(dramatic music)
(upbeat music)
This is the busiest we've been in years,
- I just hope Santa has enough gas in his sleigh,
(laughs)
- I really need you
to get your productivity up this year, Elly, okay?
- Yes, I understand, thank you,
- Okay, - I'm sorry,
- Have you seen these?
They're new this year,
Kids are gonna love 'em,
- Elfette,
You have our new wrapping paper design ready?
It's go time,
- Yes ma'am, I have some shimmering wreaths,
I have some reindeer, some snowmen,
- Okay, let's go wit this one,
Really, great work,
- Great,
I have some new ones I wanted to go over--
- Maybe next year,
I need 50 rolls by yesterday,
- Okay,
(sighs)
Done,
Computer: 50 copies printing,
(Mystical music)
(laughs)
(calm music)
- I could help you with that if you want,
(sighs)
- (gasps) You broke it!
Now I'm gonna need a new flugel blocker to fix it,
- Oh, I love your paints,
- Elfette, why can't you stay
at your wrapping paper station?
Do your job,
- Right, sorry,
(groaning)
- Oh!
Oh, Elfette,
Oh, you're such a joy,
And so sweet and bright,
- Thanks, Elly,
Lately I've been feeling a little out of place,
- Oh, you're made for big things, you know,
It can get a little stuffy in here from time to time,
- I know what you mean,
- A little space to clear your head might be nice,
- Thanks, Elly,
Have a good one,
And tell Elfus I said hi for me,
- Oh, yes,
(laughs)
- Mm-hmm,
(dramatic music)
Man: JoyTech Brands has developed
an entirely new class of product,
This holiday season, JoyTech presents the Pencil Phone Z,
- It's a pencil and a phone,
- I was gonna write you a letter but I decided to call,
Man: Press the eraser to search on the internet,
- Pency, where's the closest petting zoo?
- Hey Pency, navigate to the nearest eye doctor please,
Man: Its nano magnetic graphite technology
keeps you in touch
while touching the hearts of people you love,
- Hey Pency, call Grandma,
- Hello, dearie,
- I miss you, Grandma,
- Come visit so you can have some of my bologna casserole,
Man: This year, we are introducing Pencil Phone Z Grande,
It's 36 times the size of Pencil Phone Z,
- Mommy,
I want one,
- Well, that sounds like a question
for Santa Claus, - Santa Claus,
(phone ringing)
Man: More Pencil Phones!
- More Pencil Phones?
Got it,
We need another 3,000 Pencil Phones,
Hurry it up, elves,
- (sighs) Florida here I come,
(calm music)
(ominous music)
- JoyTech stock are predicted to plummet 28% in December
if nothing is done,
- Our company can't do another year of this,
- (sighs) The Pencil Phone is a hit,
Every man, woman, and child,
anyone who's breathing wants one,
Let me tell you all something,
If you expect holiday bonuses this season,
you will (smacks) fix this!
- Look, sales projections for the Pencil Phone
were cut in half by Santa and his elves,
Simply put, we just can't compete
with the North Pole or generosity,
- Generosity,
And just what exactly are you proposing?
That we just eliminate Santa Claus?
(laughs)
Ridiculous,
- Actually, Mrs, Coalbottom,
that's exactly what I'm proposing,
(snaps) Send him in,
I'd like to introduce you to the head
of our new waste management branch,
- Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen,
I look forward to, uh,
(Snickers)
cleaning some things up around here, huh?
(laughs)
(dramatic music)
- I know, right?
Can you believe how much eggnog she had last night?
Georgie: Special delivery for Mrs, Claus,
- Mm-hmm, yeah,
Yeah, can you believe that?
She was like all up in Santa's sleigh,
- Can I help you?
(Georgie laughs)
(elf screams)
(dramatic music)
- Where's the big guy?
- Please, please,
(laughs)
Please, please,
(phone beeping)
- Come on, Sparkle, answer,
(upbeat music)
- Two peppermint tinsel mojitos,
- Oh, thank you, - Thank you,
- You're very, very welcome,
- (sighs) This is the life,
I don't think I'm ever going back,
Santa: Ho ho ho!
Ho ho ho!
- Santa?
Ugh, He doesn't know the meaning of rest and relaxation,
- I think he needs a vacation,
Peppermint cheers! - Peppermint cheers!
(laughs)
- Sparkle, we need you, come on,
(Menacing laughs)
- You're not as smart as you look, Santa,
Trace the number and take care of him,
- Will do, boss,
Come on, you,
(Elfette sighs)
- I need to visit you more often,
You get to see all these beautiful locations,
- Just tell Elven Resources you're interested
in traveling more,
- How is the vacation committee going?
- The elfcationing department,
Yeah, yeah, it is so good,
Really, really good,
- That sounds nice,
- So, anyway, it's like the busiest time up at the Pole,
How did you make this happen?
- Well,
(upbeat music)
I used the same designs as last year,
Nobody even noticed,
(phone ringing)
Sebastian?
Why is she calling me?
Season's greetings, this is Elfette,
- Elfette,
They've come for us,
The North Pole mafia is here,
They've taken Santa to New York,
You have to save Christmas!
Help us!
(gasps)
- Holy glitter globes! - Holy glitter globes!
We gotta go,
- So what happened to the elves?
Who's gonna deliver the presents?
Where's Santa?
Oh, why, why me?
- It's all up to you, Elfette,
You're the only elf that can do this,
- Nobody even knows who I am,
I'm just a wrapping paper designer,
- Are you elfing serious?
Your father was a key proponent
in the ratification of the Mistletoe Clause,
It's in your bells,
Hold on,
I have something that might help,
Power born in purest snow,
the truest elf will only know,
Hold me close and I shall glow,
The sacred twinkle I will bestow,
- Hold me close and I shall glow?
(sighs)
(gasps)
- I knew it,
I thought that might happen,
Go ahead,
Elfette: It's a belt,
- Not just any belt,
It was my mom's belt,
She was a descendant of the Grand Elf Guild,
- The GEG,
Thought that was just a myth,
- She was one of our best,
- I'm sorry,
- Look,
Powdered penguin,
That will reenergize your elfy twinkle,
A variety of glitter puffs for escaping danger,
- Is this silver halide tinsel?
- For stretching time,
(Laughs)
And candy cane currency that's accepted worldwide,
- I'm gonna try it on,
- Christmas is in your hands now, Elfette,
- Well, you're coming with me,
- I'm committed to this mission,
I wish I could,
- Oh, the vacation committee,
Of course,
Well, I don't know how I'm gonna get there,
Elves don't fly and I've never driven a car, I don't think,
(upbeat music)
(engine revving)
(ornaments jingling)
(motorcycle crashing)
(camera clicking)
- This is gonna be the easiest gig of the year,
Elf stew,
What about an elf omelet?
Yes, yes,
Elf omelet,
There's just so many ways to cook an elf,
But I wonder which is the most delicious,
Phone: Boss is calling,
Boss is calling,
- Yeah, boss,
- What do you got for me?
- Listen to this,
Little Miss Sparkle has a friend,
Don't worry, I'm onto these two Christmas ornaments,
She might very well be the brains
of this entire operation,
- Yeah, that's right, that's where we traced the call,
All right, good,
Listen, I want no loose ends on this,
so you're gonna tie this situation up in nice little bow
and then you're gonna collect your reward,
Capiche?
- But boss, boss, boss,
Listen to this,
I take a little elf and I mix it with a garnish of nutmeg,
it brings out all the flavors in my dish,
That little elf is toast, literally,
- What?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Last year's Croaky Convention,
it gave me an entire new outlook,
It inspired me,
- Quit horsing around,
Just get a gun and shoot the thing!
- Barbaric,
You can't win Death of the Year at the Croaky Awards
if you use a gunshot,
- Whatever,
Would you just do your job?
(phone beeps)
- He doesn't understand us,
It's okay,
We're gonna get those elves,
(carrot crunching)
- Look, friend, minivan like that,
that's a chick magnet, I'm telling you,
And for you, I'll bring it down to 12,
but that's my final offer,
- Yo, first of all, that ain't no minivan,
Second of all, if I pick up my chick in that wimp?
Uh uh,
- Look, I know the ladies like it
because I done made it myself back a couple times,
- Gross,
- I'll take it for 15,
- Whew, 15, shoot,
It's yours,
Look at that, friend, that's how you do business,
I got 15 big ones and you got nothing,
- No, you didn't check the bag,
- 15 candy canes?
Hey, wait!
Hey, hold on a sec!
(laughs)
- He got played!
Okay,
(upbeat music)
(calm music)
- This is all human food,
- All right, now what can I get you, ma'am?
Oh, look at you,
You're a real,
Would you mind if I?
My sister loves Christmas, she would never,
(laughs)
I can't wait to show her that,
All right, sorry, now what can I get for you?
- Do you have anything with candy cane soy base?
- No, now you're not from around here, are you?
- Reindeer nuggets,
Gumdrop souffle,
- Now let me tell you what I got,
This is on the secret menu,
Pumpkin,
Peppermint,
Pancakes,
- I'll take that,
- Okay, you're gonna love it,
Now would you like the preserves on those?
- Yes,
- Yes, you do, trust me,
All right, coming right up,
(phone chimes)
- How does she even know I'm here?
- I can never remember which one's poison
and which one's peppermint,
They both got Ps!
- Hey, you got them pancakes ready or what, man?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, coming up,
Let's not forget the special sauce,
(laughs)
- Okay, look what they got here,
Enjoy,
Think they mixed up a special batch just for you,
(clattering)
(Elfette sighs)
- Got to save Santa,
(yawns)
- Oh, stuffed, huh?
Can I get you anything else now?
Maybe some coffee,
Elfette: Coffee?
- The hot stuff that keeps you warm at night,
that warms your belly?
- I have powdered penguin for that,
- Oh,
Oh, okay,
(whooshes)
Huh,
Powdered what?
- (groans) That was definitely the peppermint,
- Do you even work here?
(groans)
- Well, well, well,
We finally meet face to face with Santa Claus,
You know, you're a nice enough guy
but you're killing my business this time of year,
Know what this is?
This is a Pencil Phone,
It goes for $999 a pop,
And the kids are buying them up like candy,
What?
- Georgie?
That you?
(laughs) You know, you was always such a cute kid,
So full of imagination and,,,
Hope,
(laughs)
- You think you know me?
You have no idea the things I've done,
- Well, I know you're not gonna hurt my elves,
Okay, your beef is with me,
- Well, that depends on you, Santa,
See, right now you're eating up all of our profits,
giving these little babies away for free,
For free!
- For free, - Shut up, you!
- That was rude,
- Now here's what I need you to do,
I know you have a gift machine somewhere
pumping these little babies out,
- (laughs) Do I?
- You're gonna tell me exactly where that machine is
or all of your elves are gonna get a permanent,,,
Snow day,
- We're gonna have to put you on the naughty list
for this, Little Georgie,
- Nobody calls me Little Georgie!
(laughs)
Shut up!
You got two seconds to start talking,
* I'm wearing green, you wearing red *
* We ride all day on a sled
* It's snowing outside, I'm loving my ride *
* We going to New York City
- Wow,
A gas station,
Oh,
(clattering)
(gasps)
(grunts)
My car won't go anymore,
This isn't working,
- Never pumped gas before?
What are you, from Jersey?
- No,
- What mall are you from?
- The North Pole,
- Huh, yeah,
Aren't we all?
Stick it in the hole,
- It's working!
Yes,
- You know, if you're really serious
about this whole, uh, elf thing,
you should talk to my boss, Barty,
He's over at the old warehouse on 60th,
Works the night shift,
Tell him Blanche sent ya,
* When I'm on the field, I do what I want *
* Tis the season to be jolly
* Fa la la la la la la la la
- I'll show Santa I'm more than just a wrapping paper elf,
(phone ringing)
Hello,
- Hey, how's it going?
- So I think I have a lead,
- (laughs) That's great,
What kind of lead?
- There was this girl who was dressed like an elf
but she was from the mall,
- Uh huh,
- Told me to go to this old warehouse at night
to see this guy,
- Elfette, really?
(sighs) Please be careful out there,
Not everyone is made of sugar,
- Well, what are they made of?
- Coal,
(Elfette gasps)
(knuckles cracking) (dramatic music)
(beeping)
(Clack)
- You're a very special elf, Sparkle,
You aren't meant to be at the North Pole,
You'll protect us from other lands,
something our family has done for centuries,
One day I'll be gone
and the responsibility will fall to you,
- But why can't I be just like you, on the front lines?
- Your destiny is to assist and protect our kind, my love,
(Sparkle sighs)
(clears throat)
(rock music)
- All right,
Enjoy your present,
- I'll see at church,
- All right,
Hey, say hello to Jimmy for me,
- Yeah,
- Hey!
What are you doing?
Look, we are closed, missy,
- Hi,
I'm so sorry, I don't mean to be any trouble,
I'm looking for Barty?
- Who?
Barty, Barty,
Oh, you mean Bartholomule,
- I think so,
- Well, do you have an appointment?
- No,
I was actually sent here by Blanche,
She's an elf too,
It's really important and I haven't got a lot of time,
Please?
- All right, fine, follow me,
- Thank you,
- Yeah,
Last time I'm doing this,
Need to build that northern border wall,
Watch your step there, twinkle toes,
So you're from the North Pole, huh?
- Canada,
Eh?
- Right,
- Do you come here often?
- Well, actually I was born right down there,
Well,
That's as far as I go,
Good luck,
- Thank you,
Merry Christmas,
Man: Yeah,
- (mumbles) Now where did I put those blasted schematics?
Yes,
That's right,
I must have left them in the northeast wing,
Who goes there?
Good heavens!
(sighs) I gave out bonuses last week,
- Well, sir,
- Sir?
(sighs)
The name's Bartholomule,
Good to meet you, yes,
Now I'm rather busy
and I must get back to trying to find my mutton chops, okay?
Thank you,
- Well, my name is Elfette,
I'm the last elf of my kind,
- Your kind?
Oh,
Oh my knickers,
Is that a belt crafted by Grand Elf Guild?
- Yes,
I'm on a secret mission,
To save Santa,
- A secret mission to save Santa!
Well, why didn't you say so?
Listen, just wait right here,
Don't touch anything
and I'll be right back, yes?
Good,
(ominous music)
(car beeps)
(gasping)
(glass shattering)
Elfette, Elfette!
Elfette,
I present to you the most exquisite,
most magical artifact of Christmas,
- I've heard spiders are good luck,
- Oh, oh, sorry,
Wrong holiday,
That's the Spookometer,
My apologies,
I'll take that,
I'll be right back,
(ominous music)
(gentle music)
(Elfette screams)
Oh no, sorry about that,
Yes, this is an invention,
well, that helps me find my other inventions, yes?
- What is this?
- (gasps) You found it!
All I found were, well, these garlic croutons,
All right, yes,
The Twinkameter,
It embodies the Christmas spirit and the sacred twinkle,
Built when Christmas was nearly destroyed
by the dark elves centuries ago,
The GEG was assembled and they used the power
to protect the holiday ever since,
But it only works when your heart is true
and your quest is noble,
- Hmm, looks like the little elf has a new toy,
- Bartholomule, how does it work?
- Oh, you'll figure it out,
Let the sacred twinkle guide you, Elfette,
(ominous music)
(beeps)
- Cold,
- It's getting really chilly out here,
Yes,
- I really can't thank you enough,
- Oh, my pleasure, Elfette,
Oh, what are those little contraptions there on your back?
- Glitter puffs?
- Yeah, - Fun,
May I?
- Sure,
- Oh, good heavens,
(bangs)
(laughs)
- Wow!
Bartholomule: Unbelievable!
- I've actually never used one of those before,
- I would not want to be on the receiving end of that mess,
- Oh, no!
(laughs)
- (sighs) Incredible,
Well, better get going, Elfette,
Christmas is nigh,
- I'm off like Santa's sleigh,
- Splendid,
- Thank you,
- Oh, and Elfette?
If you see my brother on your travels,
let him know our tea time is well overdue, yes?
- Sure,
- Excellent,
Now where did I put those pesky mutton chops?
That's right, the northeast wing!
(coughing)
(dramatic music)
- This all makes sense now,
JoyTech with--
(radio crackling)
Go ahead,
Man: Does she have it?
- Yes, Elfette has the Twinkameter,
JoyTech is off her trail for now
but there's an assassin following her,
Man: How much time do we have?
- My eyes on the inside have gone dark,
There may be a double agent involved,
Man: Follow Elfette,
Don't let her get too far,
- Copy that, green leader,
I'm about done with these reindeer games,
- (laughs) Okay, listen, Santy Claus,
We can make this a lot easier,
JoyTech is prepared to offer you
a very, very nice retirement plan,
- Joy, love, giving,
You used to believe, don't you remember?
- Do you ever listen to yourself talk?
Do you expect me to believe the garbage
you're trying to sell me?
- I can still feel the twinkle within you, Georgie,
But it's dying,
(Georgie whistles)
- Go ahead,
Write down a number,
I'm a very reasonable man,
And my bosses are very generous,
What's it gonna cost us
to put all this free present nonsense behind us?
(Santa laughs)
(Georgie laughs)
- I knew you'd come around,
You see, Roger?
Every man has their price,
(laughs)
- Don't let the light inside you burn out forever, Georgie,
There's still time,
- It's the present you never got me,
Wait, no,
No, what the hell?
Cut the crap, Santa!
Go get Mrs, Claus,
Don't give him the money!
(laughs)
(phone ringing)
- Hello?
- Elfette,
There's been a change of plans,
- Sebastian,
I thought you were dead,
- There's no time to explain,
Report back to the North Pole immediately,
- I'm so happy you're alive but I don't understand,
- I found a way out of this,
- I can't,
I have to save Christmas,
I'm on my way to New York City,
- Elfette, we need you,
- I've,,,
I've gotta go,
* Dashing through the snow
* In a one horse open sleigh
* O'er the fields we go
- This trip would be so much more fun
with somebody to sing with,
(brakes squealing)
- Oh!
Hello, old girl,
Oh, an elf!
- Hello, sir,
Where are you headed?
- Well, I was up in Yorkshire yesterday,
now that you mention it,
but I'm downright confounded how I ended up here,
- Well, I'm headed to New York if you wanted to--
- Yes, that'll do quite nicely,
- Oh, okay,
(coughing)
- Excuse me, I believe I picked up a bug
up in Westminster Abbey,
- Oh, well, I might be able to help you with that,
- You don't say?
- Yeah,
So, car rules,
Absolutely no tickle juice,
And no putting your feet out the window after 6:00 p,m,
- Oh, I can't guarantee anything,
But I am fresh out of tickle juice,
- Well, that's good,
Okay, ready?
- Indeed,
- By the way, I'm Elfette,
- Duey,
A pleasure,
- So you said you were lost?
- Well, a true statesman is never lost,
He's precisely where he means to be,
- That sounds a lot like Gandalf,
- Gandalf, no, never heard of him,
(boings)
- Wait a minute, that's literally Gandalf's pipe,
You've never seen "Lord of the Rings"?
- "Lord of the Flies," yes,
directed by the great Peter Brook,
- Anyway, where did you say you were going?
- Oh, well, I'm headed up to Mummy's
for the Christmas holiday,
- Well, that's nice,
- Oh!
Don't mind me, just putting a little bit of tea into my pipe
for the flavor,
- Oh, okay,
(pipe tapping)
- Mind if I sip a little bit
of a Shirley MacLaine here while we drive?
- Hold on,
I have an idea,
- Oh,
- You should try a little bit of this in there,
That'll make you feel better,
- Oh,
- Good, huh?
- Now what in Huckleberry Finn?
- Elves have used mistletoe for years
to maintain balance and healing,
But my cousin Winklette invented mistlefinger,
which is even more powerful than mistletoe,
so you should feel better instantly,
- Whoa,
(laughs)
Hold on,
- What?
- Elfette, I think I see, is that the North Pole?
Aurora borealis?
No, no, Antonio Banderas,
Wait, now there's a smudge on my glasses,
- Is there some, maybe it's expired?
"Not to be consumed by humans,"
- Not to be what now?
(laughs)
Elfette, you do know your minerals, don't you?
- So are you okay?
So you really took that like a snowman,
How are you feeling?
- Never better,
Think I know how Cindy Lou Who felt,
(Elfette laughs)
Do you fancy a sip?
- I'd love one, thank you,
That is good, huh?
- Okay, Papa needs another taste here,
- (laughs) Easy does it,
- Oh,
(dramatic music)
(pops)
- Mistlefinger?
"Not to be consumed by humans,"
(scoffs) Whatever,
Whew,
(laughs)
Elf on a Shelf, I'm coming to get ya!
(upbeat Christmas music)
(calm music)
(sighs)
* Georgie, the green nosed reindeer *
* Reindeer
* Had a big pile of cash
* Quite a big pile
- (humming) Oh,
(humming) Thank you,
I've been waiting for this,
(dramatic music)
(heels clicking)
(Georgie humming)
(Georgie sighs)
- I see you're enjoying your dinner,
So sorry to interrupt,
- Mrs, Coalbottom,
I didn't know that you were coming into town,
Can I offer you a glass of wine or something?
How's everything?
- Let me get right to the point,
We have a very large investment
in your little organization, Georgie,
And I don't take our investments lightly,
- Oh, well, of course, of course,
You know, we're gonna handle everything the way it should--
- I've heard whispers of an elf
that's managed to escape the North Pole,
- Oh, don't worry,
She's no threat, all right?
Get this,
She's a wrapping paper designer,
(laughs) Can you imagine?
A wrapping paper designer,
- I don't care if she shovels dung from reindeers' stables,
If she's alive, she's a threat,
- Then, uh, she won't be for long,
- (laughs) Good boy, Georgie,
The sooner Santa and his elves are off the board,
the sooner we can all relish in the true joys of Christmas,
(glasses clink)
Which reminds me,
I brought you a little toy,
Something to ensure that we all have a very silent night,
(Georgie laughs)
- Well now, how can I pass that up?
(laughs)
(calm music)
(phone dialing)
Duey: Yes, keep going, little further,
All right, this is it,
Elfette: Oh,
- Yes, old mummy dearest,
I can't thank you enough, Elfette,
- It was lovely riding with you, Duey,
- Indeed,
Are you sure you wouldn't like to come in?
Mother could make you a tea or a bed,
It is getting late,
- I would love to,
But everybody's counting on me,
- I understand, (phone ringing)
Oh, - Oh,
I should,
- Farewell,
- Night,
- Gonna get my sign here,
New York, eh?
- Hello?
- Oh, Elfette!
Thank the Christmas spirit you answered,
- Santa!
Are you okay?
- Listen to me, Elfette, there's no time,
Was Sparkle able to lead you to the Twinkameter?
- Well, she knows that I have it now,
- Good, good,
Now you must place it atop the tree
where elf magic lives free
by midnight on Christmas Eve,
or all that twinkles will cease to be,
- By midnight on Christmas Eve,
I think I understand,
I'll do it,
But wait, Santa?
I left the North Pole this Christmas
because I didn't think I mattered,
I was second guessing even being an elf anymore,
- Oh, Elfette,
Whether big or small or elfy or not at all,
there's a twinkle inside you
upon which you can always call,
- The sacred twinkle?
- It's in all of us,
I believe in you, Elfette,
Elfette!
(Georgie laughs)
- Santa?
Hello?
- I know who you are, elf,
and your gig is up,
Your undercover operation to save Christmas is kaput,
- Undercover?
- I don't care how much twinkle you have left
up in your stockings,
Your plans to save Christmas (laughs) are over,
(laughs)
- Don't worry, Santa,
I won't let you down,
(knocking)
Hi,
- Oh,
My,
Oh, Duey?
I believe your little elf friend is here,
- Elfette!
(laughs) Oh,
- I think I might take you up on that room if it--
- Splendid, yes, I'll have Mother prepare it immediately,
Mother!
- I'm right here, dear,
- Oh,
How'd you get there?
Well, come on in,
- Come, darling,
(calm music)
- Good news, Elfette,
Your room is nearly ready!
And you have the comfiest, fluffiest pillows in the house,
Elfette, is everything all right?
- Yes,
Of course, thank you,
- Splendid,
Well, I'll be off then,
- Duey?
Can I ask you something?
- Sure, yes,
Just don't ask me to recite the 12 days of Christmas,
(laughs)
I can never remember what happens
after the turtle doves and the geese are laying
and then who's paying, you know?
- So I just got off the phone with Santa,
- Wait, the Santa?
You know him?
- He's my boss,
Santa got kidnapped by the mafia
(Duey gasps)
and I have to save him,
I'm supposed to place the Twinkameter atop a tree
where he says all elf magic lives free,
- The Twinkameter,
This does look awfully familiar, Elfette,
Yes,
Perhaps he's talking about the Pebblefellow Tree,
- You've been there before?
- Yes, I used to bird watch down on 57th Street
and I would get corn dogs--
- Stop it, Duey, with the exaggerations,
Help a little elf out,
- Yes, yes, Mother,
- Your room is ready,
- Thank you,
- Dear Elfette,
- Now you can't miss it,
It's right near Central Park and the Big Apple,
- (gasps) Well, I do prefer sugar plums
but I can start at the apple,
- Elfette,
Go straight into Manhattan,
Take the PATH train, don't talk to any strangers,
Look for Jimmy, he's got the hot dog stand,
Say "I need the big dog, Jimmy,"
It's not on the menu,
Got it?
Okay,
(sighs) Well, good night, my new friend,
- Good night,
- Duey,
Don't forget your retainer,
Put it in,
(retainer clicking)
That's a good boy,
(sighs)
(Elfette laughs)
(present rustling)
- Duey,
How do you know Bartholomule?
- Bartholomule?
Oh, yes, yes,
I do believe he was my mother's first son,
Uh huh,
- Your brother?
- Yeah,
A fine pair of mutton chops on that fellow too,
- I'm supposed to remind you,
Tea time!
- (gasps) Yes,
My brother, that makes a lot of sense,
That's why the Twinkameter looked so familiar,
- (laughs) He was a lot of help,
Both you guys,
You're like,,,family,
- Oh, Elfette,
This may be the best Christmas ever,
(grunts)
- Good night!
(upbeat music)
Duey?
Duey: Dearest Elfette,
Twas a pleasure to meet you,
I've never met an elf
but, well, you're pretty good drivers,
I wish I had something to repay you for the ride,
So I've left you this little trinket of mine,
It served me well through all of my travels
and, well, maybe it could help you on your mission,
Bring Santa home safely,
Your friend, Duey,
PS, I'm not sure what was in that mistlefinger tea
but I think I liked it,
(upbeat music)
- My first holiday mixer,
In New York!
(calm music)
(gasps) Cookies!
Oh, I like this place already,
I wonder where everybody else is,
(humming)
- Boss, the elf lady's here!
- Your boss is here?
- Uh huh,
- That's nice,
More cookies!
- Hello,
Welcome,
I'm glad my invitation found you,
- Me too,
When do your other VIP guests arrive?
- Well, I was hoping for more of an intimate meeting,
You know, get right down to business,
- Wait,
I know who you are,
You kidnapped Santa,
- No, wait, now this is a truce,
Not here to hurt you,
But I am here to offer you an opportunity,
Now you've been a wrapping paper elf for what?
12 years?
- Yes,
- You're not advancing, are you?
You're not getting the respect
or recognition that you deserve,
Our company needs someone like you,
With your skill set,
- I'm not interested,
- That's fine, we're just talking,
Have a seat,
Please, I insist,
Come on, it's fine,
- Okay,
- Now imagine this,
Head designer for the world's biggest toy corporation,
With you as the face of all toy design,
Worldwide,
You'd get that respect and the recognition that you deserve,
(Smack)
Think about it,
Does Santa even appreciate you?
Huh?
Come work with us,
Be happy for a change,
- Chief designer of the whole world?
- Yeah, sure,
If that's the title you want, yeah,
But there's something you should know,
I really didn't want to be the one to tell you,
It's about your friend, Stardust,
- Sparkle,
- Yes, Sprinkles, that's what I said,
She's not who you think she is,
- What do you mean?
- Isn't it a little weird
that she's the only elf in Florida?
(tongue clicking)
I wish I knew secret agents,
- You're lying!
- I wish I was,
- You're lying,
- You can take the job and do something great,
Or you can leave,,,
And you lose everything,
(snaps)
Negotiations don't go as planned, ice her,
- But I told you about my fine elf recipe,
So delicious, so nutritious,
- Just do it!
- So scrumptious,
(groans)
- I'm surrounded by morons,
Hey,
That's a good cookie,
(Elfette crying)
- Sparkle wouldn't lie to me,
It's not possible,
Come on,
(gasps) Sebastian!
Are you here to save Christmas too?
- Elfette, Christmas is in the hands of the mafia now,
The North Pole has been destroyed,
I barely escaped,
- But you're chief of security,
You're the most qualified elf to help me,
We can save Christmas together,
- You don't know what I've seen,
I gotta get out of here before someone sees us,
Good luck,
You're braver than me, Elfette,
(dramatic music)
- Wow,
It's huge!
This must be it,
(grunts)
Come on!
Hello?
Stupid thing,
Activate,
Go, go, Twinkameter,
Magic,
Nothing,
Man!
(sighs)
Why isn't it working?
- Hey, you can't be here,
Can't you read the sign?
No elves allowed, so go,
(shouting)
(thunder crashing) (gentle music)
(dramatic music)
- That was a pretty good offer Georgie made you,
Better than what's gonna happen now,
Little elf,
- Are you making more mojitos?
- Let me properly introduce myself,
My name is Ernest Killingsworth III,
award-winning bad guy,
And three time Croaky winner,
- Why are you following me?
- First of all, I would like to thank Sebastian
for your assistance,
- Sebastian, how could you?
You're hired to protect us!
- It's over, Elfette!
The corporations control Christmas now,
He gave me a good job, great pay,
It's the way things are now,
The old elf ways are obsolete,
- Now with this blender,
my 21st Croaky nomination is imminent,
- So you're like the Meryl Streep of killing,
- If she doesn't cooperate, get rid of her,
- Come on!
Do something!
- You think this little twinkle stuff
is gonna save the elves?
(laughs) You're all gonna die now,
- Die?
- Let's go, little elf,
(Elfette crying)
(dramatic music)
(Elfette gasps)
- Hello?
Where am I?
Santa?
Are you here too?
(clatters)
(gasps)
- (laughs) I see you found my cookbook,
- What are you gonna do to me?
- You mean you,
two vine-ripened tomatoes, a pack of gum,
a liter of orange soda, my favorite blender?
(laughs) Oh, wouldn't you like to know,
Oh, oh, oh,
And I guess you won't be needing this anymore,
The elf magic in this ancient junk is now defunct,
(laughs)
- No!
No!
(Ernest laughs)
(Elfette crying)
- And now, how about we take a look
at those little elf feet so he can gum them up?
- He?
- (laughs) First, he's gonna gum up your toes
so you can't run away,
Then he's gonna add a dollop of that orange soda
for fruity stamina,
(laughs)
Organic all-purpose flour,
Two tomatoes,
Candy cane for that fresh breath,
One scoop of whey protein for extra strength,
And oh yes, Mom always said never forget
the low carb, fat free butter,
Little cucumber in there,
but I like to add a little bit of my taste as well,
I put a little bit of mint,
- Yes!
- Mistlefinger?
- Yeah,
- And just half a cup of cottage cheese,
(clatters)
(dramatic music)
Is that what I think it is?
The sacred elf ingredient?
Oh, he's been looking for this one,
- Mistlefinger,
It's not really meant for humans,
And it's actually supposed to be a tea to heal,
- Ha!
You think he's falling for your tricks?
He knows how sneaky you elves can be,
- Okay,
- Whew!
(laughs)
I see a rainbow,
I see a golden igloo,
(laughs)
(humming)
- Have some coal,
That's all you deserve this year,
Okay,
Let's go,
(Ernest humming)
- What?
Oh, you think we should check on the package,
Excellent idea, Mr, Duckie,
(humming)
Phone: Boss is calling, boss is calling,
- Boss,
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Package in transit?
- Package?
I didn't order any package,
- Your elaborate plan,
It worked, right?
- Uh, well, the other elf showed up
and stuffed coal in my mouth,
- Sparkle,
I thought she was still in Florida,
- Boss, I'm so close,
I know I can get her,
The elf macaroons,
- No!
No, no, no, no, no,
You're fired,
I'll handle this myself,
(phone beeps)
- What am I gonna tell Mama?
- Sparkle!
(water bubbles)
- What the?
How did you get here?
- You mean thanks for saving me?
- I mean, you lied to me,
- I had to, Elfette,
- You had to or you don't trust me?
- What?
Of course I trust you,
I only want you to succeed,
- I will succeed,
Because nobody believes in me,
- Elfette, don't be so naive,
This mission is dangerous,
People lie,
The world isn't as safe as the North Pole,
- I guess you'd know,
Special agent,
- Elfette, where's the Twinkameter?
- I lost it, okay?
Are you happy?
- Elfette, come back!
Elfette!
(sighs)
(gentle music)
(Elfette crying)
- May I join you?
- Yeah,
Sure, why not?
- You know, I've been around a bit
and I can tell that look,
- Well, I ruined Christmas,
Is it the I ruined Christmas look?
(laughs)
Should have stayed in Florida,
At least then the Twinkameter wouldn't be lost,
Stupid,
- You know, I had a little boy once
and I ruined Christmas for him,
Things will never be the same,
- You ruined Christmas too, huh?
- You know, you don't always know why you do things
but if you let your spirit guide you,
you'll make it right,
- That's what Sparkle told me,
- Sparkle?
- Look where that got me,
- I think I have something that might help,
- Really? - Mm-hmm,
Now my little boy really needs that,
Let's not forget what Christmas is all about,
It's not how popular you are or how flashy you are,
You can find the Christmas spirit where you least expect it,
Goodbye, little elf!
- Goodbye,
Man: Merry Christmas!
- Merry Christmas,
(dramatic music)
- My peppermint gumdrop, what have they done to you?
- It's okay, sweetie,
Elfette knows what to do,
- Oh,
Gumdrop,
- Enough with the blah blah blah,
Listen, Santa, this is what's gonna happen,
You're gonna tell us all of your secrets
or your precious elves and your bride will be eliminated,
And for what?
A few free gifts?
Come on, Santa,
Let's be reasonable here, huh?
- We'll never help you,
- Well, then your elves are gonna die,
Midnight Christmas Eve, when the freeze is permanent,
- You can't kill Christmas, Little Georgie,
- (laughs) Oh, Santa, I can,
And I will kill Christmas,
- But Christmas is inside you,
like the beating of your heart,
like the brain that makes you smart,
- Enough!
Enough with the rhymes!
Roger,
Go put her on ice,
- Come on, nice lady, time to get frozen,
- No, take me, not her,
She didn't do anything,
- Now you wanna talk, huh?
- No!
Mrs, Claus: Santa, baby, you have to save Christmas!
- Don't do this,
Don't do this,
(Mrs, Claus screaming)
- (laughs) That sounds like someone's getting cold feet,
Oh, you're gonna love this, Santa, look at this,
JoyTech stocks have doubled,
(laughs) Oh, this is going
to be such a very merry Christmas,
Oh, wait, I'm sorry, Santa,
Would you like an eggnog?
A little eggnog?
No?
Okay then,
(humming)
(calm music)
- Elfette, Elfette,
So glad I found you here,
- Duey, what are you doing here?
- I was talking with Mother
and realized that the Pebblefellow Tree
is a daft representation of elf magic,
- I went there,
The magic didn't work,
- No,
The real elf tree is in this park here,
- Really?
- Yes,
But you're looking in the wrong direction,
It's back that way, old girl,
- Okay,
- Now I've gotta get going,
I've got a tea time with Bartholomule,
Yes, Bartholomule?
Yes, I'm almost there,
- Tell him I said hi,
- Yes, Elfette says, he says hello,
Elfette: Okay,
- Oh, yes, I'll bring the honey,
Okay,
Now you get going, you're running out of time, yes,
Elfette: Oh yes,
Bye!
(gentle music)
* We were two young elves that were *
* looking for a little sun
* When we heard the news the North Pole was overrun *
* And with Santa gone, the whole world come undone *
* So I'm going off to find him if I have to go alone *
* Because he's coming home
* Yeah, he's coming home
* Santa Claus is coming home
* Santa's coming home
* Save our Santa from them all
* Yeah, he's coming home
* SOS, is he coming home
* Santa's coming home
* Save our Santa from them all
* Santa Claus is coming home
* Yeah, he's coming home
* He's coming home
* Yeah, he's coming home
* He's coming home
- Whether you're big, small, elfy or not at all,
there's a sacred twinkle inside you
upon which you can always call,
Well, if this is the tree, makes sense,
It's not flashy, it's simple,
And perfect,
Sorry I let you down, Santa,
Sorry, Christmas,
I should've--
Sparkle: Hey,
- I thought you left,
(bell tolling)
Christmas Eve is over,
I failed,
Santa's probably, the elves,
I lost the Twinkameter,
I let everybody down,
Christmas is ruined,
- The Twinkameter was just to help you find yourself,
The sacred twinkle is inside you,
And the Grand Elf Guild may have thought
of something to help,
- Silver halide tinsel!
- You need a ticking clock to make it work,
- I have something,
(laughs)
(tinkling)
(clock ticking)
(laughs)
Christmas magic,
I realize now you were only trying to protect me,
I'm sorry I didn't see that before,
What do we do now?
- You've already done it,
It's you,
Power born in purest snow,
Elfette And Sparkle: The truest elf will only know,
Hold me close and I shall glow,
The sacred twinkle I will bestow,
(triumphant music)
(Elfette laughs)
(laughing)
- We did it!
What about Santa?
- I might have a little elf magic left over,
Hold my hand,
(Elfette squeals)
(Georgie humming)
- (laughs) Did you take care of old Misty Claus?
- Indeed, boss,
I annihilated her
with the hypersonic carbonite freeze chamber as requested,
- Excellent work, Dr, Rogers,
Do you know that you are the smartest goon I know?
- (mumbles) You two giant turkeys were made for each other,
I'm taking back Christmas, suckers!
(gun fires)
(gasps)
- You take care of old Misty Claus?
She's frozen, right?
- Uh huh,
Like a popsicle,
- And now it's your turn, Santa,
In just a few minutes, our toy stores will be booming again,
(laughs)
Hey, did you not hear me?
We're gonna shoot you,
- I can feel a tremor in the twinkle,
Elfette is going to fulfill her destiny,
- (laughs) You're as naive as your little elves,
And I don't care how much your little elf butt twinkles,
You know what this is?
This is a remote detonator
and up there is a missile,
headed straight for your North Pole,
Yeah,
Computer: Weapons activated,
- (laughs) Backup plans are a bitch, aren't they?
- It's not too late to turn back, little Georgie,
Just remember the love
and you'll be as free as a white turtle dove,
- I've had it with all of your little jolly remarks!
Enough!
- Wait,
- How'd you two get in here?
- Christmas magic,
- Seriously?
(laughs) All right then,
Let's turn it into a party,
- Come on, Elfette, tell him why you've come,
- It doesn't matter why she's come,
(laughs) It's over,
Christmas is over,
- Oh, time's running out,
- Take one more step and you're penguin chuck,
- This is for you,
- I'd rather just shoot ya,
- No!
(gun fires)
- Oh, isn't that sweet?
Your little elf girlfriend tried to save you,
- I'm not afraid,
- (laughs) Then you're next, Elfette,
You're like Smurfette except only dumber,
- You can either shoot me where I stand
or you can open your present,
I wrapped it myself,
- Georgie,
It's what Christmas is all about,
(Georgie groans)
- It better be a bar of gold in here,
The Sky Express Spaceship?
They don't even make these anymore!
(laughs)
I thought you forgot, Santa,
Santa, look,
I'm not really a bad guy,
I just, um,
I lost my twinkle,
(mimicking rocket noises)
- This is from your father,
- My dad?
He remembered?
- He always loved you, Georgie,
- He got rid of that toy to put food on the table,
That's why he sold it,
- I always wanted to be an astronaut,
(mimicking rocket noises)
(laughs)
(dramatic music)
What have I done?
I've ruined Christmas,
- There's still time, Georgie,
You know what you must do,
Computer: Weapons deactivated,
(sighing)
- Oh wait,
Is this the part where Santa shoots us?
- I'm full of the Christmas spirit right now,
I'm gonna act like I didn't hear that,
(mimicking rocket noises)
- So, Little Georgie,
- Yes, Santa?
- Tell Santa what else you want for Christmas,
- Really?
I want, I want a pony,
And I want a dolly,
And, and I want the Rock action figure,
- You know, the one with the muscles,
- The muscles, - The muscles,
Santa: Got it,
- And how about a hot cup of cocoa, Little Georgie?
- Yes please,
- Oh, I want some hot cocoa,
Yeah, and I want a spaceship,
And I wanna sit on Santa's lap
because he gets everything and I never get nothing,
(crying)
- It's,,,
It's okay, my boy,
Don't cry, it's okay,
Oh, oh, now, boys?
- Yes, Santa?
- There's still time for Santa to save Christmas,
(sighs)
It's time for Santa to get back to work,
( High five claps)
* Oh baby, baby, I remember our first love *
* You walked in to find a name and face you didn't know *
* Oh baby, baby, could you imagine my surprise *
* When you looked my way
* With your sugar lips and honey brown eyes *
* Cause it feels all right, darling *
* It feels simply
* And it feels there's a whole lot *
* of love going round here
- This is a Grand Elf diamond cane,
I'll give you a million dollars each for these,
- (laughs) Christmas just came,
* But I like the way you move
* Oh yeah, I like your style
* So go on, tell me
(shouting)
- Let's go,
You're going downtown, Miss Coalbottom, let's go,
* With a little romance
* 'Cause it feels all right, darling *
* It feels simply
* And it feels
(phone ringing)
- Pops?
- No,
Georgie?
- Dad, I'm so sorry for everything I did,
- That's past us, it's fine, son,
And I'm sorry too,
I let you down, I know I let you down,
- But hey, I wanted you to know, I got the spaceship,
- So where are you?
What are you doing?
- Dad, I'm in the North Pole
and I figured out what I want to be,
I wanna be an elf,
- What?
You're too big, an elf?
- I got my twinkle back,
- That's what you want, seek your bliss,
- I love you, Dad,
- I love you, boy,
- Merry Christmas,
- Merry Christmas, Georgie,
(kisses)
- I'll see you soon, huh?
- You know, you're supposed to double wrap those
with tape, right?
- Yeah, that's not right,
- What, do you think I'm some kind of dummy?
Huh?
I'm just kidding,
I got my twinkle back, come on,
Got a lot of work to do,
* It feels all right, darling
* It feels simply
* And it feels there's a whole lot *
* of love going round here
* Every time I wake up lonely
* You just slip into my head
* But I'd rather wake on Sunday with you *
* With you sleeping there right next to me in my bed *
* 'Cause it feels all right, darling *
* It feels simply
* And it feels there's a whole lot *
* of love going round here
* 'Cause it feels all right, darling *
* It feels simply
* And it feels there's a whole lot *
* of love going round here
* 'Cause it feels all right, darling *
* It feels simply
* And it feels there's a whole lot *
* of love going round here
* It feels all right, darling
* It feels simply
* And it feels there's a whole lot *
* of love going round here
- Hey, Pency, what is my mom's credit card number?
- Hey, Pency, search for dank memes,
- Pencil Phone is the peak of human evolution,
- Hey Pency, search for rash on my,,,
- Hey, Mom,
I broke my leg again,
- Hey Pency, where's the nearest cockfighting ring?
- Pency, where's the closest--
Pency: Clothing optional beach?
- Yeah,
- Selfie!
(camera clicks)