Julie, it's 8:44 a,m, on October 16th,
It's been three weeks since the Berenger email leaks started,
Another one hit this morning,
More details on his exorbitant salary,
I have a new theory that feels promising, and I'll report more
when I see you in Berenger's office later,
Nieuwendyk out,
- What did Wheeler find? - I'm sorry?
What did Wheeler find?
- I have no ide-- - Wrong!
Ow!
Did anyone see that?!
I'm so sorry, I should've told you about this,
The Gold Rush tradition is you have to answer Wheeler's Riddle,
or you get glitter bombed,
I don't know what that means,
Just,,, all right, back it up one more step,
Okay, Gold Rush is an entire week
of activities and traditions,
The most important one is Wheeler's Riddle,
Answer correctly, that means you get it,
You're a real Wheelerite, and you receive a red bandana,
Answer it wrong,,, you get this,
Hey, So, what's the answer to the riddle?
You have to figure that out for yourself,
That's the whole point, That's the way to become one of us,
You should be grateful,
In the early days of Gold Rush, they used to throw mud,
Because mud,,, is what you have to sift through to get gold,
See? You're on your way,
Get on board with this, bud,
You are not exempt from Gold Rush
just because you're brilliant and kind
and have a tight butt,
You think I have a tight butt?
Like a pool tarp,
This is on him,
Hi, What did Wheeler find?
You can do it too?
They make this stuff seem so salacious,
Yes, I get an extra $50,000 if I get a major corporate sponsor,
So what? It's a win-win,
I do enjoy parking in the Pepsi/T-Mobile covered garage
brought to you by Sephora,
I have half a mind to march right down to that paper
and demand they give up their sources,
That's a very bad idea, Jack, It'll backfire,
Are those frozen peas?
Yes, I get migraines, This is the only thing that helps,
Holly's right,
And in a way, this is really good,
The blackmailer is showing their cards, so we can use this to close in,
You better,
I want that laptop found immediately,
Actually, we have an exciting new lead,
Turns out there was at least one student on campus when your laptop was stolen,
Our new suspect?
Claire Chung,
She worked the Vinick event as a caterer,
That photo was taken with my spy glasses the night the painting was burned,
Charles very smartly hired her as a research assistant
to determine if she has motive,
And Operation Claire is already in motion,
The professors are still the primary suspects,
so while Charles focuses on Claire,
I'm gonna continue formal interviews,
Okay, if that's it, let's get to work,
Ah!
Yeah, sorry,
I used AI to make that,
Okay, so box one is information on sustainability
and suspension bridge design,
Box two is a bunch of articles on the history of suspension bridges,
Box three is articles on Jeff Bridges,
I fell down a rabbit hole, but he's fascinating,
And box four is my laundry, so don't open it, It's gross,
Very thorough,
Yeah, I don't know anything about the subject,
so I kind of grabbed everything I could find,
Is there something else I can get started on?
The earlier you tell me, the better, I have 12 other campus jobs,
- Yeah, - Oh, that's not a joke,
I literally have 12 other jobs,
Jeez, When do you sleep?
In class,
Maybe you should ask President Berenger for some cash,
Seems to be rolling in it nowadays,
Oh my God, that guy sucks,
Oh no, is he a friend of yours?
- No, - Oh, thank God,
He's my son,
I'm kidding, Sorry,
- Professor! - I couldn't resist,
- Do you have contact with him? - Sorry, I have to go get laundry done,
The next free hour I'll have is when I'm a senior,
Okay, No, please, go, Go,
Thank you,
Morning! I graded all your midterm papers!
You're all real journalists now,
I'll bet you think that makes you frickin' rock stars,
Well, guess what?
It frickin' does!
You are rock stars because you expose the levers of power
that the elites pull to screw over normal citizens like you and me,
As George Orwell said,
"Journalism is printing something that someone doesn't want printed,"
"Everything else is public relations,"
He also said some real bad stuff about gay people,
It was a different time,
Berenger's emails are being leaked to the newspaper,
You're the faculty advisor to the newspaper,
The student editors of the Daily Wheeler have 100% editorial independence,
They show up day one, and I say, "Tell the truth,,,"
And that's all I say,
There's other stuff, There's other stuff I have to say,
I have to talk about Wi-Fi passwords and the thermostat in the closet is janky,
so you gotta toggle the switch,
Junk like that, but mostly,,,
Yeah, mostly, it's that truth thing,
Okay, Well, what are your thoughts on Berenger?
Wheeler used to have good presidents,
You know, homegrown, invested in Wheeler's future,
Berenger,,, is a corporate parasite,
The board hired him to run this like a business,
They're getting what they paid for,
Mr, Griffin, I really want to help Wheeler College,
I can't do that unless I know who's behind the leaks,
I'll make it easy for you, Ms, Kovalenko,
Even if I knew who the leak was, I wouldn't tell you,
I would literally rather be jailed and never,,, ride my motorcycle again
than betray a journalistic source,
Now, if you'll excuse me,,,
I'm parked really far away,
I'm not gonna wear this to where I'm parked,
- I understand, - Good,
- What did Wheeler find? - Oh, God,
Okay, Look, could you actually,,,
I have a meeting, and I'd rather not,,,
Oh, just do it,
Okay, what did Wheeler find?
Rude, Acorns don't have butts,
- Hey, Dad, - Quick question,
What did Wheeler find?
Oh my God, Is it Gold Rush?
Oh, Gold Rush is the best,
Did you get glitter bombed? How many times?
So many, Look, I just need you to make this stop, please,
Just tell me the answer to this stupid riddle,
What is wrong with you? You know I can't,
Emily, I can't,,, I need,,,
Tell me the answer this minute, or you are grounded,
Dad, I know this seems silly, but it's actually very important,
You have to figure this out by yourself,
I love you, Good luck with the glitter,
Did you see the latest leak about Berenger and his bonuses?
I'm telling you, that guy is sus,
I have grandkids, so when it comes to conversing with younger people,
I eat and leave no crumbs,
Okay, bet,
My friend is one of the editors of the paper,
Some random account called the Wheeler Guardian
is just sending them emails and, like, secret files and stuff,
- Mm, - I guess Berenger got hacked,
Everyone thinks it's hilarious,
- Well, nobody likes that guy, huh? - Literally no,
He became president like right before I got here,
and I was supposed to go on this camping retreat
for incoming first years, and he cut the program at the last second,
Yeah, my daughter went on that camping trip years ago,
She met her husband there,
- See? That's amazing, - Yeah,
Berenger just doesn't care about stuff like that,
Wheeler isn't just my school, you know?
It's my home, and he's ruining it,
You were supposed to meet me at the room 20 minutes ago,
- I had to use Find My Friend, - God,
I totally lost track of time, Uh,,, Professor, This is Hayley, my roommate,
Nice to meet you,
Sorry to interrupt, but we're late for rowing practice,
I was cold, so I stole your sweatshirt,
Oh, that's fine, I stole your overalls,
- Oh my God, They look so good on you, - I know, right?
I promise I'll get this done as quick as possible,
- All good, Go, Have fun, - Okay,
- Keep them, - Really?
- Yes, - Want that sweater?
- Are you kidding? Yes, - It's cute,
What did Wheeler find?
Whatever you're about to do, I would think twice,
Uh, y,,, Yes, ma'am,
- Hey, - Hey, Julie, Great news,
All the kids here think I'm really cool,
Also, Claire hates Berenger,
And she has access to the newspaper, so she had motive and means,
I'm telling you, something's going on here,
Okay, Send me updates,
Okay, Bet,
Ugh,
Hey, What did Wheeler find?
Oh, come on! You're gonna have to clean it up!
Worth it,
Oh, the structural engineer,
Been out marveling at walls, have you?
Help, Please,
So, to be clear, a riddle easily solved by 18-year-old children
has kerfuffled your intellectual processing,
Just,,, give me a hint,
I've swallowed an entire disco ball,
Have you noticed I don't like you very much?
- I have, - Oh, good,
I worried that perhaps you were too busy thinking about rivets,
The reason I don't like you very much is that recently,
to save money,
Wheeler College has resorted to hiring visiting lecturers,
like you, instead of tenured professors,
Now, the least you can do in your short time here
is attempt to understand why those of us
who have devoted our lives to this school care so deeply,
Fair enough,
How?
You seem to have bonded with Professor Margadoff,
Find her and tell her that you would like to walk the Golden Path,
That sounds a lot slower than you just telling me,
Oh, it's much slower!
Essentially, the moral calculations surrounding actions
should not be limited to what happens immediately,
Thank you, everyone,
See you Friday,
Now a good time to talk?
Sure, I have about an hour,
Sorry, Professor, Can I just ask a quick ethical question?
My roommate cut her own bangs,
And you want to know if you can lie and say they look good,
Okay, yeah, This has happened before,
So here's my position on this,
Yeah, Good,
Take notes, I have a lot of thoughts,
Let me gather them,
So in that sense there is no difference between giving yourself curtain bangs
and committing the mass murder of innocent civilians,
I think that's as close as we're gonna get to a moral answer,
Wow, that was incredible,
Thank you so much,
Sorry about that,
I have a standing rule that any student can come to me
with a moral dilemma at any time, and I'll,,, talk it out with them,
It's a moot point by now,
You talked for so long, that girl's bangs have grown out,
I'll cut to the chase,
Did you steal Vinick's portrait and burn it in the garbage can?
It would be ironic for a professor of moral philosophy
to be involved in arson,
Not an answer,
Nobody can account for your whereabouts the last ten minutes of the party,
Where were you?
Well, to answer that question, we first need to ask another one,
How does any of us really know if we are ever truly anywhere?
Oh my God!
Okay, I am going to assume that your moral code means you can't lie,
So I'll make this easy, Did you burn the painting?
- No, - Do you know who did?
- No! - I mean, you could be lying,
I'm not,
Okay, well, this was a waste of time,
One last thing,
How do you feel about Jack Berenger?
Berenger is the human equivalent of a curtain bang,
Hiring an outsider with no connection to Wheeler
was the worst decision this college has ever made,
Very chatty all of a sudden,
What got into you?
Well, to answer that, we have to begin by asking, what are words?
Okay, goodbye,
Okay, stop one on the Golden Path,
According to legend, this is the creek where Francis Wheeler
first started panning for gold,
It starts way up north in the mountains and ends up here on the campus,
And when the new students arrive, we give them sifters and shovels
and they spend a whole day panning for gold,
Has anyone ever found any?
No, because there isn't any gold in this creek, and there never was,
Wheeler looked for years, and he came up empty,
and that's the whole point,
No one ever finds anything,
Well, ten years ago somebody did find a huge bag of shrooms,
What did you do?
We "turned it in" to the "police,"
This is the very spot
where Wheeler decided to start his school,
He had realized that wealth was fleeting
and that the true accomplishment would be to create something lasting,
At the beginning of year two,
all the kids come here to think about what they might want to study,
what's important to them, how to design a meaningful life,
I came here after I took those mushrooms that kid found in the creek,
It was,,, a mistake,
The Garden of Wisdom,
All of these stones were placed here by Wheeler graduates,
When people come back here for reunions or whatever,
they write on these rocks
things they wish they had known when they were in school,
And the kids come here at the beginning of junior year,
and they spend a whole day
just reading all this wisdom from the past,
- That is so neat, - Yeah,
"By the time you graduate, you should know something about everything
and everything about something,"
What does this one say?
"Never trust an Irishman,"
Oh,
Okay, some of these are old,
I'm gonna throw it away,
Last stop on the Golden Path, the Wall of Reflection,
You pass this 1,000 times over four years,
but on the day you graduate, you come here,
you stand in this spot,
and you finally see the person you've become
during your time here,
Whoa!
All of those people are Wheeler graduates or teachers,
dating back to the very beginning of the school,
You're one of us now,
So, I ask you one more time,
Francis Wheeler came here in search of gold,
but he found something much more important,
What did Wheeler find?
I feel like I have some guesses,
but I don't know if I have the exact answer,
Oh my God,
I really hate to do this,
You wouldn't,
I wouldn't?!
Tom Selleck went here?
What?
No, no, no, no, no!
"Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
The statue that bears that inscription has been reduced to dust,
Shelley's poem, however, is still amongst the most famous in the Western canon,
A few years ago, when I was in London,
I visited the building where Charles Dickens
wrote the first lines of Bleak House,
It is now a Burger King,
People do not last,
Money, fame, power does not last,
But ideas,,,
Ideas born of passion can endure,
Dr, Cole, do you have a minute?
Oh,
The gumshoe,
Am I under arrest for teaching books that you can't buy in an airport?
Quick question, do you know who's leaking emails to the school paper?
Well, running right at it, eh?
Aren't you supposed to be a bit cagier in your investigations?
The time for caginess has passed,
- I'm going with direct assault now, - Fair enough,
I do not know who is leaking Berenger's private information,
although I applaud them heartily,
- You seem to really love Wheeler, - Mm-hmm,
Are you not worried about all of this chaos?
Oh, I am, but sadly, we've brought it all on ourselves,
The moment the board chose Jack Berenger for president,
they set this school on a path of self-destruction,
All of this became inevitable,
Although I suppose I can't fault them for choosing Berenger,
After all, he has an MBA,
That takes two whole years,
- Professor, you have a second? - Yes, of course, Come on in,
So, um,,,
I apologize, but I think you need to find a new research assistant,
Oh,
May I ask why?
I have to drop out of Wheeler,
Unless, is there any chance being your research assistant
pays $86,000 a year?
- It does not, - Figured,
My first two years, I had a bunch of loans and grants
and the rest of my tuition was paid for
because my family is under the income threshold,
but President Berenger got rid of that rule,
And that's why you have so many jobs,
But it's barely making a dent, so this will be my final semester,
Really sorry to hear that,
I know how much you love it,
I do, but I made a lot of memories here,
and you can't really put a price tag on that, you know?
Well, actually, you can, It's $86,000 a year,
Professor Nieuwendyk, Hi, Good to see you again,
Oh! Hi, yes, Of course, Nice to see you too,
Good to see you, Yeah, I can't believe I have to watch this,
If I wanted to sit through a crappy recital,
regretting all my life's decisions, I would have had kids,
Any updates?
Claire's leaving school,
thanks to Berenger's new cost-cutting moves,
She can't afford it, and she's pissed,
How'd your interviews go?
No love lost between the faculty and Berenger either,
Hey, let's keep our eye out at this thing,
See if we notice any subtle signs of discontent,
Oh, Hey,
Thank you,
That was a composition from 1916, written by a Wheeler graduate,
We did change the name of the song,
It is now called, "Don't Drown the Harlot in the River,"
My grandkids taught me that, It hurts,
What a delight,
Thank you, Professor Margadoff, and good afternoon, everyone,
You suck!
We gather here today for one of our most indelible traditions,
Every year, we plant a young sapling that will blossom into a new tree,
joining our forest of mighty oaks,
As we say,
Wheeler isn't one person,
Wheeler is all of us,
Thank you,
Oh, what are you doing?
Ah!
I've been covered in mud!
Protect me! Protect me!
I think I noticed a subtle sign of discontent,
Take these to the dry cleaner,
Have them washed and checked for bullet holes,
Okay, Okay, Let's calm down,
You weren't shot,
I was covered in mud,
You know, in many cultures, that's considered worse,
What if it's not mud next time?
What if it's poo?
Okay, this is getting away from us,
You need to find that mad mudder before Berenger falls to pieces,
So start with Claire,
See if she was angry enough to throw a grenade on her way out,
What are you gonna do?
I have to ask our client a few questions,
Hey, Holly, I really need to talk, Oh,
- Are you okay? - Oh,
Yeah, I'm fine, Uh,,,
Every day at two o'clock, I cry really hard for ten minutes,
- What's up? - Okay,
I need you to tell me what happened two years ago when Berenger was hired,
Uh,,, well, it was,,, down to Berenger and one other person,
The board went with Berenger, Pretty typical,
Except the other candidate was Ben Cole, wasn't it?
So your close friend got passed over for a job that Berenger got,
A fact you neglected to mention to me,
the PI you hired to investigate a crime against Jack Berenger,
Because it's not important,
Are you telling me Cole wasn't angry?
Angry enough to steal a laptop and blackmail the guy
who beat him for the job?
That's exactly what I'm telling you, and I can prove it,
Dr, Cole, welcome,
We're excited to speak about your candidacy,
Thank you, Keith,
I've prepared a statement,
This interview is a grotesque farce,
We all know I'm not actually a candidate for the presidency,
In fact, I'd bet a fair amount of money
Keith isn't even listening to me right now,
Indeed, I can see by the reflection in his glasses
that he is playing Minesweeper,
Wheeler College deserves to be guided by someone who cares more about books
than balance sheets, which obviously will not be the case,
So good luck sealing Wheeler College into a tomb of greed and ignorance, Keith,
You impossible twit,
Thank you, Dr, Cole,
Inspirational, as always,
Thank you,
Ben wasn't angry at Berenger,
He was angry at the state of higher education,
Well, I still think it's relevant he was denied the job,
I've known the man almost 40 years,
He's like a brother to me,
I guarantee he is not the person you're looking for,
Everything okay?
Yeah, Yeah,
Thanks,
Every year, it costs more and more for the students,
And we work harder and harder to make ends meet,
The president of this college profits from slashing student programs
and reducing financial aid!
Enough is enough!
- Hit the road, Jack! - Hit the road, Jack!
Hit the road, Jack!
Hit the road, Jack! Hit the road, Jack!
Hit the road, Jack!
Okay, where do we stand?
Have you found the would-be assassin?
I haven't found the perpetrator, no,
In fact,,, I've decided not to look,
Why not?
Because it wouldn't matter,
Could have been anyone,
So we're just gonna do nothing?
No, No, you're gonna do something,
You're gonna approach the board and tell them you're returning your bonuses,
You're also going to convince them to reinstate the free tuition threshold,
Why in the world would I do that?
We're trying to find the person who's blackmailing you,
and right now, everybody hates you,
You're the symbol of everything that's wrong at Wheeler,
High tuition, cut programs,
You need to lower the temperature on campus,
or we're never gonna find this person,
For the record, I think the board would go for this,
and it could be some good PR,
Okay, You know, the board might just go for it,
And it could be some good PR,
I'll make the announcement tomorrow,
I took the liberty of writing your speech,
Ah, wonderful,
Being covered in mud was a shock, but it was also a wake-up call,
I'm proud to announce that we will be restoring
our financial aid policy
so that students from all economic backgrounds
can benefit from a Wheeler education,
I am also returning all bonus payments I personally received,
Actually I'm keeping $42,
That's how much it costs to dry-clean the suit,
Good joke, right?
Well-written,
- Hi, Professor, - Claire,
Hey, good news, right? You get to stay?
It's gonna be tough,
In addition to my 12 jobs, I'll have to get five more jobs,
but, yeah, I think I can make it work,
That's great, I'm so glad,
Do me one favor, though,
Tell your roommate, Hayley, not to attack anyone else
with any buckets of anything, please,
How did you know?
I thought it was you,
The person who attacked Berenger was wearing pink sneakers,
And one of the first things I noticed about you was
that you wore pink sneakers pretty much every day,
Then I remembered that you and Hayley share your clothes,
And I figured she got angry when you had to drop out,
Exacted her revenge,
She was real pissed when she read about how much money Berenger makes,
Mm,
You gonna tell anyone?
You get to stay at Wheeler, but your best friend has to leave?
Doesn't make a lot of sense, does it?
Uh, hey, I have a question for you,
What did Wheeler find?
All right, I've been,,, thinking about this a lot,
I don't know if it's right,
but I think he came here searching for gold,
but what he found,,, was a family,
Ah-ha,
- Thank you, - Gotcha!
Wha--? I got the thing!
- What,,, I figured it out! What's-- - Oh,
Oh, I'm sorry,
I didn't see that,
Claire!
Oh, I haven't seen you for so long,
I know, You wanna get coffee?
- That would be great, - Okay,
Yes, my treat, Okay,