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Trevor: This old guy is my grandpa, Reynold Harmony,
Trevor: And not to sound selfish with him about to kick the bucket and all,
Trevor: spoiler alert,
Trevor: destiny is about to do a mic drop into my nuts,
Trevor: I'm actually a highly educated biologist,
Trevor: I graduated at the top of my class,
Trevor: Trevor Harmony, Valictorian, and look where it got me,
Trevor: It all started after college,
Reynold: Come here, little man, Hard for me to talk,
Reynold: God damn Alzheimer's,,, can barely string two congruent thoughts together,
Reynold: So I better make this quick before I short out again,
Reynold: You're,,, now how shall I put this lightly?
Reynold: Such a goddamn motherfucking disappointment!
Trevor: Say what you want about the old man, He knew how to get a point across,
Trevor: What do you mean?
Trevor: I have a master's degree in cytosubiology,
Trevor: I'm going to Alaska to study orcas,
Reynold: Such a goddamn disappointment,
Reynold: Whale mating?
Trevor: I'm not sure I follow,
Reynold: You know good goddamn well what I mean, you little shithead,
Reynold: You're a harmony,
Reynold: It's been passed down from the eldest born male for 11 generations,
Reynold: Trevor, you're a good boy,
Reynold: Always been a man of your word,
Reynold: A trait you probably got from me,
Reynold: You see, we're not just a family of janitors,
Reynold: We're more, way more,
Reynold: What I'm gonna tell you has been passed down
Reynold: from Harmony Man to Harmony Man for 275 years,
Trevor: I had no idea what he was about to say
Trevor: or how important it would be, but I could see it in his eyes
Trevor: that this revelation was about to change my world forever,
Trevor: it seemed like my eyes were about to be open for the first time,
Trevor: That it was all about to make sense,
Reynold: The axe holds the keys, Keys, Keys,
Reynold: Baseball bat,
Reynold: Get away from me, demons,
Reynold: I will destroy you,
Reynold: Trevor, there you are,
Reynold: Keep running, They'll kill us all,
Trevor: Who will?
Reynold: The werewolves, Witches, Zombies,
Trevor: Oh, this shit again,
Reynold: Witches, Zombies,
Reynold: Margo,,,Margo,,,
Trevor: Alzheimer's is a bitch,
Trevor: And Margo's his car,
Trevor: And this is Margo,
Trevor: That I own,
Trevor: It's okay,
Trevor: Thanks Gramps, Thanks,
Trevor: I hate you girls, I hate you girls,
Trevor: I hate all of you,
Trevor: From valedictorian to sorority house janitor,
Trevor: Fucking hate you,
Trevor: And my life,
Maura: Someone get the door, Jesus,
Grace: I'm not getting it,
Circey: I'm not getting it, Amber's trucker shits clogged the toilet,
Amber: No I didn't!
Jenny: Don't worry, I'll get it,
Jenny: Even though no one else seems to care, Trevor, I still do,
Jenny: Rumpy Gans is at the door,
Morgan: Maura, isn't it for you?
Maura: I need to get dressed, And no, Cersei's the one that clogged the toilet,
Trevor: Hey, Jenny,
Jenny: Hi, Trevor,
Trevor: Let me guess, Toilet?
Jenny: Toilet,
Trevor: Mm,
Trevor: Which bathroom?
Jenny: Upstairs,
Trevor: That's great,
Trevor: I just don't understand,,,What is that?
Trevor: I don't know,
Circey: Let's hurry, Trevi,
Trevor: I've replaced orcas with turds and tampons,
Trevor: It's fine, It's fine, It's all fine,
Music: *music *
Speaker 5: ugh, Seriously, dude, just fix the thing already,
Trevor: What is in here?
Speaker 5: What do they do?
Circey: I know, right? If you actually did something instead of standing there yelling at the toilet, you'd be done already,
Grace: Yeah, you may have some anger issues and you may want to see somebody about that because my psychologist says that stress can lead to anger,
Grace: and anger can lead to a heart attack,
Trevor: - Thanks Yoda,
Grace: - Who's Yoda?
Maura: Her name is Grace,
Trevor: - What?
Trevor: You've never seen Star Wars?
Amber: - Jenny!
Amber: Jenny, hello? Jenny, hello?
Amber: Hi, Jenny,
Jenny: Oh, hey, guys,
Amber: God, I've been calling your name for like an hour,
Amber: What are you doing?
Jenny: Just--
Circey: Yes, Jenny, what are you doing?
Speaker 5: I was just gonna go to English,
Amber: Is that my biology book?
Speaker 5: Yes,
Amber: Did you get my homework done?
Speaker 5: No, but that's because I had an essay to do this morning,
Speaker 5: I'll get yours done at lunch,
Amber: I don't have time, Jenny, I need it in like an hour,
Amber: God, I swear, if you mess up my grade in biology and I fail and I don't get my dad's money,
Amber: I will strangle you with a telephone cord,
Amber: I'm just kidding, I would never do that,
Amber: But I so would if I don't get my dad's money,
Amber: You don't want to get kicked out of the sorority, do you?
Speaker 5: Well,,,
Speaker 5: Where are you going to go? Alphabet and dogface? I mean, really,
Jenny: It's not even a real sorority,
Amber: Cram it, Jenny, Get my homework done, Seriously, Go, Now,
Amber: Circey, come on, Grace and Moria are waiting for us,
Amber: Bye, Jenny, Love you, Don't change,
Amber: JK, LOL, Like, change a little,
Amber: Go on a diet or something,
Amber: But you're beautiful,
Morgan: Why do you let those girls talk to you like that?
Jenny: Sadly, those are the only friends I got,
Morgan: Jenny,
Morgan: You need new friends,
Jenny: Yeah,
Morgan: See? Idiots,
Jenny: Well, I mean, librarians are friends,
Jenny: And Trevor-Trevor's a friend, I think,
Jenny: And then there's,,, Morgan?
Trevor: - Fuckin' fuck, man,
Trevor: Come on, what, seriously?
Trevor: Aw, man,
Trevor: Amber! Fuck,,,
Trevor: What do we have here?
Trevor: What the fuck?
Trevor: Reynold and Heidi Harmony,,,
Trevor: Dad,
Trevor: That's mine now,
Trevor: Fuck you, girl,
Trevor: Ah!
Trevor: Oh, damn, Angela!
Angela: Yes?
Angela: Well, don't be scared, little kitty,
Angela: I have to leave for a few days on business,
Trevor: Vampire convention?
Angela: Wisecracks will only get you so far,
Trevor: I was going to study whales,
Angela: That's nice,
Angela: Did you get the toilet fixed?
Trevor: I did, And I'm so happy to have accomplished something in my life,
Angela: Keep it up,
Angela: You might do really well in life,
Angela: if you don't have a heart attack or something stupid,
Grace: - I am smart,
Grace: I am beautiful, I will overcome everything,
Grace: Flawless,
Amber: Ladies, we have two days before pledge day,
Amber: We have pledges to seek and hazing to do,
Amber: My favorite part,
Amber: Cersei, where do we stand with sign-ups?
Amber: Huh? Hello?
Circey: None,
Grace: None?
Grace: No one wants to sign up with us because they hear we're bitches,
Amber: We are, But so what? Who isn't?
Maura: Jenny isn't, neither is Morgan,
Amber: Morgan?
Amber: Lesbo, if you ask me,
Maura: Amber? That's mean,
Amber: She likes girls,
Amber: Like, have you ever seen her with a man?
Amber: Lesbo, Hello?
Amber: Gross,
Grace: You literally make out with your best friend when she's drunk,
Amber: That's different,
Grace: Right,
Amber: I'm not a lesbo,
Circey: Aw, and I'm an Astronaut Boop,
Amber: Oh,
Amber: Uh-huh,
Circey: Uh, uh, what's--
Grace: - Yeah!
Trevor: Please,
Trevor: Heidi Harmony and Trevor Agent 2,
Angela: Mom and Dad,
Trevor: What is this?
Trevor: Washington, two dens,
Trevor: Colorado, nine covens,
Trevor: New York, unlimited,,,
Trevor: limited sectors?
Trevor: Too much?
Trevor: What
Trevor: Whoa!
Trevor: Goonies never say die,
Circey: Sagittarius, you are going to be extremely successful,
Circey: This could prove to be one of your most adventurous years,
Circey: Your free spirit and love of nature will prove useful in the coming months,
Circey: And although you'll fight inner demons, your true nature will come to light,
Circey: See, so things are looking up,
Amber: my true nature,
Circey: What is it, Amber?
Amber: Nothing,
Circey: What?
Amber: I just,,,
Amber: I don't know, It's scary,
Circey: Understanding your true self is always complicated, Amber,
Circey: Amber, you are so special,
Amber: I,,,
Circey: What are you doing?
Amber: What?
Amber: I,,,
Circey: Do you like me?
Amber: No,
Amber: I was just messing,
Amber: Oh, you're getting so sentimental on me,
Amber: Oh, no,
Circey: OK, because for a second there, I was like, what?
Amber: What?
Amber: Ew, Gross, That's gross, No,
Amber: You think I like girls? You're crazy,
Circey: You're crazy,
Amber: You're crazy,
Circey: You're crazy,
Amber: You're crazy,
Circey: You're crazy,
Circey: OK,
Circey: All right,
Amber: You're funny,
Amber: - Good one,
Circey: - All right, go to
Speaker 5: - Go to bed,
Amber: - Oh my God,
Jenny: - Hi Trevor,
Trevor: - Hey Jenny,
Jenny: I told him you were gonna be pissed,
Trevor: Oh, that's great, Which bathroom?
Jenny: Upstairs,
Trevor: Great,
Amber: Wasn't me? I don't flush tampons,
Trevor: What? What? Gross, Seriously? Come on! Why?
Amber: It wasn't, It Wasn't Ugh!
Trevor: Seriously?
Trevor: Yay! That fixed it,
Trevor: What?
Trevor: I hate you girls, I hate all of you!
Trevor: Fuck, man,
Trevor: Seriously?
Trevor: Ugh!
Trevor: Pfft!
Angela: What?
Trevor: Looks like Gringotts up in this bitch!
Morgan: Hey,
Morgan: Buddy, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
Trevor: Ow, ow, ow, ow! Stop it!
Morgan: What? You were sleeping,
Trevor: I'm not sleeping! I'm on a shelf!
Trevor: Does it look like I'm taking a nap?!
Trevor: If you need my hammer, it's in my ass, There's a door over there,
Morgan: - What? - Come on,
Trevor: We gotta move this,
Morgan: Jesus,
Trevor: Do you wanna help?!
Trevor: you want help?
Morgan: You look like you had it under control,
Trevor: I don't,
Trevor: Oh my god, what was that made of?
Morgan: Why the hell is there a door here?
Trevor: We're gonna find out,
Morgan: Okay,
Trevor: Do you want a flashlight?
Morgan: Yeah,
Morgan: You go,
Morgan: What do you think this is?
Trevor: I think it's a hallway,
Morgan: Come on,
Angela: Clearly,
Angela: This
Trevor: is,,,
Trevor: Sorry,
Morgan: Does this feel like we're going down?
Morgan: This might be like under the backyard,
Angela: Ew,
Trevor: A door,
Trevor: Holy smokes, man,
Trevor: What?
Trevor: Open it,
Trevor: No, I can't,
Trevor: There's a huge lock on it,
Trevor: Oh, wait a minute,
Trevor: Wait a minute,
Morgan: What, what, what, what?
Trevor: Oh, my God,
Trevor: I just found this key yesterday,
Morgan: What?
Morgan: Try it,
Trevor: No,
Morgan: Yes,
Trevor: OK,
Morgan: Oh, my God,
Trevor: - What?
Morgan: - No way, dude,
Morgan: - Okay,
Morgan: - Wait, wait, wait, wait,
Morgan: Okay, go,
Trevor: - Okay,
Trevor: - Ah!
Trevor: - God!
Trevor: - Are you coming?
Trevor: - Yeah,
Trevor: Hey,
Morgan: What?
Morgan: Sorry,
Trevor: Don't say anything,
Trevor: Mum's the word,
Morgan: Mum's the word?
Morgan: What the fuck does that even mean?
Trevor: You know, like, don't say anything,
Trevor: It's like Bob's your uncle,
Morgan: What?
Morgan: How the fuck do you know Bob's my uncle?
Trevor: How would
Trevor: How would I know that you have an Uncle Bob?
Trevor: I don't even know your family,
Morgan: Okay, Well, I do, His name is Robert, actually, but Mom's the word,
Trevor: Bob's your uncle,
Morgan: Dude,
Morgan: This is amazing,
Morgan: I want this room,
Trevor: - That's probably a bad idea,
Morgan: - No, this must be where the old sorority
Morgan: held their meetings and pledge nights,
Morgan: fingering each other and shit,
Morgan: Ew,
Trevor: - Yeah, right before they sacrificed the virgins,
Morgan: - Look at that,
Morgan: - No, no, no, no,
Trevor: have bad feelings in here,
Trevor: Bad, bad, bad feelings,
Trevor: - Wait, can
Morgan: Oh my, will you stop being a baby?
Morgan: This is awesome, This must be the original pledge book,
Trevor: - I don't think so, - Yeah,
Morgan: I think it is,
Trevor: - No, - I'm
Morgan: 1
Trevor: - Okay,
Trevor: Okay, alright, Well, don't listen to me, I'm a big fat idiot,
Trevor: Wait for me,
Trevor: No, no, no, No, no,
Trevor: Try this,
Trevor: - Oh, yes,
Trevor: - Get out of here,
Trevor: Ugh, here,
Trevor: Ugh,
Morgan: - You all right?
Morgan: You look a little bit woozy,
Trevor: - Ugh,
Trevor: Ugh,
Trevor: What?
Trevor: That was like a white squall,
Trevor: Is this made of human
Trevor: flesh?
Morgan: - No, it's like cow or goat or something,
Morgan: Why would it be human?
Trevor: - Oh, I don't know, it's just a shot in the dark,
Trevor: Are you sure it's not human flesh?
Morgan: - Well, no, but no, no, no, I'm sure it's not human,
Amber: What is that?! Oh, hey Trevor
Morgan: - We found this in a secret room in the basement,
Trevor: - Mum's the word,
Morgan: - Bob's your uncle,
Trevor: - His name is Touchy,
Amber: - Wait, a secret room in the what?
Morgan: - Yeah, we have like a whole set of rooms under the house,
Amber: - We do?
Morgan: - Yeah, it's awesome,
Trevor: - Stop talking!
Amber: - So what is that?
Morgan: - I think it might be the original sorority pledge book,
Morgan: - I don't know, I'm not sure though, It might be something else entirely,
Jenny: I wanna take it to the school and look it up,
Amber: - If that is the original Omega Zeta pledge book, I want it now,
Trevor: - It's literally right here,
Trevor: We're not holding the hostage,
Amber: - Give it,
Amber: Give it!
Trevor: - It's right here,
Morgan: Yeah, literally just walk over here and look at it,
Amber: - No! Ugh! Give it to me, I'm taking it to my room to read,
Morgan: - UH What?
Morgan: First of all, it's like in Latin or something,
Morgan: And second of all, we need to examine it,
Morgan: - We should call Angela and tell her,
Angela: Tell me what,
Trevor: - Jesus!
Amber: - Angela, hi,
Morgan: We found this awesome book
Morgan: and we have like a whole set of rooms under the house,
Angela: - Thank you, Trevor,
Angela: - Well, this is very interesting,
Angela: but I think we should leave it here for now,
Angela: And Amber, if you wanna read it,
Angela: and I mean really read it, you should do it right here,
Amber: - No, no, I wanna take it to my room to read, It'll be fine,
Angela: - No, no, no, no, it's very old,
Angela: And it's getting late,
Angela: Trevor, whatever you're doing here to maintenance,
Angela: you can do tomorrow morning, You may leave now,
Trevor: - What, no, I'm, hey, no, I wanna, I'm also--
Angela: - The book will be here tomorrow,
Angela: Girls, clean up and do your homework,
Morgan: Really?
Morgan: Really,
Angela: Trevor,
Angela: Thank you so much for finding that book,
Angela: It'll finally help the girls understand their reasons for being here,
Trevor: How long do you think it was down there?
Angela: Too long,
Angela: It's time I set things right,
Trevor: Okay,
Maura: You have a boner,
Trevor: Who doesn't?
Trevor: Am I right? That was hot,
Trevor: *Sigh*
Trevor: - Reynolds, I'm writing you to inform you
Trevor: that we have failed,
Trevor: Some of us did not make it out,
Trevor: including Harvey and Heidi,
Trevor: I'm truly sorry,
Trevor: - Hence it came of courage and grace,
Trevor: for the magic they bestow is from an ancient place,
Trevor: - What?
Trevor: - They are not to be trifled with, They too are magic born,
Trevor: If it is evil you cast, that shall be your last,
Trevor: The of the name did not be harmed to the protectors of the cursed,
Trevor: for they have stopped many,
Trevor: What?
Trevor: They be named Harmony,
Trevor: Then I'm the stoned one,,, Okay, yep, You're right, You're right,
Trevor: I'm the stoner, I'm the loser,
Trevor: Thank you very much, Thank you,
Trevor: I'm dreaming,
Circey: What?
Circey: You have an erection again,
Trevor: It's a compliment,
Grace: Thanks,
Trevor: You're welcome,
Trevor: Hey guys, the floor is still wet,
Trevor: Okay, thank you,
Amber: Wow, this place is intense,
Angela: I like it this way,
Angela: Have you never seen my room before?
Speaker 5: No,
Speaker 5: I would have taken you for a blue kind of person,
Angela: What do you mean?
Speaker 5: Like your aura,
Speaker 5: I feel like you're blue,
Speaker 5: Like you seem blue,
Angela: Why blue, dear?
Speaker 5: I don't know,
Angela: Do you see everyone's auras?
Speaker 5: No, I don't think so, But I think Morgan's a lesbian,
Angela: That's not the same thing,
Speaker 5: Well, she has that vibe, Like, when I see her, her aura's like yellow, Like sunburst, Like I see a sunburst when I look at her,
Angela: That's very interesting,
Speaker 5: I know, right?
Speaker 5: Yeah,
Angela: - Well, do you believe in magic then?
Speaker 5: - Yes, yes, I believe we all have magic inside of us,
Speaker 5: Like we are one with the universe,
Speaker 5: Like we can talk to the earth,
Angela: And why do you feel this way?
Speaker 5: Because I have since I was a little girl,
Speaker 5: This one time my mom caught me talking to a ghost,
Speaker 5: I can like see things,
Angela: Ghost,
Angela: Looking
Speaker 5: Yeah, I know, It's stupid, I just thought I was meant for bigger things,
Angela: Maybe you are,
Speaker 5: Yeah, maybe,
Angela: I want to show you something,
Speaker 5: Okay, Wait, I don't know if I'm ready for this, No, no, go ahead,
Angela: This is called,,,
Angela: - The Book of Shadows - What?
Angela: What did you think was happening?
Speaker 5: Nothing,
Speaker 5: That's like a journal, right?
Angela: It is,
Speaker 5: Good job,
Speaker 5: I had one when I was a little girl,
Speaker 5: But my dad didn't like it, so he threw it out,
Angela: Men can be so destructive,
Speaker 5: Right?
Speaker 5: Do you like men?
Angela: Well, that's a hard question,
Angela: I've been with men before,
Angela: But I never want to get attached to one for too long,
Speaker 5: I was with two guys,
Angela: How was that?
Speaker 5: Well, I don't know, Clumsy,
Speaker 5: They thought they were amazing,
Angela: They always did,
Angela: In this book, I can show you great things,
Angela: but sacrifices will have to be made,
Speaker 5: - Nothing's free,
Angela: - That's very true,
Angela: How many pledges do we have tonight?
Angela: - All of one,
Angela: - That's all we need,
Angela: And then we can grow exponentially,
Angela: I'm gonna show you so much, Amber,
Angela: But I know it's gonna seem kind of weird,
Angela: But I feel that you're open to some suggestions,
Angela: - Hey, Char, where you going?
Trevor: - I was just leaving,
Trevor: - You better run, 'cause I'm about to fuck up some shizzit!
Trevor: - Shit!
Angela: - I will cut you like a fucking pig!
Trevor: - Ah!
Trevor: - Stop!
Amber: - I do what she says and get the fuck out,
Angela: - Now let's have a little fun,
Jenny: Well, I guess we don't have any pledges,
Morgan: - That's normal,
Maura: - I can't believe our one pledge didn't show,
Morgan: - Is she acting weird to anybody else?
Circey: - Right?
Grace: - Yeah,
Grace: What is that?
Morgan: - Um, I think that's the original pledge book,
Angela: No pledges?
Angela: Okay, well, Jenny, you're up, sweetheart,
Angela: It's your lucky day,
Morgan: What's happening?
Angela: Come, girls, Let me show you what I've done for you,
Angela: Stop!
Angela: If I tell you to stop, I mean it,
Angela: The hazings go like this,
Angela: Jenny, start,
Angela: Strip her down to her underwear,
Jenny: What? No, no, no, no, no, I don't think I'm ready for that,
Angela: Come on, It'll be fun,
Jenny: Eh, define fun,
Angela: Huh?
Jenny: No,
Angela: Amber, make Jenny cooperate,
Jenny: Oh okay
Jenny: What?
Amber: You have no idea how much you like,
Jenny: Oh, uh,,,
Speaker 5: It's just hazing, It'll be fun,
Speaker 5: Don't worry, Nothing will happen,
Speaker 5: Wait, are you Menzies?
Jenny: What? No,
Angela: Good,
Jenny: Okay,
Angela: Let's go
Angela: do it,
Angela: Pants,
Jenny: I got it, Thank you, Thank you, I can do this part,
Angela: And get on the table,
Angela: It will all be over soon,
Angela: And you will be free as it does,
Angela: Yes, yes,
Angela: I'm sorry,
Jenny: Now!
Jenny: No,
Angela: Grace, hold her wrists tightly,
Angela: Grace!
Angela: I said hold her wrists tightly now,
Angela: It's Hazing! Fuck!
Circey: Are we not all getting naked?
Jenny: No, put your clothes on, dufus,
Angela: Cersei Maura, you hold her feet,
Angela: Amber, hold her down,
Jenny: What is that noise?
Jenny: Is that screaming coming from outside?
Angela: I don't hear anything,
Angela: Oh, my God,
Angela: But after tonight, we'll all be sisters,
Angela: And we will be more powerful than you could ever imagine,
Jenny: What is happening?
Angela: By way of the three and the power of three,
Angela: I unleash thee from your tomb!
Angela: Come forth, O Great One,
Angela: and give your power unto me!
Angela: Are you ready?
Amber: Yes,
Jenny: I'm not,
Jenny: What the fuck?
Jenny: What the shit are you guys doing?
Amber: Jenny, you'll all be dead soon enough,
Jenny: What? Did you just say?
Morgan: Okay,
Morgan: God, why is everyone getting naked?
Jenny: Cersei, put your fucking hands on!
Morgan: God, guys!
Morgan: It's getting a little nuts in here,
Angela: Girls! Follow suit,
Angela: Cersei first,
Jenny: - Ow, - Squeeze!
Jenny: Yeah, I'd like to get up now,
Jenny: Can someone please hand me my fucking clothes?
Grace: I'm not drinking that,
Grace: I was at a party once, only there was a bunch of dudes and,,,
Grace: Let's just say I'll never do that again,
Grace: Because now I have genital warts,
Maura: Gross! Ew, Grace,
Maura: Wait, you used to date my boyfriend,
Maura: What the fuck, Grace?
Maura: Ah!
Angela: Okay,
Angela: Good girl,
Angela: Ah!
Angela: Oh, man,
Angela: Oh,
Jenny: my God,
Jenny: Is that a--
Jenny: Is that a human heart?
Jenny: Oh,
Angela: my God,
Angela: No, my dear, It's a lamb's heart,
Morgan: Oh, that's better,
Amber: - What?
Speaker 5: - What?
Jenny: - What?
Jenny: - Stop it!
Trevor: - What?
Jenny: - What the fuck?
Jenny: Shit is happening!
Angela: - Shut up!
Angela: Shut up!
Jenny: - Can someone please give me my fucking clothes?
Morgan: - Yeah,
Angela: I summon the sisters,
Angela: I summon the four sisters of destruction,
Angela: Come to us,
Angela: Use us and your children,
Angela: They will fulfill our destinies,
Jenny: Can I get up now?
Angela: I said, shut up,
Angela: And you will drink from the chalice, the blood,
Angela: Mm-mm,
Angela: So my sisters can enter this realm,
Jenny: Mm
Morgan: Oh, oh,
Jenny: What is happening?
Angela: *Screaming*
Witch: You dare summon us?
Angela: My queen!
Angela: I am your servant!
Angela: I summon for the sake of evil!
Witch: There are none other than us,
Angela: I have awaited your return!
Jenny: Well, we have returned,
Witch: I like this one,
Trevor: Okay, so my parents are dead,
Trevor: My grandpa's dead,
Trevor: I have no answer,
Trevor: There's a hidden room and some book wrapped in flesh,
Trevor: And everything's leading to one impossible answer,
Trevor: Demon Hunter,
Jenny: Where are our bodies?
Grace: What?
Jenny: Our bodies, our true forms,
Speaker 5: Jenny, it's me, It's Gra ce,
Speaker 5: Ah!
Circey: Ah!
Maura: Ah!
Morgan: Ah!
Jenny: Ah!
Music: *music*
Witch: What year is it?
Jenny: According to this one, it's 2020,
Jenny: About the right time to turn the world to shit,
Jenny: Won't have to do much work,
Circey: We have company,
Music: *Intensifying music*
Trevor: In case you haven't caught on by now, I'm the-
Circey: Hey, Trevi!
Circey: Where's your boner now? Huh? You dead? Alive?
Trevor: That hurt a lot!
Circey: Poor baby!
Circey: shh,,,It'll be over soon, Just like that,
Trevor: There's my boner right beside your head, biatch!
Trevor: What's wrong with your foreheads?
Amber: Trevor, you're always such a,,,
Amber: Loser! That's the word,
Amber: God, this girl's got all kinds of emotions going on up here, Like, crazy,
Trevor: Amber, what the hell?
Amber: Kill him now?
Jenny: This one has a soft hearrt for him, Leave him,
Jenny: He'll die tomorrow when we end the world,
Jenny: What did you say?
Jenny: Bye, Trevy,
Trevor: Morgan!
Trevor: Amber!
Trevor: Cersei!
Trevor: Jenny!
Trevor: Hey!
Trevor: What the hell?
Ken: Hey, you ladies lost,
Ken: You want a ride?
Witch: Amber,
Amber: Do you know where Rebook Cemetery is?
Ken: Well, babe, I'm Ken, and this is my dog Levi,
Ken: And what's going on with your forehead?
Ken: You wear like a hat too tight or something?
Speaker 5: Well, do you know?
Ken: Me? I,,I don't know,
Levi: You mean Old Town?
Jenny: Bow to me,
Jenny: Do you know where the cemetery
Jenny: Do you know where the Cemetery is or do you not?
Levi: Yes! Yes! You crazy bitch! Yes!
Witch: Take us there,
Amber: Gross!
Reynold: It's about time, loser, This is your destiny, So don't fuck it up!
Trevor: and Bob's your uncle,
Trevor: I guess destiny does find a way,
Witch: Amber, perhaps one should not kill a victim
Witch: until the resources of said victim have been drained,
Amber: I know,
Amber: At first I was all like I wasn't going to,
Amber: but then I was, so I did,
Amber: I'll focus and try harder next time,
Witch: That's fine,
Amber: Levi, you really need to hold it together
Amber: and stop being such a little bitch
Levi: - Well, why can't I stop driving!
Witch: *laughs
Witch: Get out,
Levi: Please don't kill me,
Levi: Please, please, please don't kill me,
Witch: Levi,
Witch: What did Amber say?
Witch: Don't be such a bitch,
Levi: I can help you,
Witch: How?
Levi: I don't know,
Levi: and, um, bring you coffee or do your laundry or something,
Witch: Fine,
Jenny: Come, Servant,
Jenny: Where is the cemetery?
John: Right through there, but I said we're closed,
John: You gotta come back around 9:00 AM,
Jenny: Morgan?
John: *stuttering
Trevor: What are we doing?
Trevor: Well hello handsome,
Trevor: Harmony,
Witch: Welcome home,
Trevor: Not so fast, ladies!
Witch: Attack!
Trevor: Fuck!
Amber: Stronger than a trashcan,
Amber: Noted
Trevor: Jenny!
Trevor: Get, off, me!
Trevor: I don't want to have to kill you girls!
Trevor: Okay,
Amber: - Can we kill him now?
Jenny: - Just can't yet,
Jenny: So adorable,
Jenny: Wow, this girl is like really liking this guy,
Jenny: Come on,
Circey: Is he gonna be okay?
Jenny: He's not alive, Technically,
Trevor: Ow!
Trevor: Ladies, seriously, Morgan, I don't want to have to kill you girls,
Trevor: Didn't hurt,
Trevor: Well this isn't where I saw this going,
Trevor: Seriously, guys!
Witch: - No! - No!
Jenny: - You are resilient,
Trevor: You're welcome, Cunt punch!
Witch: Hey Janitor,
Trevor: That was intense,
Trevor: Want to help kill some demons?
Trevor: What the fuck?
Statue: Offering,,,Accepted!
Statue: Trevor harmony has summoned me to destroy evil,
Statue: Lead me to the evil,
Trevor: - Yeah, all right, cool, Come on,
Witch: - Three by three, bring thy souls unto thee,
Witch: From hence we can, shall we return,
Witch: bring back the darkness to watch the world burn,
Amber: This tastes like pure shit!
Amber: When do we stop fucking puking!
Trevor: Yeah, why not?
Trevor: Witches? Walking statues? Sure,
Trevor: Ah, shit! I thought we killed you!
Statue: Die, demon!
Statue: I would like to banquish you!
Statue: Banquish! Banquishing!
Statue: Banquish!
Trevor: Okay, Fair enough,
Trevor: Oh Yeah, take those bodies back, you idiots,
Statue: Time to kill the witches, Harmony!
Statue: Witches!
Trevor: Yes, kill the witches, but don't kill the girls,
Trevor: Don't kill the bodies the witches are in,
Statue: The Harmony is confusing,
Trevor: Why are you stonewalling me? You're like talking to a w-
Statue: Stop! Your lips are buttery and full of lies,
Statue: Enough! I am made to kill witches, you fat Harmony,
Statue: I will squash them like bugs! Hello evil bug!
Witch: Now you will see the execution of the world!
Statue: Harmony, one has escaped!
Statue: Rrrr, let go of me, you tentacle witch!
Statue: Rrrr, let go!
Statue: Rrrr, I shall destroy you!
Witch: I will take great pleasure in killing you,
Trevor: Ah, get in line
Angela: You'll pay for that,
Trevor: Cersei! Get out of here!
Witch: You must succumb to death, quietly
Trevor: How do you like it? Weed killer!
Trevor: Ah!
Trevor: Fuck you, Treebeard!
Trevor: I'm fucking Frodo!
Trevor: Statue man!
Statue: Freedom!
Trevor: Save Morgan and the girls, I'll fight these witches,
Statue: As you wish, soft compatriot!
Morgan: What the fuck are you?
Jenny: Your death,
Statue: Air Witch, prepare for DEATH!
Statue: There is no match for stone!
Statue: You are weak, Witch!
Statue: Witch!
Statue: You
Morgan: What the fuck are you?
Statue: Have no fear, for Trevor Harmony has sent me here to protect you,
Morgan: Okay, You've got a name?
Statue: I am nameless from the darkness,
Morgan: Okay, I'm Morgan, You're Slater,
Morgan: Ow, fuck!
Statue: Be careful!
Amber: We're in a fucking cemetery?!
Circey: Where's Morgan?
Amber: Cersei! You're alive!
Circey: What the hell?
Jenny: You guys, what's going on?
Jenny: I have a fucking headache,
Jenny: She chewed my brain like Hubba Bubba!
Amber: Um,,, What do we do?
Jenny: -Where's Morgan?
Amber: We have to do something,
Amber: I feel like this is all my fault,
Jenny: I mean, it's not entirely your fault,
Jenny: How are you supposed to know that Angela was a witch?
Speaker 5: Well,,, She told me,
Speaker 5: I thought she was kidding, I thought she meant she was a lesbian,,,
Amber: Like me,
Circey: Finally,
Circey: How long were you gonna deny that?
Jenny: okay okay guys, We have to do something,
Jenny: My soul hurts, Does that make sense?
Witch: And is anyone gonna talk about the fact that Trevor was fighting a tree back there?
Circey: It's been a long night,
Trevor: Ah! Fucking Jesus! Ah!
Trevor: Ah! Fuck! Ah you need a breath bit!
Morgan: Hey,
Amber: Where'd you get a gun?
Morgan: Dead Levi,
Amber: What the fuck is that?
Morgan: No, no, he's cool, He's cool, This is Slater,
Morgan: Slater, this is, um, Jenny, Amber, and Cersei,
Statue: It is my pleasure, ladies,
Circey: Do you have genitalia?
Jenny: Cersei, what? that's a personal question,
Jenny: But, I mean, do you?
Statue: I am a blood oath activated automaton,
Statue: I am here to defend the Harmony,
Statue: In his time of need, he has sent me to protect you,
Amber: So that's a talking statue?
Morgan: I don't know, I'm,,,
Amber: - Where's Trevor?
Jenny: - Holy shit!
Statue: - The soft one approaching!
Trevor: - I'm fine,
Morgan: - Trevor, what the hell is going on?
Jenny: - Are we dead?
Jenny: - Where are we?
Jenny: - Where did he come from?
Jenny: h-how does he work?! Where those witches?
Circey: - Does hell exist?
Circey: - Oh my God, are vampires real?
Amber: - Yes, what is real?
Jenny: - Is heaven real?
Circey: Does anyone's mouth taste mouth taste like hobo semen?
Jenny: Yeah,
Amber: Yeah,
Statue: Evil has returned!
Trevor: My name is Trevor Harmony,
Trevor: I'm the last of my bloodline,
Trevor: For over 200 years, my family has fought evil,
Trevor: I vow from this day forward to rid the world of you,
Trevor: You ain't bringing back the darkness,
Trevor: You ain't bringing back shit,
Trevor: I'm gonna hunt each and every one of you evil motherfuckers down on this planet and extinguish you,
Jenny: Yeah, bitch!
Witch: Are you done?
Trevor: Yeah,
Jenny: Hey!
Morgan: I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!
Jenny: Ow!
Statue: Bring on the day! I love to fight!
Statue: I'll kill you!
Statue: Squish!
Trevor: Fuck you, dickfingers!
Amber: I was a cheer captain for six years,
Statue: Air Witch, we meet again!
Statue: Your weak wind will never defeat me, Air Witch!
Witch: Cut his head off! My pleasure!
Trevor: Fuck you!
Circey: Amber, that was awesome,
Amber: I'm really discovering myself today,
Morgan: You, you, I think I have the hots for the statue,
Circey: Talk about rock hard,
Witch: Cut his head off!
Jenny: Okay, we should go, we should go, go,
Statue: Catch!
Statue: Oh, yes, Harmony
Statue: Smash her with my instruments!
Statue: Smash the evil!
Statue: Smash her!
Witch: Behold! I am the bringer of death!
Trevor: Oh, shut up!
Trevor: You girls okay?
Morgan: No,
Statue: I'm afraid it is time for me to return to the darkness, round one,
Morgan: Wait, really?
Statue: Ladies, it was my pleasure,
Statue: Call me again should you idiots cause the apocalypse,
Jenny: Okay, so now what?
Trevor: Well, now that you're all caught up,
Music: *Rewinding*
Trevor: Suck on this!