How are the kids?
Are you sure you're alright, Nick?
I'm fine,
She named that place after you,
you know,
The hell you've been through in the last couple of years,
You deserve better,
Hang on a second Nick,
Rach, I think someone's moving in next door,
That's bloody quick,
Well, did you think
they were gonna leave it sat there empty forever?
It can't be doing you much good being cooped up alone
in that house, to be honest,
Why don't you jump on a train?
Stay with us for a few days,
The kids would love to see their auntie,
I can't, They-- they need me at work,
Okay,
Well, I'm sure the new neighbors
will be lovely,
Give them a chance, okay?
You might end up with some new mates,
Good morning, Mr, Phipps,
How you doing today?
I want the other one,
I know you do, but Agatha doesn't work on a Tuesday,
so you're gonna have to make do with me, I'm afraid,
Can you take these for me?
Well done,
She's got lovely blonde hair,
She has,
Beautiful backside,
Oh, yeah, I know,
You know I don't like to ask, but I really need you
to work tomorrow,
It's my one day off, Neil,
You need to hire more staff,
I'm working on it,
You keep saying that,
I can't help it if nobody's applying for the job,
No one wants to graft these days,
Well, maybe you should raise the pay,
You know I can't do that,
Look, I need you,
More importantly, they need you,
Nicky,
Hello,
Oh,
That's right,
How are you doing? Hmm?
Should we make Nan's cake?
This is a very important visit now
for John Higgins,
He's finished just a little bit awkward,
so he might just decide to come back off the blue here,
No, he was playing for the black,
So, key shot coming up in this frame,
Oh, look at that little shot,
Now, how does she look?
How long is this gonna go on for, eh, Reg?
Come on,
Oy! Oy! I'm a fucking animal, yeah?
I'm a fucking animal,
That's what I am, a fucking animal,
Yeah, Yeah,
Are you fucking ready?
Go on, son, let's go, Yeah,
For fuck's sake,
God, Dorothy,
Are you okay?
- Oh dear, - I'm sorry,
No, don't be sorry,
Let's get you up,
Where is everyone, eh?
Use your legs, Use your legs for me,
That's right,
Hello,
Hi,
Hello stranger,
Tried your mobile earlier,
Did you?
Must've been on silent,
Anyway, you sound much nicer on the proper phone,
How are you doing? How's uni?
Yeah, good,
Just writing essays and all that,
Just wanted to check in,
Make sure you're alright,
Check in?
Your auntie's not been in touch by any chance?
No,
Mm,
Well, don't worry about me, alright?
Just focus on your uni work,
Then get rich and buy me a nice new house,
Hmm, Yeah, I'll try,
You got any nice plans for tonight?
Just going cinema,
They're showing The Exorcist on a proper old film print,
God, I bloody hate that film,
Mind you, I feel like the girl with the spinning head today,
Why?
Some lad's moved into your Nana's place,
It was a right old party,
I haven't slept a wink,
Did you not tell him to shut the fuck up?
Oi! Language!
No, I did not,
I'm sure they're just excited, it being the first night
and all that,
Get some sort of rest today, I'm sure,
Mm,
It's gonna be weird having someone else
at Nan and Grandad's,
Yeah,
Hello, darling,
There we go, Reggie,
Give you your food, There we go,
Yeah, I'll be just there in a sec,
- One sec, Yeah, go on, - Hi,
Um, can I just have a word with you about the noise?
Oh, Are you from next door, ain't ya?
- Yeah, - Yeah, yeah, yeah, Come in,
-No, I'm alright, I-- -No, come in, No, come in,
Oi! Oi, Jack! Jack!
-Fetch her a drink, yeah? -No, I don't--
You a cocktail girl, ain't ya?
What do you want, like a little pineapple
at the top to make it look--
No, it's--
You know what?
You probably don't know with you just moving in,
but the walls are really thin,
And I just wanted to chat with you about the music,
'cause last night, I barely slept a wink,
Oh, well, sleep when you're dead,
That's what I say,
Well, I-- I don't really wanna sleep when I'm dead,
I'd quite like to sleep now,
I've got to be up for work in the morning at 7:00,
Oh, you're serious?
Yeah,
Fucking hell, Were we that loud?
Come on, we weren't that loud,
We weren't that loud, be honest,
My bed was vibrating,
It was fucking hell,
Oi, Jack! Oi, Jack! Jack!
She said her bed was vibrating like that fucking face--
No, I just need my beauty sleep,
Do you know what I'm saying?
You'll need more than a few hours, Kip,
to sort them bags out, love,
Hey, watch your fucking mouth, dude,
Sorry, What-- what did you just say?
Should she even be drinking? She looks about 12 years old,
I'm 20,
Look, I'll sort it out, yeah? And I'm sorry about it,
But I ain't got class for that, you know?
You want this turned down?
If you won't mind, yeah,
Right, I'll just tell him, yeah?
- Just the music, yeah? - Yes,
Right, I've got you, I'm sorry,
Oi, turn it down in there, yeah?
No, not up, Turn it down,
Yeah, yeah, Nice one,
-That's fine, -Is that perfect, yeah?
- This is great, Absolutely, - Are you sure?
I'll turn it down more for you,
-No, that's fine, No, -I've got you,
Anything you want, I've got you,
- Thank you, That's fine, - I can turn it down, Alright,
Actually, there is one more thing,
Yeah?
Would you ask your mate with the dog,
to keep it on this side of the grass,
It's just that this morning, I nearly stepped on
a massive pile of dog mess,
Well, how do you know it was his dog?
No, no, I'm serious,
How-- how-- how do you know it was his dog?
It could have been anyone's dog, Did you see it?
Did you see his dog shit?
-I-- -I'm only joking,
I'm pulling your leg, I've got you,
I've got you, yeah? I'll tell him, yeah?
-I'll tell him, -Thanks,
I'll fucking sort him out for you,
Alright, Well, I hope you have a really--
Alright, See ya, Bye!
Hello, And welcome to
tonight's sleep meditation,
A chance to slowly drift with the ocean and to surrender,
My name is Jason Stevenson,
And in tonight's practice,
I invite you to open your heart
to the possibility of total release
and relaxation,
Just notice your breath
as it flows naturally,
And notice how it moves like a soft wave
and how,
if you listen closely, it can sound like one, too,
Sorry, but what have we just discussed?
It's 4:00 in the morning
and the music is getting louder,
Some of us have got to get up for work in the morning,
Don't talk to me about graft, love, yeah?
Yeah, I've done my fucking shit, alright?
Right, well,
What?
Can you just turn the music down?
What's your fu-- seriously, what's your fucking problem?
No, no, look at me? What's your fucking problem?
Are you allergic to fun or something?
You're so fucking miserable, you know that?
I'm-- I'm just-- I've had a tough couple of years here
struggling with me mental health
and I-- I just want to sit back,
relax with a couple of me mates here
and just want to clear me head of some of the horrible shit
that's in me, yeah, and I'm telling you this,
you ain't fucking helping, are you?
I understand and I'm really sorry
- that you've had problems, - Are you?
I am, but if you don't turn it down,
I'm gonna have to call the police,
Oh, it's like that?
What, you're gonna call the fucking pigs on me,
are you?
If you don't turn it down, I'm gonna have to,
Yeah, why don't you go and fuck off then?
Now, get the fuck out of my garden, you fucking grass!
Go and fuck off!
Go on! Fuck off!
Now don't fucking be a drama queen, get up!
What are you falling over for?
Go and fuck off!
He told me to F off out of his garden!
Right, and were you
in his garden?
Well, yeah, I was, I was, yeah, because I was just
knocking on the door to complain about the noise,
Are you back inside
your property now?
Yeah,
And has he made any attempt
to enter your property?
No,
Look your best bet really
with noise complaints is to contact the local council,
If it becomes a long term problem,
they'll gather evidence and have him removed,
But what about now?
I need to sleep!
Now!
What-- what are you gonna do about the noise now?
Madam,
Oh my God!
Nicky?
Kevin,
You need a ticket from 7:00 a,m, these days,
-Oh, -It's a 50 quid fine,
Sorry,
No, you're alright,
What are you doing down here at this hour anyway?
It's usually only doggers before 8:00,
I see some mad things working in parking enforcement,
let me tell you,
I'm not the man I used to be, Nick,
Still, I wouldn't have had you down for a dogger,
I'm not a dogger, Kevin,
I'm just,,,
watching the waves before I go to work,
and I must have-- must have dozed off,
What are you listening to?
Fogy FM?
It's Beethoven,
Daddy used to always listen to it at breakfast,
I couldn't bear it, but now I wouldn't be without it,
Great movie, All the same,
Beethoven, you remember?
The one with the big fat dog?
It's not a fat dog, it's a Saint Bernard,
They're meant to be that size,
Well, yeah, that's what my sister tells herself,
It's still not right to take up two seats on a bus, is it?
How is Karen?
Clinically obese,
Yeah, it's official,
Hey, I've got one for you,
Um, what's Mozart doing these days?
He's decomposing,
Did you get it?
You know what, Kevin, I'm gonna have to go,
because um, I should really g-- go-- go,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure,
Hey, wait, no, wait, Let me give you--
I'll give you my card,
My new venture,
Great seeing you,
-Yeah, you too, -Take care,
Hear you're leaving, too?
Yeah, end of month,
Me and my boyfriend are going travelling,
That's exciting,
Yeah, We're gonna go Australia,
Then after that, we're gonna go Thailand,
and then just see how it goes,
Just trying to travel as long as possible really,
See the world before we get old,
Yeah,
Could I pinch one of them?
Yeah, of course,
Didn't know you smoked?
I don't,
Well, I did, but gave up when Liam was born,
18 years ago,
Oh, it's actually really nice, isn't it?
Yeah, yeah, it is,
Oh, dear,
Oh my God,
Oh my fucking God,
Get out the car!
Are you deaf as well as fucking blind?
I'm so sorry, I didn't even see you!
Get out the fucking car!
I didn't even--
Oh gosh,
I'm sorry, Jackie!
Oh, you fucking bitch!
Come on,
Keep your hands up,
Come on,
Keep your hands up,
- Well, make it tight, - Tight,
Like that, Yeah, That's it, Like that,
Keep it tight, Come on,
1, 2,
Tight, Tight,
Come on, Come on,
Woop, Woop,
It's the sound of the police,
Look at those cones getting around the house, brother,
I'm ready to have a good time,
-You ready, yeah? -Yeah,
Boy, I want to get on it, Oi,
Lovers, Come on,
Lover boy, get up,
Come on, Let's get fucking on it,
Let's get the party started,
Let's get the fucking party started,
Oi, Get the cocaine eggs!
Hi, Mrs, Weekes,
Hello, dear,
I just wanted to talk to you about them next door,
What about them?
Well, they're a bloody nightmare, aren't they?
I mean, I've been up for two nights,
I think what we should do is all get together
and talk to the council,
I don't want any trouble at my age, love,
We don't really hear them from our side anyway,
Right,
I'm sorry, love,
Oh, do come by and have a cup of tea, though,
when you've got a moment,
I'm trying to get some people together
to complain about the new neighbors,
-And the noise, -I don't want to get involved,
Don't bother me, Sorry,
I'm trying to get some people together
to complain about the new neighbors,
And the noise,
Hang on,
I need me hearing aid,
Oh!
Ouch,
Oh, I'm--
I was really sorry about your dad,
He was a good man,
Not the kind of bloke you expect to die really,
He seemed so tough, you know?
When my mom died, he never really recovered,
Not being able to be with her at the end, it was,,,
,,,he was heartbroken, you know, literally,
Well, my mom said it was a fantastic service,
The finest funeral food she'd ever eaten,
She said to him,
"Christ himself couldn't have made a better buffet,"
And you know how much my mom loves Jesus,
Well, tell your mom that Jesus didn't make the butties,
I did,
Yeah,
Um, I got you something,
A little present,
For me?
Yep,
It's a violin,
Yeah,
What for?
Well, you like classical music, don't you?
Oh, yeah,
I like listening to it on the radio,
But I-- I can't play the violin,
Well, no, But you can practice, can't you?
I don't know what to say,
Well, you don't need to say anything now,
Thank you,
So, um, well, are we gonna go out after here or what?
What, now?
Yeah, Two for one at Niro's tonight,
I don't know, Kev,
They'll think the cleaning lady's turned up,
Bollocks, I will not have that,
You look gorgeous,
Come on, We'll show the little shits how it's done,
Oh, Kevin,
I've got two left feet,
Oh, yeah?
Well, listen, I've got two right feet,
So we balance each other out,
But why don't we just go back to your's?
Yeah, okay,
Okay,
Bedroom is through here,
Um, make yourself comfortable,
And I just need to use the bog,
I'll be three, four minutes max,
Hmm,
Showtime, baby,
Ah, for fuck's sake,
Oh, hi, um, I'm glad you're awake,
Um, I just wanted to, um, apologize
for the other night,
Right,
I was just really tired and um,
but I appreciate it, I was a bit stroppy,
And I meant no harm,
And um,
I just wanted to make you a peace offering,
To say, sorry,
Good?
You did good,
Apology accepted, Nigella,
Great,
Hi, it's Mark here,
And welcome back to the podcast,
Today's episode is gonna focus on the best principles
and practices for a great night,
Oh,
Listen, listen,
I'll call you back in two minutes, yeah I've got to go,
Come on, come on,
Come on, come on, come on,
And exhale,
Breathe in,
And start to curl and lift your way up,
Now, can you play a telling safety shot,
And stay in the driving seat in this round,
This looks like a pretty decent line,
But how's the length?
It looks pretty good,
He just needs to be very careful here
that he doesn't accidentally knock a red
over the middle pocket,
Oh, he didn't want that kiss on the brown,
and it could have--
Put himself in all sorts of trouble here,
Big, big mistake from--
Listen, Nicky, I know it was you that broke
into my fucking house, yeah?
I know it was you, you dirty fucking cow,
Go away!
Or I'm gonna-- I'm gonna call the police!
Oh, go on, go on call the fucking police then!
Look, I would love it for you
to bring the fucking police down,
because you broke into my fucking house,
and you destroyed my fucking property!
I don't know what you're talking about, alright?
How'd you get in?
I bet you got a set of keys
from your fucking dead parents, didn't you?
Yeah, I know all about you, Nicky,
you cheeky fucking cunt!
Oi! Give me the fucking keys, yeah?
And I'll leave you alone,
Just bring me the fucking keys,
Oi!
Stop fucking ignoring me, I know you're in there,
Can you fucking hear me, Nicky?
Oh, you want to give me the silent treatment?
Alright, watch this,
Oi, oi, Nicky that lives in the red door, yeah?
Yeah, yeah, number four, Yeah, that Nicky,
The Nicky who breaks into people's houses,
Go on, tell everyone why you broke into my house,
What, you like breaking my property, do ya?
Fuck me again, I swear I'm going to fucking go nuts!
Listen, next time I see you, Nicky, yeah,
we're gonna have a little chat about the money you owe me
for a new fucking sound system,
They don't come cheap, either, I can tell you that for free,
Do you hear me, yeah?
Better sleep with your fucking eyes open, you fucking idiot,
Reggie?
Hi, Neil,
Um, look, I'm really sorry, but I'm not gonna be able
to come in today,
Oh, What do you mean, Nick?
I'm just not--
I'm just not feeling very well,
I think--
I think I've got that bug that's going round,
Could you not have let me know earlier?
You're gonna be here in 10 minutes,
I'm really sorry, I--
I meant to call you at 7:00, but I overslept,
Well, could you not come in
just for a few hours?
I'll try and get someone from the agency,
You were fine when I saw you the other day,
I've got the shits, Neil, alright?
Hi, you've reached
Rachel's hair and beauty,
I can't take your call right now
but please leave a message and I'll get back to you,
Reggie?
Chu, chu, chu, chu, chu, chu,
Reggie?
Chu, chu, chu, chu, chu, chu,
Reggie?
Chu, chu, chu, chu, chu, chu,
Reggie?
You looking for a cat?
Have you seen one?
Is it like a little brown stripey cat?
Nah, I ain't seen it, mate,
Mm, I love cupcakes, mate,
Do you smell burning?
Fuck!
What do you want?
You left your violin,
Kev?
You alright?
You look awful,
Oh, thanks,
Shoes off, please,
Oh, yeah, Right,
Look, about the other night, Kev, I'm just not--
I'm just not used to any of that anymore,
I mean, waking up in someone else's bed
and just--
Yeah, yeah, alright,
You could have text back,
I was half expecting to come around here
and find a dead body,
Which wouldn't be the first time either,
Yeah, you find a lot of bodies
in the parking enforcement game,
Jeez, that's a hell of a racket
your neighbors are making for a Wednesday night,
They go all night,
Every night,
You know, I haven't slept since I stayed at your place,
I've never taken any drugs,
Nothing like that,
But I feel like I'm on a knee,
Seriously?
Well, you can't have that,
I think they've done something to my cat, Kev,
He's not been back for days,
What?
Okay, well, I'm gonna go in there
and I'll have a word for you,
No, I wouldn't do that, They're not very nice,
We'll soon fucking see about that,
And you can't let people bully you, Nicky,
No way,
Let's see what they say to a brown belt,
No, Kev, Kevin,
They're really nasty,
-I've already been-- -Yeah, well, listen,
I'll teach them some manners,
Don't make me fuck with your nose,
you've got something on your nose here,
You've got something on your nose here,
Stop it! Just take it, alright?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, What the fuck is this?
Go inside,
No, I'm not being funny, but what's this?
I'll get you the rest, okay?
I just want my cat back,
I've not seen your stupid cat, you daft cow, yeah?
I've not seen it, What are you banging on about?
Him,
You know something,
No one knows about your stupid--
Don't laugh at me!
Okay, I'm gonna go in,
Wait, wait, wait, wait--
No, I wanna go in, Reggie, Reggie!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
Hey, what are you fucking doing?
Relax, relax, you ain't going in me fucking house, yeah?
Relax,
Are you fucking alright? What are you fucking doing?
Have you lost it?
I think you're fucking losing it, ain't you?
I know you-- Better get inside love, yeah?
Before it gets messy, Go on, get inside,
You're losing it, get inside,
If you have hurt my cat, I will kill you,
Oh!
No, you're actually losing it, love,
Love, I think you're losing it, yeah?
I'm actually worried about you, love,
Going crazy, get in, turn the fucking volume up,
What did I tell you?
I think he's broken my fucking nose,
Good!
I told you, didn't I?
Not to go around poking your snout in,
I was only trying to help,
Help?
You've made things worse, you specky twat!
Alright, well then I'll-- I'll just go then, will I?
I wouldn't want to bleed in your fancy carpet,
And-- and-- and don't worry about an ambulance, will ya?
I'll drive myself,
Kevin!
Kev!
Hi, you've reached
Rachel's hair and beauty,
I can't take your call right now,
but please leave a message and I'll get back to you,
Hi, you've reached Rachel's hair and beauty,
I can't take your,,,
Reg?
Reggie?
Chu, chu, chu, chu,
Come on, darling,
Reggie?
Reggie!
Oh, oh,
Oh,
Fucking bastards,
-What the fuck? -Shut the fuck up!
-Deano? -Do I look fucking Deano?
Stop being a weirdo,
Ah!
Deano!
Deano can't hear you!
Because their music's too fucking loud!
Get down!
Now for the illustrious Rachmaninoff
with his prelude in C minor,
Ah!
-Come on! -Ah! No, no, no, no,
Okay,
You're gonna get in,
It's not even big enough!
I'm 6'2!
You're a fucking nut job,
Am I?
I'm not the one who goes around
murdering defenseless,
innocent creatures,
I didn't kill your fucking cat!
Well, he looked pretty dead to me!
Are you alive, Reggie?
No answer,
Okay, okay, okay, Look, look, look!
I locked it in the house!
Okay? Dean told me to,
He said, you owed him money
and he'd get the cat back when you paid up,
I didn't hurt it!
I even fed it and everything!
Look, I love animals!
Do you?
What's your favorite animal?
Uh, I like tigers,
You're kidding,
A tiger is just another type of cat, isn't it?
So maybe you should have been a bit fucking nicer to mine!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
Please! I won't go there anymore!
I won't go and I'll tell Dean to keep it down!
Oh, will you?
Please! Please!
Please!
Please! Please!
Please!
For fuck's sake!
No, no, no, no, no, no!
No! No! No,
If I see you anywhere near my street,
I'm gonna tell your poxy mates you pissed your pants,
Okay?
Go on,
I'm sorry, sweetheart,
Hi, ya,
Hello, you,
Everything all right?
Yeah, everything's--
I'm sorry to call you at work,
I um,
just wondered if you had Jackie MacIntyre's number,
You used to do her hair, didn't you?
Um, yeah, I think so,
Why?
Well, her 15-year-old's in bed with my neighbor next door,
What?
How old's the neighbor?
About 30-odd,
Fucking hell,
Does he know she's underage?
No, That's not the point, is it?
Dirty sod wants locking up,
if you ask me,
So have you got it?
Got what?
Big Mac's number,
You're not gonna tell Jackie, are ya?
You'll start world war fucking three, Nicola,
That's the idea,
Um, hi, Kevin,
Um, it's-- it's Nicky, obviously,
I just wanted to say that I am really sorry
about the other night,
and um, I wasn't feeling very well,
But that's-- it's not an excuse,
because I was rude and ungrateful,
And you're not a specky twat,
You're actually really nice, and kind,
and you're funny,
And um, I thought you might like to know
how I'm getting on with my violin practice,
So, are you ready?