I love you,
Say something,
What should I say?
I don't know? That all of this is some sort of fucked up joke?
You can't do this to me,
You can't just cut me out of your life, Amputate me like a smoker's leg,
You can't,
I warned you,
But that's not how people work, for fucks sake,
You fucking touched me! You can't do that to me!
I'd like to leave now,
Is that okay?
If you leave now, you'll never see me again,
Good,
You'll stay here, damn it,
Why'd you say all these things to me?
That you think I am beautiful, that you appreciate my work, that you see my potential?
Are you fucking somebody else?
No, not at the moment,
You dumb fucking slut!
Okay, Good night,
Don't walk away from me while I am talking to you!
You owe me that,
You're so fucking vile,
You're an animal,
You're just talking shit,
Is this a game to you? Have you won now?
I’ve seen the way you look at me, Do you think I’m dumb?
No opinion on that,
Don't treat me like this,
Don't treat me like an animal!
You like that?
Not really,
Fucking cunt,
You're fucking sick,
Completely deranged,
A real worthless piece of shit,
Good,
All the best for the future,
- You on the right, me on the left and you in the middle? - Yes,
We can do that, right?
I can't stand how flat-chested this makes me look,
- Come on, make your titties small, - It looks totally amazing, Me as well, right?
Should I try to put holes into it? No,
I can already hear them shouting at the top of their lungs and with bloodshot eyes from all the media:
Father complex,
Brutalisation of society,
Millenial narcissism!
And then they jerk off to their supposed intellectual superiority over us weak-willed controlled amoebas,
I am not a symbol of a lost generation,
I don't despise myself, my body or my gender,
And I am not afraid to open up,
No,
I fearlessly surrender myself and all the elemental force of my existence,
What they want to accuse me of as weakness, as failure, ,,
,, is that I refuse and will refuse to become part of someone else, ,,
,, to relate to someone else and thus only be perceived in relation to this, ,,
,, the other, the foreign body,
I am not a daughter, ,,
,, not a girlfriend, not a lover, not a better half of- !
I am a whole! A totality!
I am a goddamn universe!
And I shit on your microcosm,
I had his cells, his DNA, scraped out of my body,
It didn't cost me anything,
Fine - 350 Euros and two tickets,
I flushed his half and mine down the toilet ,,
,, like a bodily excretion,
Because I couldn't find a place for it inside me,
Because I burst when someone tries to force themselves inside of me,
Because my ego takes up the maximum of my body capacities,
But that ,,
,, you can't tell that to anyone,
Because then they call you a monster,
A sociopath, A lunatic,
It scares them,
A woman who doesn't want to be cut up or be filled,
To perform in front of a crowd and to be so physical with it ,,
,, but yes, I thought we really created a good dialogue,
- And that was what the performance was about, - Matter of opinion, I guess,
I think the way we portrayed it was more of a translation of that, you know?
It’s not supposed to display reality,
I think it depends on the individual, How empathetic someone is,
To distance yourself and take a look from afar,
It felt overwhelming to me,
To me too, Explicit depictions of violence are not my thing,
I know it’s performance art and ,,
I agree with you, To be possessive towards your partner is so 90s,
What shall I say? I think she would also call me her boyfriend,
Fair,
I think it’s just common speech, You just say it, but you also totally emphasized it,
- She's my girlfriend, - Mine!
- Is the relationship open? - No,
Why not?
Because she's yours?
I think it's more her ,,
Okay Mister!
Tell me you're mine,
I belong to you,
Tell me you are mine,
Sure,
Say it,
Yes,
Say it,
I am yours,
Body and soul?
Body and soul,
- Skin and hair? - Skin and main hair,
- Completely and utterly? - Yes,
I finally have a body again,
Can you feel that?
Everybody else does,
With me and my work,
They tell me: "Simeon you seem ,,"
",, like you've grown an additional 10 cm"
My venus,
Let me enter your orbit,
Don't leave me baby,
At a restaurant, Somebody already rattles at the door,
So I know someone uses it after myself,
Then I have to clean up after the person before me to avoid having the one after thinking it was me,
- I don't care about that, - Well, I do,
- ,, at home yes, but a restaurant? - It just makes me uncomfortable,
Everything here is so ugly,
How many people have hung themselves there already?
You think one can simply join them?
Just to hang out,
But you did so well the other day,
Yeah,
You were really good,
Once I saw a squirrel down there,
It jumped backwards and broke its neck,
I took some leaves, dirt and a napkin and buried it, Turned it into a video installation,
The academy loved it,
They called it "existential",
Existential and critical,
They use these words pretty often,
I hate it here,
I love you,
Felix,
Yes?
Don't say it that often,
With a little bit of foam,
Today I just don't do it,
Today I won't talk about it,
Today I'm talking about joy,
My resistance in colour,
I'm talking about otters holding hands when they float in the sea,
And how I'm a fucking genius because I started bunkering menthol cigarettes 10 years ago,
Like Helmut Kohl,
Now I have 3000 of them and sell them for 12 euros a pack,
I invest the money in cryptocurrencies, shares and gold ,,
,, until one day I'll be so rich that I can buy this whole fucking country,
I don't ask for permission,
I don't ask for anything,
I expand into my space,
Steal all the oxygen,
Make myself the status quo,
I don't want equality, not yet,
I want justice,
May I?
Jakob,
You film?
Vlog?
Okay, Vlogging would be lame,
May I have a look?
Do I annoy you?
You're the naked girl from Instagram,
I don't like the pictures,
You look dead,
It's scary,
That's the purpose,
I don't know,
Obviously,
So you are a model?
Did I say something wrong?
No,
You totally look like that actress,
The one in this movie ,,
,, you know, the one with the aliens,
What's her name again?
Have to get going,
What's your name?
Suits you,
Wait a second, Hey!
Shit,
Wait!
So you're a super fan?
Found the picture in the city,
I liked it,
Kinda scary,
You gonna skin and mummify me?
To cocaine and prostitutes!
It's "to prostitutes and cocaine"!
Yeah? I think it's "to cocaine and prostitutes",
I think you don't know anything about cocaine and prostitutes,
Beautiful,
You want to boost the mood a little?
I am still a virgin and a little bit nervous,
It worked before,
Don't laugh,
See?
Making sure your first is romantic,
Straight through,
Over the candle?
No, I trust you,
Do you think I'm beautiful?
Yes,
I've always admired them,
These ,, alpha men ,,
These alpha men with their effortless, panther-like elegance,
If you're an average man ,,
,, with an average face ,,
,, an average length ,,
,, an average thickness ,,
,, and an average height ,,
,, if you don't have at least some talent or a really great sense of humour, ,,
,, you'll be forced to spend the rest of your life picking ,,
,, what the Brad Pitts of the world have dropped off on the pavement,
The beings who love unconditionally, who tolerate being cheated on ,,
,, and don't want anything from the pseudo-Dylans except ,,
,, the promise to at least use a rubber in their debauchery,
They sink back into the sheets every now and then, ,,
,, coked up and reeking of sweat and someone else's cheap perfume,
Back in school, I sometimes fantasized about making them all pay for this injustice,
I kept a small list in my school bag ,,
,, with all the disgusting names of my classmates, written in code, ,,
,, these pissers, ,,
,, which I sometimes took out during class and imagined how I would shoot them one by one,
One time a classmate made fun of my dick in the shower,
Afterwards he slipped on the way into the locker rooms ,,
,, and knocked out his upper row of teeth,
When I saw him lying there crying in his blood, ,,
,, for a moment I believed in God,
How do you like it?
I don't know, A little bit too ,,
I ,, I kinda like it,
- Simeon? - Especially your expression,
,, amazing, Yeah?
Because of the mood it doesn't make sense to put it at the beginning,
Simeon?
- Or maybe it does ,,? - Simeon!
Lulu, why are you shouting?
What is it?
What is it, darling?
Do you remember the pictures I took?
The one with the doves?
The re-population of the urban through nature?
Of course,
You liked it, right?
Of course,
I wanted to ask if I could hang them up as well?
Of course, Lulu, What's mine is yours,
Really?
Really,
I'll introduce you to Josef as well, He already likes you so much, Your work, I mean,
The summer I turned seven years old, I saw the sea for the first time,
My mother and stepfather had rented a little house,
In Spain,
On the mainland,
Just a few metres from the water,
I burnt the soles of my feet on the black pebble beach, ,,
,, but I loved it there,
Once, as I was playing in the garden with my big brother, ,,
,, I made a curious discovery,
We had tried to catch lizards with an improvised trap, ,,
,, and just as a tiny one was about to escape by a hair's breadth, ,,
,, it magically flew through the air and landed in my lap,
I was startled, but soon calmed down thinking it was the wind,
My brother didn't suspect anything either, ,,
,, but one day before we left, it happened again,
I was helping my mother in the kitchen, ,,
,, and when I went to wash my hands, ,,
,, I accidentally knocked the salad bowl off the shelf,
But before it could hit the floor and shatter, ,,
,, it stopped mid air ,,
,, as if frozen, five centimeters above the ground,
From that day on, for months I practiced controlling these powers,
My mother hadn't noticed any of this,
She had always been a little absent-minded,
One day at dinner, when my stepfather said he was going to tell me another bedtime story, ,,
,, I decided to wait for him,
He came at the same time as always, ,,
,, didn't knock, ,,
,, sat down at the corner of my bed, smiling,
My mother could never explain ,,
,, how the heavy mahogany cupboard ,,
,, had fallen over so easily,
What did you think?
It was beautiful,
Just beautiful?
No, Even more than that,
I felt deeply touched,
The kind of love they have ,,
,, their deep connection, ,,
,, and how much they inspire each other,
It was incredibly beautiful,
- I really want to try it, but I feel scared, - Let's do it,
I can trust you, right?
You'll take care of me, okay?
- Together we can do it, - Okay,
It was existential ,,
,, but also critical,
- You know what I mean? - I totally get what you mean,
Yours was also good, just different,
Is this an everyday thing now?
My dealer moved back to Berlin,
Oh yes, Berlin,
Now I always use Telegram and it's ,, I don't know,
Are you in this one group chat?
- He now has my number and keeps texting me, - Oh, no,
How are you feeling babe?
Felt good, right?
If it makes sense then it's good,
Being naked just to be naked ,,
,, is already dead,
It's Vodka, but it's good enough,
If one person experiments a lot more it can get complicated,
And a threesome?
To watch the person you love doing it,
You need to have experienced extreme things to portray extreme things,
You just need good friends,
Then everywhere is fun,
It doesn't matter where you are if you're with the right people,
Berlin?
Yeah,
- You hate Berlin, - So what?
Doesn't matter!
Someone here loves you,
But I don't love myself here,
I wouldn't join you in Berlin,
I wouldn't ask you to,
You love it here,
I love you,
Don't repeat it so often,
I ,,
,, love ,,
,, you,
This seems inflationary,
I am sorry!
Come here,
Say it again,
I love you,
Once more!
- Again! - I love you!
I love you!
I love you,
Felix, ,,
,, I don't feel anything,
Hi!
A little too much to drink,
With too much to drink one gets tired,
You know, if he pukes it will be a 150 euros,
Yes, that's not going to happen!
Never done this before,
Me neither,
I need more security,
Music?
Are you crying?
Fuck you,
Shall we try?
Just put it there,
Sweatshirt off,
I don't really know ,,
,, maybe you can lie here?
Okay, Wait,
Maybe remove the cushions,
Okay?
Hey! What's the matter with you?
Sorry!
- We agreed to just hold each other! - I am sorry,
That was the agreement!
- Just hold each other! - Yes,
Then what was that?
I don't know! What do you mean?
Not what we agreed on!
- I must have misunderstood, sorry, - I knew it!
"Just hold each other", I am so stupid, I hate myself,
Probably,
What is wrong with you? Men really can't be trusted,
Disgusting! I am disgusted!
I get Anna now!
It's okay, Come here,
- Better? - Yeah,
Why are you even doing this?
I am lonely,
I know, I'm not supposed to say that,
You can say it to me,
Good,
You know how she's doing? Anna I mean,
Felix, just don't, It's better if you don't know,
I can't get it up anyways,
Tragic,
Yes, that's what it is,
- So, you're still together with ,, - Yes,
She doesn't care?
Unfortunately,
She doesn't sleepover anymore,
She needs distance,
I disturb her singing ,,
,, with my presence,
You know, I don't care, It's okay like that,
She's worth it,
I get what I need elsewhere,
That's healthier, I think,
Being sober is weird,
You can feel so much,
She says it's better that way, but I'm not sure,
Singing is also a kind of high ,,
,, so now I produce sounds,
Everything expands, just not me,
I seem to shrink,
Everything's sticky,
Is that normal?
Sometimes it itches, Like a rash, Very strange,
My face, her hair, The sound of her breathing,
The heat of skin, How am I supposed to sleep?
She clings to me like a parasite,
Oozing out of my pores,
So ,, just hold each other?
Are you ready?
Sorry,
Can I come in?
Thanks,
Cool, By Simeon?
Are you okay?
No,
It's like having a piece of meat cut out of your thigh with a blunt kitchen knife,
You can hardly move because of the pain, ,,
,, but the piece of meat suddenly makes itself independent, meets new people, ,,
,, dies its hair blond, learns Swedish, spends a month in Costa Rica or whatever ,,
,, and comes back tanned and fragrant to the city, ,,
,, which since you were wounded seems much smaller and narrower than before,
And your friends keep pointing out to you:
"Are you okay? Dude, you look bad, man,"
And you want to say: "Yeah, fucking shit, because I'm missing half my goddamn leg!"
"I almost can't take a step because of the pain! It's like lightbolts in my brain with every fucking step ,,
,, and maybe that's why I look like shit,"
And maybe you don't want to talk to your stoned colleagues ,,
,, about the tits of the swedish exchange student ,,
,, that you drunkenly fucked with a half-hard cock at the university party the other day ,,
,, and went home crying afterwards,
Maybe you just want someone to numb the pain or to just hold you,
- You're late, - Sorry, I'll make it up by staying longer,
You had a drink?
Hey ,, brother,
Hey Brother!
What's his deal?
Are you two fucking?
No,
Want to see my pictures?
Isn't he the tragic DJ?
Yes, he's a musician,
Musician? Wow,
He plays the fiddle?
I thought about the arrangement,
You two fuck?
No,
Also we said ,,
What?
Doesn't matter,
What did we say? Tell me,
You know, to not hook up with others anymore,
Babe, ,,
,, I think you misunderstood me,
Why these post-catholic patriarchal capitalist pseudo-laws?
- I agree, - Don't ruin a good thing!
Nymph,
Yeah?
I just though that maybe ,,
Let's not ruin what we have,
- Yeah? - Yeah,
Say it louder,
- Yeah! - Yes!
Are those the pictures?
It's not finished yet,
I'd like to ,,
You little genius,
So, are you fucking him or what?
No,
Because I would not want to ,, you know back-to-back?
Yeah,
It's also about hygiene, I take that seriously,
- Of course, - Yeah,
I don't want this virus, What's it called again?
Shit, What is it called?
- But didn't you also ,, the other day? - What?
- You were with Anja right before you were with me, - Anja?
Yeah, but we had a deep talk, Anja and me,
You sure?
No, I'm not sure,
It was just ,, soul bonding,
It was crazy, We took shrooms, Tripping balls for hours,
It was just ,,
,, a real encounter,
Cool,
This dude just seems ,,
,, a little bit stupid,
Could you just ,,
Shhh,
Could you just not ,,
,, you know, with my close friends?
It's just a little ,,
,, I know what they look like naked,
It's just weird,
I know you,
High probability,
Lovely,
Thank you,
She's lovely,
But it's my picture,
I know that,
Congrats,
Are you always like that?
Actually, yes,
And?
Any reasons why?
Meaning what?
Your dick made of gold?
24 carat,
30 centimeters,
Impressive,
Wanna see?
Keep it in your pants,
So what do you want?
Nothing,
For real,
Thanks a lot,
Bullshit,
No,
I know you as well,
Possibly,
Annas performance, you danced?
By the way ,,
,, I won't be able to make it next weekend, Sorry,
You promised?
I have to go to Leipzig, Urgently,
It's a big chance,
Important people,
I already postponed it for you,
We'll celebrate another time,
Have you cut your hair?
Hey,
You look different,
Yes?
Waiting for me?
Are you here everyday?
No,
,, Yes,
Depressing,
Not really,
I watched the squirrels,
There's lots of them,
Yes,
Mainly in fall,
Looking for someone?
Just taking pictures,
Let me see,
No, it's nothing special,
Come on,
No,
Okay,
Please?
I said no,
Sorry,
Pity,
What's that gonna be?
Transmedial work,
Sweet,
The photographer is your boyfriend, right?
Yes,
- He seems ,, - Yes, I know,
He's different in private,
I see,
Sorry,
Gotta go now,
Why?
Stop waiting for me,
It's creepy,
- I only wanted to ,, - Please,
I can't do this anymore, Emilia,
Aren't you happy?
Don't I make you happy?
There's nothing that hurts, No dirt,
That's good, isn't it?
If that's happiness, I don't want it,
Fuck,
I fucked Simeon,
Have you cried?
No,
Your mascara is smudged,
On purpose,
Your lipstick as well,
As well?
Looks like shit,
You too,
- Then why do you look at me like this? - How?
Like you think I'm hot,
You really think the whole world is yours,
Because it's true,
Not me,
30 centimeters,
Incredible,
Wanna know something?
Pleasure,
Seriously, your pictures suck,
Not everybody gets it,
I get them,
I get what you want to do, but ,,
,, they still suck,
Plump, One-dimensional,
Reminds me of the cover photos of novels you can buy at the petrol station,
You could call it ironically nostalgic, of course,
Or just ugly,
My aesthetic is my aesthetic,
It's giving necrophilia,
- Fuck you! - Fuck you,
Just leave me alone,
I know why you react like that,
Because you have no clue!
You react like that, because you know it yourself,
Am I right?
You know I'm right,
You know most people wouldn't get half of your fame for work like that,
The people buy you, not your pictures,
Suck my dick,
I'm just honest,
Nobody asked your opinion,
I know,
You think you're better?
Yes,
At least, I was,
- Doesn't matter anymore, - You depressed?
Need an ambulance?
I am tired,
Lonely?
The opposite,
Don't say that,
I am sorry,
Please, don't ,,
But I really am sorry,
Please, don't say that, I ,,
I can't take it,
I am sorry I did this to you,
Really sorry,
I only want to see you happy, you know?
Please, don't say that! I can't take it,
I am sorry I did this to you,
Really sorry,
I just wanted to see you happy,
I just wanted for you to be happy,
Please,
Hey,
- I am sorry, - Emilia!
Now get it together, okay?
It's enough,
You can't get rid of me so easily,
I would've never thought ,,
What?
That I'd fuck you?
Yeah,
Never would've thought,
Why not?
Because ,,
You really don't get it, do you?
Who?
Men?
There's no collective,
Of course,
There's no collective,
And yet so unwaveringly solidary with each other,
What does that mean?
It means that when it comes to creating a common enemy, ,,
,, promoting each other, ,,
,, or developing conspiracy theories about why women don't look at you with their asses, ,,
,, you always seem to agree,
Do you even want me, Jakob?
Yes, of course,
You want me or do you want to possess me?
What's the difference?
That's why nobody wants to fuck you,
Wow,
Why are you suddenly such a bitch?
There we go,
What's the matter?
You really think you'e something special, Jakob,
If only everyone could see your innermost self, ,,
,, if only your outward appearance could reflect the intrinsic value you believe you carry,
Everyone would fall in love with you, ,,
,, because you are such a catch, right?
Shall I tell you something?
Believe me, I'm doing you a favour,
Please,
There's a million guys like you,
There's one waiting for me on every street corner,
There's no day I use public transport without being handed a phone number,
In the club it's raining gin tonic, in hopes I drink the roofies in there,
Everything these dudes do to me, you'd probably defend, right?
You recognize yourself in them,
- You are the same, - What?
Maybe you haven't done it yourself, but ,,
,, you got the potential to kill and rape in you,
Ridiculous,
Be honest, you don't even seek love from women,
You want other men to see how women love you,
Then men start also loving you,
You only crave fr a guy to acknowledge how amazing you are,
Well done!
That's what you really want!
What are you saying? I'm not gay!
- I know you're not gay, - Yeah,
I know you don't want to fuck guys,
That would be honorable,
That's not my point, Not at all,
- Then what? - You only want one of these men to choose you,
To be seen, To be told "You did great, Jakob!"
All these guys you emulate, who fascinate you so much ,,
,, the ones you think are so amazing, ,,
,, they think you suck,
None of them respect you,
They don't give a single fuck about you,
What identity do you create when I tell you you're not as repulsive as you think you are?
Even good-looking?
You could have anything you want if you weren't just so fucking ugly inside?
Tell that to the one you really wanna say it to,
You know where to find me,
I have always been different,
I haven't had many friends, but I don't mind,
I never wanted any,
I never needed any,
I couldn't make sense of using my time t o exchange fake pleasantries,
Only for them to do the same,
I only realized later to surround yourself with people who think highly of you,
There's always someone who thinks highly of me,
Funny thing is ,,
,, my only real talent is turning shit into gold,
My first solo exhibition were self-portraits,
Me, naked, in sexually explicit positions, from every different angle,
Together with some models I found at opium parties,
Opposite this I put pictures from my childhood,
It was all a cheap cliché,
But a local and a national newspaper reported it,
The fuck?
I do care that my pictures suck,
Always did,
But talent, whatever that might be ,,
,, is not possessed by everyone,
It's a lot easier sucking at something, if you're the only one who knows,
That's my whole truth,
I turn my inside outside or some shit like that,
The whole lie,
Nothing's gonna change,
You'll still, or even because of that, want me,
Authentic, touchable, relected,
I can do whatever I want, you'll buy it,
It would be amazing, if it wasn't so pathetic,
Who is she?
A friend,
She's pretty,
Yeah,
- How old is she? - I don't know,
Young,
I can tell,
Don't do that shit,
It's too much,
Sorry,
There's no space left, right?
Lulu, does it have to be now?
If not now, when?
I'm really stressed, Honey, please,
When would you have told me?
Honey,
I can't right now,
I haven't slept for ages, I shat blood yesterday, I don't need extra stress,
It's okay,
- You could've just told me, - Please, shut the fuck up,
I already told you this was my priority, If you can't accept that, it's better leave it be,
What do you mean "accept"? I just wanted to know, Don't I deserve that?
What do you deserve?
Do you think just because you exhibited four pictures somewhere people only go for free drinks ,,
,, that that's your career kickstart?
Don't be ridiculous,
Doesn't matter if it's four more of yours,
My work doesn't matter?
I didn't say that,
I didn't mean it like that? What?
I didn't mean it like that,
Then choose your words carefully,
Honey,
Welcome,
Art needs to be an experience again,
So let's experience something, Have fun,
- Do you have a lighter? - Of course,
A little bit of ash ,,
I just said that in current times ,,
,, we all try to suppress all the hurt and the trauma ,,
,, but you know, I like to think of it as "what's left of us if there's no more hurt?" ,,
,, and that's why need to keep hurting each other ,,
,, to keep being human,
Don't smile,
Beautiful,
What may be seen?
Everything,
Thighs as well?
Like life itself,
My hair?
Fountain of gold,
My breast?
Impeccable,
My ass?
As well,
My eyes?
Like diamonds,
Simeon?
Yeah?
Say my name,
Lulu,
My real name,
Nobody calls you that,
Come on,
Say my name,
It's not fitting, Come on,
How'd you wanna know?
I ,, uh ,,
I think I've forgotten it,
You haven't forgotten,
You don't know,
You haven't forgotten, you never asked,
Do you know how happy you make me?
No need to say anything,
I know you don't like that,
I love you,
A lot,