tonight, aren't you?
Awards dinner?
Yeah, my parents really want to meet you,
They don't think that you exist,
so I really need you to exist,
Nick, can you please exist?
I can exist,
Good,
Er, how many more copies of Lord of the Flies should we order?
Oh, I think, probably just the class set should do it, Mr, Cutler,
Yes, good,
-Spelling bee! -Yes,
Yes! We're going to make it
really hard for you this year, Melanie,
Oh, I certainly hope so, Ms, Issen,
-Oh, she's a good girl, isn't she? -Oh!
-[Lee] You're a good girl, -Yes, I am,
[chuckling]
Oh, Lord, your fly is down,
-Huh? -[chuckles] Gotcha!
[Nick] How can I help you, Melanie?
My novella, I want you to read it,
Well, I just spent all morning listening to you read it,
That was the prologue,
It's probably going to get published,
but I'd like you to read it first,
I do value your opinion, Mr, C,,
Well, in that case, don't do it,
Self-publishing's for losers and ebook
way more pathetic than not getting published at all,
Ebooks? [gags], Gross,
A publisher has my manuscript, thank you very much, A good one, too,
-Really? Well, in that case, congratulations Melanie, -So?
-What's that? -My USB,
-Your US what? -My USB,
-My book is on there, -Oh, call me old hat, but when I read a book,
I like to read a book,
-Now I'm late, -For the staff meeting?
[Nick] No, no, for the rest of my life, Don't want to miss it,
I can see that, Melanie,
Eyes in the back of my head,
[gentle music]
train announcer] Doors closing,
Please stand clear,
-[doors click] -[brakes hiss]
[Nick] Ah, fuck!
[man] Okay, Nick, it's me, It's five to five,
I'm standing here and you are not standing here so I--
Hey,
What's that?
I-- Is that some sort of good luck thing?
I told you, there's nothing to worry about, This is just a formality,
-A formality? -Yeah, they just want to meet you in person,
See that you've got your shit together, you're not a psycho,
-It's a marketing thing, -I'm missing a shoe,
so they're probably going to think that,
-You've got to give me yours, -No!
Well no, wearing two different shoes
would look way stranger than wearing just one,
-Yeah, I meant both, -What am I going to wear?
Well, it doesn't matter, you're my agent,
They know you, They already think you're nuts,
-Come on, -Nick!
-Blake! -Come on, Nick!
-You're making us late, -Nick!
-God! -Blake!
This is so unprofessional,
Just--
-[Nick] Let me have a-- -No, no, I don't need a hand!
[Blake chuckling]
It's an ingrown toenail,
I get them bad, too,
They can be painful,
Don't I know it,
Right, so here's the situation,
We love it and we want to publish it,
Great!
Oh, that is so great!
Nicky!
[laughs]
-But, -Here we go,
Upstairs really sees the commercial potential,
but they and we feel that a few
minor creative changes need to be addressed first,
Creative changes?
Firstly, can't be zombies,
Got to go with vampires,
Vampires are trending right now,
It's trending?
[Rob] Yeah, Google Analytics are showing us
that vampires are trending, definitely,
And if Nick agrees, we'd like to change the title as well,
Marketing is telling us that Zombie Holocaust
is just-- is too depressing,
It is a bit of a downer,
Yeah, We're just thinking something catchy, you know?
-Like,,, -Yeah, go,
,,,World War V,
Wow,
-Well, there's already-- -A World War Z,yeah,
which made truckload after truckload and got turned into a Hollywood
blockbuster by Brad Pitt,
The logic is simple, You follow the trend,
You stick with a winning formula, They had zombies, we've got vampires,
[Adam] Heck, who knows? Maybe Brad Pitt would want to make
-Nick Cutler's book into a movie, -He could play a vampire again,
-I loved him in Interview With a Vampire, -Loved it,
-Or Interview With the Vampire, -Or that,
Imagine, right, they made World War ZV: Zombies v Vampires,
Well, that's an epic fucking idea,
Can you remind me to put that in my notebook
-for the next pitch meeting? -Yeah, Pow!
Okay, boys, so just to recap,
So we change from zombies, bit of a downer,
to vampires and we're in business,
Totes,
-Totes, -Totes,
What do you say, Nick?
You don't have an issue with vampires, do you?
Well, I wouldn't be sitting
with you three bloodsuckers if I did,
-[all laugh] -He said,,,
[phone buzzes]
That is great, Um,
so, uh, when, you know, when would we go to print, 'cause--
There's one more thing,
Nick, we all know that every publisher in this town
has passed on this manuscript,
Not because it's not good or not marketable
but because of the train wreck
that was you on your last book tour
when you single-handedly destroyed the term
"no such thing as bad publicity,"
Nick, I like you and, you know, Rob likes you, Do you?
-[Rob] Sure, -Yeah, yeah,
So, but you're a liability, right?
And selling a book these days is really, really hard,
An author needs to be the ultimate salesman
and on their game 24/7,
And with you being the loose cannon that you are,
we just can't afford to take the risk,
When a fan comes up to ask you to sign his book
I want to know you're not going to sketch a penis,
-Did you? Did you? -[Nick] It was in pencil,
-[Blake] In pencil? -He could rub it out,
Blake here tells us that you're no longer the menace
that you-- that he was eight years ago,
And if that's the case, if that's true
then, you know, there shouldn't be an issue,
But the powers-that-be just need to see it first, Yeah?
If Nick agrees to the creative changes
while he's doing a quick revamp,
[publisher laughs] You!
We'll trial some soft PR options,
We'll slowly roll out the social media,
Test the waters, See if the public opinion has indeed changed,
and if frankly Nick Cutler has changed
as you say he has, and if we can put our trust in him again,
As long as we get the vampire version
I don't see any reason why we can't move forward,
Ahh, I'm the king!
[hisses]
-[Nick humming] -[both laugh]
-Little bit sweaty there, -[Nick laughing]
Can I just, my shoes, if I could,
-Yeah! -Thank you,
Here, look, Mwah,
I will literally kiss the feet of this man,
[man] Have you no shame? In front of my daughter?
-You disgust me, -Dad, move it!
-Okay, there's no need to-- -Can't please everyone all the time,
Can I have my shoes? Thank you,
-Thanks, Nick, -Ahh, a drink!
-No, No! -Yes!
Did you not hear a word they said in there?
This is not a time to be celebrating, Nicky,
This is the time to lay low and keep your head down,
Don't be a buzzkill, You know more than anyone how long I've waited for this,
Nicky, this is not a done deal,
They are testing us,
They are testing you,
Where you should be is at home,
-One drink, -When have you ever had one drink in your life?
-Let's make it two, then, -No, look, promise me,
Please, please, Nicky, promise me
you won't stuff this up,
-I promise you, -Okay,
-You're going to go straight home? -I'm going to go straight home,
[horn blares]
[woman] What's going? That's what's going on!
-I love that song! -[woman] I love that song,
[Nick laughs] Here, a toast,
[woman] A toast,
-To what? -To me,
[woman] To you!
[party music in background]
Published author,
Second time around, actually,
-Oh, wow, -Get Me Out of Here,
Hey, no, don't go,
Nah, my first book, Get Me Out of Here,
-It was shortlisted for a Miles Franklin, -Oh, yeah, yes!
Yes, my ex-boyfriend gave me that book for Christmas,
But he took it with him when he broke my heart, right?
-What a legend, -What a loser,
Well, congratulations,
-Thank you, -It's been a long time coming,
-To you, -To me!
-Whoa! Thank you, -Wow,
Hang on, did you hear that?
What? Yes, okay!
I've been called to the dance floor, I have a partner!
They're going to take you alive out there,
Relax!
-I'm coming with you! -[laughing]
They call me Sarah!
They call me Mr, Cutler, Oh, Nick!
♪ To ride about all by myself
♪ I don't have the strength to simply say ♪
♪ Showtime
Whoo!
♪ All by myself
♪ All by myself, yeah,,,
[Nick moans]
[alarm beeps]
[phone vibrates]
Oh, shit,
[Sarah] Don't tell me that's your wife,
wondering where you are?
Uh, hello,
Uh, no,
I'm unequivocally single,
-Mostly, -Oh, you're one of those weirdoes
who classify their relationship as
"it's complicated" on Facebook?
Well, if I did do Facebooks it would,,,
classify my whole life as "it's complicated,"
What is it with social media, anyway?
I mean, it's just destroyed literature and art
and anything good,
I guess that explains why you were riding solo last night,
-You don't have any friends, -I have a lot of friends,
-They're just always,,, -Wow,
-They're invisible? -,,,busy, But I have friends,
-I, I bet I have a lot more friends than you do, -Oh, yeah?
You have more than, uh, 2,384 friends?
Well, I don't keep count, but--
no, alright, I don't,
Are you doing Book Week this year?
Oh, uh, yeah, I do it every year,
My mom, she used to be a librarian, so,
Oh, and who are you going as?
-[Sarah] Rapunzel, -Ah, evocative,
Yeah, well, I mean, I was going to go
as the Girl With the Dragon Tattoo,
I figure I'm a girl,
Just need the tattoo but,
I don't know, I thought it would scare the little kids,
That's wise, She scared me,
and I'm not even talking about the anal probing,
Yeah, I mean, that scene with her on a computer,
That must have really messed with your head,
[laughs]
What day is it?
[Sarah] Um, Saturday,
Okay, Uh,
Alright, can you, uh, can you give me a lift?
[Sarah] Yeah, sure, Just give me 30 seconds,
Those are my jeans,
-Drop them, -Uh, yeah,
[woman] Hi,
Hello,
Wow, he's so old,
-Yep, alright, Well-- -He's like a vintage antique,
Well, see you, Pops!
Wait, just,,,
roomies,
[camera clicking]
Can you just concentrate on the road and twit your face later?
Okay, old man,
Is that why you don't drive? 'Cause you're too old?
No, it's because I lost my-- it's complicated,
-Hey, what are you doing tonight? -[Nick] Tonight?
Well, I was just wondering if you might have time
-to come and meet my kids, -You got kids?
No, the kids from the hospital where I volunteer,
-We talked about this last night for like an hour, -Yeah, I get--
Look, they would love to meet a famous author, particularly during Book Week,
and I mean, you would really only have to read for them
-for like an hour, -Okay well, that sounds good,
The publishers would like that too,
It'd be good exposure for me and for the kids,
Okay, alright, Well, I'll create a Facebook event
-and let everyone at the hospital know, -Great,
I think this is going to be great, The kids are going to love it,
Well, anything for the kids,
[door closes]
[retches]
[knocking at door]
-[woman] Nicky, it's me, -Hello?
[Nadine] Nadine, your sister, I'm coming in,
-[Nick] Alright, okay, -Oh, you're disgusting,
Here, drink this,
[retches]
-Charming, Shake a leg, -[Nick] What's the hurry?
The kids think Captain Jack Sparrow's ship's been captured by pirates
and Rodney's back in hospital and I'm freaking out, okay?
Now come on, We need to get you dressed,
You are disgusting,
[toilet flushes]
[Nadine] I can't believe you went out and trashed yourself last night,
-[Nick] I know, I had to, -[Nadine] You had to get wasted?
Yeah, yeah, I was celebrating,
[Nadine] Oh, yeah, what's her name?
Unfair,
No, it's my book, It's getting picked up,
-Really? -Yeah, really,
Oh, my God, Nicky, that's wonderful,
-I know, -Oh, my God, I can't believe it!
-Uh-huh? -No, I mean, I can believe it, I just can't believe--
-You know what I mean, -Kind of,
I'm so proud of you! Oh, I love you,
I don't care what everybody else says about you,
-Well, you're my sister, -Mm, I have to,
Mm, how do I look?
Like a drunken sailor,
That's funny, That's exactly how I feel,
[children excitedly chattering]
[child] What? come on,
[all cheering]
-[popping] -[kid screams]
[bullhorn blasts]
-[bullhorn blasts] -[popping]
Is that something that we do in here?
Argh!
[children squeal]
[Nick] Hey, Ho-ho!
[Skype rings]
-Daddy! -How was the party, sweetheart?
Uncle Nick dressed as Captain Sparrow,
[dad] Wow, Uncle Nick thinks he's Johnny Depp now, does he?
Arr, Hi, Rodney,
Hi, Nick,
Thanks for filling my shoes today,
Well, I'd fill your shoes with anything anytime,
-How are you? -[Rodney] I'm reading the new John Grisham, actually,
-Okay, put that down, That shit will kill you, -Thank you,
Hi, darling, I'm just going to head down, Is there anything I can bring you?
Your lovely self is all I need, darling,
Hmm, He needs a book,
I'll you get a new copy of the FranzenASAP,
-A few pages of that, you'll be feeling better in no time, -Sit down,
[Rodney] I'm quite happy with my Grisham, Nick, The last book you got me,
-I had to get a new thesaurus to go with it, -[Nick] That's a win,
[Rodney] Thanks for your concern, but I'll be fine,
-Bye, baby, -[Nadine] Bye, darling, See you soon,
-See you soon, sweetheart, -[Nadine] Okay,
Ah, there he is,
King of the kids,
Modern day Peter bloody Pan,
[Nick] Well, it's Captain Jack Sparrow actually, Dad,
but your call,
Hey, tell me, little boy,
You ever going to grow up? Become a man?
-[Nadine] Dad! -[dad] No, party's over, love,
Well no, actually, it isn't,
We have something else to celebrate, don't we, Nicky?
Yeah?
What have we got to celebrate?
[Nadine] Yeah, go on, tell him,
My new book is getting published,
Isn't that fantastic?
[dad] You always have to make it about you, don't you? Is there any way
that you could just allow someone else to have the spotlight, just for once?
-[Nadine] Dad! -[dad] I'm just bored of his fictional lifestyle,
I mean, you and me, we're adults,
We live in reality, where we like it,
Maybe one day you'll be mature enough to join us there,
[Nadine] Dad, stop,
Well, what did you want me to say, darling? Hmm?
You know, "Congratulations, sonny, you really deserve it"?
Yes, that's what any normal parent would say to their son
who had achieved something incredible,
[dad] Yeah, well, a normal parent would have a normal son,
And anyway, even if you are being published again
that doesn't make you incredible,
Nobody reads books anymore,
-[Nadine] Oh, please! -[dad] It's true,
Nobody cares about books anymore, [scoffs]
Let's face it, Book Week's just an excuse to play dress up,
I'm trying to remember when you became an ass,
When I became an ass?
I'm not the one who's letting his brother-in-law rot and die
because he's too selfish to donate a kidney,
-[Nadine] Dad, that's enough, -That man deserves both your kidneys,
-[Nadine] Stop it! -[dad] What?
You said so yourself, I just can't understand
why that selfish prick is just letting him die like that,
-[Nadine] Dad, enough! -[Nick] Alright!
Me and my kidneys are getting the hell out of here,
It's alright, darling, It's okay,
-[girl softly crying] -[Nadine] Wait in the car,
Oh, Nadine? Do you think Rodney would mind if I borrowed his thongs?
You are such an asshole!
Just for a day or so,
[Nadine] You do know Pirates Of The Caribbean
-is a movie, not a book, -So?
Well, Book Week is traditionally about dressing up as a character from an actual book,
Yeah, it doesn't matter, Apparently no one reads books anymore,
-[Nadine chuckles] -But they're going to read yours, right?
-That is the one exception, -Mmm, And just think,
next year you can go as one of your own characters,
Oh, if I am still teaching at that dump next year
I will kill myself,
[rock music playing on radio]
[sighs] So if I book a cross-matching test, will you at least go?
-You're the only AB blood type in the family, Nicky, -Have we tested everyone?
Yeah, we have,
He doesn't have much time left, Nicky,
I mean, we are well and truly in the red,
And I know it's a lot to ask, but I just don't know what I will do without him,
Okay, I hear you,
I hear you, sis, loud and clear,
So can I go ahead and book the appointment for next week?
Sure,
Thank you,
-When does your book come out? -Uh, they still want to test a few things out,
Just to make sure I've got my shit together,
-Do you? -[Nick] Yeah, absolutely,
You know, this might be a good time to start
getting serious about things, Nicky,
-You're not getting any younger, -Thank you,
She wants you to call her,
-Who? -Yeah, right,
Her name's Trish,
She's a budding author,
Might be good for you,
-Be nice to her, -I'm always nice,
Mm-hmm,
[distant car honking]
Oi, that's my b--
Tyrell, what the hell do you think you're doing?
Oh, Mr, C,! I promise I didn't know it was yours, Mr, C,,
I was just checking it out, I was going to get you a new one, Mr, C,
Right, do you want to go back to juvie that bad?
I can't believe how selfish you're being, Tyrell,
I went out on a limb for you to reduce your sentence,
Okay, and as your guidance counselor,
I'm responsible for your actions,
So, do you know how this is going to reflect?
Very poorly on certain people,
Okay, you just got to cut the crap,
Especially this week, It's very important for me,
[Tyrell] Yes, Mr, C,,
Man!
Get out of here, Go home,
Can I get a double, Mr, C,?
Yeah, yeah, double detention, You got it,
[laughing] Oh, wow, Mr, C,!
That was funny, Mr, C, Yeah,
♪ It's hard being easy only you can't tell ♪
♪ 'Cause the girl back there when ♪
♪ Hadn't been touched by dickhead's sin ♪
Jesus, Lee!
You promised me,
-You embarrassed me in front of my parents, -[Nick] Fuck,
[Lee] Where have you been?
That's a good single malt!
[Lee] No, no, no, Answer my question,
Okay, I was with Blake,
we had a few celebratory drinks,
It just slipped my mind,
But they're going to publish my book, Lee,
-Isn't that amazing? -It just slipped your mind, Oh, my God,
-Is this my life now? -Did you not hear me?
They are going to publish my book,
I mean, I've got to make a few amendments, but you know
I've got to change zombies to vampires--
-Oh, shut up, Just shut up! -Aren't you happy?
Okay, I guess not,
You don't get to change the subject
until you acknowledge what you did and how you made me feel!
Okay, all right, I am really sorry,
I'll make it up to you, I promise,
[Lee] No, no, no, please, please don't, No more, no more promises,
Promise me that you won't make me any more promises,
I promise,
[sighs]
Don't, don't worry about it,
I'll see you on Monday,
Yeah,
[door slams]
♪ Vodka's calling my name
[Nick] Two more? Thanks,
,,,about vampires,
♪ Vodka's calling my name
♪ 'Cause you
[typewriter clicking]
♪ Are pretty
♪ Ugly sometimes
♪ Whiskey's calling my name
One for us, one for them,
♪ Whiskey's calling my name
[bright music]
-[engine revving] -[breaks squeaking]
Holy-- What? Melanie!
Fuckface!
woman on PA] Welcome, my lords,
welcome, dread queens, and welcome all,
-[school bell rings] -[operatic singing]
One of Shakespeare's greatest writing strengths
was his unique sense of humor
often depicted through his sharp, silver-tongued insults,
Who'd like to share their favorite Shakespearean insult with Mr, Cutler?
-Anna? -Methinks thou art,,,
[Blake] Hey, can you talk?
[Anna] ,,,and every man should beat thee,
-[Blake] What's that noise? -It's just some kids yelling
-Shakespearean insults at me, -[Blake] Insults? I told you to behave yourself!
-You're not supposed-- -Yeah, no, it's okay, It's all for a good cause, I think,
[Blake] Oh, right, Okay, good, So, anyway, the changes,
they're great, One question: do vampires really hate garlic?
No, no, no, they totally hate that shit,
[Blake] Jeez, they wouldn't like my cooking, then,
-And your breath, -[Blake] Piss off!
Anyway the publishing house is moving fast on this,
They want to pitch a story on you to the Herald,
-So, they want to officially announce the deal? -[Blake] No, more like a piece
to coincide with Book Week, You're a teacher, been doing the hard yards,
-inspiring the next generation, that kind of thing, -A puff piece,
[Blake] Yeah, a puff piece, Whatever, call it what you like,
But you know, we could really do with the good press, yeah?
-So have you got any ideas I can go back to them with? -Uh,,, yeah,
A young African kid,
-Um, he's from a broken home, been in and out of,,, -Broken home, that's good,
-,,,juvie, -Juvie's good,
Yeah, I'm kind of helping him turn his life around,
[Blake] Africans are so hot right now!
He's my star basketball player, and uh,,,
-[Blake] Basketball? -He's a bit of an athlete,
[Blake] Perfect, man! Look, okay,
everyone loves a redemption story,
Troubled black kid comes good, thanks to you,
They are going to love this angle,
Okay, I'll hook something up, I'll get back to you,
-You sure about this? -Oh, I'm sure,
You beauty! I've been trying to fire you for months now
but I couldn't afford it 'cause of the budget cuts,
Well, I'm glad my resignation brings you such joy, Carl,
Actually, I'm going to miss having you around here, Nick,
You and all your colorful bullshit,
But I can't say the same for the rest of the staff,
-Teachers, huh? -Yeah, well, you try managing them,
Uh, no, thanks, I'd rather take a double Year Eight on Friday afternoon,
Or a double Year Eight gym Friday, they're fun,
[both laugh]
-Actually, I got a favor to ask of you, -What is it?
I want you to take a prac student for the rest of the week,
Oh, crap! Oh, really?
Eagleton's off sick and the rest of the faculty
have got reports and they've got marking to do,
And seeing as I'm not asking you to make a report for--
Oh, alright!
Where is he?
[Carl] She's outside,
Ah, Ms, Stevens, this is Nick Cutler,
He'll be your supervisor for the week,
Oh, um, hi,
-I'm Sarah, -Nick,
Uh, Mr, Cutler,
Cutler, great,
[quirky music]
-[school bell rings] -That's the bell,
-[Sarah] Oh, okay, -[Nick] Can't be late for--
-[Sarah chuckles] I'll see you, -[Nick] Right, so-- Okay,
[Carl] You have fun in the mad house,
-You most certainly will! -I most certainly will what?
Those were the exact words you used when you said
you would come and visit the kids at the hospital,
-Oh, okay, I forgot, -And then of course
-you don't show-- -I really meant to get there,
It would have been a great photo opportunity for me,
-I'm angry at myself for missing it, -Oh, look, don't be too angry,
I'm sure this isn't a one off for you,
-What do you mean? -Being a total fuckwit,
Okay, in there,
Is this going to be a problem?
Because this is a very important week for my book deal
-and I can't have anything jeopardize it, -Don't worry, mate,
-I'm not exactly raring for seconds, okay? -Good,
Also, "it's complicated" works here,
-in the same faculty, actually, -So you have a wife?
-Not my wife, -[Sarah] Partner,
Girl you generally have sex with,
Yeah,
You're unbelievable, do you know that?
Thank you,
I meant it as an insult,
[Nick] Oh,
Okay, are we good here?
Fuck, yeah, I guess we've got to be,
[Nick] Let's go,
[sighs] Douche bag,
[Nick] I heard that,
Ah, everyone,
Everyone, this is,,,
-Sarah, -Sarah,
-Sarah, this is everyone, -[woman] Hi, Sarah,
-Hi, -Yeah, uh, just dump your shit over there,
[quirky music]
-That's one dollar, -Oh, put it on my tab,
When do you plan on settling your tab?
-Next week, -What did I say about making promises?
Oh, by the way, I've put you in charge of assembling
the word bank for Thursday's spelling bee,
seeing as you're the faculty's self-professed wordsmith,
Well, I want to thank you
for acknowledging my vast intellect,
Oh, that is a pleasure,
My pleasure, Mr, Cutler,
I thought you would appreciate the ego stroke,
Oh, sorry,
Hi, I'm Ms, Issen, I'm the Head Teacher,
-Hi, -[Lee] Look, I'm really sorry that they've left you with him,
-Oh-- -[Lee] Mr, Cutler is actually a pretty effective teacher
when he chooses to actually teach,
Unorthodox, mind you, but effective, So that's great!
-Coffee, Sarah? -[Sarah] Uh, that'd be great, thanks,
Two bucks a cup for casuals and prac students,
-What, you're kidding! -Just put it on my tab, Mr, Cutler,
Welcome to the mad house, Sarah,
So Ms, Issen is the--
Yes, she is,
She seems great, What's she doing with you?
Well, I-- we,,,
Everyone makes mistakes, mate,
So, shall we?
Yeah, uh, down the hall on the left, Room 308, Good luck,
-You're not going to come with me? -[Nick] No,
You're supposed to supervise me and evaluate my lesson plan,
Well, I hate to be supervised,
Get out there,
Show them your stuff,
Dick move,
Good to see you still love the puff, Cutler,
We're a dying breed, Boris,
Give me the cancer over the classroom any time,
[phone vibrates]
[phone chirps]
[mellow music]
[sighs] Excuse me, Boris, I've got an important call to make,
[scoffs] Wanker,
Hello, Trish,
Yeah, it's, uh, it's Nick Cutler here,
Uh, Nadine's brother,
Yeah, that's, that's right, Captain Jack Sparrow,
"Argh," [chuckles]
Yeah, well, I was hoping you were hoping I'd call,
Well, I definitely think we should get together for a talk,
Nadine says you're a writer,
That's very cool,
[school bell rings]
Uh,,,
Sounds like a fire alarm, Look, I'll just check that out,
I'll give you a call back, Alright,
[operatic singing]
-I'm after Tyrell, -Excuse me, class, whilst I teach Mr, Cutler
about professional etiquette,
-Hi, -Is there anything you wanted to say to me?
-Yeah, Tyrell, Where is he? -Shouldn't you be supervising your prac student?
Yeah, she's fine, The Herald want to do a story on Tyrell and I,
You mean they want to do a story about you, and you're using Tyrell for some sort
-of self-promotion? -Yeah, Where is he?
Well, according to the roll, he's here, at school, just not in my class,
And neither is Cheree, so, the hall,
And don't forget, you've got Writers' Workshop at lunchtime today,
-Who says? -Says me,
Don't be late, And tuck your shirt in!
[quirky music]
[Nick] Tyrell!
Does anything I say to you ever sink in?
Hello!
-Hey, Mr, C,, -Hi, Cheree, Back to class,
-Such a spoilsport, -Yeah, and lose the gum,
Get going,
Yeah, yeah,
-Okay, listen to me, -They want to do an interview,
-The cops? -No, not the-- Worse! The press,
They want to do a story on you about my book,
You're writing a book about me, Mr, C,? Whoa, that's rad!
Not exactly, but I really need your help,
Okay, do you think you can do it?
Oh, I got you, What do you need?
Okay, tomorrow a journalist is going to come to the school,
They're going to ask a few questions, maybe take a photo,
If they ask you anything about me, you got to talk me up,
Okay? You got to make me look good,
Just like I did for you at your hearing,
-[Tyrell laughs] -You got that?
[chuckles] I got you, Mr, C,,
Okay, Get out of here,
-Scram! -Yeah, yeah, I got you,
[Lee on PA] Attention, Mr, Cutler,
This is a reminder that you're required
in the learning lounge at first lunch
-for Book Week Writers' Workshop, -Oh, shit!
[Lee] And don't be late,
[mellow music]
-Sorry, class is cancelled, -Due to?
Poor participation,
[Melanie] You're a dickbag, Mr, C,,
[sniffles]
-Janine, tissues, Chop chop, -[Janine] What makes you think I have tissues?
Oh, you're always crying, It's like you're dating an onion,
-[crying] -[Nick] Hey, Sarah, come on,
-What? -Come on,
-Come with me, Come on, -All right,
-Okay, -[Nick] They're going to see you crying,
[Sarah] I wasn't crying,
[Nick] They feed off weakness,
[Sarah] Shut up!
[Nick] Okay, Sarah, here goes,
This is the advice my prac teacher gave to me,
I'm going to hand it down to you, You can take it or leave it,
Now, firstly, you got to remember, it's nothing personal,
Kids are naughty by nature, They hate everyone, including themselves,
so don't take it personally,
Now, secondly, you've got to think of teaching as acting,
Pretend you're a character in a stage play
and you've got to project your voice to the whole audience,
I mean, God gave you a voice, you've got to use it,
And you've got to develop scary eyes,
-What? -Yeah, you've got to get a scary look,
It's good, It scares them,
Okay, and thirdly,
don't get emotional or care too much,
The other teachers'll hate you,
The execs will use you,
Do the least amount of work possible,
And make sure you know where your sick days are,
Map them out at the start of each term,
Keeps the incentive,
Something to looking forward to,
You got to have something to looking forward to,
Teaching's a good thing to do
while you're exploring over avenues,
Any questions?
Good, Get out of here, Go home,
I finish early on a Monday, unless you want to come to happy hour,
[Sarah sighs] No, I've got work,
-Okay, I'll see you tomorrow, -[Sarah] Alright,
-Hey, Sarah, -Yeah?
Do you really give up your free time
to teach the kids up at the hospital?
-Yeah, I do, -Well, I think that's a really great thing,
See you tomorrow, Nick, [chuckles]
[electronic dance music]
Compliments of the man in the blue truckie cap,
He's been watching you all night,
[Nick] Should I be concerned?
He does fit the archetypal serial killer description,
-How do you know? -Researching them for my PhD,
-PhD? -Don't look so surprised!
Do you know how much tuition is for law school these days?
And he's coming over,
Okay, shit, relax,
-Stay right there, -Good luck!
Don't leave!
What?
You too good to accept my drink, hey?
-I'm your biggest fan, man! -[both chuckling]
Thanks, but, uh, I'm trying to stay out of trouble at the moment
and when I drink spirits I generally find myself deep in it,
What about Charlie?
-I don't know him, -You know, bump,
Rail, Coke,
-Do you line up? -Oh, the only lines I do these days are in paragraphs,
[both laugh]
Hey, what about a lap dance?
You're a bit big,
[both chuckle]
You're not a homosexual, are you?
Hey?
You only live once,
[loud electronic music]
Nick, you're out, mate,
You can't touch the dancers, mate,
-You going to be right? -Yeah,
Say, uh, Nick?
You reckon you could, um, look over my script sometime, mate?
-[Nick laughs] -What's so funny about that?
I'm not a chemist,
What?
My film script, dude,
[Nick laughs]
Everyone's a bloody writer,
And you're a prick,
[gentle music]
[siren wails]
Ah, nice evening for a ride, hey, Mr, C,?
You remember me,
Uh,,, Hoo-- Hooley, Ho-- Hurley,
Samantha Hurley,
Senior year 2005, You took me for General English,
Samantha Hurley, it is great to see you,
The years have been kind,
Quit trying to suck up, Mr, C,,
Do you remember what you told me at graduation?
-I can't quite recall-- -You told me that I would amount to nothing
more than a welfare wench,
Huh? Boy, look at me now, hey? Officer of the law,
Yes, you are, and you are doing a cracker of a job
and should be rewarded,
Oh, you do know that bribery of an officer
is considered a serious felony and treated as such,
I'd forgotten, but thank you for reminding me about that,
Samantha, I'm going to be blunt,
Please, okay, let me go, I--
I can't afford an arrest this week,
It'll ruin my book deal and if I stuff this up
I'll be stuck back teaching students again, polluting young minds,
-And you-- -No, I should arrest you for being a crap teacher,
You should, but just down the track a bit,
-If you let me go, I'll never-- -Shh, zip it,
Technically you weren't behind the wheel of a motor vehicle,
So, if you promise to walk your bike all the way home
and apologize to me, I'll let you go, just this once,
Thank you, I mean I-- thank you,
Thank you, Hmm, is that an apology?
-Sorry? -[Samantha] Sorry for what?
Sorry for being me?
Good,
Now, remember,
It's time you made better decisions, Mr, C,, Understood?
-I understand, -Yeah,
[siren wails]
[gentle music]
[Nick] Oop, oopsie daisy!
-[bike crashes] -[grunts]
[groans]
[blows softly]
[vinyl crackles]
[gentle guitar music]
♪ Bonnie sweet lass on that island away ♪
♪ Send me a prayer cross the ocean today ♪
Well, Melanie,
This book looks really hot,
♪ Strange conversation on the rubble in the dark ♪
[Nick] Oh, okay,
♪ All the ones gone before us
♪ And those fallen behind
There we go,
Uh, you know I'm taking the piss, Melanie,
[laughs]
[Cheree laughs]
[Tyrell mumbles]
Tyrell, what are you--
See, this is what I'm talking about,
If you get caught smoking, and pot?
And you're gone, You're expelled,
You're back to juvie,
Give me that!
I found it on the road on the way to school, Lucky day, eh?
It's not a lucky day, You've got an interview to do and you're stoned,
Now put those in,
Relax, Mr, C, It takes a lot more to get me wasted,
It's true, Mr, C,, Tyrell's an awesome smoker, Takes him heaps to get trashed, eh,
Okay, Cheree, I'm going to give you an arvo and call your parents
if you don't disappear in the next few seconds,
But I wasn't even smoking,
Passively you were, yes, Get out of here,
-Catch you later, eh, -[Cheree] See you,
I needed your help today, And you promised me,
Chill, Mr, C,, I'm all over this,
You'd better be, Get up there, Come on,
-,,,at Blake, Can you put me in? -Mm-hmm,
Alright, I'm putting it in now,
Okay, Hey, Nicky boy,
-How are you doing? You good? -Yeah,
You okay? Looks like your face is fighting your head at the moment,
Uh, bike accident, It's no big deal, I'm fine,
You're sure you're okay, yeah?
Yo! Hey!
Okay, shall we, um--
Nick, this is, uh, Margot Holloway from the Herald,
-But I believe you two know each other, -[Nick] We do,
Yeah, I almost interviewed Nick on his last book
but I was just a lowly blogger then,
so straight out of uni,
and Nick wouldn't answer any of my questions,
Uh, didn't do the interview,
Said that I was beneath him,
[men chuckle]
-His acidic wit, -Yeah,
But I'm really looking forward to this chat now, Nick,
-Or, um, should I call you Mr, Cutler? -Nick's good,
Great, Great, Been so long,
Yeah, has been a long time, Margot,
-Thanks for coming, -Pleasure,
So much has changed, Uh, now, where shall we sit?
[Carl] Oh well, the library common room is always very quiet,
Ke-- Keith's never there, Um, God knows what he does,
[Margot] Yeah, sure,
[Carl] Librarians are strange,
They give me the willies,
[clock ticks]
Oh, yes,
Um, hey, Mr, C,'s the best, yeah,
[laughs] He's going to write a book about me, Sick, eh?
Wow, Tyrell must have really made an impression on you, huh, Nick?
Well, he's a great kid, and I think introducing him to stories
and to books has been one of the
most nourishing experiences of my life,
And I know his connection to books, and the right guidance
has really helped him turn his life around,
and I could not be, uh, more proud of the young man,
[Tyrell chuckles]
-[both laugh] -Yeah,
And how about you, uh, Nick? How has teaching changed you?
-Or I guess I should say, has teaching changed you? -Oh, in every way,
Uh, believe it or not, I used to be considered a bit of a jerk,
Uh, I think what teaching has taught me
is to be more magnanimous,
And I think that's important for any writer,
or for anyone really, for that matter,
Well, I think that's a really great place to stop,
Do we have time for some happy snaps?
Uh, sure, When's your photographer get here?
Oh, yeah, no, I am the photographer,
Yeah, welcome to modern journalism,
We're lucky we still have a paper,
Nobody respects the written word anymore,
Oh, you believe that too?
Yeah, well, at least I have a job, I guess,
so there is that little bit of hope,
Well, you're very good at it, Your job,
Well, I'll be sure to let my Twitter followers
know that you said that,
[Blake] Okay, story's going to drop online at midnight,
-It'll be in tomorrow's papers, -Oh, that's great,
Thank you, Nick, you've got me back in the good books
-with the District Supervisor, -Do you guys have no shame?
Hey, is Tyrone--
-Tyrell-- -Tyr--, is he going to, is he going to be alright?
-[Nick] I got him, -Okay, Nicky, just keep your nose clean,
stick to the plan and we'll get you out of here in no time, okay?
-Good, 'cause I'm dying here, -I know, I know,
I'm starving now, Can I go?
Yes, you can,
Good work, Tyr-- [stutters] Tyrell,
-[school bell rings] -Bell's gone, Nick,
Reading time, with Special Ed,
Smile,
It's a special time,
Stay strong, Nicky boy,
[Nick] Oh, okay, we're going there, are we?
-[man] Mr, Cutler's lost his mind, -[Lee] What?
What is going on in here?
I'm trying to explain to Thomas here
that comics aren't books,
-Are you serious? -Yeah, it's a fact,
You think that we can get through one Book Week
without you throwing open the debate on what is literature,
-and let the kids choose something that they like? -Thomas agrees with me,
-What is wrong with you? -It's the principle, Comics are mashing their brains,
Can't you just let it slide, just this once?
If Thomas acknowledges that Thor isn't a real book,
-Don't listen to him, -Not a real book, Thomas,
-Oh, alright! Okay! -No, Thomas, Thomas!
-That's a good arm, -Mr, Cutler, leave!
[Nick] You want to be on the basketball team? I'll make room for you!
He was like a wild dog, I was lucky to get out of there alive,
Kid should be expelled for bad taste,
-Honestly, honestly, where do you get off? -Beg your pardon?
Someone could have got terribly, terribly hurt in there,
They almost did, Me,
-Oh, you got hurt, did you? -Yeah,
-Does it hurt? -What do you think?
-Does this hurt? -Yes,
Good,
[school bell rings]
Staff meeting, everyone,
Beat you there,
-She really loves you, -Oh, don't start with--
Any woman who gets that worked up over a guy
only does because she feels something profound and real,
You don't know what you're talking about,
-Oh, really? -No,
But TAS are doing the scones
and they are to die for!
Welcome, everybody, Book Week is my favorite time of the year,
apart from the school holidays, that is,
[all chuckle]
Uh, I hope you're having a great, uh, a great week so far,
and I have no doubt you're all looking forward to the Showcase and the Book Fair,
Uh, that said, it's also a sad time, uh, for the school
as the mercurial Mr, Cutler,
uh, will be finishing up with us at the end of the week,
Nicholas has been a long-serving and much valued member of staff,
and while it's been a long time between drinks,
and he's just received the brilliant news
that, uh, his latest work is to be published,
[group applauds]
Oh, and good luck, also, to Mr, Cutler's,
um, open Boys Basketball
thing, um, they're in the, in the district final,
Um, I'm sure they'll all make us very proud
regardless of the, um, the result,
And lastly, look, just some general housekeeping,
Um, there have been numerous complaints about teachers
using other teachers' coffee mugs,
-[sighs] -And if this unsavory tendency continues
we will be forced to close down
the common room coffee station indefinitely,
[teachers murmur]
[woman] When's your departure again, Nick?
-End of the week, -Oh,
So sorry to disappoint you,
We're all used to you disappointing us, Nick,
In fact, you're the worst teacher I've ever worked with,
and I've been doing this job for nearly 30 years,
I've met some real pieces of work in my time, but you,
you take the cake,
You're slime, Mr, Cutler,
And if I may be so blunt,
we all can't wait to see the back of you,
Well, thank you, Teresa,
-I've always suspected you had balls, -Oh!
You make me sick,
[water splashes]
Oh! wow!
Mr, C,, look, you got to--
[Nick] Not now, Fonzy,
[Lee] Nick! Nick! Nick!
Move along, Fonzy,
-What is going on, girls? -[student] Oh, Miss, Miss, you wouldn't believe it,
It's Mr, C, macking on with Miss Stevens,
-What is macking on? -[student] Just pashing, Miss,
-Just, just give it, -[moaning from phone]
[student] I would have thought Miss would have done better than that, She's not even fat,
-Defo has daddy issues, -Get to class, girls!
[student] Alright, Miss,
-Print it up, -Thank you, Miss,
Yes, Ms!
Thank you, Ms,
[gentle music]
Oh, sorry,
Sorry,
-You okay? -Yeah, just got to stick to the plan,
I'm done with these people,
[Sarah] Is there anyone you actually like?
-No, -You really hate everyone?
I don't hate them, I just don't need them,
Okay, well, what about your book? You don't need people to buy your book?
You know, last time I checked, I was the teacher,
you were the student, Did I get that correct?
-Yep, -Good, Glad we got that cleared,
[scoffs]
[phone vibrates]
-You always will be average, -Okay, would you be so kind as to shut up,
Oi, shh! Angry eyes,
[Nick] Told you, scary eyes works every time,
Alright, we're not going to have a repeat of last class,
Ms, Stevens will be afforded the same respect as every other teacher,
Are we in agreement?
Are we?
[students] Yes, Mr, C,,
Yes, good,
Alright, as you know, it's compulsory
for every class to participate in Showcase,
Yes, so, today all you wannabe thespians
will have a chance to work on your piece,
Without further ado, Melanie,
would you please reveal to the class
what scintillating piece of literature you have chosen?
Thank you, Mr, C,, This year I've chosen an abbreviated version
of Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream,
-Whoa! -Can't we do A Midsummer Night's Wet Dreaminstead?
[students laugh]
Alright, knock it off!
Oh, Lord, what fools these mortals be,
Mr, C,?
Alright, I've been summoned to official school business,
so while I'm away, Ms, Stevens is in charge,
-You got this? -Um, yeah, yeah, I got it,
-[Nick] Good, -[Sarah] I've got this,
Don't worry, she's in good hands, Mr, C,,
Hands to yourself, Tyrell,
[Tyrell laughs]
Uh, okay,
Uh, everyone, listen up,
Guys, listen to Ms, Stevens,
Do the scary eyes,
Oi, shh, everyone!
Keep quiet!
Oi, what are you doing?
-Oi! -She's the prac teacher, bro,
Alright, okay!
-Stop, -[Nick chuckles]
No, stop it, stop it, stop it, I need to talk to you,
-[Nick] Oh, come on, Lee! -I'm pregnant,
Well,
I really need you to say something right now,
You had to tell me here?
It seems appropriate,
What are you going to do?
What?
What are you going to do?
What? No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
This is your baby too,
You can't avoid making a decision this time--
I'll support any decision--
No, no, no, that is not good enough,
-You need to make a decision for yourself, -I thought I just did,
No, what you just did was make a decision
to not make a decision,
-I thought so, -[Lee] That's just not the same--
What do you want?
Okay,
This might be the last chance that I have to have a baby, so,,,
if you say yes, then I-- then you need
to step up to the plate and, and take responsibility,
And I know what you're thinking,
This is just an inconvenient time
with your book and all that, but,,,
But Nick, Nick, there is just never a convenient time
to have a baby,
There just never is,
If I say no?
-Well, I'll, I'll never want to see you again, -No, you can't--
No, no, I'm-- No, seriously, I'm not joking,
I'll give you until the end of the week to make a decision,
-Do I make myself clear? -Yeah,
Okay,
[school bell rings]
[air hisses]
[operatic singing]
-Where the hell have you been? -Oh, fuck! What are you doing?
You should not leave your car unlocked,
School is not a safe place, Now, I need a ride,
The kids have basketball training this afternoon,
-Wait, aren't you the coach? -Yes! Now, let's get out of here
before they see me, It's the day from hell and I desperately need a drink,
Sorry, no,
-No, -What?
Those kids need you, okay?
You're their coach, Now, get out there,
-No, -Okay, fine,
We can just sit here and go through my lesson plans,
Oh, God!
Or catch up with some cutting edge Dick Witt,
Fuck you,
Every time, Let's go, big dog!
[balls thud]
Alright, bring it in, you nancies!
Whoo!
[whistle trills]
Where the hell is Tyrell?
Oh, well, there you go,
-Go home, Training's cancelled, -What?
Well, we can't win without him,
Oh my God, what kind of attitude is that?
[student] Miss, it's true, Sir's right,
Tyrell's the man, The team sucks without him,
Okay, well, it's not just about winning, is it?
Boys?
Ray?
Bradley,
Oh, guys, come on!
[Nick] Let's go, Sarah, You can't play one-on-one with one,
Yeah, look, the point is, we showed up,
You know, that's the main thing,
You got to show up for people,
Sure,
There's a nice man in you,
-Oh, -Okay,
[laughs] Sorry, I mean, not like that,
I was trying to-- I mean,
You know what I mean,
Up here on the left,
[Nick] Melanie,
-Mr, C,, -I didn't know you smoked,
Well, there's lots you don't know about me, Nicholas,
Like your disregard for private property?
[coughs]
This isn't cool, Melanie,
In fact, it's deeply inappropriate,
So, come on, Out of the tub,
[stumbling]
Do you really want me to read that that badly?
You are the reason I started to write,
If you promise to stop trespassing,
I'll read your manuscript,
You mean it?
Yes,
-Done, No more trespassing, -Or stalking,
Or stalking,
Must be quite a read,
You'll see,
Hmm,
Well, this is embarrassing,
Well, you maybe should have thought of that
before you came over,
What? No, your fly is down,
[laughs] Got you again, Mr, C,,
-Too easy, -[both chuckle softly]
Well, enjoy,
By the way, your place is a shithole,
[gentle music]
No, they drop it off at school, so I'll pick it up when I get there, How's it read?
[Blake] Very bad, actually,
Well, what do you expect from a blogger?
[Blake] There's nothing wrong with how she says it,
it's what she says,
[student] Oi, Cutler!
-I'll get you, you little bastard! -[Blake] What's going on?
Some kid threw a fricking orange at me!
It's the second piece of fruit this week,
-Nick, get it together, -What? What do you mean?
[Blake] You're going to screw this up, Call me back
once you've read it, okay?
Try not to get into any more trouble,
[school bell rings]
-[cameras click] -[students murmur]
[rips paper]
What are you all looking at, hey?
Get out of here! Go on, clear off!
Get out! Go!
She screwed me, Carl, It was supposed to be a puff piece
to build goodwill amongst the readers,
And she's painted me as some kind of
hedonistic toolbox! I can't have it,
-[Carl] And I can't have this, -[Nick] What?
You, like this,
This is a high school, not a maximum security prison,
Now, we're trying to maintain some professional standards here--
-I'm just really a bit stressed, -[Carl] You think?
I just got off the phone from Mrs, Bryson,
You killed her son's iPhone for good,
And she's angry, She yelled at me, Nick,
She's demanding that the school replace the phone,
Okay, he shouldn't have had it at the school
in the first place, Isn't that department policy?
-[Carl] Yes, -Yeah,
It's also department policy
for staff members not to destroy
the students' property during a psychotic fit,
We're concerned, Nick,
I've seen this coming for quite some time,
Look, breakdowns are common in male teachers approaching mid-life,
This is the teachers crisis hotline,
I urge you to call that number, Nick,
[electronic dance music playing]
Don't do it, Nick, Drink dialing never works out for anyone, Ever,
You screwed me, It's because of shonky scribes like you that no one
values newspapers anymore, You reckon you're lucky to have a job?
By the time I'm finished with you, you won't have one Twitter follower,
I want a full retraction, otherwise your career's going to be just like you, Fucked!
Nicholas! [laughs]
Hey, is Charlie here?
Charlie? I was just talking to him,
Good, I want to meet him,
Come into my office, Watch your head, hey?
Close the door, mate,
Charlie, Nicholas, this is Charlie,
-[man] Open up, ladies, -[junkie] Okay, act normal,
Huh, what do we got here?
-Snow White and the One Dwarf, is it? -You never gave me that script--
-Shut up! I've had a gutful, -What?
Giddy up, You're out of here, Snow White,
-[Nick] Careful with the shirt! -Good luck, Nick,
[gentle music]
[Nick pants]
-[knocking] -Lee,
Lee!
Hi, What are you doing here?
What do you know about Down Syndrome?
-Excuse me? -Down Syndrome,
A woman in her 40s has a higher risk
of giving birth to a child
-with a chromosomal abnormality like Down Syndrome, -Are you serious?
I'm serious,
'Course I'm serious,
I read it, It's a fact,
I know it's a fact,
To be honest, I wouldn't mind if I had a Down Syndrome child,
-Well, you should-- -I'm more worried about having a father
that just is just a fucking nightmare,
-Oh, really, -Turn around,
Turn around and go home!
You're pissed,
Uh, hi, Trish,
It's Nick, Nick Cutler,
Yeah,
What are you doing right now?
-[Trish] I'm glad you called me, -[Nick] Well, I'm glad you're glad,
The eyes really are the windows to the soul,
"Their eyes met and in an instant
with an inexplicable, only half-conscious rush of emotion,
they were in perfect communion,"
-Cutler? -Fitzgerald,
Oh, The Great Gatsby,It's one of my-- what are you doing?
I'm going to kiss you,
Why, why would you do that?
Well, Trish, come on, You know you want to,
No, I don't, No, no, no, no, no, that is not,
You think that's why I?
I just wanted to pick your brains,
to get some advice, you know?
Jesus Christ, my baby is in the car,
Well, we'll have to be quick,
Oh my God, you are disgusting,
I can't believe I ever admired you, Just get out of the car,
-How am I going to get home? -I don't care,
It's not my problem, You are a swamp creature!
Just get out!
-Don't tell Nadine, -[Trish] Get out,
[Nick sighs]
[car door slams]
[liquid splatters]
Mr, C,!
-Tyrell! -You a pervert, Mr, C,?
No, I'm-- My date abandoned me,
Oh, that's messed up, Mr, C,,
[Nick] Yes, yes, it is,
-You need a lift? -I do,
-Jump in, -Okay,
[car doors closing]
Oh, what next?
[Tyrell laughs]
Are you over the limit?
-Just a-- -Oh, Jesus Christ, Tyrell!
I thought you were smarter than this,
You too, Ms, Stevens,
Give me the keys,
[keys jingle]
-Are we going to get in trouble, Mr, C,? -Can you keep a secret?
I never told my dad about that time you made out with Mom after parent-teacher night,
Okay, get in,
Okay, why are you voguing?
I'm not voguing, this is called a dab, [exclaims]
Mr, C,, why are you driving so slow? You drive like my grandmother,
-Oh, okay, -Oi!
-[siren wails] -That's the cops, Mr, C,!
Yeah, I can see them, I can see them,
-Turn this corner and fang it, -I'm not,
-Go! -I'm pulling in here, Let me do the talking,
-Nice evening for a drive, hey, Mr, C,? -[sighs] Officer Hurley,
Did you know you were driving with a headlight out?
Well, well, that explains everything,
Someone's had a good night,
Yeah, I'm just dropping them home,
[Samantha] From?
From school,
This is, uh, Ms, Stevens,
She's one of my prac teachers
and of course Tyrell,
-[Samantha] We know each other, don't we Tyrell? -Hi,
-You look lovely tonight, Mrs, um-- -Mr, Cutler, would you mind
stepping out of the vehicle for me, please?
Now, I'm not going to ask to see your license
because I know you don't have one,
Look, I thought I was doing the right thing,
I'm sorry, I just didn't want them to do anything stupid,
Oh, so you did something stupid instead,
You're their teacher, for crying out loud,
-I know, -You're a role model, whether you like it or not,
Okay, I know, I know, I'm an idiot,
I just--
Okay, please, don't arrest me,
-My book deal is-- -Oh, your bloody book deal!
Do you want to know why I'm not arresting you tonight?
Oh, you're not going to arrest me?
Tyrell,
I like him,
And he needs you,
-[Nick] Thank you, -[scoffs]
Don't you make me regret this,
I, I won't,
Lock it up, you guys,
What? Do--
[babbles] Yeah, you're walking home,
[gentle music]
-[alarm beeps quietly] -[Sarah grunting]
[quiet music playing in the background]
-Oh, hi, -Hi,
What are you doing here?
Oh, I, uh, brought you home last night,
-What? -Well, it was quite a night,
I found you wasted in the backseat of a car with Tyrell,
The police came and we all had to walk home,
Oh my God,
Are you serious?
I'm such an idiot!
It's called getting hammered,
It's not a crime, It happens,
-I can't believe I did this, -It's alright!
-[Sarah] Why do I do this? -It's not a crime,
[chuckling] People do it,
People make mistakes, even me,
But as much as I hate unrequested advice
just don't make it a pattern, yeah?
Don't go down the same path I did,
You'll only end up bitter and twisted,
You know, I really don't want to lose my teaching accreditation, okay?
You won't lose your accreditation,
I spoke to Tyrell, He's a solid guy,
It's all cool,
You did that, for me?
Yeah,
-Thanks, -Yeah,
[Nick] Don't go back there, Come on!
-We've got to go, We're late! -How am I going to show my face?
Oh, it's really hard, but I do it every day,
-Hi, Lee, You look lovely, -Morning, Miss,
It's Ms, Issen to all students and personnel,
Did you bring the spelling list?
The spelling bee,
Okay, I'm sorry, I didn't have time to, I had to--
Of course, of course,
I'm such an idiot, I must have lost my mind
to think that such a famous author as yourself
would have the time for such trivial matters,
Don't beat yourself up about it, But what should we do now?
Well, because I knew you would never do anything
I asked ever, I just went ahead and did it myself,
-Okay, problem solved, -Now, Ms, Stevens, you're the timekeeper,
Every child has ten seconds to answer,
Mr, Cutler, do you think you might remain
vertical long enough to be the judge, or,,,
Of course,
Perfect, Problem solved,
Now get your butts inside,
Maybe we can get a quick coffee--
Get inside,
[gentle music]
[boy] Presage,
P-R-E-S
S-A-G-E?
Pressage,
[timer beeps]
[Carl] Hey!
Uh, Akito, incorrect,
Presage, uh, only has one S,
-[audience applauds] -Ah, bad luck, Akito,
You did a really good job, You can come back next year,
So, okay,
How exciting, I can feel the tension in the room, can't you?
Okay,
We are now down to our last two competitors,
Next up is Melanie,
-[hesitant applause] -[Lee] David?
David, can you put the microphone up? Thank you,
You should get in there before the person get-- yeah,
Thank you, David,
Okay, Melanie,
Your word is "honorificabilitudinitatibus,"
It is taken from Shakespeare's--
Love's Labour's Lost,
"I marvel thy master hath not eaten thee for a word,
For thou art not so long by the head
as honorificabilitudinitatibus,
Thou art easier swallowed than a flap-dragon,"
[Lee] Yes, that's absolutely right,
But can you spell it for us?
Oh, it is a-- it's a tricky one, Ms, Issen,
Honorificabilitudinitatibus,
H-O-N-O-R-I-F-I-C-A-B-I-L-I-T-U- D-I-N-I-T-A-T-I-B-U-S,
-[audience applauds] -Well done, well done, Well done,
Thank you, Thank you very much,
Incorrect,
-[chuckles] No, it's not, -Yes, it is,
-[Melanie] No, it's not, -[Nick] Yes, it is,
No, it's not, I don't make mistakes,
Well, you did this time,
I did not,
He's lying, He just doesn't want me to win,
Okay, What's going on?
-She spelt it right, right? -Mm, I disagree, Wrong,
Darshit is the champion,
What?
[crowd applauds]
Would you like to say something--
I'm the winner, not this dipshit,
-[Nick] It's Darshit and you shouldn't-- -You're a liar and a cheat,
-Mr, C,, and I see you, -[Nick] I should take that back,
-'cause you don't deserve to win, -You're pathetic,
You have to give that back now, because you can't
call me that and you can't have everything you want!
[microphone thuds and squeals]
-[laughs] -[crowd applauds]
-[Melanie screams] -[bones cracking]
[Lee] Okay, Mr, Cutler,
[Melanie yells]
-Melanie? Melanie? -[Melanie sob]
[Lee] Are you, are you okay?
-What the fuck! -[Lee] Melanie!
Don't touch her! Don't touch her,
-She may have broken a bone, -[Carl] Melanie!
[Lee] Melanie, don't move, Do not move,
[whispers] He's coming,
How is she?
You're fired, Nick,
And this time, it's for good,
Principal Gilroy, we have to fill out
that accident report, okay?
Ms, Stevens?
Over here now, please,
What do I do?
[Nick] Well, you should go,
Now,
[Lee] Okay, David, have you got that paper?
Okay, let's go over the administration,
Nicky! Nicky, Nicky,
Broseph?
Uh, meet Blayne, our compliance officer,
Oh, Charlie, my biggest fan, You fucker,
If it's any consolation, we made up our minds before that little stunt in there,
That was just the, uh, nail in the coffin, so to speak,
The sleazy college girl pics,
The negative Facebook posts,
The psycho phone threats, the drug taking,
-Driving without a license, -How did you--
Officer Hurley is my second cousin,
More like a first cousin because her mom and I--
Did you really stand up a group of disabled kids
from the children's hospital?
-I-- -What's wrong with you?
Well, it's cold, There's no way around that,
However, Melanie's book is great,
-Great, -So,
uh, no hard feelings, huh?
You're not going to publish my book?
-Oh, no, -Mm-mm,
Say, Rob, isn't that your car?
Oi, Mr, C,! Check out my sweet wheels!
Yow!
-[whistles] -[engine revs]
Fucking public schools,
What did I miss?
Trust in the plan,
Yeah, Nicky, what-- Are you okay?
Do you need-- wait!
Nicky! I don't, I don't think that's your bike,
Nicky! Wear a helmet!
At least wear a helmet!
There are laws! You're on school property!
[wind howls]
[phone chirps]
[yells]
-The sign says no dogs allowed, -[Nick] Yeah,
-You got to let me in, Jimmy, -I don't got to do anything,
Well, okay, is this because I dissed your script?
Because, like, if you want me to read it, I'll read it,
It's about you being a jerk off,
We don't want you around here anymore, can you hear me?
Yeah,
I can hear you, What are you doing?
Bike's this way, You want me to break this right arm?
Jimmy, Jimmy, those roids have really messed with your-- oh!
-What did you say? -Jimmy!
Dad, I got this,
[groaning]
I'll take it from here, Jimmy,
-[dad] You! -Bitch,
In the car,
-Leave the bike, -I stole it from a kid from school,
I've got to get it back,
Just get in the car,
[Nick] Dad,
[dad] Just do the right thing for once in your bloody life,
[clattering]
[gentle music]
Fucking Book Week,
[Nick] Oi, Gandalf,
Nicholas, Have you truly lost your marbles?
Don't worry, Carl, I'm just here to return someone's bike,
-You promise me you're in control? -I'm in control,
Uh, we had to cancel your little farewell, I hope you don't mind,
Oh, well, as if anyone would have shown up,
Mm, Miss Vines, maybe,
[both laugh]
So, I'm guessing you haven't heard about Tyrell then,
-No, -[Carl] Cops caught him driving a stolen car,
-[sighs] -Again,
-Oh, Christ, -I did what I could,
but it looks like he's going back to juvie,
Or worse, 'cause he's turned 18,
-Where is he? -In a holding cell, waiting for his hearing,
Stupid kid, Why does he always have to learn the hard way?
So, you coming to the Showcase?
I don't think so,
Oh, come on! You might enjoy it,
I mean, don't you want to laugh at your old class?
I know I do,
You fired me,
Yeah!
Didn't really have a choice, Nick,
[woman] Trius loves your fair, O, happy fair!
Your eyes are lodestars, and your tongue's sweet air,
More tunable than lark to shepherd's ear,
When wheat is green when hawthorn buds appear,
Sickness is catching,
O what favor so,
Yours would I catch, fair Hermia, ere I go,
My ear should catch your voice,
[students murmur]
They're going to miss you,
You reckon?
I don't know, I will,
Would it be too embarrassing to ask for my job back?
Um, about that,
They filled it,
Well, that was quick, Who with?
Um, me,
-Right, -Look, I mean, I really want it,
Well then, you should take it,
I need the change of scenery, anyway,
Do me the world of good,
-Are you sure? -Absolutely,
Thanks,
You'll make a great teacher, Sarah,
Thanks,
Look after yourself,
Yeah, I will, I'm doing Dry July next week,
Well, there's a whole month,
-A whole month? -Mm,
Wow,
-Are you going to be okay? -Oh, for sure,
Great fodder for writing anyway, isn't it?
I'll see you later,
Thanks again,
[distant operatic singing]
Bye, Rapunzel,
[gentle music]
[Nick sighs]
Here, enjoy,
Hi, Enjoy, let me know what you think,
-What's this? -Your foreword,
Thank you,
I'm really sorry, Melanie,
Your fly's down,
Yes, it is,
-I really need to talk to you, -[Lee] Leave me alone,
But I've made a decision,
I don't care,
-Well, if that's what you really-- -That's what I fucking want,
Well, Elizabeth Bennet would never talk like that,
-Bloody good to see you, mate, -Well, it's good to see you too, Brant,
That is, apart from the prison thing,
Yeah, well, I don't get too many visitors, eh,
Well, I plan on dropping by a lot more,
-Get Me Out Of Here,man, -Sorry, Sorry, fella,
-I can't help you-- -No, no, I mean the book, mate,
No, I read it, It's bloody awesome, mate,
I read it twice, It's fantastic,
Oh, well, I'm glad someone likes it,
No, no, not just me, I gave it to a mate, he gave it to another mate of his,
and it's been all through the wing, mate, It's absolutely superb,
I mean, you're not such a shit writer after all,
-[laughs] Well, thanks, -[Brant] Yeah,
I've got a favor to ask,
Yeah, mate, knock yourself out,
Young African kid goes by the name of Tyrell,
He's getting sent up here, He's a student of mine,
Well, he used to be a student of mine,
Do you think you could keep an eye out for him?
Yeah, mate, Whatever he needs, Yeah, sure,
-Thanks, -Sweet,
Yeah, so the convicts like my book, do they?
Oh, yeah, the ones who can read, anyway,
Maybe you, uh, should put some more pictures in the next one, you know?
-The boys would really appreciate it, -Well, anything for the boys,
-Maybe you could do a pop up version, too, -I love pop up books,
[gentle music]
Let's do this,
♪ I wrote down some words for you ♪
♪ I put them in a song or two
♪ I had more than I knew what I would do ♪
♪ So I wrote a book for you
[Melanie] Thank you,
I've already downloaded a copy,
In fact, I'm self-releasing my novel as an ebook,
But I thought when you read a book you like to quote actually read a book, unquote,
Well, you've got to keep with the times, Melanie,
I've started a crowd-funding campaign,
I've even gotten a Facebook account,
-You should like me, -Only if you promise to like me,
-[chuckles] -[Sarah] Okay, um, let's get a photo of the famous author,
Famous authors,
What do you think?
Sure,
You are the reason I started to write in the first place,
-And don't forget it, -Should we move away?
-[Sarah] Yeah, just move in a bit, -Do you want us in?
Yeah, yeah, that's great,
Make sure you get the book in,
Alright, say Little Fields,
[all] Little Fields,
♪ Sweet memory of that time
♪ The sun would rise and the sun would set ♪
♪ These are days that I won't ever forget ♪
[gentle music]
♪ Lift me up, close the door
♪ From what I want leave it all ♪
♪ It's a man's world
♪ I'm alone
♪ I'm just a stone's throw
♪ Join in or go home
♪ Never been alone
♪ Since I've been grown
♪ Much to want, leave it all
♪ Still a man's world
♪ That I'm sure no time to ponder ♪
♪ Join in or go home
♪ You can touch me I'm out of reach ♪
♪ In my own world
♪ Even me
♪ Join or go home
♪ It's a man's world
♪ I belong
♪ No longer alone
♪ Join in or go home