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Why didn\'t you tell me your father was in Miami?
- Why was it a secret? - It\'s not a fucking secret!
He still doesn\'t know about your attempted suicide?
It\'s not his fault that I took those pills!
- Are you angry at him for something? - Shut the fuck up about him!
I want you to remember something,
There\'re other places where you can feel safe
and here in this room,
Is one of those places,
Hold up, Paul, I just got to finish this,
Take your time,
I just google myself,
It\'s my dad, He\'s in Boston, I might go visit him next week,
Oh my god, The most amazing thing happened last night,
You wouldn\'t believe me, But I don\'t care,
Why wouldn\'t believe you?
Because you think me and my dad being connected is bullshit,
I never said it was bullshit, I said I might be surprised,,,
Free your mind, Paul, The rest will follow,
Oh my god, That was incredible,
I had this dream that my father was in danger,
I woke up feeling a little freaked, So I called him,
He\'s staying in a hotel with his girlfriend,
Turns out, Last night,,,
Someone broke into his room and stole his favorite camera,
So, I guess you must be feeling pretty silly now, Huh?
Because you have all this doubts about my father and I telepathy,
You basically hate the man,
- I hate your father? - Last week, You were insinuating,,,
Forget it, The point is we\'re connected,
It\'s been prove once and for all, You can\'t take that away,
You said that you might go to Boston,
Don\'t you have the olympic trials coming up?
- Those are after I get back, - So it\'s okay
to miss training this close to the competition, Is it?
Oh I\'m sorry, Cy, I was looking for my shrink,
Look, It\'s not a big deal,
It\'s just more important to me to spend quality time with him,
- It\'s been too long, - Maybe he can come here,
That way you can see him and you can still continue to train,
What do you care?
Did you bet on me to win a medal or something?
When was the last time you saw your father?
About
six month ago,,,
- He was in town for a week-end, - Was that fun?
It was fine,
We went to this fancy restaurant, His girlfriend came with us,
My dad started flirting with the waitress,
His girlfriend started to cry,
So we had to leave which kinda sucked, But it doesn\'t matter, It was fine,
Was it the same girl from Boston?
I think so, Who can keep up?
How did you get on with her?
Fine,
She\'s speechy,
What\'s her name again?
Darren, Tarren, Karen, Something like that,
Clea,
I think it\'s still Clea,
I\'m like the little sister she never had,
He should leave her in Boston,
We haven\'t taking a trip together,
Just my dad and me since my thirteen birthday,
Where did you go?
We went to Paris,
He took me to everything,
From the Eiffel Tower to Monet\'s garden, The works,
At this sidewalk cafe, I had this cup of chocolate
you had to eat with the spoon, Two words: Awe-some!
We stayed in this huge apartment, It was like a loft,
Belonged to some woman, I met for like
five seconds, Just as I was leaving to fly back home,
She was going into the apartment as I was going out,
The elevator reeked of her perfum, Made me wanna throw up,
I did, Literally,
Right on the street,
In front of the cab,
Nobody saw it,
That\'s not true, The cabby saw it,
But my dad didn\'t, He stayed upstairs,
So you took the cab to airport by yourself?
Well, Yeah, I was thirteen, Paul,
So you want to tell me more about that dream that you had?
Not really, It doesn\'t matter, It\'s just a stupid dream,
But I felt he was in danger, That\'s the important part,
I can feel him,
We\'re linked,
Radar love,
It was a terrible dream,
Or like a nightmare,
Do you get those?
Sometimes,
What happens in yours?
There\'s one I\'ve,,,
I\'ve had
consistently since I was a kid,
I\'m sitting in this rocking chair, And I\'m rocking back and forward,
Every time I go to get off, I can\'t,
The chair keeps rocking back and forward,
And my,,,
My mother is calling me
from upstairs,
I\'m trying to get out of the chair, But I,,,
I just can\'t let go,
What do you think it means?
I think it means that
maybe that I
scared to disappoint my mother, That I\'m not gonna be there for her,
Did you disappoint her, In real life?
No, I,,,
I don\'t think so,
Anyway, Back to your dream,
Okay, So,,,
I was waiting for my father in a hotel room,
When a man knocked on the door,
I let him in,
He asked me where my father was, I told him he was on his way,
But just as I said it, I was so stupid,
I realize that this guy was a serial killer,
So he sat down to wait with me,
And I knew that the moment my father walked into that room,
This guy was going to kill him,
And I didn\'t know how to stop it, It was awful,
What did the man look like?
I don\'t remember,
Had you been in this hotel room before?
No,
What was it like? Can you describe it?
It was dark,,,
Dark wood, Dark furniture,
Sort of like a cave or a tunnel,
Yeah, Like a tunnel, But it wasn\'t scary,
You could see light at both ends,
Like where the tunnel started and where it ended,
I remember looking back and forth,
Trying to figure out which way was the entrance and which was the exit,
Anything else you remember?
The man was wearing shoes like yours,
Not those shoes, The black ones that you usually wear,
Like my other ones?
Not like your other shoes, They were your shoes,
So this serial killer was wearing my shoes?
It was you,,,
In the hotel room,
You were waiting to kill my father,
Did I tell you why I was gonna kill him?
Did your father ever show up?
No,
We just sat there,
We made small talk,
And the whole time I was trying to figure out how to get out of there,,,
To call somebody or something,
Do you remember what this small talk was about?
I don\'t,,,
I\'m not sure, Something about,,,
It makes perfect sense, Doesn\'t it?
You\'re always insinuating shit about him,
That he\'s the mystery man, That there\'s some big secret,
That he\'s the person who really fucked me up,
But the joke\'s on you, Because there\'s nothing there,
My father didn\'t cross the line or break any rules
or any of that crap you love to throw around,
You\'re so wrong it\'s ridiculous,
My father has always been there for me,
His work and me are the only important things in his life,
How do you feel about his photographs?
They\'re beautiful,,,
If you look at them with an open mind,
Which of course you can\'t,
He loves the human form,
He believes the body can be the perfect
expression
of every human emotion and experience,
Is that how he speaks about his work?
What are you saying, Paul?
That I can\'t form an opinion of my own father\'s work?
You think I\'m quoting him?
You know, He says a lot of shrinks are failed artists or writers,
Maybe you\'re jealous of him,
He travels around the world,
He works with models,
Meanwhile, You\'re trapped in your cell with fuck-ups like me,
Oh, I\'d take a fuck-up like you any day over one of those supermodels,
- No, You wouldn\'t, Shut up, - Yes, I would, It\'s true,
So, How was that for you,
Your father being constantly surrounded by beautiful women
when you were a kid?
He\'s an artist, It was his job,
Besides, Nudity was totally normal in my house,
I got used to it,
Nudity?
Nude models,
The female form,
It\'s like drawing class 101, Paul,
An artist must work from the purest inspiration,
His studio was at home,
So there were a lot of models walking around naked,
It wasn\'t a big deal, We were cool,
So this was normal for you,
To be exposed to adults being naked, Yeah?
"Exposed,"
"Ooh, Nudity, How scary,"
"Breasts,,, Terrifying!"
So were you ever naked around the house?
Of course not,
Look at your face,
You think that\'s my big secret?
I saw my father naked and now I\'m scarred for life?
Isn\'t that kind of a cliche?
So your father was naked and your mother as well?
Why are you laughing?
My mother always wore her clothes,
Even in the shower,
But she was perfectly comfortable with
the models?
She was clueless about the whole thing,
Sorry, I\'m having a difficult time following this, I thought you said
that people were naked all the time?
Okay, Not all the time,
A lot of the time,
During the day, While my mother was at work,
So would you say that your father was
hiding it from her?
I\'d say she was a fucking idiot
who couldn\'t see what was right in front of her,
They were having sex,
Who was having sex, Sophie?
My dad,,,
With the model du jour,
How do you know?
I saw them,
I came home from school early one day,
The mom who drove carpool that day had to pick us up early,
I walked into my parents\' bedroom
and my father was there with a model,
Does your father know that you saw?
Oh, Yeah, He got up,
He came over to me and just looked at me,
I said something like,
"I thought the models only came at fixed times,"
And what did he say?
I don\'t remember,
Something like, "you\'re supposed to be at school,"
And then he shut the door,,,
And locked it,
I remember the sound of the latch sliding,
How old were you?
I don\'t know, Seven and a half?
Why are you being so dramatic? It was no big deal,
My father is an artist,
They don\'t live like other people do,
They have to be in touch with,,,
They have to crap on conventional things in order to create,
Did you say it to your mother?
No,
Did your father tell you not to?
No,
But you walked away from the door knowing
you weren\'t supposed to say anything, That you had a secret,
Maybe that\'s when the idea of telepathy between you and your dad began?
This idea that you can understand each other without words,
That\'s your big theory?
After all your insinuations? Pretty lame,
- You keep accusing me,,, - You keep suggesting
that somebody crossed the line with me,
That I don\'t have the ability to say "no,"
You\'re saying that,,,
What?
That I\'ve been sexually abused,
You think that\'s the secret I\'m looking for?
- Well, Aren\'t you? - No, I\'m not,
No, Right,
Do you think something happened to you?
Are you listening to me? I told you nothing happened,
You\'re the one who keeps implying,,,
I don\'t think you were sexually abused, Sophie,
Good, Now we can finally stop talking about that,
Why didn\'t you ever tell your mother what you saw?
Don\'t be an idiot,
So this secret has been there between you and she all these years?
So what? I barely speak to the woman anyway,
You don\'t think there\'s any connection between those two things?
I don\'t speak to her because she\'s pathetic,
She\'s a moron,
She couldn\'t see what was right in front of her face,
Sometimes I think she\'s still waiting for him,
Like Santa Claus or something,
She would never admit it, But it\'s so obvious, It\'s pathetic,
But if you told her, She might not be waiting for him any longer,
It\'s not my job to make her face reality!
I\'m the child, She\'s supposed to be smarter than me,
You know, She sits there, Day after day,
Waiting for him to come to his senses, I want to scream at her,
"He doesn\'t give a fuck about you!"
"You\'re stupid, You\'re useless,"
"Just get the fuck up of your clueless ass and get a life!"
Why didn\'t you tell her about his affairs?
It\'s not my fucking job!
Maybe you didn\'t tell her because you were afraid,
Maybe you were afraid they\'d separate and it would be your fault,
Just like you thought that you\'d ruined Cy and Darlene\'s marriage?
Why didn\'t you tell your mother after they divorced?
What was I supposed to do? Rub her face in it?
You\'re angry she couldn\'t see that?
Yes! Fuck yes!
In all the weeks that we\'ve been in therapy,
You\'ve never once allowed yourself to be angry at your father,
It\'s never even been a possibility for you,
Why do you think that is?
See, I think that your father made you his accomplice,
He burdened you with this secret
way too heavy for any child to carry,
And he drove this wedge between you and your mother with this secret,
Maybe you\'re afraid to get angry at him
because if you did, You\'d lose him for good,
Maybe you never told your mother because part of you still hopes
that they\'re gonna get back together again,
I know that\'s never going to happen,
- I\'m not an idiot, - Wouldn\'t have to be to believe that,
I know plenty of grownups
whose parents have separated 20,30 years,
Who have even died,,, They still hope in their heart of hearts
that their mother and father still share a bed in heaven,
He wouldn\'t be a good husband if he came back,
He\'d just leave her again,
And you,
What?
He left you too, Didn\'t he?
No,
He just moved out, He\'s still my dad,
Of course he\'s still your dad,
But he did literally leave you, Didn\'t he?
He moved away, He\'s not around,
He doesn\'t even know whether you\'re dead or alive,
He was working,
Why can\'t you let yourself be angry at him?
Why should I be angry at him?
She\'s the one who,,,
Who pisses me off,
- Why? - Because she\'s pathetic
and annoying and,,,
And she\'s always around,
I can understand why you might be angry at her too, Though,
\'Cause you feel she didn\'t protect you from what was going on at home,
But she\'s also a rock,
She\'s incredibly patient, She\'s persistent,
She\'s not going anywhere,
She\'s really something when you think about it,
Isn\'t she?
There\'s something I haven\'t told you,
What\'s that?
I\'m not really that interested in gymnastics anymore,
What?
Why not?
I don\'t know,
Used to be everything to me,
And now it\'s not,
And why do you think that is?
No, You tell me, Paul,
I think that when you were growing up, There weren\'t enough boundaries at home,
Boundaries to protect a child from,,, What we you, Six, Seven?
From
things that could impact your,,,
Your view of sex,
Your body,
Your attitudes toward men,
It was also an environment
where you were expected to be complicit in the lies of grownups,
I think you wanted to escape, So sports became the perfect outlet for you,
A place with rules and order, Where discipline protected you
and guided you,
Gymnastics was always a place that you were able to run away to,
To be in control,
Maybe,,,
Maybe you don\'t need to run away to that world anymore,
- Shit, - What?
I\'ll never make the olympic team now,
Not with that attitude,
Well, I don\'t think that\'s necessarily true,
I\'m gonna suck at it,
Have you ever failed before?
Never, But,,,
What?
The times, They are a-changin\',
It\'s from a Bob Dylan song,
My gift to you,
Thank you,
You\'re welcome,
He\'s an old geezer,,,
Like you,
Thanks,
Our time is up,
So I\'ll see you next week then,
Okay?