رسانه اینترنتی مای موویز MyMoviz جامعترین سایت فیلم و سریال
Tica!
Horia!
Fetch me some toilet paper, boys!
Tica, where are you?
Damn boys…
…strengthening the vows they will make,
Bringing them together for life…
What happened?
Why are you running away?
You don't love him?
Shit! I'm getting married!
I'm back!
I missed you so much…
Stay!
Come over!
Bica!
Our little brother…
Horia!
What's up?
Is your wife done with you already?
It's me, I'm done with her,
You're kidding!
It all started from the boiler…
She won't let me make cheese,
she said it stinks up the whole neighbourhood,
God Almighty, the cheese…
What?
Losing such a fine woman because of the cheese?
Couldn't we send you some by mail?
Now…
the cheese was not the only reason…
Maybe the milk!
That's not living…
I'll tell you something…
It's true…
The one who kisses you on the Wool's Fair has you…
but it won't make you happy,
Oi!
Did she treat you badly? Tell the truth,
That was the problem, She didn't treat me at all…
The evenings I came home, my bed was still cold…
same as it was back here…
Now, what do you want?
To crawl back here?
Well, here are the solutions!
Warning!
That ain't happening! We've got a new boss…
I just wanna kiss a girl from our village!
You think I don't have the guts, do you?
Did you hear me talking?
At least I'm better…
You're still flocking sheep on the Wools' Fair Day!
This year, Tica said he has a new strategy…
100% chances we get to kiss!
-Really? -Really!
Well, I've got my own strategy!
-Really? -Really!
I'll see you at the Fair,
Horia!
What's wrong, brother?
Just a little shudder…
Later, it will rain…
It won't rain…
It rains only when I say so!
What's really on your mind, brother?
Not sure, I'm deep in thoughts…
-Really? -Really!
Last year, during the Fair…
I almost kissed someone…
Forget about her, it's not like she's the last one left alive…
She's not the last, but…
if she got stuck in my heart, what can I do?
Well… I feel you,
"Oh, pretty as a little bug…
Garnished…
And just frail…
Oh, and God Almighty, with her lips as hot as fire…"
Tica!
You know how is it to be brokenhearted?
-How? -It's like getting ticks!
They crawl on your skin…
stings you…
You recon?
It sucks your blood…
until you're dried out,
You're mind got stuck on Doina,
cause it was the only woman who ever touched you…
ever since you left your mom's womb,
It is true, Now, what can I do?
Come over here to check you out!
-Let me see… -Am I ready?
Like a prince! Here…
Let me get you some of this…
Ready for kissing!
A little perfume…
Here, a little…
-Did you pickle yourself? -Sure, I did…
Now, what's next? Kissing each other?
Princesses!
Now, if this works as the neighbour said…
Then in a maximum of two hours, you should sell the wool and be back,
Now, if you sell it quicker…
you might get to kissing…
Oi!
In two hours, be back here… and start milking!
-How come two hours, Boss? -Oi! Hash!
-Only two hours? -Hash!
We will be back in two hours! Definitely! Have no doubts!
-Two hours! Trust me! -There you go!
Are you really dumb?
-But, only two hours? -Hash there!
There's enough time to kiss a chick!
-Ain't it? -We ain't, 'cause we gotta sell the wool!
The card,
There you go! We've sold the wool!
And you…
You won't chip in?
I'm the one coming up with the solutions!
And I'm the one with the password!
Give me a break!
Move that wool! C'mon! Bring that wool, over! There you go!
Tica!
Tica, hold on!
-C'mon, move on! -Hold on a minute!
Damn cart!
Here…
Run Ileana while you can
Kiss her, now, kiss her, now
Or you'll get kissed by a bunch
Kiss her, now, kiss her, now
Well, run Ileana while you can
Kiss her, now, Kiss her, now
Or you'll get kissed by a bunch
Kiss her, now, kiss her, now
Fresh bread from the oven! From Mercurian's Bakery!
This is real bread, brother!
Get me for the whole amount, throw in a sweet bread!
Kiss her now
Once she got it on the spout
Kiss her, now, kiss her, now
She is ready to get hooked
Kiss her, now, kiss her, now
WOOL'S FAIR
Oh, my God, what really happened?
Kiss her, now, Kiss her, now
Ileana just stumbled off
Kiss her, now, kiss her, now
Oh, my God, what really happened?
Kiss her, now, kiss her, now
Ileana just stumbled off
Kiss her, now, kiss her, now
She just got caught in the fence
Kiss her, now, kiss her, now
And a smile on her lips
Kiss her, now, kiss her, now
The goat, the pork and the veal, gathered here on the grill!
All the elders from the village
Kiss her, now, kiss her, now
Oi, give me that card!
Okay, but you don't know the password,
Then, go on! You take out the cash,
-Hold this! -I'll hold it,
Hey!
Excuse me… Excuse me, I got something in my eyes and I'm blind…
You just kissed me on my mouth!
-Who's that girl? -Velvet,
Velvet? What a beautiful name…
Oi! What's wrong with those chicks?
There's nothing wrong…
They are just 20 years old…
So what now?
Shouldn't we chase them? Let's chase them!
What time is it?
There is time! Please!
Now, finally we have a good boss,
who lets us come over to the Wool's Fair and you wanna go?
Oi! Little brother, just calm down!
-Sure! -I've got an idea…
100% we are going to kiss!
And if we're not… what am I going to do with all that wool?
You'll manage!
Hold on! Can I get my money back?
Oi! The plan is settle…
With a couple of more plans like this, you'll get rich…
-Sure! -Now, what can I do with it?
Put it back!
-The wool? -Yes!
-Back on the sheep? -On the sheep!
And I made peace with myself
That I will not live forever
Cause that's how my fate was written
Chin up! Be brave!
I knew how to live
With good and bad
And I made peace with myself
That I will not live forever
Little brother! Tell me what you see!
Legs!
Chick legs?
-They might be chicks legs as well… -C'mon, throw how down and get to kissing!
What, if she's ugly?
You're right! Let's move backwards,
Slowly…
Now…
Here! Stop! No! Here, Now… what do you see?
-Legs! -There! Throw her down and kiss her!
No!
Oi! Throw her to the ground and kiss her!
-No! -God damn it! Let me do it!
Oi! Move back…,
In life, like any other
I'll keep being strong in life
And I'll only keep doing better
What ever my destiny
'Cause that's how my fate was written
Hold on, Tica!
What happened?
Wait for me, brother!
Hey! Stop running, I won't kiss you!
Hold on a minute!
Hold on…
Oi! Get rid of that wool,
I won't, I payed for it!
Oi! What will the boss think when he sees that wet wool?
What would he think? I'll tell him I wept on it,
You wept? Sure!
He'll get pissed and he'll never let us go to the village,
I know what to do!
I'll hang it out here to dry and we'll sell it some other time,
What a cheap bastard you are!
C'mon, love, I beg you, stop crying…
Oi! Come over!
-What? -Give me your hand and come over,
There you go… What's wrong?
Stop crying and tell me who was it,
Oi, God damn him! That cheap bastard?
Oh, God strike me! Sit tight here… 'cause…
I'll take care of him right now…
Sit tight… Now, what?
-The money! -What money?
-For the wool, -Oh, God, I almost forgot…
Piece of shit!
It broken down?
No, It just rests…
Okay?
Is your name Velvet?
Yes…
Yes! That's me!
I…, I am…, Actually…
You already know who I am, 'cause…
I…
Listen… Don't you wanna get useful?
Bring me the boots from the car…
Sure! Where from?
-In the trunk, -Sure!
Thank you!
It's got a switch!
Cool!
It's closing all by itself,
Push…
Pull and push all at once…
There it is!
This won't do… This one?
This won't do either… Where…
Ah, there it is…
That's the one!
Oi!
Where are you heading, so upset, Boss?
-To carve him, to castrate him! -Who do you want to castrate?
Who?
Nicu, the son of Marza… Have you seen him about?
I saw him? He was chased by a chick who wanted to kiss him,
There you go!
Is he's hitting on my wife? The cheap bastard!
What did he thought?
While I'm poor and stupid, let's kiss someone else's wife and settle…
I don't know how things work around here…
but where I come from…
who ever kisses someone else's wife…
Is gotta pay for it!
Definitely!
There it is…
Hey, hey, hey… Hold on a minute, here…
Hold on just minute here… No!
You two won't go down the village anymore…
I'll go down there at the Fair…
You two stay up here and keep an eye on my wife…
Lately, seems like folks keep hitting on her…
-Hold on, Boss… but you promised… -Hash, hash… wait…
-Oi! -Boss, keep calm… calm…
If I find out, that someone else kissed my wife…
I'm gonna castrate him… and you two, you scum!
Then I'm going to find out what you two will do with women…
once you got no balls,
Just take it easy, Boss,
Oi! Is he's really going to castrate us?
Stay calm, he's got noting to castrate…
There it is… You see the power on that truck?
It's as rough as him…
He got it from ATVROM,
I'm going to… the milk is… boiling over…
Here!
Is my hair a mess?
The day I had today… worst of them all…
What's wrong with all of you? You've all gone crazy?
God!
Please start…
Please!
For God sake!
I killed him!
"Lonely forest, large endeavour
I'll be lonely once forever
Cruel is life down at the sheepfold
What do I do with all that wool hold
Who has kissed and who has not
There's another year lost
And my coffin will be wooden
Life is hard, as wool is sodden…"
That's a sad poem,,
Horia…
Why are you so sad?
I… I'm not sad,
I'm happy!
I'm always happy!
Well, sometimes I write a sad poem which makes me happy afterwards, but…
Do you know what I like most about you?
What is there to like about me?
You are not allowed to like anything about me,
I like… that you are laborious…
That's not true, I'm really lazy!
I like to sleep late and I hate work…
But the boss, God, what a man! He is all laborious… He's really…
I also like the fact that you are full of modesty,
Am I full of what? I don't know what that means, but I'm not,
Oh, Horia…
Horia…
You are a strong man…
Me, strong? No…
I'm weak as a… Hold on…
Just look… Look at all that fat…
Here as well…
I'm so weak… I… can't even move that bucket from there to…
Just give it to me!
For you…
anything…
Put it down there,
Oh, I'm so clumsy, Horia…
-Help me out here… -No… I…
Horia, come over me!
Come!
Help! He is raping me!
What's going on here!
Help! He is raping me!
Just some push-ups or whatever they are called…
No! No, really… I was just preparing the cheese and…
Tell him the truth! I…
How… No!
Are you sure you are not hurt?
Sure, sure…
I'm really sorry for trying to kiss you,
And I'm really sorry for trying to run you over,
Velvet!
-Velvet! -No…
Give me a statement!
Is that him?
Get away from here, girl!
-Who are you? -Move on, you clumsy dummy!
What can I do?
-Hit the gas! -It ain't got gas…
Hit the gas! Press the switch!
-Velvet! -I've got an idea…
Get away from here! Shoo!
Get away! Shoo!
Come on!
Is he your new lover? Is he the one?
Are you kidding?
No! Twelve gears, oil suspension… Romanian-produced, Get on the rod!
-On what? -On the rod!
Velvet! C'mon, tell us all! Are you in love with him?
He is your new lover, isn't he? Give us a kiss!
-An exclusive! -Get away from here!
-Just a kiss! -Get away from us, you…
An exclusive for AlloTV! How did you meet him?
How do you feel about deserting that man at the altar?
Do you love him? Is he the chosen one?
-Get away from us! -Velvet!
Spit it out! Tell me, did you kiss my wife?
I swear on my most valuable…
Shut up!
And answer my question! Did you kiss her or not?
No…
Listen here, my love, my crimson tide… Did he or did he not want to kiss you?
He did!
Oi!
Boss, calm down… I'll catch him for you, 'cause I'm faster,
Hold on, you rude boy!
Come on…
Take me somewhere, where no one will know me,
I know the perfect place, only come on!
There it is, I found it…
Here…
That's it!
Now…
Let's see…
This one goes here…
We stretch this so it goes here…
Turn it over… like this…
There you go, right!
More, more…
Bring it here…
Carefully…
There you go…
I'll catch your sorry ass!
Let's move on, we are very close,
You keep saying that,
I'm done! I'm in the wilderness… This is what I wanted…
No one can find me here,
I can calm down and think at what do I need to do next,
But I can't leave you here alone with the wolves…
You won't move me with a crane… I simply don't care anymore!
I refuse to move… this is where I'm stuck…
Well, then I'm off! God help!
-Are you nuts? -Why?
Are you leaving me here all alone?
Oi, girl! I have things to do…
I can't just spend my time with you, There you go!
And you'll just desert me here all alone? No water, no food?
I don't even know my way back,
How big of an ass can you be?
For the name of Mighty God, if anyone can get you, women!
Didn't you just said that you want to be left alone here,
with the wolves and the bears?
There! Stay or go? Stop messing with my brains!
Why are you shouting?
Why are you yelling? I just can't keep on walking… I'm tired…
I just can't keep walking… I can't keep carrying this thing either…
Come on, just calm down… Calm down, please…
-I can't calm down either… -Wait, just wait…
I just can't do it anymore…
As the night falls over the hills
Horns are filling the sad heavens
The rivers are flowing
I forgot the lyrics… Down the slope
Say, what means "Well"!
What means well, from farewell
As you are gone and I run too
Each departing to different places
You, my love!
What is well
When you just say, "Lie to me nicely"
And the truth really hurts
Each departing to different places
Surely there's no well in that
What the hell are you trying to do? Do you still try to kiss me?
Well, you kissed me first,
-There's a horse! -What?
Oi! Oi! Just…
Just wait! I don't know how to ride horses,
-Come on, give me that, -I'll do, but I'm scared of horses,
WHO IS THE MYSTERIOUS MAN WITH WHOM VELVET FLED FROM THE ALTAR?
Hey, Doina? What's up?
Hello, I'm in Bahamas,
Well… I just sent you a new picture, Just look at it…
When? Now?
Isn't that Bica? From the shepherds story you covered a couple of years back?
-Yes, -Sure…
And, could you share that location with me?
Yes, he is at the sheepfold,
Sure, okay!
Okay! Thanks a bunch!
Alright! All the best!
-Bye! -Bye!
Why am I so doomed?
Praised be the Lord!
I guess this will do,
Why am I so doomed?
Hey, buddy!
I will come back to get you, I will!
-Wait! We lost him! -No way…
Ticuta, you gotta believe me…
I refuse her,
she hit on me,
she wrestled me down and tried to kiss me,
Now, how long are you going to run for?
I run, I will run to my end…
I'll run 'till I drop
and then… I'll run,,
I'll crawl, 'cause he wants to castrate me, dear Tica…
You know how good he is at it, You just saw it…
Little brother, just calm down, we will come up with a plan,
-Okay? -Oi! Where are you!
-Then, we come up with a situation, -No… I know…
Wait… He's coming…
Oi, oi! Hold it! Stop running!
There…
-Hid! Hide there! -Tica!
-Yes, Boss? -Tica?
Tica!
-Yes, Boss! -Tell me…
-Where is he? -Who?
Who?
If for any reason, you hide him… I'll castrate you too!
Am I now to blame for what he did?
If he did it, he's the one to pay, not me!
-Is that so? -Is it!
What's up?
Silence! I can hear him breathing!
-Where is he? -Go!
Oi! God damn you, Horia, I'll come to castrate you, now!
Where are you, little devil?
Now, just wait 'till I'll catch you…
There you go! Go!
Oi!
Oi! Are you all right?
-A little crowded, but quite all right, -Good!
-Listen! -What?
I saw a bride…
-What did you see? -A bride…
-Where? -Out there…
Oi, what would a bride do out here in the forest?
Just keep hiding and I'll go fix the situation with the boss…
-Just hide there! -Just come back quicker, 'cause this place…
is full of ants, crawling up my ass…
Good! Take your time to pick them, one by one and just stay hidden in here…
Oi…
Velvet!
Oi, Boss! This ain't the right path!
Just follow me, Tica!
Why if this ain't the path?
-Just follow me… -Why?
There you go…
There… Oi! Show your face, Horia!
I won't!
Just come out, cause I ain't pissed anymore,
I won't, 'cause you want to castrate me,
No one is going to castrate you, boy!
No!
Then what are you doing with that knife?
Oi! Do you want me to come and get you?
-Out! -No…
Boss… You gotta believe me, it is not my fault…
I didn't hit, she hit on me… I swear…
Just believe me, is not my fault, I should go blind if I lie to you now,
She hit on me, please, believe me, she pushed me to the floor and…
started kissing me, and I thought, well… but I kept saying no, no…
So now, you call my wife, a lier… Is that so?
She is…
Let's try to get to the bottom of this…
-How? -Here's how, we go…
both, peacefully, back to the sheepfold…
We play cool…
I pretend I have to leave for the Fair to sell some more wool,
But actually, I go and hide in the back of the porch,
so I can spy on you…
Then, you hit on her,
If she falls for it, then you are right,
If she ain't…
In the jar,
-Oi! -Let's go! Move!
Boss, it ain't my fault…
She hit on me, please believe me…
Keep it shut, otherwise I scream and tell my husband you hit on me… Got it?
Now, I'm going to slowly take my hand away and next, you'll kiss me… Got it?
-I can't… -Why?
Cause you're married!
That's what I'm planning to change,
Do you think I enjoy kissing shepherds in the middle of nowhere?
First, Horica… and now me? Why me?
Anyone, anybody who can help me get rid of that nutcase…
-Next year I'll get rid of you too, -Why did you marry him if you hate him?
When I marry him he was rich, filthy rich and one year left to live…
-All that happened 10 ears ago… -Then, why don't you divorce him?
Because of the prenup…
Here's the plan!
I kiss you, you marry me, I get rid of him,
I get the money, then, next year on Wool's Fair, I'll kiss the right one,
Oi!
All that because of the Wool's Fair? Let me tell that's all a lie…
-A lie? -Yes, it is all a big lie,
Then, your other brother, Bica? With money and a wife?
It was a coincidence,
Coincidence?
Then, let me create a coincidence, here…
No, God! No…,
-Hey! -I feel weak…
You know the story of the Crazy Bride who wanders around this forest?
-Whatbride? -Never heard of it? Oi!
-Check this out! -What?
She's a married woman who on the Wool's Fair Day kissed a young lad,
-So what? -Next day he died!
-Who? -The lad, who else?
-He's bad… -Wait! Wait a minute!
You have to listen to the story,
She went up a mountain top, all pissed off…
dressed as a bride and jumped off,
Bang! She falled and died,
Down there a river bursted out of the ground… flowing…
Resembling the crinkles of her veil, that's why the name got stuck,
-What a sad story… -Wait!
Wait a minute there… 'cause she's still wandering the forest ever since…
and if she spots us here, cuddling, she'll kill us both…
I don't want to die, You don't either… You…
Nice try!
Wait…
I'm good!
Oi! Almighty… Oi, God speed… God help!
Keep walking!
Who ratchet you up so nicely, sweetheart?
Still chasing us?
Are you in need for a ride?
What are you doing in Doina's car?
That's not Doina's car, is the company's car,
She just gave me a hint on your location,
The company?
No, Doina!
C'mon, you know what I'm after,
Give me a break! I'm on a mission, I was kissed, Get away from me!
-Where did you hide her? At the sheepfold? -Who?
My mom!
Stop playing dumb, I just want to talk with her for a minute,
a short exclusive, a picture,
maybe you guys tell me why did you choose today as the day to run away together?
What running? Who's running?
I just found the poor girl crying on the curb and I helped her out,
Just look at her!
Now, where do you know that girl from?
You are really clueless, aren't you?
I am…
She's a local star,
You're kidding…
Now, you are one too,
I don't believe you…
-That not all, -What else?
You see all those messages up here?
I do…
These, have been read by all the girls on this site,
That means, less running and more options,
You mean… If you post my message, then…
Exactly!
-They will read it? -Exactly!
Fine!
And you want me to take you to Velvet,
You help me, I'll help you! We've got a deal?
We do!
-Good! -We do!
Let go!
Only that I don't know exactly where she is 'cause I lost her,
Get in the car!
I refuse to get in, I got in once before and it didn't end right,
Move!
What the hell was that?
The Crazy Bride!
I thought you improvised,
So did I,
If Zmeu comes,
say nothing about all this,
Why?
Didn't you say the bride chases lovers?
How to tell Zmeu, she's chasing us?
Oi!
I will only go to the Fair, not getting enrolled, my darling!
Why don't you send the shepherds and you can stay here with me,
Well, c'mon dear Vera, why don't we try to get along?
C'mon, wait for me here, nicely… until I'll be back,
-You promise to be quick, do you? -I'll be like the wind!
-Do you promise? -Sure!
You, fat cat!
-I'll be right back! -You, fat cat! Go!
There…
It will rain…
It will rain hard… I tell you,
"Little blossom…
Little clover…
How I'd like to get back over
Oi, oi, oi…
To be yet back in the shed
Where I made a big mistake
It's just human to be frightened
When you fall in love so sudden
'Cause she wants me and I didn't
Now I suffer like a weasel,"
And now listen! 'Cause the bear makes his entrance…There…
"Little blossom and sweet milk
Just listen to me for a bit
I was dumb and had no thought
When you asked me for a…"
A smack…
What smack?
-Seriously? -Was a smack…
-Really? -It was a smack… I swear!
God help, I swear it was ending with a smack,
It was a smack, 'cause this is how I wrote it…
First I didn't know, but then I found the rhyme,
but I fixed it, and now it rhymes with… smack…
Just hear yourself! Smack…
Just a little smack…
-You asshole! -Have it your way…
"Did I though of abomination
Now get ready for castration,"
Spit it out, Casanova… How does the plan works?
Boss, I swear, just give me a bit more time…
She'll fall for it, bit more time and she buys it,
She was already sending me the looks, staring at me like this…
twice she did the tongue think… little devil!
-God almighty! -True!
Oi! I'll give you a bit more time,
Thank you! God bless your mighty whiskers!
Vera!
-Vera dear! -Yes!
What's the rush?
I would like you to help me with something,
Shot!
Won't you wanna help me… again with that bucket?
Oh, carefully… Sweet God!
We made a mess with the corn…
Can you point me to a toilet?
Toilet!
Are you ready?
Right now, Give me a minute,
-Sure! -Good?
I dream about you ever since you kissed me you know where…
No! Actually… No!
Ever since you kissed me when we met…
All I can think is you… and…
I wait for you to come to me,
-Where? -Here,
-Where will you wait for her? -Here!
He is waiting for you in the village of Rachitele,
at Zmeu's sheepfold,
Ask for Zmeu…
or for a sheepfold who belonged to Minte…
Mintouan…
…and this is where you will find the lad who kissed you for the Wool's Fair Day,
That's me…
Yes,
-Cut! -Sure,
What the hell are you doing there? You unorthodox scum!
Let the girl take her shower in peace! Over here!
Get over here, you scum!
Listen, Boss! Why do you shave? You are already married,
If you two manage to keep Vera away from the sheepfold,
I forgive you for all your sins,
And I'll throw in a day off for the Wool's Fair Day next year,
That's a good deal, Boss…
Boss, stop calling me boss!
If you keep calling me boss, I'll slap you!
What do you want us to call you, Boss?
I don't know…
Call me Zmeu!
Fine,
Listen to me, Come over here, come!
Oi! Listen to me carefully!
I'll take this girl into the forest, to search for that dumb ass…
and when she'll be tired…
This is when I take her down to the shores of the lake,
once we get there, surprise!
What surprise?
A four stars classy, restaurant…
-Is there such think? -No really…
Both of you will set up a table,
with a nice cloth cover, not the plastic cheap one,
A candle, a couple of glasses, a bottle of wine,
and don't forget the glasses,
Ticuta, hey, you are my right hand here,
Do, dear Ticuta, some of that good sophisticated food…
Sophisticated?
Sacrifice a sheep!
Like in the restaurants…
-Okay, -Now, enough!
Let me too, enjoy the work of our Lord…
Where did she go?
She vanished,
Ready to go?
What did I tell you to fix this wall? How many times do I have to tell you?
If you don't do the work yourself, you never get anything, around here, done,
Shall we move on before the wolves eat that poor man?
Sure!
What? Have you done here…,
-Did you just shaved? -Who, me?
God almighty! How could I do such a thing?
-C'mon, God help! Hold that! -What's this?
Well, tea!
I'm not sick, Am I?
No, tea! You see… You drink some and get rid of that belly of yours…
-Let's move on, Boss! -Ready,
Oh, wait a minute there,
If I see Vera around here, I'll smack you both!
No worries, Boss… Calm down, I'll be in charge!
Oi! Shall we drink?
If the lady said so, we shall!
-How do we do it? -Easy! Open it and we drink!
Oi! Come over to fix the situation!
Wait!
C'mon, hurry!
Only two sips and I already feel lighter!
Slow down, you girl… you're quick as a goat,
Mountain goat…
Are you sure, this is the right path?
I surely recognise this pine tree,
All pine trees look the same,
There's a red paint spot on this one! I surely crossed this path,
That sign means the tree is scheduled to be cut,
there are others scheduled as well,
C'mon, Boss, stop whining and walk!
Don't… Just don't worry…
It will all be fine, There…
That's our flaw as a nation…
once conquered, we thank God for it…
There… you're set!
What does that has to do with what we are doing here?
It has… Just take this beautiful bride who came to our sheepfold, for example,
And what do we do? We did nothing! We let the boss hit on her…
and than, we thanked him for it,
Why did we thanked him?
Cause he gave us a day off next year for the Wool's Fair,
Shove something in here… here…
-What… -There you go, little brother!
-That will do it, -There…
And… what shall we do?
He hits on our find and we just accept it!
Our find… is not our find,
She's our find, cause this is where she landed,
That's why Bica brought her here, for us,
Do I look fine?
Shove in some more stuff…
so it will look legit,
-There! -If Bica brought it, then it is his,
Oi, little brother, but Bica already has a wife…
-Sure… -Little brother,
Here… Be strong!
Are you sure…
your plan will work?
Now… What did I tell you to do?
-Boohoo, -Boohoo?
-Boohoo!
-Isn't it? -Oi, little brother… how did I teach you?
You gotta frighten them… It ain't that easy…
-Not just, boohoo! -How?
No, look! Shake your head!
Relax your lower lip and say, "Boohoo!"
-Boohoo! -That's better, Keep shaking your head,
-Boohoo! -Just like the village's fool… Let's see!
-Boohoo! -Raise your arms…
No, that ain't right… Now, just forget about the arms,
-Keep shaking your head… -Boohoo!
Now, raise your arms, shake your head and say, "Boohoo!"
Boohoo!
The hell with it, it won't work!
Calm down, little brother… It will work… You are perfect…
Actually… I think I've seen you before…
-Possibly… -But, not from the TV,
The I doubt it, I never visited the sheepfold before,
C'mon, climb!
Bear in mind! As I taught you!
Like the village's idiot! There!
And be ready for when Vera comes!
But, keep covered, so she won't recognise you!
-You got it? -Sure… I got it!
-It is all set! -Oi!
What now?
Now, what if I get thirsty?
-Bring some water, -Damn it!
There you are! Here!
What are you doing? Why do you take the ladder away?
Oi! Aren't you a ghost?
-Sure I am! -Ghosts appear… don't need ladder,
-And how do ghost climb down? -They fly!
Just wait a minute, there…
-Yes! -I don't get it, What are you showing me?
Doina said I'll find her here and I did,
She's gone mad,
I have no idea what her plan is, but I think we've got an exclusive,
Do you have the camera gear with you?
Unfortunately, not, I only have my phone,
I followed her since the wedding,
Okay!
Shoot it with the phone and I'll stream it on the local channels too,
There you go…
Here…
-Yes, -Hold this phone and if my boss calls…
Let me know, But only if the boss calls,
-Pay attention here, -What?
-To the phone's screen, -What?
-Here, on the screen, if he calls, shout! -Sure!
And this one is for streaming, Hold it!
-Do you see this red dot? -I do…
You should press on it, when I tell you to,
-Keep your eyes to the screen, -To the screen, sure…
Good! You should point it to see Velvet…
But also frame me as well…
Got it?
Did you framed us both?
-Look at the screen, stop staring at me! -Sure…
Good! Now, that's how we do it!
I'll count, Three… Two… One… then you should press the red dot,
-Sure! -Good!
How do I look?
C'mon!
Three… Two… One…
Oh, sure…
There…
Good afternoon and welcome to the sheepfold!
Oi!
Doina!
Wait!
I recognise this place!
I recognise this grass… all limped…
That's the place…
It all came back to me, now!
I remember where I know you from!
From that nude magazine…
I remember now!
-Well… Come over her! -Why?
-Sure! -Let's get that out of the way, Right?
-Then we could focus on our task, -Sure…
-Do you wanna touch them? -I…
Won't you wanna touch them?
C'mon! Touch them! Consider it a souvenir!
-I only wanted to say, that… -Touch them!
-What? Are you shy, now? -Yes!
-Let me give you a hand, there! -Oi!
I'm in heaven!
You're damned, now! The Crazy Bride will get you, now!
Vera! Vera, just wait a minute!
Hold on a minute… so I won't waste my time running, Was that all… or…
-…we will go deeper into it? -Run!
I'm off! Vera! Vera, wait for me!
We are not aware of her intentions,
All we know is that she fled her wedding
and now she climbed on the roof of that shed,
Well, you are not Doina, you are fresher…
-And this is…? -He is Tica!
Tica!
The sheepfold's owner!
No, no, no… The owner is called Zmeu,
-Not a bad boss, but… -Well, fine sir…
How did you get to know Velvet?
"Sir"? Why are you calling me "sir"?
Well, we are live… The whole country is watching us, now…
-Where? -On the TV!
-Oi! -Well, just tell us!
How did Velvet ended, up there on the roof of your shed?
That's not a shed, it is a boiling room,
That's where we prepare the cheese,
Well, that's a boiling room,
That's where we also prepare the yogurt,
Now walk us through it,
Well, you poor the milk into a bucket and stir it well…
Not that! How did Velvet arrived at your sheepfold?
My dear! Didn't you hear me well?
I'm not the owner of that sheepfold, Zmeu is!
Fely!
You've got a new message!
-Well? -Should I read it?
-Yes! -Sure…
"Take that idiot out of the frame,"
Reporting for you live, Felicia Tataru, from AlloTV!
Back to you, now, Mircea?!
Not Mircea… Tica!
-Stop the recording! -What?
Stop the recording!
-Oi! This thing? Should I press? -Just press it!
-You made a full out of me on live TV! -God help! Stop screaming like that!
I set out for an exclusive with Velvet and I ended up with an agricultural show!
I gotta fix it… How can I…?
I'll go down there… and ask her for an interview!
No, wait! Calm down! You won't go down there all by yourself,
-Then I'll go! -You neither, 'cause she's mad at you!
-Why? -Because you deserted her in the forest!
I deserted her? No, she deserted me!
Get back to your spot, now! Now, I say!
Shoo!
Don't you know I'm good at finding solutions?
Keep it quiet, here! I'll go!
Just a minute! What should I tell her?
Tell her that I want to talk to her
and if she won't agree, we will not publish it,
Fine! Now, get back to your spot! C'mon, poop!
Both in the pooping position, now!
Both of you! Before she spots you and she runs away!
-"Poop"?! -Both of you! Poop, right now!
The guts on them! Wait for my signal!
Stay put! Poop now!
What the hell are you doing with that table on your back?
Not your concern! Poop now!
I won't poop just because you say so!
Check that out!
She just jumped off!
Big deal! From that height, nothing happened,
She's just showing off,
Tica! Just look what happened here!
What did I do? I didn't want to…
Please believe me! I didn't want to…
I swear on my eyes if I intended to do that…,
I was up there… and the carboy dropped… and now she dead… but it's not my fault…
-I don't know how it happened… -Calm down!
We all die, one day… dear brother…
-Now, you know I will find a solution, -I know…
-I'll find one for this situation too… -Please!
-I'll come up with one, -Please!
-Oi! I came up with a solution! -Say it!
Zmeu is coming! Run or he'll castrate you!
Why should I run? Didn't he tell us to get rid of her?
He said to get rid, not to kill her, Now, run! Run!
Here, here! Take this with you!
Quickly go to the lake and arrange all these as Zmeu asked as to,
-What? To set up the table? -Yes! Take this on your back!
And after you're done, you should hide somewhere,
I'll be there as soon as I'll fix this situation, Got it?
-I'll be bitten again by the ants! -Sure you will! Now, go!
-Again? -Go, now! Run for your life!
What happened?
Zmeu tried to get rid of you cause he has a new mistress, You got it?
-I know, -Shut up,
But we didn't killed you, cause we are not criminals… Got it?
-What? -Quiet! He's coming over!
Don't move! Just stay put! I've got a plan!
Play dead! Play dead, I say!
That's good! Don't move!
Boss! We killed her, We smashed her head!
Get the hell out of here! You didn't kill no one,
Sure, we did! She struggled like she was waiting for it,
Wait for what? She's still waiting for me, Take this into the boiling room,
Oi! Every other year on the Wool's Fair Day,
she keep chasing someone to kiss,
But for a diamond or something of value,
she still comes back to me for that kiss,
I guess she gathered about ten diamonds 'till now,
Now, tell me where is she?
-But, did you kissed the bride? -Oi!
She forced me to touch her tits,
-You're kidding me! -God strike me if I lie!
-There you go! -Oi!
What do you do, now?
There's a plan, Go out there and find Vera,
You explain her whatnot, then tell her to wait for me down the shore of the lake,
-Sure! -Put this in the back of the car,
…to wait for me down the shore and I'll come later with a surprise,
What surprise?
I have no clue, but I'll go down town and I'll find something…
-…she'll like very much! -Oi! Sure!
You like surprises?
I'll give you surprises!
-Wait… -Did you see how mad is he?
Just a little bit, he's not all that gone,
-But he was planing to kill me! -He didn't, deep down he's a good man,
He asked as to do it, He ain't that bad,
-You defend him, now? -I don't, but I have a plan too,
Calm down! I have an idea, Just hide down here… Okay?
I'm done hiding!
I know what I need to do!
Damn it!
I'm coming!
You need a new mistress, don't you? I'll show you mistress, you old fart!
I waisted my best years with you and now you need a new mistress!
-Calm down, woman! -I had enough! I'll kill him!
Just calm down, cause you are young and beautiful
and surely you'll find someone fresher
who's going to marry you… calm down!
And I should go broke after all those ten years?
-Wait! -No, thank you!
Oi! Just think! If you kill him he will die,
and stay dead, and then you will get arrested,
and it is like jumping from the lake into a pond,
and stop drinking cause it blurs your thoughts, woman!
Just calm down, already!
I will help, I will please you fixing this situation,
Let's hear your plan,
Just pay attention! You go back in the forest
and hide until I will bring him to you, cause I'll bring him,
I will serve him to you on a tray, There…
Wait, either if I come or not…, until I'll bring him, Got it?
Then, we will fix him and therefore you fix the problem,
Bravo Vera! That's good, control yourself!
What's the weapon of choice? My finger?
Behave yourself! Let go of the rifle, I'll give it to you at the right time,
Don't you understand to let go? Just be careful he won't see it's missing!
Let go of the rifle…
You better slap him rather than shoot him…
I'm going to kill him!
What a hit… Be strong, gather yourself…!
That's Tica calling! Let's go!
Move on quicker! Tica is calling!
These will help you over here,
You are pretty too,
Stop blowing my horn, I know what you're after,
Doina told me all about your mischievous ways,
She said that even when you play pretty,
you're still planning something, isn't it?
All I understand Doina said about me is that I am pretty,
Just sit here relaxed,
I'm going to fix something and I'll be back,
Oi, Vera, don't do something stupid…
God damned Judas!
What ever Doina said about me, but I want you to know that I've changed,
-Did you? -Yes,
Haven't be lying for a year and seven days, now,
Why should I believe it?
If it helps, I'll swear…
Fine! Then I want to say a big "Thank you!"
You're welcome, but there's nothing to that me for, dear…
There is… because you are totally open and have no hidden plan,
Truly, I have a plan… actually,
I'll tell you the truth,
What plan?
I plan to have you in my plans,
So while Velvet keeps wandering, pissed, in the forest,
while we have time, I plan to invite you to a nice dinner…
To talk, to get to know each other better,
to crack jokes, have a good time…
You get the drill!
You mean, like a date, out?
No… I have a room in the back…
-Good! Now, this is the plan, -Tell me the plan,
Because you proved yourself to be trustworthy and open…
I'll accept your invitation…
But first…
the interview…
Why can't the interview wait?
First work and then pleasure,
Well, better the interview first,
I recon…
Did I deliver? I always have a solution…
This is the right spot, Go ahead!
Set it there,
-Here? -There!
Well, you see…
Around here, it is easier to spot dumb people…
How didn't you get to kiss?
Dressed like a bride, crying, all alone lost in the forest…
Oh, God!
Our good Lord gives gifts like this only to dumb people,
He won't give them to the ugly!
Bugger off!
My grandmother's dowry,
my mother's glasses…
Oh, Zmeu…
Well…
You all took me for a fool, now it's my turn…
I've never taken anyone, ever, for a fool,
I'm completely innocent, please, believe me!
All this is Zmeu's plan, Although I think…
Zmeu is not to blame either…
I think it is Tica's plan…
He tends to build up lies…
but he is my brother…
he has no bad intentions…
It looks like I can't get rid of you…
So, there you have it…
I don't have a lover…
My husband doesn't have a mistress either…
And I didn't chicken out, thinking that I'll lose out on life if I get married…
But I received an e-mail…
The results for the breast cancer test…
Which I didn't open…
Later I got the call from my doctor…
which made me think that my married life…
is going to be far different than the one I imagined before,
There…
You have your important exclusive!
Do what you might…
Tell me, is that story with the Crazy Bride, true?
The Bride… Sure! Definitely!
-And where is the bride now? -The Bride?
How should I know where she is? Maybe somewhere in the forest,
But you…
Have you ever seen her?
We've all seen her,
Pretty set up… Plenty of food…
What's Zmeu's spot?
-At the table? -Yes!
How, in the name of God, should I know where is he going to sit?
-I asked where is he going to sit! -Fine…
Here is his seat! Is that good?
Now, open your legs…
What?
C'mon! Do I have to ask twice?
I don't have a clear shot,
Raise the skirt…
I can wait to see the look on Zmeu's face
when he will be left without his most precious things…
Is that invitation to dinner still on?
Follow me! Dear!
I hope to get better connection, 'cause I have a message to send,
That's something I can not vouch on,
Let's go!
Wait a minute, wait, our boss has returned,
I'm going to ask permission before we wander off,
You just wait for me here,
-Oi! -Boss, you made it back so soon?
Quickly, yes, quickly…
Let me show you the gift I brought for her,
-Oi! Let's see! -Watch carefully…
Twenty-four karats gold neckless and diamonds incrusted,
Now, look…
There's nowhere in the world such piece,
God almighty!
-How do you like it? -Oi!
-I told you! -You should know Vera is still alive,
Who said she was dead?
But, carefully, she's pretty angry, really mad on you,
I know! She's mad, but she'll get over it, I know her well…
She went in the forest and I believe it is not the right moment to follow her,
She said she firsts wants to see the necklace and then…
Then what's the plan?
-We send someone with it, -Really?
You know…
-I always come with the solutions, but… -Good! You think? How?
I'll go!
-You? -Yes!
That's not a bad plan!
-Take it, there… -I'm off!
But you first cheer her up and when I come in she's already horny…
-Sure! You see… -Oi!
Wait a minute! What's with all that racket around here?
Boss! That one is our little brother, Bica…
He came over with a girl called Velvet, who is spied by that girl over there…
-That one? -She keeps following her and makes films…
And I gave this one some cheese, she liked it so much
and now she wants to make films about us,
About me, about the landscape, with me doing cheese…
Why with you?
With whom then?
Are you the only one around here who knows to make cheese?
-You do, sure! -Don't I? Then?!
-Then you do it! -Well thought out, I tell you!
I can see you one day owning your own sheepfold, dear Tica!
-Don't bother 'cause I'm not that smart, -Now, go!
-I just come up with the solutions… -Go faster!
Now, tell me! You came here to stay?
No! I came with Velvet,
-With Velvet? -Yes, we…
Then, why are you blocking my way?!
Go fetch me some cotton cloth
so I'll prepare the cheese for the TV interview…
Move your ass faster!
The cotton cloth, over there!
No! Calm down! I only want to come in on a different matter… that's all…
I think you know I am the owner of this sheepfold, don't you?
Hold it! Wait… You own it!
It's yours!
I only want to get some things from here, I won't bother you, I swear…
Alright! You can come in,
Thank you!
But first…
I want to apologise for my earlier behaviour when I …
hit on you like a jerk…
But I have a wife… whom I love dearly…
We have a happy marriage, I shouldn't have done that to her…
But I have a weakness for beautiful women…
like yourself…
I can't control it…
Even when you apologise for hitting on me, you're still hitting on me,
Do you think I'm ill?
-You are all ill! -Yes, we are all ill… You're right!
You're right!
But…
You can make up for it,
I'll do anything! Your will is my command!
-Take me home! -Sure!
Is that far?
-I can't believe it! -Calm down! You are right…
Follow me, We go now… We go right now, just calm down…
There…
Now, your choice! You can walk if you want, I have nothing against it…
Are you coming?
Oi, Vera!
I pictured this… I pictured this as a more peaceful scene…
I…
Tell me how did you pictured it,
-How did I pictured? -Poison! Isn't it?
What poisonous plants grow around here?
C'mon woman, only dark thoughts you have in your mind?
Now let me tell you how I pictured it… Listen well to my idea…
We… both hide behind that bush,
and let Zmeu and his mistress to come,
As we are hidden behind the bush,
we can hear their intentions and if they are bad…
Boom!
-Really? -Really!
Boom! You're right!
Both in one shot, they won't even know where it came from,
C'mon! Stop bringing out those dark thoughts,
I was just thinking that we come out "Boom" and…
"Boom," we show them they weren't fair…
We love you, we respect you and you take us for fools?
That's the "Boom" I was saying… the impact…
Who took you for a fool?
Don't you see my outfit?
That's true! Then we shoot Tica too,
God almighty! You want to shoot everyone, Wouldn't you like go shoot a deer?
Maybe you'll wear it off,
What a genius idea! Bravo!
Let's go on a hunt!
Move!
Dear Velvet, dear! You can't just leave me for him!
My dear Velvet, you can't go with him… I'm the one you kissed on the mouth!
Oi, God almighty…
God help, where I ended up…
Tica!
Horia!
Call Tica to come up with a solution…
Oi!
So it wear off, didn't it?
It didn't!
-I was thinking that… -I want shoot a deer,
I'll tear our its heart…
And I'll serve it to Zmeu on a platter…
When he'll raise the lid…
and he will see the heart…
"Boom!"
He'll die?
How did you figured that out?
I guessed…
Only that until we find a deer…
They… get married, make children and start school for the first year,
I can smell it,
Is here,
Sure!
-There's a deer! -Where?
Over there! Where to?
Tica!
Horia!
Oi! God strike me, what are you doing up there, dear boy?
But you, what are you doing in a bride's dress, "dear boy"?
Oi… That's a long story…
But… She's looking to shoot Tica!
-Who? -Vera!
-Who? -Zmeu's wife,
Have you seen Tica?
He went down to the lake,
-By the lake? -Yes!
Oi! God strike me, straight into her net, cause this is where she's waiting…
What he went there for?
He's hitting on that other girl from the TV,
-Who? -The girl from the TV,
-Fine, let's find him, -Let's go!
-Oi! -What?
Help me out here!
Easy… so I won't fall…
You'll help me, won't you? You'll come with me…
-We go after him, -Where to go after him?
After he forced you to dress like a bride…
after, all my life he hid all women from me…
after all his lies…
claiming he is the one who comes with the solutions…
True!
But however he is, he is our dear brother who took care of us all our lives…
You wanna let her kill him?
So what? Can we stop the bullets with our chest for him?
I don't know, we'll figured out! Let's go!
Those two are idiots? They left the sheepfold unattended?
-Do you see her? -I do…
Who is it?
Vera!
Oi!
-She's got a gun, -Didn't I told you she has a gun?
Here's the plan…
You go down there and when you reach the table down there…
Why me?
You are the one trying to save Tica,
Because she doesn't know you! You are a stranger to her,
You can be anyone,
Let's say I agree to go… let's say…
Listen…
You will go there and she'll see you,
she'll start asking questions, with the gun…
With the gun?
She will ask you who you are, what are you doing here and whatnot…
Then, I'll come around back…
And, "Bang" I grab the riffle,
You'll grab the riffle?
I'll try,
Isn't smarter, when you come behind her…
to smash this thing into her head?
-Are you crazy? -Why?
-What if I kill her? -Then, do it yourself…
Wait…
Fine, fine, I'll do as you say, go,
Ready? Go!
-Me? -Yes! Go!
-Now? -Go on, already!
-Now? -But when? Tomorrow?
-Well… -Go now!
-I'll go empty handed… -Go!
Oi, God! Deal with it yourself…
-I don't wanna be shot again… -Wait, Bica!
Bica don't leave me here alone…
I'm scare, brother…
In the bush…
Allow me to offer you a gift,
I'll be pleased,
My dear! God, 24 karats!
Warning!
Oi!
That's my notebook,
"Mighty forest full of wood
Help me to be always good
Not to lie and not to be bad
Nobody's to have done wrong,"
What's that?
There's more…
"Lonely forest, mighty tree
Today I showered in the stream
I'm all groomed and dressed smart, well
For the Wool's Fair Day, I'm prepared
But my heart is all so broken"
"All for you, my dear, pretty
Gone to live away, the city,"
He stole my poem!
Oi! You asshole!
You are an asshole!
You stole my poem, you stole my soul, you idiot!
I curse you, not to get to see our village, never in your life…,
What the hell is going on here?
You're messing with my plan! C'mon! Back to the bushes!
Hold on a minute! Hold on Vera… Vera!
What's wrong with you, dear?
-Where is your mistress? -What mistress? You are my mistress!
No… the famous one…
Cause now, I'm not enough for you… Now you're hitting on stars!
No… She's gone home… It's done! I'm here to apologise to you…
And I've got you a nice necklace…
-What necklace? -Give her the necklace, now…
Oi!
C'mon Tica! Tica? The necklace!
-You're lying to my face! -No, I swear, I gave Tica a necklace…
to bring to you!
Tica, are you crazy?
Give me that necklace or I'll castrate you!
There you go! That's the one!
I hope I'm not part of your story here…
I don't even know who you are…
Then, I could just leave?
Run!
Don't touch the necklace!
How many karats?
Twenty-four out of 24…
Just like you like it, my sweet dear Vera…
Oi! God strike me, how much I love you my dear sweet Vera!
That's my heaven!
Horia!
She kissed me on my mouth!
On the Wool's Fair Day!
C'mon! Just forget that crap, just tell me where were you shot,
But I wasn't shot anywhere…
That's a family gene, when we get scared,
we pass out for a minute, then… a little nose blood,
and when we look at the blood, we pass out again…
-You're fine! -Wait! where are you going?
What's your name?
Wait… You can't leave me like this, you just kissed me on the Wool's Fair Day!
C'mon, dear Vera, come over and sit down!
Pretty girl!
-Stop following me! -Just tell me your name…
And…
Around here, who ever kisses for the Wool's Fair Day, get's married,
I don't believe that crap!
I have to send an e-mail and there's no reception,
I might have an idea…
Shot!
Say it!
If you climb on my back
and we go through the forest, we might get to a place with better reception…
Fine! C'mon!
C'mon!
C'mon! Let's go!
Sure!
I think this way might be better…
-This way? -Yeah!
I already have a line…
Now, this way…
-There's no answer? -No!
I have to leave a voice message…
Then…
"Hey!
I just wanted to tell you that…
before being the crazy journalist and…
the rebel who I am… we are firstly women…
and I'm not going to publish anything…
and as I cannot put myself into your shoes…
I'm certain of only one thing…
You shouldn't get though it all alone, by yourself…
Especially now, when you find someone to hold your hand through it,"
Now I have to send it,
Then climb up!
"Hey! I just wanted to tell you that
before being the crazy journalist
and the rebel who I am, we are firstly women
and I'm not going to publish anything…
She's heard it! I've got the check!
You can let me down now,
She's seen it!
I didn't tell you my name,
C'mon!