- Let me call myself for the moment, William,
I'm a storyteller by nature and a liar in my freer times,
No part of what I convey is true,
but every part is truthful,
You will come to despise me and your revulsion
will be rightly warranted, I swear it,
Now, however,
by way of staying execution and mitigating these accusations
against me, I offer this sad history,
Most abhor my commitment to pretension and inconsistency,
but I implore you, listen,
Only then might you understand completel
I hated the old man,
It's not that he had wronged me or given insult,
Those things I'd come to accept as a matter of course,
I think it was his
breath,
That shallow rasp of a man on the edge of a maelstrom,
Too weak-spirited to indulge his nobler instincts,
Desperately grasping within the darkness for deliverance
from the inescapable and ever-present specter of death,
I became terrified he'd find miraculous salvation,
shake the noose once more, become somewhat his former self,
And the whole miserable ordeal would begin again,
It is impossible to say how the idea first entered my brain,
but once conceived, it possessed me,
But I'm getting ahead of myself,
Before I continue,
I must first impart my breathless impression
of that singular element to the story that quickens my heart
and awakens my better nature, assuming I have one,
Let me lift your gaze to her,
- Hi,
I'm here to see Mr, Usher,
He won't be needing the blood thinners
or the chemo medication anymore,
We'll be replacing those with the morphine drip,
Now, keep this away from all the other injections,
It's pretty strong stuff,
And everything else just give to him
as you normally would, okay?
All right, now I need you to sign this,
This just states that we went over everything
and that you understand,
Do you have any other questions?
- When will he be going back to the oncologist?
- He won't be going back to the doctor,
I need you to understand that I'm not he
to make him better,
I'm here to make him comfortable,
Did the two of you talk about this before you decided to--
- Yes,
I'm sorry,
It's just a lot to take in,
- No, I understand,
Take your time,
- How long does he have?
- A few months?
- Will he get worse?
- Yes,
We'll give him some strong medicine to help with the pain,
but I'm afraid it'll make him less lucid
Of course, if you're having second thoughts about this,
then the two of you should really talk about--
- No, thank you,
I understand,
The idea that my love for her in as much as I am capable
of feeling such emotion would begin at our first moment
of somber introduction is the substance of delusion,
Still, I cannot with quiet conscience deny it,
We set about the comfort of the old man
and that alone we pursued with pious vigor,
Never would our eyes meet or our pulses quicken
at the sight of the other,
Never would we smile or swoon or sigh,
We would instead passionately declare the depths
of the love which we both felt most assuredly,
and as a matter of absolute certitude for the old man,
and yet the sympathies of a scarcely-intelligible nature
existed between us,
We would find ourselves stealing away,
always in the interest of respect for the old man,
for no dutiful son or physician's assistant
would discuss the tragedy of a man's
absolute and incontrovertible death
within 100 yards earshot of the hero himself,
Thanks for coming by,
Then it was finished,
- Hi, I'm here to see Mr, Usher,
- Where's Anna?
- Oh, Anna cut back on some of her cases
and I'm taking a few of her patients for her,
Can I come in?
- Hello?
- Hey,
I missed you today,
Where were you?
- William, I'm sorry,
I can't care for Mr, Usher at this time,
- But he loved you, I mean--
- I'm so sorry,
I just don't think it would be appropriate,
I hope you understand,
- I don't,
- I'm sorry, William,
I have to go,
Give him my love, okay?
I'm sorry,
- And thus joy suddenly faded into horro
and the most beautiful became the most hideous,
I continued my endeavors of faithfulness, tending,
with the help of the nameless nurse who scurried
and busied herself as a soulless beast
in preparation of his demise
to the old man's every want and need
and principle of arrogant, entitled desire,
It was now that my hatred for him blossomed and bloomed
as a cancer of thought and obsession,
He who through unholy fate brought us together
and with some gleeful aspiration,
I know not the particulars of how nor do I care,
drove her from that accursed house of false modesty,
I longed with the most earnest and consuming desire
for the old man's decease,
I refuse to deny it,
But the obstinate spirit clung to its tenement
of clay for many days,
through many weeks and irksome months
until my hatred obtained a mastery over my mind,
And I grew furious through delay
and with the heart of a fiend
to curse the days and the hours and the bitter moments,
which seemed to lengthen and lengthen as his despicable life
declined like shadows in the dying of the day,
- William,
- I'm here,
There was not a singular moment when the task was decided,
Instead, the fate of the old man unwound
as a fable whose gruesome conclusion
is both hideously unnecessary and fully predetermined,
Once the plan had thus matured,
over the course of weeks or months absolutely unknown
to myself throughout the entirety of that period,
it sprung fully-formed from my psyche,
I endeavored to do the deed,
And so I did, that very same night,
I prepared myself for the finality of the task,
It was not my intention to allow the old man
to pass all together peaceably,
A wrong is unredressed when the avenger fails
to make himself felt as such to him who has done the wrong,
For more than an hour I waited,
listening the whole time to that raspy breath,
That terrible inhalation and exhalation stole my will
and replaced it with a malice few have glimpsed
and fewer can comprehend,
And so I killed the old man,
The slightest pressure to the throat allows the futility
of hope to slip through with each hideous passing breath,
while the morphine seals the inevitability of demise,
I held him at the edge of the abyss
for hours, days, or mere minutes,
Time was a matter for other men,
I could feel the torturous breath
ebbing mercilessly from him and taste the panic
seeping from his pores,
Decades of wasted thoughts and fears, hopes and regrets
descended violently on the man's soul,
subduing his spirit,
And in that moment, I forgave him completely,
My own spirit lifted through the perverseness
of the endeavor,
Then all was silent
and I was alone,
- Hello?
- He's dead,
- I'm so sorry,
- Will you come?
Please?
- Yes,
Have you contacted any of the other family members?
- No,
- That's okay, take your time,
There's no rush with any of this,
- Will there be an autopsy or an examination
to find out what happened?
- We know what happened,
He was a very sick man,
I don't see a reason to do an aut--
- I mean, there's no way to know
for sure what happened, right?
And no one else was here, and I, he was,
He was banging on the wall and it was so loud,
and I was angry,
And he could,,,
He could barely breathe, - William,
- And it was just so awful, - William, William,
Look at me,
This isn't your fault, okay?
You both knew this was going to happen,
He died peacefully at home, in his bed, just like he wanted,
- Beneficiaries of the estate will receive and share
all of the property and assets not required
for the payment of any debts owed,
All property given under this will is subject
to any encumbrances or liens attached to the property,
I direct my executor to distribute the residue
of my estate as follows,
- What do you want me to say?
He made some mistakes,
He was a piece of shit,
- Don't say that,
- He gave you nothing,
You wiped his ass,
You gave him food,
He gave you nothing,
- He,,,
He had his reasons,
- Yeah, he did,
But he could have shown one little shred of--
- Pity?
- Mercy,
Fucking pride,
You're a lot like him,
Take it as a compliment,
Listen, as far as I'm concerned, house is yours,
- I don't want this fucking house,
- He wouldn't want you to be homeless,
- You think he'd care?
- Just stay here as long as you want,
I don't wanna see my little brother
get kicked out on the street,
- I never fully expected the old man
to acknowledge my devotion,
He was able somehow to see beneath my facade of concern
and illuminate the insincerity of my emotion,
even when I was myself incapable of doing so,
The ever-present gaze of his consciousne
stretched seemingly across eons and back
to the moment of my absolute unapologetic betrayal,
I can see now how such knowledge in defiance of all laws
of causation informed his behavior towards me
from the very moment of my birth,
Such postulation and only that may explain his peculiar
disdain for my existence,
An antipathy my myopic mind could never quite grasp,
Suffice it to say the old man never laid a hand on me,
never abused me, barely scolded me,
He'd expressed his displeasure not with words,
which the old man rarely spoke in my direction,
but by emanating a palpable air of frustration,
which actively impressed upon me my general unwelcomeness,
as well as my inability to ever generate a modicum
of joy in his, or perhaps anyone's, life
I have carried this with me,
although I can understand its falseness
upon recollection and analysis,
The aura of this energy has seeped into the marrow
of my bones, where it will lead me
towards his same lonely and disinterested end,
I would've borne the entirety of this insult with grit
and grace, excepting the fact that he pointed it
not just at myself, but at another,
Just that singular breathing entity
to whom I owe the entirety of my miserable existence,
Hers was a disposition of deepest melancholy,
the sadness of a thinking woman,
Nothing could have infuriated the old man more than
such a creature whose depth, both intellect and emotion
he could scarcely understand, even on his most affable days,
His disdain for her queries, which were often rightly
pointed squarely at the idiocy and futility of his scheming,
coupled with a callous demeanor
with which he met her most earnest pleas
for patience and understanding drove me,
I swear it, toward my intense and inevitable hatred,
Drove him, I say, to his very own demise by my hand,
for it was his being, his core state
of unrelenting coldness, which ushered forward
that hideous moment that would forever consume my life,
I did not return to that house,
Nor did I allow myself to see the old ma
for a number of years,
But I confess, I took his money,
I continued my studies at university
and subsisted on the fruits of his tedious business dealings
while simultaneously and openly mocking the content
of his character for engaging in those very same endeavors,
This hypocrisy became one of my few and deepest regrets,
The vortex of thoughtless folly into which I so recklessly
plunged washed away all but the froth of my past hours,
engulfed at once every solid or serious impression
and left memory only the various levitie
of a former existence,
Two years passed,
The wine flowed freely, and there were not wanting other
and perhaps more dangerous seductions,
In the weeks following the deed, I found little solace,
My hideous act had served only to palsy the joy of fury
and righteous indignation, but an action I concluded
would've allowed these same phantoms to consume me entirely,
a paradox too utterly monstrous for solution, I assure you,
Hello?
- Hi, William,
Can I see you?
William?
- Hi,
- How are you?
- Good, you know, all thing's considered
- May I?
- Please,
- So I,,,
I wanted to meet so I could apologize in person,
I did a really bad job of handling thing
and I understand if you hate me,
- I don't hate you,
- I mean, I know I abandoned you in a really terrible time,
and I swear, that's not how I wanted things to happen,
It's just things between us, they were,,
I just thought it would be best if I excluded myself
from the equation for a little while,
I mean, you already had enough going on,
and I could tell that you were conflicted and vulnerable,
And I didn't want you to feel like I was taking advantage,
It was just really bad timing,
Terrible timing,
- I don't understand,
- I mean, I thought that we,,,
And then we kissed,
- You thought there was something between us?
- Well, yeah,
- Oh,
- Wasn't there?
- I thought you were seeing someone,
- Not that I know of,
Well, I just wanted to meet so I could apologize,
- Apology accepted,
So
I can call you now?
- Yes,
Yes, you can call me now,
- Never would I have dared
entertain the remotest possibility of a resolution
beyond the realm of macabre solitude,
By what miracle I escaped destruction,
it is impossible to say,
At that moment, the truth,
the tragedy of the drama was no more,
In an instant and in every instant thereafter for a time,
my sublime downfall was secured,
For I loved her with a love more fervent
than I believed it possible to feel
for any denizen of the Earth,
But here is where my incessant commentary must cease,
for I have no words, alas, to tell the loveliness
of loving well,
But I digress,
Where were we?
The illness had shaken the old man to his foundation,
He indulged as do we all the primitive belief
that one's demise must be forever a vagu
and distant prospect,
a telegraphed end to a fully-lived life,
But the avenues to death are numerous and strange,
traversed at a dizzying and invisible velocity,
And when he summon companionship in his hour of need,
the same companionship he would deny even his own bride,
I wanted nothing more than to abandon hi
fully and without remorse, but I felt the air grow redolent
with death's unquenchable thirst,
It's oppressive weight took entire possession of my soul,
So I chose without will or premeditation
to conspire against it,
Yeah,
Okay,
- Are you ready, Mr, Usher?
- Okay, Dad,
See you soon,
- I'm scared,
- To the old man,
May he rest in an overpriced box in the ground,
- Don't speak ill of the dead,
- Why not?
They speak ill of us,
- You're drunk, - And you love it,
I'm finally opening up,
I'm not drunk, I'm pretending,
The truth is I'm gonna miss the old man,
I don't know why I'm gonna miss him,
- But you loved him,
I know you did,
I could tell,
- You wanna see my father terrified?
Tell him you love him,
Jesus fucking Christ, I can't even listen to myself,
You wanna know the most profound thing
that he ever said to me?
I was about six or seven,
He said, "I see so much of myself in you
"that sometimes I can't even bear to look at you,"
And it made me feel so fucking good,
proud that I was like him
and proud that he couldn't stand me,
all at the same same time,
Look, this is all just grief, confusionable shit,
So I would appreciate it if you just forgot said anything,
I don't think it's very fair to hold this against me,
But, secretly, I hope it endears you to me,
Like, you know, I'm trying to use the death of my father
to get in your pants,
which is the exact same kind of thing that he would do,
So maybe he was right all along,
Except now I'm the one who can't bear to look myself
in the face, and halfway through the speech,
I lost track whether I was trying to open up to you
or manipulate you to try to win your affection,
I am either the most self-aware mother fucker
in the world or the least,
And sometimes it feels like there's no difference,
You know that one thing I said,
about how my father said I was like him,
I don't even know if he actually said it
or if I just saw it on some TV show and imagined he said it,
but I thought it would win me some fucking points,
So voila, it's part of my story now,
And I have no fucking clue how real any any of it is,
- You think you killed your father,
- No,
- You didn't,
- I know,
A lie which follows a wild truth
obscures itself entirely and without effort,
I would've told her, but there are some secrets
that do not let themselves be told,
Men die nightly in their beds,
ringing the hands of ghostly confessors
and looking them piteously in the eyes,
Die with despair of heart and convulsion of throat
on account of the hideous mysteries,
which will not suffer themselves to be revealed,
- William?
William, William, it's okay,
You're awake, it's okay,
It's okay,
It was only a dream,
- Only a dream,
And if not?
Ah, what world of mystery and meaning,
doubt and uncertainty is there involved
in those two letters?
That mono-syllable,
If,
- Mr, Usher,
- Successful surgery brought a bare modicum of hope
immediately quashed by the test results that followed,
No sooner had the old man heard of his impending doom
than he adjusted his focus as always
solely toward the business at hand,
He immediately sold all earthly property
most notably the home of my miserably-contented childhood,
and consolidated his moderate wealth to a fund
whose singular purpose became providing death
in the most socially-accepted fashion,
Modest furniture and all manner of medical necessity
was delivered directly to a home
particularly suited to the macabre occasion,
The old man resigned, whether as repentance
or misanthropic protestation to die alon
He desired this, he assured me,
as his one and only dying wish,
No more than two brief days after relocation,
he was taken ill,
and seeing him feeble and frightened and pitying himself
in that absurd pauper's bed,
surrounded by nurses who flattered and fawned about,
I determined to deny his request,
I'll stay,
- William!
- I'm, I'm sorry,
What were you saying?
- That I'm worried about you,
- I can't imagine why,
- What can I do?
- You're doing it,
- Good,
Because I have to use the little girls' room,
and I can't hold it any longer,
William!
William, William, what's going on?
Hey,
Are you okay?
Yeah?
Okay,
- It was, I told her, a momentary lapse of faculties,
The weight of that room, the influence of wine,
the physical toll of my grief,
I would be fine,
I required sleep,
I needed, I told her, to be alone with my thoughts,
Distraction and distraction alone can ke
at bay the senseless manifestations of nerves and anxiety,
And so I threw myself fully towards such distraction,
but my mind never strayed far from that accursed room,
The desperate pounding,
His hideous breath,
The last waltz of fawn weather,
- How's my favorite fuck up little brother today?
How's work, social life?
Met anyone special since we last talked?
- What do you want?
- Why are you always so hostile?
We're brothers,
Is it really so hard to believe that I
actually love and care about you?
Come on, sit down,
I think we should get better at this, don't you?
So I've been thinking, we've never really been close,
I feel like I come from a whole other world than you really,
And to be honest,
it was never easy growing up as Dad's favorite,
All the expectations and comparisons,
I could never be the out there, fuck society,
punk rock rebel,
I had to do all of my counter-cultural growing up in secret,
Honestly, I kinda hated you for it,
but I figure, let bygones be bygones,
Dad's six feet under, God rest him,
Probably not,
All we have left is each other, right?
So how about this?
Instead of going on some cheesy retreat
or talking about our feelings,
let's just fuck the same girl,
preferably at the same time, and then compare notes,
- Look, - Sit down!
Seriously, sit the fuck back down,
I don't know what the fuck you think you're doing,
playing up this whole grief-stricken little boy thing
to get some pussy, but it's fucking sick
You are fucking sick,
You don't even know who she is,
She has her own story,
She's not here to serve yours,
I understand you wanna be me so badly,
you can even fool yourself into believing it's true,
but it's not,
This can't last,
And whatever is going on between you two
as some kind of fucked up revenge thing, it'll pass,
And you'll end up alone, holding your dick in your hands,
whining about how unlovable you are,
Sound about right?
So let's cut to the end,
I want her out of your life,
You end this now,
If you don't, I will,
It's your choice, brother,
- His plain words presented without the frills
and misdeeds of the poet unmasked a naked truth,
one which would disarm and drive me
perfectly and deeply into the maelstrom of my own mind,
This can't last,
That an earnest, mutual love burned within us,
I cannot deny,
How vainly had we flattered ourselves,
feeling happy in its first up-springing,
that our happiness would strengthen with its strength,
As it grew, so grew in my heart the dread of that evil hour,
which was hurrying I now knew to separate us forever,
Every look, every gesture became an omen
of inescapable doom,
Thus in time it became painful to love,
Hate would've been a mercy then,
Each blissful moment we were together,
I longed for wretched solitude,
And so I gently curbed our association,
desperate to postpone with absence the inevitable
and fatal estrangement,
It's here the threads of the narrative tapestry
of my recollections begin to fray and unwind,
Whether this can be blamed on the self-inflating nature
of memory or the reality-bending will of ego,
I cannot say,
but the systems by which I lived my entire life
revealed themselves as farce,
It seemed now that motive followed actio
just as cause precedes effect,
In the weeks following, I endured three separate
but equally recurring visions, often in tandem
and always at the edge of waking thought
They deprived all rest and withered my mind,
I hold them without doubt directly responsible
for the depraved events which followed,
And I present them undefiled, thus,
- Don't kill her again,
Hello?
- Hi, William,
Can I see you?
- Alas, we have fallen on our most evil of evil days,
- How are you?
- I'm fine,
- William, what's going on?
You're really not gonna talk to me?
William, we have to talk,
I've seen you, what?
Once in the past three weeks?
I know you're going through some stuff,
but it's time to move on,
I'm sorry,
I just can't be with you,
Do you hear what I'm saying?
I can't live like this,
I just don't know what else to do,
I think it's best for both of us if I never see you again,
William, it's time to let go,
- I did not want her dead,
That in the end is why she died,
I reached out and touched her warm cheek
her bloodied hair,
And I pressed down her pallid eyelids
with passionate fingers of love,
What knowledge I found in that moment,
What accurate regret and longing,
What truth, beautiful and saccharine and fleeting,
I knew then that I'd never really loved her,
In the strange anomaly of my existence,
feelings with me had never been of the heart,
And my passions always were of the mind,
A mind whose ringing obsession grew amplified
by the harsh daylight of waking hours,
which illuminates with indifference the severity of deeds
and the inescapable conclusion
that must invariably be drawn,
All is madness,
But day must submit to the cool irrationality of night,
As my tumultuous mind must submit to the softness of earth,
And the embrace of my Anna,
Then by daylight return of the blinding pall
of self-examination, self-pity, and the sickness of regret,
And of the desire to simply not be,
It was macabre routine,
A pestilential cycle of doubt and assurance,
hatred and love, perdition and paradise,
I became insane,
With long intervals of horrible sanity,
The specters that had elicited in me feelings more intense
than terror for which there is no name upon the earth
became a constant, and I, in shroud of false apathy,
became the haunting force of endless empty rooms,
They belonged now only to the dead,
All around were horror and thick gloom,
and a black sweltering desert of ebony,
Her sepulcher, our tomb,
became a place to set off the mind
and liberate it from the weight of the waking world,
It is happiness to wonder,
It is happiness to dream,
Such a dream became the business of my life,
I existed solely to wade into placid memories
of our unending partnership full and complete,
and without the hindrances of social expectation,
impending loss or reality,
Anna and I loved with a love that was more than love,
A love of which my waking self was most assuredly incapable,
We shared the life that should have been
Until the sun in the East and the doubt in my mind
rose up and whispered in a cruel wrath,
"All you love, you love alone,"
- Where is she?
- I don't understand,
- Don't fucking play games with me,
Where the hell is Anna?
I know you know, you little shit,
so tell me where she is,
- She doesn't wanna see you,
- She's here?
Anna?
Anna, are you in here?
- She hasn't been acting like herself, okay?
- How do you mean?
- She's been hearing things, seeing things,
Paranoia, I just,,,
Just wondered if you wanted to help her, you know?
- So where is she?
- She really doesn't wanna talk to you,
Let me talk with her, alone,
Look, I'm in over my head,
I know that I'm in over my head,
but just let me talk to her,
Let me convince her,
Come back tonight at 10,
I'll make sure she's here,
Let me do this, okay?
I would not let him have her,
The usefulness of indignation is a curious thing,
A single dismissive act can turn the most self-loathing
towards righteousness, and replace the most fervent malaise
with absolute motivation,
I despised and pitied myself, true,
but he too despised and pitied me,
And for that, I would be avenged,
I turned once again to those tenets
that had driven me to this madness,
System, logic, method,
Yes, method is the thing,
There is a brilliance in method,
in routine and reliability, that borders on genius,
And yet, it is not,
Genius is always going off at some tange
of ridiculous speculation, but I found it necessary
to keep my eyes downcast and focus on the business at hand,
It was my intention now to put my scheme into operation,
And I resolved to make him feel the whole extent
of the malice with which I was imbued,
I knew then that I was not long for this world,
but also that the modicum of time left to me
would be overflowing with that panacea,
which invigorates even the most wretched of souls,
Purpose,
Come in, dear brother,
Can I get your drink?
I have a very fine bottle of dry sherry open,
- Where is she?
- All in due time,
Sit, relax,
- Are you drunk?
- Absolutely not,
Why, I'm barely this side of tipsy,
Here we are,
Let's have a toast,
- I'm not in the mood,
- Oh, but you will be, dear brother,
I swear it,
Come on, have a drink with me,
Just one,
Whiskey, then?
- Stop fucking around,
- You knock a 22-year-old glass of Amontillado
out of my hands in a fit of jealous rage
and ask me to stop fucking around?
Now, I'm going to fetch you another glas
and you are going to summon the courage to apologize,
And then we'll toast to your good fortun
- What good fortune?
- It seems, dear brother,
that you have won the heart of our maiden fair,
I've talked with her and she most definitely
and without hesitation, wants you back,
- She said that?
- I'd like to take credit for this turn of events,
but I must admit I had little to do with it,
Scarcely had I mentioned your visit,
and the poor girl fell to her knees with tears in her eyes
and professed her undying love for you,
"I knew he loved me,
"I knew he cared," and so forth and so o
So congratulations is in order, for you at least,
- William, I'm sorry,
- Yes, but not sorry enough,
I'm sure, to refuse the lady's advances,
A congratulations and a toast is in orde
Under the circumstances,
I'm sure you can understand my insistenc
I refuse to drink alone,
Bottoms up,
- Where is she?
- You haven't said anything about the house,
- What? - How it looks,
- It looks fine,
- Well, I couldn't have you think badly of me,
I couldn't live with myself if you
thought badly of me, dear brother,
- William, where is she?
- She's in the cellar, if you believe that,
I said she wanted you back,
I did not say that she had all of her faculties,
She calls it her hideout, says it makes her feel safe,
She sleeps down there,
Sometimes I sleep with her,
Just sleep, mind you, not that I want much more,
Hygiene issues,
You really know how to pick 'em, big brother,
- Let's go see her then,
- Finish your drink, you'll be glad you did,
- What the hell is down here?
- The love of our lives, dear brother,
Dear brother,
Whew,
- You all right, little brother?
- Oh, that you should be so lucky, sir,
to be rid of me in such a neat and tidy fashion,
- Don't say things like that,
- Oh, I think I will,
I think I'll say exactly what I mean
to say to you, right now,
- So where is she?
- Oh, I'm sure she's around here somewhere,
Anna?
My darling, Anna, dearest friend and confidante,
- She's not down here?
- Oh, I'm sure she is,
Why don't you have a look?
Anna?
- Anna?
- Anna,
- What the fuck is that?
- Oh,
Good job, brother,
I think you found her,
- What?
- Say hello, dear brother,
Say hello to the love of your life,
I said say hello!
Tell her you love her, dear brother,
She's here for you,
She only wants you,
Doesn't that make you happy?
She's coming for you,
She's coming to make you her groom,
There the traveler meets, aghast,
sheeted memories of the past,
Welcome back to the living,
Though I must admit, you find yourself in a predicament,
I'll spare you the tedium of explanation
but I will say this,
Everything you see around you,
every inference your sluggish mind will make,
is exactly as you perceive it,
I'll give you a moment,
You seem to take matters easily,
I really wonder at your patience under the circumstances,
But in truth, I am in no degree to blame
Instead, I would hope, though I know it seems an
unreasonable request, for your gratitude
Horror and fatality have been stalking abroad in all ages,
And yet, for the next few moments,
should you choose to accept a noble end,
I have freed you from all manner of fear
Do you follow?
I hope you do,
I mean to say, how can you fear that
which is already upon you?
You need no longer be concerned
with the proprieties of space or of time,
You're free, brother,
Free to contemplate, to analyze, to understand,
to see with a fullness of vision your own ending,
Now I dare not deign to tell you your business
or your meaning, but I will leave you
with this one suggestion to ponder,
Nothing you have ever done, nothing you've ever said
or thought or written means anything,
Have you gone mad so quickly, dear brother?
Or do you just choose to die laughing?
Which must be the most glorious of all glorious deaths,
Let me call myself for the moment, William,
I'm a storyteller by nature,
I'm a liar in my freer times,
- I direct my executor to distribute the residue
of my estate as follows,
All assets, possessions and property
to my only son, William Wilson Usher,
- William, we have to talk,
I love you and I'm here for you,
but this is too much for me,
It's time to get some help,
I'm sorry,
I just can't be the support you need right now,
If you want me to be with you, you have to talk to somebody,
William, you're seeing things that aren't there,
talking to people who aren't real,
I can't live like this,
I want to help,
Can you hear me?
I just don't know what else to do,
I think it's best for both of us if you get help now,
before you get worse and cut me off,
and I never see you again,
William, it's time to let go of that guilt,
- No part of what I convey is true,
but every part is truthful,
I offer now this sad and amended history
It was not my hand that stayed her breat
That is what I would have you believe, if you will,
the melancholy tale in which I choose to reside my truth,
inasmuch as truth has any bearing
on the present circumstance,
Though it does make the tale nice and neat and pretty,
as do most lies of narrative,
But for you, my lowly audience,
I fear a resolution will be abrupt,
And inconclusive,
For the value of a good tale lies not in its denouement,
but in its serpentine unwieldy unfolding
More than that,
I've grown tired and feeble and cold,
There's a tickle in my throat,
and my breath has become my fear,
A short rasp of its former self,