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KATARA: Water,,,
Earth,,,
Fire,,,
Air,
Long ago, The four nations lived together in harmony,
Then everything changed when the fire nation attacked,
Only the Avatar, Master of all four elements, Could stop them,
But when the world needed him most, He vanished,
A hundred years passed and my brother and I discovered the new Avatar
an airbender named Aang,
And although his airbending skills are great
he has a lot to learn before he\'s ready to save anyone,
AANG: Oof!
But I believe Aang can save the world,
( OPENING MUSIC PLAYING )
MAN: Previously on Avatar,
WOMAN: Ember Island is a magical place,
TY LEE: Doesn\'t your family have a house on Ember Island?
AZULA: We used to come every summer when we were kids,
ZUKO: That was a long time ago,
WOMAN: Like waves washing away the footprints on the sand,
Ember Island gives everyone a clean slate,
Ember Island reveals the true you,
( BIRDS SQUAWKING )
Doesn\'t it seem kind of weird that we\'re hiding
from the Fire Lord in his own house?
I told you, My father hasn\'t come here since our family was actually happy,
And that was a long time ago,
It\'s the last place anyone would think to look for us,
You guys are not gonna believe this,
There\'s a play about us,
We were just in town, And we found this poster,
KATARA: What?
How is that possible?
Listen to this,
"The Boy In The Iceberg is a new production
"from acclaimed playwright Pu-on Tin,
"Who scoured the globe, Gathering information on the Avatar,"
"From the icy south pole to the heart of Ba Sing Se,"
"His sources include singing nomads, Pirates, Prisoners of war"
"and a surprisingly knowledgeable merchant of cabbage,"
SUKI: "Brought to you by the critically acclaimed Ember Island players,"
Ugh,
My mother used to take us to see them,
They butchered Love Amongst The Dragons every year,
Sokka, Do you really think it\'s a good idea
for us to attend a play about ourselves?
Come on, A day at the theater?
This is the kind of wacky, Time-wasting nonsense I\'ve been missing,
( GENERAL CONVERSATIONS )
Hey, Uh, I wanted to sit there,
Just sit next to me,
What\'s the big deal?
I was just,,, I wanted to,,,
Okay,
Why are we sitting in the nosebleed section?
My feet can\'t see a thing from up here,
Don\'t worry,
I\'ll tell your feet what\'s happening,
( MUSIC PLAYING )
( GASPING )
( SIGHING )
Sokka, My only brother,
We constantly roam these icy south pole seas
and yet, Never do we find anything fulfilling,
All I want is a full feeling in my stomach,
I\'m starving,
( LAUGHING )
ACTRESS KATARA: Is food the only thing on your mind?
Well, I\'m trying to get it out of my mind and into my mouth,
I\'m starving,
( AUDIENCE LAUGHING )
This is pathetic,
My jokes are way funnier than this,
( LAUGHING )
I think he\'s got you pegged,
ACTRESS KATARA: Every day, The world awaits a beacon to guide us,
Yet none appears,
Still, We cannot give up hope, For hope is all we have
and we must never relinquish it, Even,,, Even to our dying breath,
( SOBBING )
Well, That\'s just silly,
I don\'t sound like that,
( LAUGHING )
Oh, Man, This writer\'s a genius,
ACTRESS KATARA: It appears to be someone frozen in ice, Perhaps for 100 years,
ACTOR SOKKA: But who?
Who is the boy in the iceberg?
Waterbend!
Hi-ya!
( CROWD "OOH" ING )
Who are you, Frozen boy?
( LAUGHING )
I\'m the avatar, Silly, Here to spread joy and fun,
Wait, Is that a woman playing me?
( GROWLING )
( GASPING )
An airbender,
My heart is so full of hope that it\'s making me tear-bend,
( SOBBING )
My stomach is so empty that it\'s making me tear-bend,
( SOBBING )
I need meat!
( GASPING )
But wait,
Is that a platter of meaty dumplings?
ACTOR SOKKA: Oh, Where, Where?
( LAUGHING )
Did I mention that I\'m an incurable prankster?
I don\'t do that,
That\'s not what I\'m like,
And I\'m not a woman,
( LAUGHING )
Oh, They nailed you, Twinkle-toes,
( LAUGHING )
Prince Zuko, You must try this cake,
I don\'t have time to stuff my face,
I must capture the avatar to regain my honor,
Well, While you do that, Maybe I\'ll capture another slice,
( MAKING EATING NOISES )
You sicken me,
They make me look totally stiff and humorless,
Actually, I think that actor\'s pretty spot-on,
How could you say that?
Let\'s forget about the avatar and get massages,
How could you say that?
Hey, Look,
I think I found something,
It\'s a flying rabbit monkey,
I think I\'ll name him Momo,
( LAUGHING )
Hi, Everybody,
I love you,
Ugh,
Does this dress make my butt look fat?
( AUDIENCE LAUGHING )
Riddles and challenges must you face if you are ever to leave this place,
( LAUGHING )
( MOANING )
ACTOR SOKKA: Why did you have to steal that waterbending scroll?
( SOBBING ): It just gave me so much hope,
( SOBBING )
The avatar is mine!
Wait, Who\'s coming?
MALE VOICE: I am the blue spirit, The scourge of the fire nation,
Here to save the avatar,
ACTOR AANG: My hero,
( SOBBING )
Don\'t cry, Baby,
Jet will wipe out that nasty town for you,
ACTRESS KATARA: Oh, Jet,
You\'re so bad,
( LAUGHING )
Look, It\'s the great divide, The biggest canyon in the earth kingdom,
Eh, Let\'s keep flying,
Don\'t go, Yue,
You\'re the only woman who\'s ever taken my mind off of food,
( GAGS )
Wait, Did you have pickled fish for dinner?
Goodbye, Sokka,
I have important moon duties to take care of,
And yes, I did have pickled fish,
( LAUGHING )
You never told me you made out with the moon spirit,
Shh, I\'m trying to watch,
( LAUGHING )
The avatar is back to save the day!
Yay!
( CHEERING AND APPLAUSE )
- ( GROANING ) - ( LAUGHING )
ZUKO: So far, This intermission is the best part of the play,
Apparently, The playwright thinks I\'m an idiot
who tells bad jokes about meat all the time,
Yeah, You tell bad jokes about plenty of other topics,
I know!
AANG: At least the Sokka actor kind of looks like you,
That woman playing the avatar doesn\'t resemble me at all,
I don\'t know,
You are more in touch with your feminine side than most guys,
( GROANING )
KATARA: Relax, Aang,
They\'re not accurate portrayals,
It\'s not like I\'m a preachy crybaby
who can\'t resist giving overemotional speeches about hope all the time,
What?
Yeah, That\'s not you at all,
Listen, Friends,
It\'s obvious that the playwright did his research,
I know it must hurt,
But what you\'re seeing up there on that stage is the truth,
Well, Here we are in the earth kingdom,
I\'d better have a look around to see if I can find an earthbending teacher,
This is it,
This must be where I come in,
ACTOR AANG: I flew all over town,
But I couldn\'t find a single earthbending master,
Here it comes,
You can\'t find an earthbending master in the sky,
You have to look underground,
( LAUGHING )
Who are you?
My name\'s Toph, Because it sounds like tough, And that\'s just what I am,
( AUDIENCE LAUGHING )
Wait a minute,
I sound like a guy,
A really buff guy,
Well, Toph, What you hear up there is the truth,
It hurts, Doesn\'t it?
Are you kidding me?
I wouldn\'t have cast it any other way,
( LAUGHING )
At least it\'s not a flying bald lady,
So, You\'re blind?
( LAUGHING )
I can see you doing that,
I see everything that you see, Except I don\'t see like you do,
I release a sonic wave from my mouth,
( SCREAMING )
There,
I got a pretty good look at you,
( APPLAUSE )
Zuko, It\'s time we had a talk about your hair,
It\'s gone too far,
Maybe it\'s best if we split up,
ACTOR ZUKO: Azula, My sister, What are you doing here?
You caught me,
Wait, What\'s that?
I think it\'s your honor,
Where?
She escaped,
But how?
If she continues drilling, This wall will come down for sure,
( LAUGHING ) Yes,
Continue drilling,
The city of Ba Sing Se can hide no longer,
( YAWNING )
ACTOR AANG: No, Jet,
What did they do to you?
Must serve Earth King,
( GASPING )
Must destroy!
( GRUNTING )
Help, ( GRUNTING )
Did Jet just die?
You know, It was really unclear,
I have to admit, Prince Zuko, I really find you attractive,
You don\'t have to make fun of me,
But I mean it,
I\'ve had eyes for you since the day you first captured me,
ACTOR ZUKO: Wait,
I thought you were the avatar\'s girl,
( LAUGHS )
The avatar?
Why, He\'s like a little brother to me,
( LAUGHS )
I certainly don\'t think of him in a romantic way,
Besides, How could he ever find out about this?
Oh, You\'re getting up?
Can you get me some fire flakes?
Oh, And fire gummies,
Well, My brother, What\'s it going to be?
Your nation, Or a life of treachery?
Choose treachery,
It\'s more fun,
No way,
( GRUNTING )
I hate you, Uncle,
You smell, And I hate you for all time!
You didn\'t really say that, Did you?
I might as well have,
( APPLAUDING )
Avatar state,
Yip-yip,
Not if my lightning can help it,
( SCREAMING )
The avatar is no more,
( CHEERING AND APPLAUDING )
SUKI: It seems like every time there\'s a big battle,
You guys barely make it out alive,
I mean, You guys lose a lot,
You\'re one to talk, Suki,
Didn\'t Azula take you captive?
That\'s right, She did,
Are you trying to get on my bad side?
I\'m just saying,
Does anyone know where Aang is?
He left to get me fire gummies, Like, 10 minutes ago,
And I\'m still waiting,
I\'m gonna check outside,
Are you all right?
No, I\'m not,
I hate this play,
I know it\'s upsetting, But it sounds like you\'re overreacting,
Overreacting?
If I hadn\'t blocked my chakra,
I\'d probably be in the avatar state right now,
Whee!
Suki, What are the chances you can get me backstage?
I got some jokes I want to give to the actor me,
I\'m an elite warrior who\'s trained for many years in the art of stealth,
I think I could get you backstage,
Geez, Everyone\'s getting so upset about their characters,
Even you seem more down than usual, And that\'s saying something,
You don\'t get it,
It\'s different for you,
You get a muscly version of yourself taking down 10 bad guys at once
and making sassy remarks,
Yeah, That\'s pretty great,
But for me, It takes all the mistakes I\'ve made in my life
and shoves them back in my face,
My uncle, He\'s always been on my side, Even when things were bad,
He was there for me,
He taught me so much, And how do I repay him?
With a knife in his back,
It\'s my greatest regret, And I may never get to redeem myself,
You have redeemed yourself to your uncle,
You don\'t realize it, But you already have,
How do you know?
Because I once had a long conversation with the guy,
And all he would talk about was you,
Really?
Yeah, And it was kind of annoying,
Oh, Sorry,
But it was also very sweet,
All your uncle wanted was for you to find your own path and see the light,
Now you\'re here with us,
He\'d be proud,
Ow,
What was that for?
That\'s how I show affection,
Your Zuko costume\'s pretty good, But your scar\'s on the wrong side,
The scar\'s not on the wrong side!
He\'s coming this way,
Can I help you?
Actually, I think I can help you,
I\'m a big Sokka fan
but I don\'t think you\'re representing him quite as well as you could be,
Oh, No,
Another fan with ideas,
Just hear me out,
Here\'s something I think the real Sokka would say,
( CLEARS THROAT )
What does the cabbage merchant use to fix his cabbages?
A cabbage patch!
( LAUGHING )
That\'s actually pretty good,
Let me see those,
( LAUGHING )
A rocky relationship,
Not bad,
Also, Don\'t be afraid to make up some phrases, Especially before an attack,
Something like, "Flying kick-a-pow!"
ACTOR SOKKA: Who are you, Anyway?
I\'m just a guy who likes comedy,
Katara, Did you really mean what you said in there?
In where?
What are you talking about?
On stage, When you said I was just like a brother to you
and you didn\'t have feelings for me,
I didn\'t say that,
An actor said that,
But it\'s true, Isn\'t it?
We kissed at the invasion, And I thought we were gonna be together, But we\'re not,
Aang, I don\'t know,
Why don\'t you know?
Because we\'re in the middle of a war
and we have other things to worry about,
This isn\'t the right time,
Well, When is the right time?
Aang, I\'m sorry, But right now, I\'m just a little confused,
I just said I was confused,
I\'m going inside,
Ugh, I\'m such an idiot,
Here\'s what you missed,
We went to the fire nation, And you got better, And Katara was the painted lady
and I got a sword, And I think combustion man died,
Ooh, Look,
The invasion\'s about to start,
Shh,
I just want to let you know, Aang, That I\'ll always love you,
Like a brother,
I wouldn\'t want it any other way,
Hey, Toph,
Would you say you and Aang have a rocky relationship?
( LAUGHING )
( GASPING )
I told him to say that,
I hope everyone\'s ready for the invasion,
"Slop-a-pow!"
( LAUGHING )
( AUDIENCE LAUGHING )
ACTOR AANG: We finally made it to the royal palace, But no one\'s home,
Actually, I\'m home,
And I want to join you,
I guess we have no choice,
Come on,
I guess that\'s it,
The play\'s caught up to the present now,
Wait,
The play\'s not over,
But it is over, Unless this is the future,
With the energy harnessed from that comet,
No one will be able to stop the fire nation!
Father, Zuko and the avatar are at the palace,
They are trying to stop you,
You take care of Zuko,
I shall face the avatar myself,
Aang, You find the fire lord,
I\'ll hold her off,
You are no longer my brother,
You are an enemy,
No, I am the rightful heir to the throne,
We\'ll see,
ACTOR ZUKO: Honor!
( CHEERING AND APPLAUDING )
So, You have mastered all four elements?
Yeah, And now, You\'re going down,
No, It is you who are going down,
You see, You are too late,
The comet is already here, And I\'m unstoppable!
No!
It is over, Father,
We\'ve done it,
Yes, We have done it,
The dreams of my father and my father\'s father have now been realized,
The world is mine,
( CHEERING AND APPLAUDING )
ZUKO: That wasn\'t a good play,
I\'ll say,
No kidding,
Horrible,
You said it,
But the effects were decent,
( MEN VOCALIZING RHYTHMICALLY )