رسانه اینترنتی مای موویز MyMoviz جامعترین سایت فیلم و سریال
- Do you wanna watch a movie?
Me too,
- Dad?
Dad?
I'm hungry,
Do you have anything to eat?
I'm hungry,
- I have pickles,
- Mm-mm,
- She is not food,
♪ Well, I met a girl and her name was summer ♪
♪ Well, I barely know her but I say that I love her ♪
- I like your shoes,
♪ Because it's clear to me she has a beautiful soul ♪
- If you look really closely at it,
there's like this little star that you can barely see,
Navigators, back in the day,
they used it as like an eye test;
and if you couldn't see it, then you needed glasses,
I don't see Orion out right now,
but Orion points to Sirius,
which is pretty cool
'cause that's the one that's the trinary star system,
and we didn't even know about them until the '60s,
And when you see Saturn through a telescope,
think about the rings around it,
They're going like this, right?
But when you see it through a telescope,
they're actually going like that,
It's really weird,
It's not at all what you would expect
when you see it through a telescope,
Ms, Motors, breakfast,
Come here, Ms, Motors,
Flash!
Flash, open the door,
Open the door, Flash,
Flash, she's not food; she's my friend,
Open the door,
Flash!
- I hope it fits,
- Home sweet home,
Oh, where's it coming from?
What? What?
- The music,
- There's no music,
- Are you real?
- I think so,
- You need help?
No, thank you,
- I, I can fix it for you,
I know what I'm doing,
I'm Mike, What's your name?
Let me fix it,
Please,
Is this, like, hot sauce?
- That's ketchup,
- Yeah, I like hot sauce better,
- I wish they'd put honey mustard on my pizza,
- Honey mustard?
Mm-hmm,
- I mean, honey mustard's kind of good,
but on pizza?
I mean, like, a Cherokee sandwich with honey mustard
is good,
Or, or a pastrami sandwich,
a really good pastrami sandwich with fried onion
and maybe, like, tomatoes,
Oh, so good,
- And sauerkraut
- Yeah, So good,
Oh, great,
Get your own,
- We're here,
- What a shithole!
- Get your stuff,
- Can I have a gum?
- No,
Sometimes fun and extravagant,
Well, we have something coming up
that has to do with your health,
This is a very important now,
Do you know someone in your family
that needs to watch their pulse or their blood pressure?
It's something that's very, very important to do,
We have back again-
- Uh, this is boring, - A blood press your monitor,
Okay, here it is, - I'm going out,
This is a pulse monitor,
a blood pressure machine,
and a thermometer thermometer all in one,
A digital thermometer,
It reads-
- Whoa,
Oh,
Oh, come on,
Please,
Jesus,
Oh,
Okay,
You're wasting your time,
There's no reception,
- Is there a coffee shop?
- No,
- Is there a store?
- There's a pizzeria 50 miles that way,
- Do you wanna get some pizza?
Can we take a bus?
- There is no bus,
- Can I get your number?
- I don't have a number,
What is this place?
Oh, I wanna go home,
I'm hungry,
- Hey, I'd like to order delivery,
Uh, can I get a chocolate milkshake and french fries
and a tuna melt and hash browns,
- Can I see a menu, please?
I would like steak and curly fries,
- What, are you on a diet?
- And blueberry waffles with extra syrup,
Now what?
- They make you shit,
- Yeah, so my mom, she's like a horrible cook,
Uh, I've never seen her cook anything besides pie,
But this one night,
for some reason, she was like,
"I'm gonna cook dinner,"
And I was like, "Okay, cool,
Like, you're gonna cook dinner,
All right,
What the fuck are we having for dinner?"
And she was like, "Baked spaghetti,"
- Baked? - Mm-hmm, Yeah,
I was like, "Baked spaghetti?"
What the fuck is baked spaghetti?
And so she, like, hands me this fucking spaghetti, right?
And, um,,,
But no, it was disgusting,
Like, like, like, I,
I don't know how much sugar she put in the sauce,
but she put like hella sugar in the sauce, you know?
And to me,
you don't put sugar in a tomato sauce, but, like,
some people put like a little bit in, you know?
- Yeah,
- But no, it was like a fucking sugar tomato sauce,
It was fucking disgusting,
And so I ate like one bite and she was like,
"What's wrong?"
And I was like, "Uh, oh, it's, it's cool,"
"I'm not really that hungry," you know?
God, she was so fucking pissed,
But, like, dude, I can't eat it if it's shit, you know?
Mm-hmm,
- Oh, no,
- I told you
I need toilet paper!
For you,
I hope it fits,
Have you ever had cabbage and noodles?
Cabbage and noodles?
Mm-hmm,
Why would you put cabbage in noodles?
I don't know,
Ask the Croatians,
I think they call it haluski,
Haluski?
- Do you wanna try some?
So I got real drunk, right?
Um, and, and I was in this room,
and I, I was like blackout drunk
and I needed to piss so bad,
And I was trying to find a window, and, and I couldn't,
After like a minute and a half,
I finally found one and I ripped it open
and I pissed right outta the window,
Okay,
So, so the next day my roommate Steve,
he's like, "Dude, were you drunk last night?"
And I go, "Yeah, why?"
And he's like,
"'Cause I was just outside smoking a cigarette
and then all of a sudden,
your window just, like,
flies open and this just, like,
stream of piss just comes straight at me, ""
It, I was, he was like,
"You know, you were like two feet away," um,
'cau-cause it really was like two feet,
This other time, our, our,
our TV remote had gone missing
for like five or six months,
- Where have you been?
Work,
- Hmm,
The fuck is this?
- Haluski,
- Halu what?
- It's when you put noodles in cabbage,
- Noodles and cabbage, so it's like a coleslaw?
- No, it's fried,
fried noodles and cabbage,
- So it's like a coleslaw and noodles,
- It's not a coleslaw,
There's no mayonnaise,
just cabbage and noodles,
It's literally what it is,
- It makes no sense to put noodles in cabbage,
- You put cabbage in noodles,
- Makes no sense,
- Well, argue with Croatians about it,
- Croatians don't put noodles in cabbage,
- Yes, they do,
It's called Haluski, It's their dish,
- Like, just think about human beings
before we were cultivating societies and, like,
colonizing and shit, right?
Like most of us, if not all of us,
were fucking killers,
We had to be,
We, we, we, we had to, uh, oh, God,
we had to goddamn murder a fucking wooly mammoth
and then fucking save ourselves from, like,
saber-toothed tigers and shit,
You know, you know something?
Like, of course we're all fucking psychos,
It has to be in our brain somewhere,
otherwise we wouldn't have made it
this many hundreds and thousands of years, you know?
Like, it's a, it's,
it's part of our evolution to be ruthless-ass killers
because it's not good for society,
It's best if we live harmoniously,
so we have to suppress that part of our nature,
but that does not mean that it's not there,
- I'm tired,
I'll see you later,
Thank you, Thank you very much,
Oh, thank you,
Well, we have a wild show today,
- I go, "Dude, how's the pizza?"
He just looks at me,
"Dude, how's the pizza?"
He just goes, "Eh,"
Then this motherfucker goes up the stairs,
he pukes all over the place, I'm telling you, like,
all over the walls and everywhere,
And, oh, my God,
he tried to go to the bathroom
and he puked all over the bathroom,
And, and then like, oh, drunk as fuck,
God bless his soul,
he kinda like grabs a rug
from one of the rooms and he kinda tries to, like,
put it all over the place,
and he's, like, rubbing it everywhere,
And he's just rubbing puke right-
It's delicious,
- You cannot affect a result,
That is not possible, okay?
I mean, like, all you can do is have the output,
Like, there are certain things you can do to, like,
increase your chances,
You can meet people, you can do certain things,
but at the end of the day,
as like an artist,
you can't affect the result,
you can only create,
All I know is, like,
when I get tied up in result is, um,
when I fuck up and it's when I don't do my shit,
But, like, if I do my shit, then I do my shit, you know?
Vincent Van Gogh died fucking broke
and he's fucking Vincent Van Gogh,
Like, if he didn't make any money during his life, like,
what the fuck are you gonna do about it, you know?
I mean, that didn't mean he was a bad artist,
because let me tell you,
definitely wasn't,
- Yeah,
But I can't afford to be Vincent Van Gogh,
- Well, Vincent Van Gogh couldn't afford
to be Vincent Van Gogh,
- Yeah,
- Mm,
But he did it, you know?
It's like none of us can,
but also we all find a way,
I mean, if the thing that's important to you is your music,
then you just gotta do it,
You just gotta do it,
- Don't listen to the voices,
They'll fuck you up,
Get an Alamo, make music,
you're rich!
♪ Light of mine ♪
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
- I wrote my fucking song,
♪ This little light ♪
If I wanted to make a million dollars,
I'd fucking make a million dollars,
♪ This little light of mine ♪
- They'd just take it,
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
My friends, they follow me around,
They stole my wife,
my car,
my social security,
Yeah, I don't know what they're expecting,
but I think they're here,
It's not up to me,
They just follow me around all the time,
This was your idea, not mine,
You know that, right?
Yeah,
No, no,
No, I'm not doing it,
I wanna go,
I, I wanna go,
Okay?
I wanna go,
- Good luck,
♪ This little light of mine ♪
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
♪ This little light of mine ♪
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
♪ This little light of mine ♪
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
- This woman was going on about how she was homeless
and she didn't have a job,
she had a mental breakdown
And she was like, "Yeah, no,"
"I have a house, I have a car,"
And I was like, "So what you're saying"
is that your life is going a lot better
"than mine right now?"
She said she had a house and a car,
I don't have a house and a car,
- Who are you talking to?
I get it,
Where's your guitar
- Devil took it,
- I met him once or twice,
- What'd he take?
- My youth?
- The devil got to you, didn't he?
He got to me too,
Where you going?
I don't know,
- Can I come?
Sure,
- Ooh,
Ooh,
Pickles,
Mm-mm,
Okay,
So last night I had this dream
that I held out my hand,,,
Well, it might have been your hand,
And this house manifested, like, out of my hand, like boom,
and then all of a sudden this house, like, rose,
And it was, like, crazy,
like nothing I've ever experienced, right?
And, and we walked into the front door,
We were basically like,
"This is our home and this is where we live now,"
And everything in it was magic, you know, like, everything,
It was the dopest shit you can imagine,
And this is the house I manifested out of my hand,
My mom, she kept finding poop on the porch
and was like,
"Robbie, are you pooping on the porch?"
And I was like, "No, Kitty did it,"
I would blame it on her poor cat,
I was the one pooping on the porch,
Why would you poop on the porch?
To be naked, so I would, like,
poop on the porch,
You could be naked in the bathroom,
Yeah, but I was a kid, so-
- Yeah, okay, so this is, uh,
this is great and everything,
but it's not the same as if, like,
you and I decided like,
"Oh, like, fuck it, you know,
we're gonna go somewhere for a week
or like do something that's, like,
actually out of the norm,"
Like what?
Did your mom ever find out
- About what?
That I was the one pooping on the porch?
- Yeah,
- Yeah, she knew,
- Did she punish you?
- No, she didn't,
Why would she punish me?
I was a just kid who would poop on,
that goes pooping on the porch,
not anything else,
- Who cleaned up the poop?
- She did, I'm sure,
- Mosquito,
- This one time, Nancy was really fucking mad at me,
so she, like, chopped my hair off,
I had like a ponytail,
she was like,
And I was like, "What the fuck?"
And I turn around and my fucking ponytail is on the ground
and my mom is, like, standing there, she's, like,
chopping my hair off with, like,
kitchen scissors, you know?
And then she goes, she goes, "Here you go,
You look nice,"
Yeah,
So I never let her touch my hair or cook,
- I think you should just take a shower,
Oh, that was close,
What about the captain?
Too late,
Take her down to 100 feet,
Let's turn around nicely,
How do we know there's only one,
It'll only take minute
to get out with a rubber band,
I'll take my chances,
Front four runners, steady on course 220,
Front fore runners, steady on course 220,
Aye, sir,
Staying on course 220, sir,
Very well,
- Peace offering?
- Suck my balls,
This is really good,
- You can't smoke in here,
- I used to work at JCPenny
at the gifts and lamps department,
One day at the end of the week,
I was in the back, like,
with the managers and stuff, counting cash,
and I realized that when they counted the register,
they would only count the cash,
but they never count the change,
So, like, whatever change was left in the register,
it would just go back in the register the next day,
We had a customer service department,
It's where you go to get the cash for the register,
So let's say you run out of ones,
you just go there
and they hand you whatever cash you need,
But what I realized
is that if a roll of quarters
is 10 bucks,
I could take out $20 worth of quarters,
put 10 back in the register and keep 10 to myself,
and they would never know
because they would never count the change,
So I started doing it,
I started getting greedy with it,
It went from me take extra change
at the end of the night
to just taking money out of the drawers,
- How much did you take?
- Enough to get me fired?
- Get a job,
- You get a job,
- I can get you both jobs if you want,
- I have something for you,
It's in the box under the couch,
- I'm staying with Pickles,
Thanks for the pie,
Chris, I love the way you ready that, boy,
Do you know have to smoke
while we're doing our show, Bob?
You know, it's my only pleasure in life,
Leave it to me,
It isn't disgusting,
I bet it isn't, Bob,
- She took away our joy,
- Let it go,
What are you gonna do? Fight her?
- That's all she does all day,
She just drinks and she watches TV,
] That's all we do,
I'm here to get my stuff,
I am moving out,
- If you're gonna go out, - Did you,
did you hear me?
I am never coming back,
See?
I told you, she's fucking drunk,
Wake up!
- Breezy,
- What?
- I think she's dead,
- Nancy,
Nancy, wake up,
Wake up,
Wake up!
You're messing it up,
On today's show,
let's welcome back our champion-
- Let me do it, - Bunny,
Oh, Bunny, Come on, then,
And how are you today?
Oh, I'm fine, I'm fine,
Feeling lucky?
Yeah,
Oh, that's great, Bunny,
As you know, bunny has won $17,380,
Oh, thank you,
Bunny, are you ready to meet the new challenger?
Oh, yeah,
- Why don't you brush your hair?
- I brush my hair,
- No, you don't,
- No, stop, Breezy,
No, I did,
It hurts, Breezy,
- Just,,, Stop!
What are you doing?
- Having a tea party,
- By yourself?
With Kenny,
- There's no tea,
What do we do?
What do you mean?
- I mean, what do we do?
- Do you want some tea?
- No!
What are you doing?
- I don't know,
Where are you going?
- I don't know,
Hey, what are you doing?
Taking showers with no soap?
Um, um, nothing,
I, I, I was, I was just calling to tell you
that you're taking showers with no soap,
Uh,,,
Oh-
- Breezy, - Oh, okay,
So you, so you can't go to the party,
- Breezy! - What did you, um-
- What party?
What did you do last night?
Oh, your laundry,
- Breezy, - Oh, good job,
Um, yeah, I made a,
I made a, a,,,
God, I made a-
- Breezy?
What?
- Who are you talking to?
- I'm talking, I'm talking to Justin,
Who's Justin?
- It's Justin,
I, I just have like one bar, okay?
Um, sorry, sorry about that,
Yeah, so I made, like, a grilled cheese sandwich last night,
It was really good,
Did you just call me your grilled cheese mama?
I can't deal with you,
Yeah, yeah, you're silly,
- This will do,
Look, that's the north star,
and you can tell 'cause the Dipper's pointing towards it,
Look, and then there's the Dipper,
- Thi-this is the dipper?
- Mm-hmm,
Let's see what else is over here,
Cassiopeia should be out,
Oh, there's Cassiopeia, see?
It looks like a W,
Do you see it?
- Yeah, Yeah,
- And the Hydra,
The Hydra's over here,
And that one's blinking,
looks kinda orange too,
It's probably Mars
Looks kind of bright, right?
- Yeah, it does,
- It's probably Mars,
- It's beautiful,
I've never seen Mars before,
- You have, you just probably didn't realize it,
- We should go to Mars,
- Mars? Why Mars?
- I don't know,
We can go anywhere,
I mean, seriously, anywhere,
We can, we can get jobs, we can get an apartment,
We can, we can finally do stuff,
You can meet Justin,
- Sounds expensive,
- You can do what you're doing now,
- I make $2 an hour, What about you?
- What do you mean?
- I mean, what are you good at?
- I'm good at a lot of things,
- Like what?
- I can drive,
- That's good,
- You know, the real reason people don't like tomatoes
is because they've never had a garden-fresh tomato,
If you haven't picked it off the vine and eaten it,
you'll never understand,
It's, it's, it's fucking magic,
♪ That ain't gonna stop this man from ♪
- These fast food ones are a weird kind of color,
like, like white,
Same with eggs,
People who don't like eggs,
they've just never had a real egg,
It's such a beautiful taste,
♪ I gave you some more ♪
♪ No amount of giving ♪
♪ Gonna knock down that door, no ♪
♪ And why should it ♪
♪ 'Cause that just wouldn't be true ♪
♪ Well, I couldn't make you love me, mama ♪
♪ But that didn't stop me from loving you ♪
- It's a real fucking shame,
♪ Oh ♪
Fuck!
What?
- Little shit popped the tire,
We're not going anywhere,
- This is war,
I had this dream that, um,
that I was in hell,
And I was screaming and screaming and I,
I wouldn't wake up,
And it was real,
And I was there forever, like
eternity,
Like, imagine eternity,
I was there forever
and I was stuck,
And I started screaming like, "Wake up,
Wake up!"
And I like, like,
I screamed it for another forever,
like literally forever, and,
and then finally I screamed it so loud
that I woke up,
And I looked back at the wall
and the entire wall was the hell
that I had just been a part of,
- I need you to get a job,
I can't support us both,
- Let's just walk,
- Walk where?
- To Mars,
- Mars?
It's too far,
We don't have any money,
- Think of it as an adventure,
- This is not an adventure,
This is crazy,
Are you coming!
- One day, Kenny,
this will be yours,
Are you hungry?
You're welcome to join us?
I'm Mike,
Rob's inside,
This is Kenny,
- I'm armed,
- Good,
♪ This life is blank to me ♪
♪ For the only one, I ever loved ♪
♪ Was taken away from me ♪
♪ I have my friends ♪
- What's your favorite ice cream?
- Chocolate,
- Oh, I like chocolate too,
Maybe we can get some later,
- With sprinkles?
- Oh, now you're pushing it,
♪ I'm going away ♪
♪ But I won't come back ♪
♪ On a lonesome railroad line ♪
♪ But I can't forget that sweet little girl ♪
♪ Who sleep in the pines, in the pines ♪
I'm hungry,
Me too,
I think we should go back,
- I know this place,
- What?
- Yeah, I, I know this place,
I, I saw it in my dream,
I think we should go back,
- Remember the dream I told you about?
Ab-about the house?
- We should go back,
- The house I manifested,
Okay,
Follow me,
Where are you going?
Just follow me!
This is the house,
the house from my dream!
Hello?
Is anybody home?
There's no one here,
Hmm,
- What?
- That smells funny,
- You smell funny,
Can I brush your hair?
Please,
Do you wanna do shrooms?
I think you're ignoring certain parts of yourself
that are difficult to deal with,
I don't know what you're talking about,
What do you want?
What do you mean?
Uh, can you just tell me, like,
simply that you want this and this and this and this?
Honestly, no,
because I'm not you,
Hmm,
Well, then what's the point of all this?
- It's whatever you want it to be,
- I don't want it to be anything,
- Yes, you do,
- No, I don't,
- Okay,
What do you care about?
Do you care more about yourself
or do you care about others?
- Both, equally,
- But what if you had to choose one?
- I care about both,
- Okay, fine,
Then you need to figure out a way
to contribute to both sides,
- That's, that's what I have been doing,
- Yeah, in a way,
- I don't think you're a nice person,
I don't think you are a nice person, Mom,
you are a nice person, Mom,
I, I think what I think from my perspective,
but I don't fucking think
what you think from your perspective,
I'm so fucking scared,
God, it's like the fucking light scares me,
I can't even look at the fucking lights right now,
It's like so fucking scary,
I, I don't know if that makes sense,
And I don't know, like,
I don't know if that's how you feel,
if that's, like, what you think about yourself,
but I d-
And maybe, maybe I'm completely wrong,
- It's okay,
Don't be scared,
- The fuck,
I know who I am, funny enough,
Who I am,
Huh, if that make sense,
What are you scared of?
- Oh, my God, I'm like-
Who I am,
I'm, like, scared of people,
Got it?
Like, I don't want fucking people
anywhere near us,
- There are no people,
It's just me, It's just me,
- Will you protect me?
- Always,
Always,
- You're the safest person,
You're the best person,
You know that I love you, right?
Are you there, Mom?
Mom?
I love you,
- I love you,
- I love you, Mom,
What?
- Thi-this used to be my car,
Hey,
Do you, do you remember me?
- No,
- Could you give us a ride?
- No,
- Um, I have chewing gum,
I have chewing gum,
Nevermind,
You can have my phone,
Why?
- You can call your friends,
I don't have friends,
- A boyfriend?
Do you think she was scared?
Who?
- My mom,
- I don't know,
- I mean, I don't, I don't remember making her laugh,
I only made her sad,
Will you come with me?
Where?
- I don't know,
Okay,
- You will?
- Yeah, - Okay,