SEVENTEEN
Ladies and gentlemen,
we'll be closing our doors in a few minutes,
Three to control,
Alarm in the appliance department,
Shit!
Hey! Stop!
"Tarapara,"
How many times have you been here, Héctor?
Seven,
And what did I say the last time?
A lot of things,
The very last thing before I let you go,
That there’d be no concessions next time,
And the previous time, what did I say?
That there’d be no concessions next time,
So, what do you conclude?
That you lie,
Do you know the difference between right and wrong?
My grandmother's heater at the nursing home was broken,
Is that right or wrong?
Wrong,
And stealing a scooter?
And breaking into a mall?
And possession of a weapon?
And robbery with violence?
You seriously injured a security guard,
He hit his head
and spent three days in an induced coma,
I didn't touch him, It was his fault,
Just tell me it’s wrong,
My grandma’s spent three weeks waiting for her heater to be fixed,
And that justifies anything you do?
No, I guess not,
I shouldn't have taken the electric shaver,
Why am I here?
What do you mean? Aren’t you listening?
Who reported me?
Was it my brother?
I bet it was you,
Look, this is the Criminal Code,
This includes everything you can't do,
If it’s in here, it’s wrong,
Here, Take it with you to where I'm sending you,
Because when you get out in two years, you'll be an adult
and you'll have to face all the consequences,
So I advise you to memorize it,
Good morning, Let's go,
-It's too early, -No excuses, come on,
-Good morning, Come on, Mario, -Shit,
Good morning, Héctor,
CRIMINAL CODE
Lawyer, share some articles, don’t eat them all,
Hey, hey, keep quiet,
And stop laughing,
You'll be needing him to get you out of trouble in a few years,
Our asses will be reformed when we get out of here,
Stop,
think
and respond,
Hearing is not the same as listening,
If we follow our instincts, we're making a mistake,
This is our toolbox
and it's the only way for us to avoid conflict,
You have to learn to think,
To detect antisocial, automatic thought,
toxic thoughts, and eliminate them
before they take hold inside of you
to change them into pro-social and efficient thoughts,
LAWYER - FAILURE RETARD,,,
You're on the edge of adolescence
and soon you'll be entering adulthood without warning,
What's going on here? What's so funny?
Let's see,
Héctor, please, sit down,
Do you want me to call security?
Motherfucker!
-There goes the lawyer again! -Hey, where are you going?
Stop!
Come on, let's go!
Stop! Stop! Stop!
There he is!
Go, go, let’s go!
Welcome home, bastard,
Did you beat your record, lawyer?
Welcome back, you dawg!
Is this game you've made up
really worth a week of isolation?
Can you bring me eight rolls of Scotch tape?
Well, make it ten,
Let's go,
Keep walking, Good, Keep going, in back, Good,
Okay, good,
That's it,
Keep going, that's it, in back,
How was your week off?
Good, good, keep walking,
Well? You want to join them?
The dogs are for the disability ward,
No,
No, they're for anyone with trouble relating,
What do you have to do?
Take care of them, walk them, play with them,
teach them tricks,
Relate to them,
share with them,
-Will they stay here? -No,
They're coming once a week,
I don't know how to take care of dogs,
That's the point, to learn,
There aren't any dogs free,
No? I think there's one left,
Let's take a look,
Shall we?
Thanks,
-Hi, -Hi,
-You're Roman, right? -Yeah,
-Can we see the last free dog? -Sure,
We rescued it this morning on the way here,
Which article of the Criminal Code punishes cruelty and abandonment?
337,
The owners of all these dogs violated Article 337,
Why should I learn how to take care of a dog?
To learn how to take care of yourself,
Are you calling me a dog?
Kind of, yeah,
I was going to give you some crap about identification, but,,,
-No, save it, -Yeah,
I'll save it,
What's its name?
It still doesn't have one, You can give it one,
Should we let him out? He's friendly and gentle,
It looks like a sheep,
Don't you dare call him that,
Come on, don't step on each other,
Look at the dog, Fran, he knows he's your dog,
Come on, look at the dog,
Look at the dog, watch the dog,
Keep going, keep going,
Look, the lawyer with the retards!
Finally found his place in the world!
What are you doing? Shut up,
Get lost, you're just jealous,
Come on, keep going, keep going,
Keep walking, let's go,
Come on, keep going,
Good, come on, keep going,
No stopping, No stopping,
Héctor,
Here, he was waiting for you, Okay,
Let's go over there and make a circle,
Sheep, Sheep,
Say his name and feed him so he'll start learning his name,
-Sheep, -Good,
From the head to the tail first,
Sit, Sit,
Right there, that's it, good,
Paw,
Sheep,
-Sit, -That's it, good,
Perfect, great,
Come on, Sheep, Let's go,
Before we start, it's essential
for the dog to know how to sit and come here,
You don't want to play?
Hi, hi,
CANINE BEHAVIOR
Your gums look good, but you have some plaque,
Jump, jump!
You don't want to play?
That's okay,
I don't want to either,
Sheep,
Hi,
Sheep, Stay,
Turn around, Good,
You should be happy,
-Why? -Because he's been adopted,
And it's thanks to you,
You made him sociable, obedient and affectionate,
And now he's finally found a home, an owner,
-I'm his owner, -Héctor,
I told you from the start the dogs aren't yours,
They're here to help you, And Sheep helped you, right?
And you helped him, Focus on that,
You're good at taking care of dogs and training them,
Look, we brought you another dog, You can take care of this one,
I don't want to train another dog,
I want to train my dog,
Héctor,
Héctor, don't,
Héctor, wait,,,
-Héctor! -There goes the lawyer!
Héctor, stop!
Stop!
Héctor!
Come here!
Let's go,
-Good morning, -Good morning,
FOR SALE
Yes?
When did he run away?
Yesterday afternoon,
We waited all night, in case it was just a tantrum,
He's done it plenty of times, but he always gave up
-or came back, -Plenty of times?
21 including this time,
What for?
He prefers to be in isolation, even just a few days,
than live with the rest,
Typical of him, Very typical,
We had to call Juvenile Hall and the police,
No way,,,
He's getting out soon, right?
-Yeah, in less than two months, -Then why did he do it?
I think it has
something to do with a dog,
-With a dog? -Yes,
Sheep,
Good lord,
That's not the problem, the problem is
it's his birthday in two days,
He'll be 18 years old,
If he commits a crime after that,
he'll be judged as an adult,
But if he does it before, even if he's judged as a minor,
the judge can put him in a penitentiary,
And with his record, it's probable,
I would try to make sure he stays out of trouble
and comes back voluntarily,
which would be seen as spontaneous regret
with lesser consequences,
I don't understand, I'm sorry, but,,,
Has he contacted you?
No, and he won't,
Do you know where he might have gone?
He named a dog Sheep?
Yeah,
Hi,
Hi, Grandma,
"Tarapara,"
Did Héctor stop by?
Don't lie to me, Grandma,
You always defend him,
He hasn't shown up whining to watch TV
and steal your candy like whenever he has a tantrum?
No, because he's grown up,
He's stopped being a dumbass, right? He's quit his bullshit,
Come out from under the fucking bed,
Come out, damn it!
You wear me out,
What the fuck are you doing here?
-Visiting Grandma, -Look,
-Let's go, -No,
They called the police, They'll be here any minute,
-I'm leaving, -Yeah,
Back to the center with me,
-Right now, -I'm not going back,
What? Are you fucking stupid?
"Tarapara,"
She doesn't like us swearing,
Why the fuck did you run away? Explain that to me,
And don't say because of the dog,
Then I won't tell you,
Was it really the dog?
You said not to tell you,
I can't believe it, you ran away,,,
No, tell me, Please, tell me now,
Tell me you ran away because of some shitty dog,
He's not a shitty dog,
He's my dog and they took him from me,
He's not your dog,
He's mine and I'm going to get him back,
Oh, right, What's your plan?
I'll ask the dog shelter who stole him,
You think the pound will tell you who adopted him?
The dog shelter, I didn't say I'd ask where he is,
Damn it!
You have a month and a half left, Can't you please wait?
No,
You know what will happen if you get caught?
-Want to hear what they said? -I won't get caught,
Unless you report me like last time,
Come on, Mr, My Way,
Where?
To the pound, Or dog shelter, I'll take you,
Let’s execute your shitty plan,
We have to take Grandma,
What?
She's dying,
Héctor, she's been dying for 5 years since her stroke,
You're dying, aren't you?
-"Tarapara," -You see?
Look, that's enough nonsense,
Doctors don't speak nonsense,
Everyone thinks she doesn't understand,
-But she does, -"Tarapara,"
Her oxygen level has dropped to 78%,
If it drops below 70% she will die,
I don't know about medicine,
it's what the doctors said, In front of her,
I was under the bed,
She's taken care of us all our lives,
She's never asked for anything in return,
Only to be buried with Grandpa Chiri and not to swear,
We promised her, Both of us,
Okay,
When she dies, we'll do it,
You're going to let her die alone?
I won't let her die alone, Grandma is sacred,
We can't just take her with us, Héctor,
Yes, we can,
You request voluntary release, they give you a wheelchair,
an oxygen tank with batteries and a portable oximeter,
And you return it later, I stole some sedatives
just in case, because I don't know if they'll give us any,
A pill under her tongue every 12 hours to relax her,
What do you fucking want?
To get your dog or bury Grandma back home?
Both,
For fuck’s sake, we're off to a great start,
Two days,
In two days you're an adult and there you are,
-Where? -Wherever you want, Héctor,
But without me,
Then it's just like always,
You didn't steal this, I did,
Listen to me, You can't commit a crime until we go back to the center,
You got it?
Not "mmm," You got it, yes or no?
Yes,
"Tarapara,"
Even Grandma said yes,
She didn't say yes,
she said we'll see,
-What's the dog place called? -"Asproan,"
We have to take the 231,
the 623 and the 234,
Forget the numbers, we'll take the highway, it's much faster,
No, there are more police on the highway,
We have to take back roads,
What if I hadn't shown up?
How would you have done all this alone?
I don't know,
-You don't know? -No, I don't,
-You know everything but this, -No,
Why do you ask me everything twice?
So you'll improve your answer,
So you can think of a better answer,
Why did you bring the camper?
To drive it and see if anyone will buy it,
You said you'd give it to me when I turned 18,
Yeah, after you swore not to get in trouble ever again,
Did you keep your side? That's right,
Did Marta dump you?
What are you saying?
Is that why you're living in the camper?
Marta didn't dump me and I'm not living in the camper,
I can tell you are, You're living here,
-No, I'm not, -Because she dumped you,
Okay, are we going to sit here and argue?
Fine with me, We won't go after the dog,
We'll just stay here, Don't worry about it,
I knew you would come,
-What? -I knew you would come,
This is my second answer, Is it better than the first?
Not at all,
Then don't ask twice,
That's it,
-Leave the motor running, -What for?
In case we have to make a run for it,
Make a run for it? We're not running anywhere,
And I'm going in alone, Stay here, They probably called them,
If they see you, they'll call the police,
What will you do?
-Something you've never done, -Kill?
Ask,,, politely,
It won't work, You said so yourself,
No, I said it wouldn't work for you,
Because you can't talk with reason,
You get confused and screw up
and only understand things your way, which is always the wrong way,
Okay, but leave the motor running,
And listen,
If you don't listen, no one will listen to you,
Don't you dare hotwire it, I know you,
-Hi there, -Hello,
Have you got a moment?
-Yeah, sure, -Look,
The thing is, my,,,
girlfriend came last week to adopt a dog
and she fell in love with one, I think his name is Sheep,
I'm not sure, And I was hoping,,,
He was adopted,
That's what I thought,
Do you think there's any chance
I can contact whoever,,,?
No, we can't give out that information,
That sucks,
You can't imagine how much she liked the dog,,,
-Why didn't she adopt him? -Because
she wanted to ask me first so we would both be sure,,,
The thing is, people don't come here
to choose, They come to adopt,
And when they have to consult someone
or fall for one dog in particular, they don't want to adopt,
That's a little radical, isn't it?
Yes,
because their situation is radical,
I'm sorry, but you can't doubt here,
You know how many people change their minds and return dogs?
Right,
Anyway, forget it,
Hello?
Where did they find it?
Okay,
First you have to go to a vet to see if he has a microchip,
The dog, yeah,
Grandma, don't die until I come back,
"Tarapara,"
Think it through before leaving it there,
If nobody claims it in ten days,,,
Exactly,
ADOPTION FILES
Where the fuck is Héctor?
"Tarapara,"
"Tarapara" my ass!
What the fuck are you doing?
I said to leave the motor running,
Hey, come back with that dog, you bastard!
What the fuck did you do?
I took a dog,
I can see that, What for?
-For the exchange, -What exchange?
When we find Sheep, we'll say the shelter made a mistake
and gave them my dog, but it's okay
because we brought another one to exchange,
Fantastic, You're a genius, Everyone's happy,
That's right, everyone's happy,
-He's missing a leg, -I know,
Do you think that will help?
It helped me choose him,
Because you're missing a leg too, a leg called "brain,"
And you're missing,,,
Say it and I'll dump you right here with the three-legged dog,
Don't you dare say it,
Heart,
Should I get out?
I thought you were going to say balls,
Balls wouldn't be one leg,
it would be two,
You think I'd be doing all this if I had no heart?
Maybe you're trying to get it back,
You didn't steal the dog, you got that?
I stole it,
The file and the dog,
Got it?
Got it,
What was the last day you were with the dog?
Last Wednesday,
Since Wednesday people have adopted Gnome,
Toy,
Lola, Rocky,
Lucky,,,
No Sheep, End of story,
They change the name when they adopt them,
If they don't like the name, they change it,
If you hadn't named it Sheep
they might have kept its name and we'd have one problem less,
Two of them are females,
Two less problems,
There,
Here,
What are you doing?
Calling the phone number for each dog,
No, don't call them,
We'll go and check
and if he's there,
-we'll figure it out, -Figure it out?
So we have to go to all three places because you say so,
We might get lucky the first time,
Or the second,
Okay, all set, That'll be 75,40, please,
I'm going to pay, Write down the addresses,
Get some food, the fridge only has beer,
No fucking way,
No fucking way, My wallet,
Damn it!
At the dog shelter,
It must have fallen out with my keys,
-I told you to leave them, -Shut up,
Have you got money?
Grandma had five euros,
How far were you going to get with,,,?
Look, really, we're aborting the mission,
We'll go back, return the file, the dog,
I'll apologize and get my wallet back,
There aren't any cameras here,
So?
-We can just drive away, -No,
I'm going to explain the situation to the guy,
Leave the motor running,
No, You never learn, That's not how things are done,
You lost your wallet right after I filled your tank,
Yeah, but actually it's not far from here,
It's like 20 minutes away, I'll come right back,
Okay,
-But leave something with me, -Sure,
The dog,
No, no, We've had the dog our whole lives,
Yeah, yeah,
The dog, the kid and the grandmother stay here,
A lot of people abandon dogs here,
Grandmothers and kids too, but less,
-I'm going for my wallet, -We can't go back there,
They'll catch us,
I'm only going to check, You two stay here,
Why is the motor running?
Where did you get that knife?
Let's leave before they realize,
Before they realize what?
The family from the bar, They're paying,
What are you talking about?
What's this? Did you steal it?
I told you I was hungry,
-You'll eat the sleeping bags? -No,
Come back here, you bastard!
You didn't steal it, I did,
Got it?
And give me a croquette,
Have you thought about what you'll do?
-What do you mean? -If everything works out,
Imagine we get there, tell them what happened,
they soften up for some reason and say yes,
They'll take the three-legged dog
and you get yours, What will you do?
Because you're going back to the center either way,
What about the dog? Who keeps the dog?
I don't know, I'll see when it happens,
I'm telling you right now, I'm not keeping the dog,
-Don't pester me, -Don't pester you?
You're the one pestering me,
The shit I've taken every time you say "Don't pester me,"
-Leave the motor running, -Not again,
No,
Grandma, don't die until I come back,
Stop, where are you going?
-To knock on the door, -No, don't knock,
They could be waiting for us,
Yeah, the FBI is waiting for us,
-You want me to get caught, -Yes, I do, I'd love that,
I'd love for someone to put an end to this shit,
I can't trust you,
Then what do you want to do?
Look over the wall to see if Sheep is there,
If he's not, we'll leave without attracting attention,
Right, we've barely attracted attention so far,
-Yes, we have, -I was being ironic,
Come on, help me climb up,
You can climb a 12 foot fence
-but for this shitty wall you need help, -Yes,
Come on,
I'm used to you stepping on me anyway,
Damn,
Why are you wearing flip-flops?
They took my sneakers away,
-Why? -So I wouldn't run away,
Very effective measure,
Is that your dog?
-Héctor, is that your dog or not? -Wait,
Héctor, it's not a difficult question,
No, it's not, Let's go,
That's enough for today,
-Did you put Grandma to bed? -Yes,
-Gave her the sedative? -Yes,
-Checked her oximeter? -73%,
What are you doing with my belt?
Making a collar for the dog,
-Thanks for asking me first, -You're welcome,
It was irony,,,
You want a beer?
No, sorry,
You're about to turn 18, we don't want to ruin
your immaculate record,
That was irony too,
I don't like alcohol,
Why not?
-I don't like losing control, -Oh, right,
You're totally in fucking control,
Just curious,
how long would I get
for all the crimes I've committed now?
If they catch me here dining al fresco,
how long would I get? Please, enlighten me,
When you stole the file did you use force or intimidation?
Only with myself,
No, Héctor,
Medicine theft, document theft, dog theft, theft from a vehicle,
fraud at the gas station, motorcycle theft,,,
-All of that,,, -Motorcycle theft?
How do you think I got to Grandma’s?
Continued and premeditated theft punished
by Articles 234 and 244
of the Criminal Code in relation to Article 74,
And minor infraction of fraud punished by Article 248
and the second paragraph of 249,
Olé,
-Any previous crimes? -Yes,
You,
No record, darling,
Without a previous record, we'd be talking about
a sentence of 12 to 18 months for the continued infraction
and a fine of 1 to 3 months for the minor fraud charge,
So you wouldn't go to jail,
Great,
Great, I'll sleep much better now,
-You're not going to name this one? -No,
His owner will,
Why are you being such a bitch
about the dog?
I know,
Do you want to know?
No,
When you were little and had a tantrum
and got nervous, which was all the fucking time,
what was the only thing that calmed you down?
Me, Well, not me,
Me pretending I was a dog,
Your dog,
You'd crack up and it would pass,
You don't remember?
-No, -Right,
Rhino,
I was Rhino the dog,
Because you used to say "rhino" instead of "right now,"
Where are we going "rhino?"
I want to watch TV "rhino,"
"Rhino"
I'm not hungry, "Rhino" we're not friends,
"Rhino" I'm crying, "rhino" I'm shouting, "rhino" I'm punching,
Okay, okay, drop it already,
Then I'd get on all fours
and say: "Hi, I'm Rhino the dog,"
And I'd bark and growl at you
and stick out my tongue and give you my paw and howl at you,
And you'd cover your ears and tell me to leave you alone
and I paid no fucking attention and moaned at you
and climbed into bed with you,
And slowly your face would change,
And your fear would go away, Or anger, whatever it was,
It cleansed you,
Now tell me again that you don't remember,
-It rings a bell, -Jesus, what nerve,
The good old days,
When we were brothers,
That dog is a fucking pain,
-He likes you now, -He can't,
-Let him climb up, -No,
Dogs sleep on the floor,
You'd rather not sleep all night?
He'll get tired of whining,
You haven't in 17 years, So let him up, he won't stop,
Grandma, don't die tonight,
"Tarapara,"
Good morning, Grandma,
Lift your tongue, Grandma,
"Tarapara,"
You haven't talked to Marta
this whole time, Or sent her messages, Did she dump you?
What are you saying?
-Call her, -No,
I'll call her when I fucking want to,
She dumped you, What did you do? Why did you let her?
You're such a pain, You're worse than a hangover, kid,
-I can tell you're not well, -How can you tell?
Since when do you care if I'm well or not?
I don't care, but I can tell,
When you're not well you do that,
-Do what? -This,
Okay, look, I stopped, I'm fine now,
Mind your own damn business,
Okay, I will,
Good, stay out of it,
Look, your dog might be there,
Whistle and see,
It's not like that,
-Hello, -What's up?
Don't say to leave the motor running,
Okay, I won't say it,
Now we're going to do what we should have done all along,
Tell the truth, Got it?
-Got it, -Yes or no? Look at me,
I got it,
You, come with me,
Hello,
Excuse me,
Did you by any chance adopt a dog recently?
-By the name Rocky? -Yes,
-So? -Well, you see,,,
My brother's in a juvenile center,,,
He's on leave, And he's been doing therapy with dogs,
And it turns out your dog might be
the dog my brother was working with and got
very close to, And look at him,
he's in bad shape, Because it's the only living thing
he's ever showed interest in,
besides our grandmother,
And what do you want?
To see if it's the same dog, And if it is,
to exchange it for this dog,
which only has three legs but always lies down,
is very loyal and good company,
Look, we don't know what we want,
Or why we made this trip or what we're doing here, That's the truth,
Okay, come with me,
Thank you,
Come on, you,
I found it inside a car that just came in, Totaled,
It was scared and malnourished, I called the dog shelter
and they told me the car belonged to its owner,
who had died in the car accident,
Nobody knew how it got this far,
They took the dog away and after a few months,
when I was wrecking the car, I remembered the dog,
I called the dog shelter
and they said it was still there awaiting adoption,
So I went over
and brought it home,
It's been in its owner's car ever since and won't come out,
There it is,
Is it him or not?
No,
Okay, then, let's go,
Héctor,
What are you doing?
It has long nails, scaly skin and peeled ears,
Definitely leishmaniasis,
You need to take it to the vet for tests,
It'll need treatment for the rest of its life,
I can't afford something like that,,,
That's my wallet!
It'll die otherwise,
No, Héctor, Put that away,
-Here, -Héctor,
No, that's mine, Héctor,
-Why did you take my wallet? -I didn't take it,
-You didn't? -No, I picked it up,
Oh, you picked it up, And why didn't you give it back?
In case something came up,
-Something like what? -Like this,
You're definitely something,
One more day and I won't have to put up with this shit anymore,
Three dogs and we fucking miss on the first two,
These things only happen to me,
Actually they only happen to you,
At least we can't miss now,
What is that?
Shit,
We're going to the village,
Father,
You might not remember me, I'm Chiri and Cuca's grandson,
Hey,,,
That's right,
How are you, son?
Well,,,
Through these holy last rites and His bountiful mercy,
may the Lord help you with the grace of the Holy Spirit
so that, free of sin, He may grant you salvation
and comfort you in sickness, Amen,
Where will you bury her?
Here,
with Grandpa Chiri,
That's why we came,
What's wrong?
Where is Grandpa?
The lease contract expired,
What do you mean, expired?
The funeral right lasts 75 years,
It expired about a year ago,
You didn't receive notice?
My grandmother's been in a home for 5 years,
What happens if it isn't renewed?
It becomes available,
Okay,
How much does it cost to renew?
5,581 euros, 75 years, the maximum,
-Please, that's a huge amount, -We get the money and pay,
-We have to bury her here, -I want to too, smart ass,
It's your fault we didn't receive
the notice,
-My fault? -Yes, your fault,
You put her in a home and we moved out, Your fault,
You are so fucking clueless, Sorry,
You think I could have paid for this?
Fucking Mr, My Way!
We sell the camper,
It's already for sale, it's not easy,
It won't sell itself,
I'm sure you've had offers, but you have nowhere else to live,
Don't bust my balls, this is new,
It's unexpected, Besides, I'm selling the camper
-for a good reason, -This is a good reason,
-Look, -Calm down, boys, don't argue,
Even if you wanted to renew it, you can't anymore,
-Why? -Because it's been leased already,
By who?
Your cousin Ignacio,
Then where is my grandfather?
There, in the cinerary,
The what?
Nice corpus luteum,,,
When are you taking Vicenta to Lausanne?
The day after tomorrow,
We'll take a look at her when we finish,
This one is ovulating,
Prepare the embryo, I'll put her tail to sleep,
If I hadn't leased it, someone else would have,
It's a tiny cemetery,
Why didn't you call me first?
When was the last time you were here?
Go by Grandma's house and then talk to me,
She's dying, She probably only has hours left,
And all she wanted was to be buried here with Grandpa,
Sorry, cousin, that's impossible,
I already gave the plot to my father-in-law Kalin,
What a shitty gift, cousin,
Hey, watch your mouth,
He has terminal cancer,
There are free niches,
Why don't you get one? Grandma doesn't need to know,
But I do, And so does Héctor,
Would you have been able to afford it anyway?
How could you take out Grandpa
and incinerate his remains and put him in a common ashtray?
-Cinerary, -I don't care,
You mixed him with other people in a fucking ashtray,
Do you know what the PH is in the land around here?
-What are you talking about? -Under five,
It's acidic land, Very acidic,
What's that got to do with it?
I didn't take him out, cousin,
He was already gone, You know what I found in the ditch?
Nothing,
And I mean nothing, Okay, wait,
His watch was there, I kept it,
I tell you Grandma is dying and we've brought her here
and you don't even ask to see her or anything,
What do you want, cousin?
You want me to feel bad?
Well, no,
No,
Grandma left,
And you haven't been back in years,
I'm the only one in the family who stayed,
The cemetery is for the people who live here,
Now, if you don't mind, I have to get back to work,
I've taken enough heat,
Don't worry, Grandma, We fixed everything,
He's lying, Grandma, They stole your grave,
Are you stupid or what?
She doesn't like us lying to her,
I now, damn it, but,,,
Never mind,
I can't take this anymore, my head can't,,,
Stop plotting bullshit because it's over,
The land is acidic, okay?
Grandpa wasn't there when they dug him up, only his watch,
This fucking land even eats dead people,
So let's just drop it,
Sometimes you have to know how to lose,
To win something, anything, for once,
first we have to learn how to lose,
I already know how to lose,
You have no fucking idea, Héctor,
No fucking idea,
Losing is one thing, we lost
and we lost big,
Learning how is another thing,
with pride, accepting defeat,
All we can do now is be with her and wait,
Got it? And don't say "Got it,"
I know you never get it,
Just nod,
Where are you going?
To take Grandma for a stroll,
What? She's dying,
-So she can say goodbye to her town, -No,
You'll get in trouble, I know you,
Stay here, I don't trust you,
Then come with us,
Great idea
bringing her here so she can see her destroyed house,
Is this your cherry on top?
How did Grandpa's story go?
The one you always asked Grandma to tell you,
She told me a lot of his stories,
Yeah, but there was one about
a cow that he lost,,,
-Elvira the cow, -Yeah,
He didn't lose her, she ran away,
Okay, how did the story go?
The cows used to graze on community land
and each breeder had a time of year,
If someone else's cow got mixed with yours, you could "adopt" it
and ask for a ransom,
They called it "adoption", It was legal,
One time Elvira got away,
she was the cow with the most milk, she was adopted
and our great grandfather had to pay a can of oil, a sack of flour,
half a kilo of sugar and half a dozen eggs,
And as punishment, he made Grandpa Chiri
sleep in the barn with Elvira for a week,
surrounded by cow piss and crap and he stunk,
And he wouldn't let him wash up to go to school,
And after the punishment was over he kept sleeping in the barn with Elvira
and nobody understood why
and Grandma said it was because the kids at school beat him up,
but stopped going near him because he stunk
and they left him alone,
So now we know who you take after,
And proud of it,
She used to tell us another story about cows,
What was it?
I don't know, I only liked that one,
What are you doing?
Where are you going?
-To the camper, -It's that way,
You're plotting something,
-No, I'm not, -Yes, you are, I can smell it,
What is it? Tell me, Tell me,
I can hear your head buzzing from here,
The buzzing is because I'm learning to lose,
Ignacio told me you were around,
-Sorry about your grandma, -Thanks,
And about your dad too,
Because he's really,,,
Papuco,
How long did they give you to live?
Three months, seven months ago,
Maybe we can bury them together and everyone's happy,
Sorry,
I'll serve him, sweetie,
Well?
-You up for a friendly game later? -No, thanks,
-This one's on the house, -No,,,
This I can afford,
Tell the Dutchman story,
No, it's stupid,
Stupid, he says,
A Dutchman writes him the other day on Facebook,,,
Be quiet already,
-Everybody already knows, -Not me,
Sorry, I don't know the story about the Dutchman on Facebook,
It's a stupid story, cousin,
A Dutchman wrote me the other day on Facebook to buy my cow
before the contest, And I didn't answer him,
But he insisted and I said, "Okay, 60,000 euros"
knowing I didn't want to sell her,
And he goes and says yes,
And I said, "Damn,"
"This guy has a heavy wallet,"
I would sell her, Things have been bad ever since they got rid
of the milk quotas,
Breeders are killing cows to lower production,
No way,
The key is the offspring, Vicenta will give good ones, no matter which bull,
You extract her embryo,
Or two, or three, or twenty, And you sell those embryos
for money, How much did you make today inseminating?
I'll tell you tomorrow,
What's up?
What are you doing?
You did remember,
Remember what?
The other story, About adopting cows,
You never forget anything,
Why didn't you tell me? Go on, tell me,
I don't follow,
About how the kids in town, to pay for the local fair,
they'd steal cows from the farms
and adopt them saying they were in their pasture,
Now tell me you don't remember,
-No, -Yeah, well, you know what?
Our cousin has a cow that's like the Messi of cows,
-I don't like soccer, -You will now,
Look, She's a champion at a million cow things
and he can sell her for over 60,000 euros,
And her embryos,
It’s a fucking awesome cow, And next week
it’s going to Lausanne for a European championship
of some cow bullshit they hold every three years,
The Champions League of cows,
I don't like soccer,
We agreed not to do anything,
We stay with Grandma and we learn how to lose,
Since when do you listen to what I say?
You've had 18 years to listen to me,
And you have to start now,
Listen to me,
This is an adoption story, Your dog was adopted,
You adopted me, Cousin Ignacio adopted our grave and now we,,,
-We're not stealing a cow, -Exactly,
We're not, Because I'm going to do it,
And it's not stealing,
It's adopting,
Forced robbery
aggravated by the value of the item stolen,
Two to five years,
With previous crimes, definitely jail,
I don’t give a shit, Anything for Grandma, right?
You're drunk,
Well, a little, so what? It makes me braver,
No, it makes you stupid,
You said a bad word, Very good,
We won't get Grandpa's grave back, You'll get caught,
We'll see, And we'll see if our cousin
cares more about his cow or his father-in-law,
How will you get it out of there?
Where will you hide it?
Did you think about the consequences before you ran away for your dog?
Then stay out of my head, I'm in control,
Why do you want Grandma's sedatives?
-In case the cow gets feisty, -No way,
You can't drug a cow, 337 is untouchable,
What's 337?
Mistreating an animal,
I don't want you to go, Isma,
Don't go,
Listen to one thing, Héctor,
That gesture you had,
Knowing the story about the kids, because you knew it by heart,
but not using that information to get in trouble,
That proves
that you've learned how to control your tantrums,
That means officially today
you've learned how to lose,
Congratulations,
Don't die until I get back, Grandma,
Holy cow!
They're all the same, Which one is it?
Fucking cell phone,,,
STOP SENDING ME VOICE MESSAGES I WON'T LISTEN TO THEM, IT'S OVER
Hi, I saw you're on-line
and I'm in my grandma's home town, she's in pretty bad shape,
She might die today or tomorrow, we don't know,
I thought of you because you two always hit it off so well,
I don't know why I'm sending you this if you haven't listened to the rest,
The land isn't acidic,
Scared the shit out of me,
Mix the dirt with water and sodium bicarbonate,
-No reaction, not acidic, -What?
I learned it at the center,
And you still complain,,,
Change toxic thought for pro-social thought,
That's why I didn't tell you the story about the kids,
I knew it,
But our cousin lied to us,
-What? -When they dug up Grandpa,
besides the watch, there had to be teeth and bones,
That son of a bitch,
-Let's get out of here, -No,
Not without the cow,
-The cow isn't here, -What do you mean?
-Of course it is, -No, Cows are put
in quarantine before championships,
You learn that at the center too?
No, I read it on the internet,
What are you doing with my cell phone?
Why do you know my password?
-Shut up, -What?
-It's that way,
Messi,
Shit, a lock, It's all yours, Do your magic, Mr, My Way,
I thought you didn't want me to commit a crime,
This isn't a crime, We're freeing the cow, You think it wants to be here?
Enjoy the music or your superpowers, Just open it,
Why are you living in the camper?
What?
Did Marta leave you?
Don't be a buzzkiller, Not now, Go on,
Tell me or I won't open it,
Héctor, don't fuck with me, Open it,
She dumped you,
It's up in the air,
Up in the air? Did she leave you or not?
Yeah, a little, Because,,,
-We really have to do this here? -Yes,
-Now? -Yes,
-I'll tell you later, damn it, -No,
She's pregnant,
And it was like no,,,
But yes, she is,
We were fucking careless, I swear I didn't, neither did she,,,
But suddenly she says that
she wants to have it, And I was like: "My love, what?"
"How can we?"
And she says: "Yes," And I said I can't,
And she said: "What do you mean?" And I said:
"I can't,"
"I don't want to,"
And that's it,
Yeah, I have no heart, Open it,
That's it, drink and relax a little,
What are you doing?
Of course, of course,
Let it all out,
If you used your time wisely, good lord,
I don't want you to be like Dad,
Let's go,
Hey, stop, stop,
I can't believe it, that's our cousin's car,
He couldn't already know, Or could he?
Animals sometimes have a chip with a GPS,
-Now you tell me? -Yes,
He can't see us with the cow, We have to hide,
-He won't leave until we go in, -What do we do?
We've "adopted" the cow to ask for a ransom,
That's what we'll do,
What are you doing here?
What I should have done first, come to say goodbye to Grandma,
Damn, Héctor, you're so much older,
-So are you, -Right,
-That's the only reason you came? -No,
Also to apologize, I was a jerk this morning,
And then Jesus
about the cow in the bar,
I'm very sorry, cousin, There,
Right,
Okay, look, cousin,
We want Grandpa's grave,
We want the grave,
The grave,
I'm ashamed to say it, but that's impossible,
Yes, it is possible,
No, it isn't, I lied to you,
The land here
isn't acidic,
There were remains, of course there were,
But things were bad with Rosa,
She said I don't take care of the girls, or her family,
that I'm always with the cows,
that I love Vicenta more than her,
I play music for Vicenta at night and I don't even take her dancing,
Then her dad got cancer,
and I did it without thinking about the consequences,
I would love nothing more than to give back the grave to Grandma
and Grandpa,
but if I do I'll ruin my life,
I talked to the mayor and there aren't any more graves,
But I reserved a niche in the second row, the best row,
The closest, the most expensive,
3,000 euros,
I'll pay for it myself,
I know it's not the same,
If you never want to talk to me again, I'd understand,
There's no reason,,,
to be so radical, cousin,
What's done is done,
I mean,,,
Don't torture yourself, Look at me,
Sometimes you do things
without thinking and you have to be understanding,
And learn how to lose,
Forget it, cousin,
Hey, look at me! The niche in the second row is fantastic,
Yeah,
-We want the watch too, -The watch too,
Of course, Héctor, Of course you can have it,
Take the fucking watch, Why would I want it?
Okay, cousin, that's it,
Cousin, cousin, cousin,
There, You can rest easy, Thank you,
Cousin,
Listen,,, cousin,
Cousin, Listen to me,
Remember when Grandpa Chiri's cow got "adopted"?
The sixth row isn't so bad,
More privacy,
They bother you less,
Grandma, you can die peacefully now,
No, not yet,
Seriously?
Now what, MacGyver?
Don't do it, Héctor,
Come with me, Grandpa Chiri,
Grandma?
-Already? -No, she's better,
Her oxygen level is up to 81%,
After the huge mess we made,
-now you're not dying anymore, -"Tarapara,"
"Tarapara" my ass,
-It bothers you she's not dying? -Yeah, right,
It bothers me?
It just seems like you two are conspiring to make my life hell,
-Come on, let's go, -No,
-We should wait, -Wait for what?
It's the typical improvement before she dies,
-What? -Yeah, you feel better
because you're about to go to a better place,
You use up what little you have left,
It's better to wait
-for her to finish, -We can't wait,
We have to finish what we came to do,
Grandma isn't going to die,
So choose: the center or for your dog, Mr, My Way,
You're nicer drunk,
"Tarapara,"
Why are you so serious?
I'm always serious,
You? No way! What are you saying?
You're the life of the party,
No, seriously, Héctor,
You need to learn the meaning of irony,
Because the world is fucking ironic,
Want me to explain?
-Irony is saying nonsense, -Okay,
If you already know,,,
Okay, explain it to me,
Okay,
Easy example, imagine I go up to cousin Ignacio and say:
"Hey, cousin, that's great, "
It's great you took Grandpa out of his grave
for a stroll in the woods,"
Why is that irony and not nonsense?
Because it wasn't a stroll in the woods,
And he understands that my comment was bitter
and has another meaning, it isn't literal
and I'm criticizing him,
Do you get it?
I don't know,
Go on, make one up, Make an ironic comment,
First think of something that pisses you off,
-You reported me to get rid of me, -For Christ’s sake, not again,
But okay, that works,
Now say that you're totally happy I reported you,
-I'm not, -I know,
That's the point, Say it like it's the best thing
that's ever happened to you,
Thanks a lot for reporting me to get rid of me,
No, like you're joking,
"Hey, Isma, I am so glad
you sent me to that summer camp, Thank you!"
It's not a summer camp,
-That's the irony, -And it's two years, not one summer,
-I know, it's a joke, -No, it isn't,
It's hell,
Okay, forget it, It's impossible, You're right,
Irony is saying nonsense,
It must be one of those houses,
-Pull over, -What?
Don't start,
-Pull over, -I'm not pulling over, damn it,
We're going to the front door,
He won't be there,
-Why not? -No,
Sheep won't be there,
Sure, he will, It's the only place left to check,
He was at the first house we saw,
At the first house we saw?
Héctor, quit fucking with me!
He was at the first house?
Why didn't you say anything?
Will you fucking talk to me
and tell me what you're thinking?
If you made up Grandma dying I swear I'll kill you,
No, Grandma's health is untouchable,
Oh, but mine isn't, You can fuck with mine,
I'm sorry,
Where,,,?
Okay, Héctor,
I'll go to jail for you not telling me sooner,
but it's okay,
But just so I understand:
If we went through all this crap
to find your dog, why didn't you say anything?
Was he with an old man
in a wheelchair or a terminally sick person?
No,
He was with a dog,
With a dog?
Yeah, with a dog, With other dogs,
-Is that your dog? -Wait,
Héctor, is that your dog or not?
Héctor, it's not a difficult question,
He didn't like dogs,
He was afraid of them, He never went near them,
And playing even less,
He preferred to be alone all the time,
No, it isn't,
I didn't want the trip to end,
That's why I didn't say anything,
Good night, Grandma,
"Tarapara,"
Don't get your hopes up,
WE'LL TALK WHEN YOU GET BACK
What the fuck?
Stop sending me text messages, I won't listen to them, It's over,
I swear this is the last time I'll write you,
I only wanted to say I got scared about the pregnancy,
But not because I don't want it, It's Héctor,
I've been a father to him for 17 years
and I did a lousy job, Look where he is,
I swear I've tried but I did everything wrong,
Really bad, That's why I didn't want it,
But I think I know better now, I'm finally learning,
I've been doing pretty well these last few days,
Doing things for him I'd never done before,
For him, For me, That's why I didn't want it,
And Héctor's going to be 18 and he can fend for himself,
I'll have more time for you and our son,
Don't worry I won't be like my dad, I'm selling the camper,
So I'll have money for us, And I'm writing a pretty song for him,
Now I can do it, I want it, Can I come home?
How did you figure out my password?
Using the year you were born is bullshit,
That's true,,,
Scoot over,
Since when are you a marriage counselor?
So you decided for me, huh? Doctor Love?
There's no decision to make,
-There isn't? -No,
And I do care,
About what?
When you're not okay,
I care,
Happy birthday,
I thought you were giving me the camper,
-That I earned it, -Yeah, right,
Don't freak out,
Your sneakers are too big for me,
Put some cotton inside,
You don't have any cotton,
Some toilet paper,
No toilet paper either?
-There's a hole, -Damn, bro,
Stop complaining, You’re wearing flip-flops,
-That's true, -Sure,
Thanks,
Hallelujah, kid,
ADOPTION FILES
Her oxygen level dropped again,
What does that mean?
Three minutes ago it was fine,
And now it's dropped because,,,
-The three-legged dog cured her, -The three-legged dog cured her,
-Are you being serious? -No,
You cured her with your insults,
You just made an ironic comment,
And you something stupid,
Don't die until I get out, okay, Grandma?
"Tarapara,"
And you, take care of her,
"Taraparo,"
"Taraparo?"
"Taraparo,"
It's just another month and a half,
No running away or getting in trouble,
When you're 18, Héctor,
it has to stop,
You said you didn't want this to end,
For it not to end,
you have to go back in,
Otherwise it's impossible,
What is?
Us being brothers again,
Imagine in a month and a half
all the dog books you'll be able to read and memorize,
You'll come out a veterinarian,
The problem isn't the month and a half inside,
Then what?
After,,,
After what?
You won't be there,
When I get out, you won't be there,
Yeah, yeah,
You're right, yeah,
I won't be there,
But anyway,,,
your dog will be,
Taraparo isn't my dog,
I don't mean Taraparo,
And Sheep is fine where he is,
I don't mean Sheep either,
Hello, Héctor,
Okay,
Goodbye, Isma,
See you later,