SAINT-TROPEZ AUGUST 1970
Daisy!
My pom pom! Come on, let's go to bed,
Cyril!
- Cyril! - I'm coming, Mr, Baron!
Here it is,
Your Chinese moldy tea, Mr, Baron,
It's already fucking good,
This is fermented tea,
Excellent for transit, how do you hear
Improves the entire intestinal flora,
I will have a lemon juice without pulp, toasted bread with
olive oil and a warm rooibos tea, which does not burn,
So there is no tutia, milk,,,
Andreas, how was the night?
Fatal,
- Oh yeah? - Super moving,
Also, I've caught the budding actress killing the singer that weirdo,
- Really? - That's impossible,
Peggy is with Norbert and they make a wonderful couple,
Rare thing in this world,
They were chuscando two hours in the hammam,
Does Peggy put them on Norbert? What a stick, right?
You, calm down, Yaco,
I am aware of everything and nothing happens,
He just has fun with the handsome
guy, but that doesn't keep me up at all,
Yes it is modern,
Well, we're in the 70's, guys, we own objects, not women,
Of course, free love,
Here even the pope throws himself at everything, he doesn't care,
- That's cool, - Yes? Well, I don't like it at all,
If I catch Éliane with another man, I assure you
I kill him!
Man, is that you jump for nothing, let's see, it's not,,,
Hey, a little question for nothing: would you lend me the Maserati?
Nope,
If you want, you can ask Éliane to let you
have the Floride, but nothing from Maserati,
Very well,
But what the hell is wrong with this dog?
Hey, hey, let's see, first: he's not a dog, but a bitch,
And second: that's because you don't know how to talk to them,
You see? Don't swallow you!
And do you know why? Because you are an idiot, Hello,
Hi cute,
But bite, bite,
No, she doesn't bite, you stress her!
She has nothing to do with it! Come here, pretty,
Come, Come,
Precious, My precious,
How beautiful she is, she looks like the queen of Sheba,
She just needs to talk,
Hello darling, Did you have a good night?
Don't talk so loud, my head hurts,
Oh,,,
Life as a couple, huh?
Eliane?
Who?
I am in the shower!
Tony?
It's me, honey!
No, no, no, no, Yaco, you're crazy!
Claude can show up, you know how jealous he is!
Don't worry, she still has time for breakfast,
Get away from there! What a heavy dog,
Get away from there, ball-busting mutt,
Shit!
Holy shit!
Shit, I shit on everything!
MYSTERY IN SAINT-TROPEZ An investigation by Inspector Boulin
SPRING OF THE GOLDSMITHS, 36
My love,
It is your living image,
He has the new secretary of state, the finance minister, on the phone,
Who is that jerk?
Hello, Chirac speaking,
I need you to do me a favor, Mr, Lefranc,
I assume he knows Baron Tranchant,
Well no,
The one with Chimay beer,
The largest European beer distributor, Catch up, man,
Claudine!
Call Deputy Director Mercier immediately!
Mercier's on vacation, sir,
Well, he may already be coming back,
He is in the US
Then to Menard,
She's on sick leave, sir, she's had major depression since she got divorced,
His wife left him for another woman,
My goodness, poor man,
Well, who's available right now?
Well, there's only Boulin,
The Boulin who made that carnage mess?
Yes sir,
Boulin,
Sir, Boulin is already here,
Come in please!
East,,,
and not this here,
- Mister, - Nice to see you again,
I don't think we've ever met, sir,
Oh no?
Certain,
I'm putting the finishing touches on the Siege of Toulon,
This Bonaparte was a genius,
I have a mission of great importance to assign to you,
Do you know Baron Tranchant?
Yes, the billionaire who has a hotel on the avenue Foch
and he throws those parties in Saint-Tropez, yes,
A bunch of perverts,
What is that about?
I have not asked for your opinion on this,
- Be very careful! - Yes,
The baron is a close friend of the secretary of state, Chirac,
Well, let's get to the point,
Mrs, Tranchant has received letters with death threats
and yesterday her Renault Floride was sabotaged,
- Has she died? - No, she wasn't driving,
It was one of her guests who took the car,
Oh, so she stole it,
-She has turned out round, huh? - What to steal or what to steal?
Well, the baroness's car, sir, I,,,
But who told you that?
Well,,,
The baroness lent the car to that
man who later suffered the accident,
Ah, okay, okay, I understand, Yeah, okay, yeah, So it's him,
He is what?
The one who has died,
No,
That he is in one piece,
Oysters!
So it's going to be the Floride,
What a bad leg, with how beautiful it is, my wife loves it,
Let's see, listen a minute,
In agreement?
Let's focus,
That's my strong point, sir,
Is he fuming?
It's about concentration,
No, crust!
Smoke coming out of his pocket!
Bring water!
Stay there,
Well, that was very, very radical,
Oh my God,
My goodness, I'm dripping the biggest,
Yes,
Here it is, look,
The guilty,
The baron has requested a speedy investigation
so that his guests, who are famous people,
don't bother them too much during their stay,
Be discreet,
- It is understood, - Well, how do you plan to proceed?
Well very easy,
We planted 30 people there,
We woke up the staff at five in the morning and recorded everything,
Then we started a round of slapping interrogations,
I believe that in 48 hours it will be ventilated,
I bring the culprit and we put him in jail,
In short, the same procedure that you followed in your unfortunate
intervention in the Montorgueuil butcher shop, isn't it?
Oh yeah, the,,,
Yes, the trap didn't go very far, it wasn't,,,
- We were not successful, - Boolin!
I have asked him to do the complete opposite of what he is proposing,
Is it clear now?
Clear as water, sir,
I have a feeling that with this mission I'm going to take the cake,
What is he looking at?
Excuse me, that painting has left me
fascinated, it reminds me of Velázquez's dwarfs,
The painter has perfectly captured the
malice of that bitter old woman, Nope?
She is my wife,
Oh, what,,, How nice,,,
That's very good,
Me,,,
I will show him that I am up to this mission,
Farewell, sir, and my respects to the old hag,
I mean,,, The lady,
Her lady, of course, Bye,
Oh my mother!
She has been shocked,
Good see you later, To Saint-Tropez!
Claudine, bring me a double whisky,
Baron Tranchant?
Inspector Güevon,
Boulin,
Jean Boulin, Chief Inspector Boulin,
Cool,
Ok let's go?
Behind you,
Tremendous car, huh?
Yes, the truth is that it is a pass,
Okay, We go?
Inspector Güevon,
- Boulin, - That's right, Boulin,
Inspector Boulin,
Oh yeah, It is very small, they will not enter,
Well, the best thing would be to put the small suitcase in the trunk,
Clever, And the big,,,
We put her in the back seats,
Let's go there,
There, there, that's it, here we are,
Clever,
Now you will see, I'm going to put her on her side so that,,,
- Isn't it too narrow? - Nothing, nothing, don't worry,
Don't worry,
And ready,
Well, she is already, like a glove,
Sorry,
How do you expect me to drive now?
Oh yeah, Hey,,,
Why have you brought two giant suitcases?
Well, my trench coat takes up quite a bit of space,
His,,, trench coat?
My trench coat, yes,
- In August? In Saint-Tropé? - In Saint-Tropés and everywhere,
Pe,
pe? "B" what?
It is called Saint-Tropé, No pes,
The Z at the end is silent,
- Come on, - Yes,
First news,
But it does sayMadriz and notMadri, That's where I caught him,
Anyway, say it how you want, I don't give a damn,
- Already, - The only thing that interests me is
that we won't be able to fit your gigantic suitcases into my vehicle,
- We could tie her to the ceiling, - No way, it's not a circus car, no,
And I would scratch the whole body,
Let's see, take your luggage right now and leave it in the locker,
My staff will come pick it up, okay?
- Voucher, - Come on,
And please,
could you take off that napkin? He's making a fool of himself,
He forgot to return it, The heads,,, The heads!
Do you always smoke like a carter?
Yes, especially after breakfast,
Today I took it on the train, you know? He has free buffet,
- Come on, - There are even canned sardines,
I have become like Quico, of course, and I have also paid 12,50 francs
- more for the whole racket, - Interesting,
- Why am I going to deprive myself, right? - You are right,
Oh, the bread with butter and sardines on top,
It's all a delicacy, you end up stuffed,
Why do we stop?
This is where the car is stored,
What a car?
The one they sabotaged,
Thought you'd be interested in seeing it before you start digging, right?
Lord Tranchant,
Yes?
I would like to clarify one thing first,
I am the investigator, not you,
Already,
Well, taking these initiatives is my business, I explained myself well?
Of course,
Has it already been decided?
I'm on it,
Well, come on, Let's take advantage,
While we're here, let's keep an eye on the Floride,
It had no brake fluid,
It was obviously sabotage,
Are you a Renault mechanic?
Nope,
No, no, Mr, Castelli is a Jaguar
mechanic at the 24 Hours of Le Mans,
Yeah, but Jaguar is not Florida,
Please try not to jump to conclusions,
Here the one who draws the conclusions is me, It is understood?
Well, where is the car?
What?
Where is the car?
It's right behind you,
Ah, yes, yes, I see, yes,
Okay,,,
They're going to have to lower him so he can open the hood,
In the Floride the engine is in the back,
I already know, I already know, Obviously,
Don't look for three feet to the cat, man,
He is talking to quite an expert,
He has stunned me,
Inspector!
It's okay?
- Has he hurt himself? - Nerd!
Who is the idiot who has opened a hole in the middle of the workshop?
It's usual, it's the moat under the bridge,
Well, you have to be silly not to put up a sign!
Wow, wow,
I think I've found something very important,
Good Boulin,
There is a protruding screw here that is not screwed in properly,
Don't touch it, it's the oil pan plug!
It's going to smear everything! Fantastic,
Well, yes there is, yes,
It's pretty gross,
Ali! The mop!
You were right, Mr, Baron,
Let's see, I don't,,,
Everything indicates that it is a sabotage,,,
Calm down, I'm fine,
Ali!
Now it can be everything you want,
but I don't trust a hair of that Canelón,
He has no education,
- For God's sake,,, - No, no, no!
That way he won't get in my car,
- Because? -Man, look how he's doing!
He is bathed in oil, Get undressed,
Come on,
Be careful,
Don't worry, I treat it with care,
She is my favourite,
Hello,
Well, let's see that ass,
The ass, the ass,
Oh mother, what a fright, He's going to have to take off his pants,
He's kidding, right?
Don't worry, no one will see you, and that way you won't stain the leather,
Look, we're going to be late for the aperitif,
- Go, go, go, Bolon! - I am ashamed,
It's powerful, right?
And let him say it,
Do you want me to give you my opinion on the case?
Suspect number 1: the chef,
My wife tried to kick him out because
she caught him bulging up errand bills,
Big mistake!
Since then, we have gone from letter threats to assassination attempts,
Well, what are we going to do?
The guy must be a pig, he has vomited on me!
He has not sat me very well there coffee with sardines,
He had a stone in his stomach,
Do you have a handkerchief lying around? Because,,,
he tells me that the seat will have to be cleaned,
what a pest
Gross,
Well, take your luggage and we'll go in the back, which will be more discreet,
Yes,
They look at us,
Look who's here! Who is he?
But if he is my little girl,
- This is Daisy, - Daisy, hello,
-Careful, he has the genius of him, - Daisy, delighted,
- Let's go, - He's extremely intelligent,
That's good, because they say that small dogs tend to be a bit lame,
No, no, she's very nice,
I think she liked it,
Let's see if she has stepped on a turd,,,
No, what's up? It's the oil,
- Well, better, - It is not related with,,,
Let's go, follow me
The dog is very nice,
Cyrill, You're still working?
All right, Mr, Tranchant?
Well yes, yes,
Cyril, this is,,, Jean,
Our new butler,
Please, could he give the car some?
It is that the gentleman has cast the liver,
He already sees,
Pay special attention to the seats because
otherwise the lady will no longer want to get on,
Because of the smell,,,
Take off your pants,
Why?
Because he is going to give it to Jean, I want to present it to the lady,
And she has to be decent,
Me too?
Well, you're going to clean the car in your underwear, More fresh,
Here, take this too,
Will you accompany me?
What's happening? Why do you call me?
Oh Eliane,
This is Chief Inspector Jester,
- Nope! - Yes, Chirac sent it to us,
No, Ma'am, my name is Jean Boulin,
Chief Inspector Boulin,
- Exactly what I just said, - But, honey,
why do you bring a policeman here?
He's going to ruin our vacation for all of us,
No no no no,
He will pose as our new butler,
The guests won't even notice,
It had better be that way, Fatty,
Yes, he calls me Fatty,
Let her stay between us, she is
the only one who calls me that,
But why do you tell him that? He doesn't care what I call you,
Yes, but I prefer to clarify it,
Lady, I take advantage of our meeting
- to ask you some questions, - Very well, You see?
I already knew it was a toston,
Pay attention to him, he's a professional, - And a toast,
Lady, lady, lady, Do you have any enemies?
Their dead! The whore!
Excuse me, it's because of the pain,
Well, regarding the enemies,
I have none,
Is there no one who has it sworn?
Well I do not know,
I lent the car to Yaco by chance,
And who is this Yaco?
He's my best friend, so I guarantee he's trustworthy,
we've known each other since we were kids,
And you call him Yaco?
Yes,
Let's see, yes, because,,, Because everyone calls him Yaco,
Why?
How why?
Well, because it's his nickname, end of story,
Ah okay,,,
Well, would you be so kind as to show
me the threatening letters you've received?
Yes Yes,
Excuse me, excuse me,
I'd like you to read me a couple or three,
No, No, you read this yourself because they are a bit,,,
That is essential,
I need to hear it out loud so I can sketch the psychological
profile of the perpetrator and possible killer,
I know it's pretty new, but I go
by instinct, That is my method,
Nope,
Those letters say nothing but nonsense, rudeness and humiliation!
- You're not going to read the letters! - Gordi, Gordi,,,
If that's Jester's method,,,
Boulin, it's Boulin,
Come and sit,
- Thank Mrs, - Let's see,,,
Go ahead, I'll listen, I hear you, ma'am,
Start?
Start, yes,
It's okay,
- Come on, - Yes, I'm coming, yes, Let's see,,,
"Hosts are going to rain down on you everywhere, piece of whore,
Now that I have you, you will never get rid of me, you bad bitch,"
Stream,
It is very very ordinary,
continue,
- Yeah, - I gotta get in there,
Hold on, curves are coming,
I'm going to reveal your secret life,"
Interesting,
Good,
Mrs,
do you have a secret life?
- But,,,? - What?
Are you asking my wife if she has a secret life?
- Yeah, - What if he stops peppering her with questions?
Gordi, please, go pour some water on your face, come on,
- Let's go, - Okay, yes,
I love you,
And, to top it off, sardine stink!
Well, please continue, ma'am, I'm all ears,
"You are vicious, and your time has come,
Both,,,
'M' to everyone, they'll end up giving you 'C',"
Let's see, wait,
This letter is not like the others,
- Nerd, - One moment,
Has she really written 'M' and 'C'?
Oh my God!
Nope! The words are whole, but, as
you understand, I don't like to say it,
Put your tastes aside because
I need to hear the whole words,
If not, it won't work,
- Try again, go ahead, see 'M',,, - 'M',
"Both,,,",
Do you have to explain everything?
'M' for sucking and 'C' for fucking!
Sanse is over! Man, for God's sake!
It is not so difficult! Now yes, Let's see,,,
Go? That is why I do not like it,
It is definitely violent, And it is brown,
- And while it is! - That's why it's hard for me,
Is not easy,
How many letters like that have you received?
Well, with the one from this morning, which is
a bit different, because it's a drawing, I'm 18,
Look,
Oh well that's not bad,
Not bad,
Sorry?
Yes,,,
What is not bad?
Nothing, the,,, Well, let's see,,,
The still life of the center, that is, the,,,
- Carrot, - Carrot,
It is very realistic, the person has a hand for drawing,
Listen, Madam Baroness, I don't want to bother you
anymore for today or force you to read all 18 letters,
So I'll drop by when I have some free time
so I can read three or four at a stretch,
Do you think my wife is going to read you a little letter every day?
Well, listen, I'm going to,,,
- To dress up as a butler for the cover, - Yes, Come on,
So, Okay, excuse me,
I wanted to tell you not to worry too much, I'm in control,
Chirac has sent me a complete fool,
A fucking fool! You have to fuck,
Kids!
Yes?
Kids!
Yes Yes,
Well, are you all ready?
The holidays start,
And I want to remind you of the key word of the house:
"Let the holidays be,,,"
- Magic, - Magic,
- Higher, - Magic,
magical,
That's Joe with his new girlfriend,
What great joy!
Everything's fine?
-Bernard, - Mister,
Please give Jean your tray,
Thanks,
The milk! The milk!
Excuse me,
I am sorry,
Has he never carried a tray? Is it lame or what?
It's not turkey mucus either, there are many drinks,
Already, That's what trays are for,
- Give it to me, come on, - Excuse me,
Okay,
To the right of him, the beached whale lying on the deckchair is Norbert,
He is a film producer,
With his new conquest: Peggy,
A very promising budding actress, She wastes talent,
What a difference in age, right? For the interest I love you andres,
Nope,
Here, offer them a drink,
Okay, but I'm going to take a couple, because there are two and it's more practical that way,
Yes,
Yes Yes,
I'm giving you a hand,
Now I am at your service!
The tray,
The tray! Let him take it!
- The tray, yes, right now I take it, - That's it,
Well, the neck brace guy over there is Yaco,
-He is my best friend, - Oh, that's Yaco,
He was the one who had the accident,
Next to him, his wife: Francine,
We continue, that handsome young man is Ben, Carmen's boyfriend,
my wife's best friend,
He needs no introduction: he is the great Carmen Moreno,
Everybody knows her, so,,,
Well, no fucking idea who she is,
Oh no? Nope?
Well, she is a kind of Spanish Jeanne Moreau, with
more charisma, more salt shaker and more exoticism,
Well, I know Jeanne Moreau, she is very, very famous,
Already, Try not to let her miss those things,
- Oh yeah? - Yes,
-It could offend her, does she understand? - Of course,
Claude, look who's here!
Oysters, Pedrin, if that's Joe Jordan, I know him!
I saw it in Guy Lux's hit songs,
My wife goes crazy, It's Joe Jordan,
- Hello Claudio! -Joe!
Do you know Angela?
No, I have not had that pleasure,
- Nice, Angela, - Nice to meet you,
She is the best showgirl in Paris,
- I took it from Johnny, - Come now!
Well, I'm stealing it from you,
Here,
I told you she was a hottie,
It looks like you're not stupid,
Save that,
- Also? - Yes Yes,
- It is understood, - Good,
Okay, let's go, look to the left of her,
The muscular boy who is swimming is a sculptor,
The one in the cap over there is Andreas, A Greek film director,
Gaby,
To wear such a narrowbrief, it's better not to wear anything,
Andreas,
Oysters, I get that the gorilla is a bit bujarrón,
What do you mean by bujarrón?
I remind you that he is investigating an assassination attempt,
It's true, it's true, it's true, I hit the brakes right now,
I go,,,
I follow him,
Aren't you coming to take a bath?
It's very good,
No thanks Gabriel,
You caught me rereading the script because I have to
capture the essence and conceptual identity of my character,
It is not very complicated either, it does nothing but wet,
Ben, you have me fed up,
You just don't get it, Ben,
Sex is revolutionary,
The walls of this bourgeois society must be torn down,
There it is, Dédé is absolutely right,
Andreas, that's my name! Don't call me Dédé!
Dédé is vulgar! Fuck!
Balls! Cone!
Have you seen, Gordi?
Claude!
He drives them all crazy,
To me the first, my love,
But since he's here, it is what it is,
Be warned, if you think of being silly with
Éliane like last year, things will get ugly,
I'm not here to play candle holders,
Oh well,,,
What you mean, honey?
I'm only with you, I only want you,
Don't lie to me, I'm not a kid anymore,
So, you know, if I catch you together, I'll kill you both,
- I brought a saw, - What what?
What's the point of saying that? Missing a screw?
- Mr, Mrs, A port flip? - No,
A double pastis for him and a lemon soda for me,
Doesn't your neck brace bother you in this heat?
Very nice is not, no,
What a bad leg about the accident,
Was he going too fast?
Listen to something, I got my license years ago, don't tell me,,,
Oh ok,
But had he been drinking?
What is this? An interrogation or what happens, let's see?
He has me fried with so many questions!
My friends!
The food is ready!
Go change, Jean will bring your drinks to your room,
All right, honey, a dip and I'm on my way,
Miss,
Hold it for me for a second, please,
Of course,
- I don't want to go soaking wet to eat, - Well thought,
And the money?
When are we going to have the money to start filming?
Éliane has told me that she doesn't even understand
the script and that it's not going to turn out well,
But what the hell is she going to know, that pelandrusca?
Hey, she's my godmother,
Don't insult Éliane in front of me,
Oh my Ben,
Leave us, huh?
This conversation is none of your business,
Go smoke a joint outside, come on,
Your porto flip, mister, I forgot to offer it to you at the pool,
How dare you say my movie won't work?
I remind you that Liz Taylor was proposed to me for your role,
And I turned her down to shoot the movie with you!
And now she dumps that damned rich girl on us?
I swear I'll take it!
You will be a donkey
What the hell are you doing here?
- I called, didn't you hear? - No,
No, I'm just bringing Mrs, Moreno's porto flip,
Wow, that's quite a detail,
Thank you very much, Mr, Nestor,
Jean,
Do you have weed?
No, I don't have that, no,
- You do not have? - No,
Well bye,
Come on, quickly, it's about time, wake up,
A lot of things are missing,
Say yes, Monique! Say yes, Bernard!
Don't go help me, you stand there as still as a
stick, I always have to do everything in this house,
What are you doing?
Well, having a little snack, I vomited this morning and
my guts are roaring, If not, I don't shoot all day,
And why are you telling me your life? I haven't asked you,
Come on, take this plate and follow me! Everyone, let's get out!
But swallow, Swallow! Eating is not served!
Well, on today's menu we have Guernsey
Norway lobsters, gooseberry vinaigrette,
mayonnaise with fine herbs and poulard sauce,
Jean, for God's sake, drink water, he's going to pour it,
Cyril, excuse me, but we haven't heard anything,
It's just that this fool doesn't stop coughing next to me!
I'm sorry, but I have a crumb in my throat,
Well, I repeat it louder,
Nope! Serve it and we'll go,,, discovering it,
- Thank you, Cyril, - And start with the lady of the house,
Which is me, of course,
Shit,
And she takes the one-eyed man and tells me: "I see you well,"
It's just,,, It's just,,, It's just not,,,
Eliane,
- Yes? - Did you know your ex was here?
- Nerd?
Well he is, She is,
The old green,
He is already going to give us the ember with his role of the year of the pear,
Good luck, gentlemen!
O upright ministers, virtuous counselors,
Have you eaten yet, darling?
No, no, no, no, the last thing I want is to deprive you of food,
Which, from what I see, are not too copious either,
And one that I know is a bit caught,
Luckily your sense of humor makes up for having to put up with you in the summer,
Thanks,
Chubby, don't start,
No, no, no, he started it, He stresses me, stresses me, stresses me,
- And so much, if we have already 10 years of nails, - Well yes, well yes, well yes,
Gordi, give Yves the spot, huh? Get on the other end,
Who? Me?
Well of course,
This way they will be among actors and they will be able to talk about their things,
Besides, you always get bored with those topics, huh?
What bores me is not those topics, but him,
Thank you very much,
You must be an actress,
It is sweeping,
Thanks,
I've been in Alain Delon's latest film,
- No, - Surely he'll stop by to see me,
Alain, I am fascinated by that man!
Even though we both like the same women,
Darling, there's Comté cheese soufflé,
- Would you like one? - How dare you tempt me like that?
- I love Cyril's soufflés, - I knew it,
- Cyril! - Cyril!
Hello Mr Yves, I'm glad to see you,
Yes, do that to me, that you know with the Conté,
I've been wanting,
- Impossible, there are no eggs left, - How are there no eggs left?
I can make courgettes with cream if you like,
No, no, I prefer salami,
No, I'm kidding,
No, but bring me a nice sausage,
From what I see, the boy still hasn't changed his voice,
I don't think that's going to happen either, to tell you the truth,
Sausage!
He will be a sucker! Vulgar!
I have plenty of eggs!
Yes, there are eggs, yes,
What did that bitch think? Plates!
Why do you say that the lady is a whore?
She throws herself at everything,
Does she throw herself at everything?
Above all, Yaco, Every afternoon they meet for a kiki,
It is very ugly that you say that,
Oh yeah?
Now it turns out that it's ugly to tell the truth, Monique?
He must hate her a lot to shout it from the rooftops,
Is he jealous, chef?
Jealous of what?
Come on, have
We already have the ass-licking fool,
I do not trust,
I've been performing all over France for four months now,
Two hundred shows by spectacular towns,
-His sausage, - Thank you,
A pity that you couldn't come to Toulon,
We don't like Toulon,
Dumbass,
What do you say? What?
- Any, - Excuse me,
- No, Jean, I don't drink rosé, for God's sake! - Excuse me, sir,
The chef hasn't warned me, I haven't,,,
Clever,
It's insufferable,
Who the hell is that?
Mrs,'s ex,
He gets on my nerves,
Yes, the lord would strangle him,
Oh, him too?
Cyril!
Well, nothing, nor time to spice it up,
I'm coming, ma'am!
- I hate her! - Don't worry, chef, I'll take care of it,
Okay, fleur de sel and a drizzle of olive oil,
Trickle, A splash, nothing more,
Voucher? You will tell me what they say,
Heard kitchen, take it now
Little oil,,,
Shit!
Now what?
I have bathed him whole,
Well, it scares me, in the sea I get dizzy,
In 1947, how many species of hedgehogs do you think there were?
I wasn't even born,
To the parrot: two hundred and fifty species,
Really?
I would have said ten billion,
No, I said species, Peggy, species, no,,, not hedgehogs in,,,
Besides, that's impossible, they can't be counted,
Jean,
Stop sticking your ear out, man,
It can't be used like that! Put the plate down!
Right away,
- Excuse me, - It's white velvet!
It cost me an arm and a leg!
- So sorry, - What has come?
Egg! Egg! You got me fried!
Baby, baby! Hey, no, no, no, no, no!
Don't eat that, you have cholesterol!
Daisy, come here, little angel, Mother of the Lord!
What happened?
Let's say the fish,,,
Well, the fish has fallen to the ground!
Well, because of the oil, he slipped,
- Who threw it? - Well Jean! Who is it going to be?
motherfucker!
But do something, you have to separate them!
Oh no, I can't intervene, I have to act in a few days,
I kill you!
Relax! Oh my God,
Sorry,
I'm so sorry, but my wires got crossed when I saw the fish,
- You piece of shit! - Now it is OK!
- Go? - It's alright, huh?
To the chest done! Now we move on to something else!
I am sorry, You know I'm an orphan,
And when they hired me, they made me happy,
You are like my parents to me!
- Oh, the mother who gave birth to me, - I don't want to sleep alone in the dark!
Still!
Stop already! Clean Mr, Balls!
- Silence! - Let's see, come with me,
We love him very much, despite the slaps,
We love you very much,
I would like to thank you for your kindness and your category,
Very good, okay, Now reconcile with Jean,
She already knows what the house code word is,
May the holidays be magical,
That's it, Now a kiss,
- How? - Let them kiss,
Come on, a little kiss!
Excuse me,
If you come to my kitchen, I'll hang up on you,
He just threatened me again!
- Stop, Cyril! - It was only a tad,
Now it is OK!
Come on, get out,
Come on, come on, come on,
This month it will be necessary to take away part of his salary,
And so much, darling, this cannot be allowed,
Monique,
Alain, I mean, did Mr, Delon call me while he was bathing me?
In that case, he would have warned her by now,
Yes?
Carmen, honey, I am Eliane,
Tell me, see you in 10 minutes at thehammam?
Yes, I do, Until now, my queen,
Until now,
Do you want to come?
No thanks, I'm on the script,
I also have projects,
Very well,
But hey, I've been waiting for you for 10 minutes!
Oh queen, forgive me, It was because of Ben,
He has become very very boring,
Well, daughter, do as I do: find yourself a lover,
Although, believe me, you will never find
a man who gives you both security and fun,
Oh, my dear, you're made quite a sage,
Gabriel, Gabriel,
- Gabriel? - Gabriel,
Good neck, tiny swimsuit,
I bet what you want he likes you,
- You think? - Well, why not?
Oh well yes,
Now what happens to this one?
Oh please,
- Her mascara is all smudged, disgusting, - What a face it brings,
How awful! Delon's team is giving me the cold shoulder!
Nobody wants to pass me with him,
Oh no,
Laura, stop, this is ridiculous!
My God, what about the mosquito brain of these actresses?
She is an actress?
She better get it out of her head,
Well, I'll take care of her,
Well, she calls off the hammam, dear,
Laura!
Well, tell me,
Am I crazy or did Éliane keep making eyes at you in your food?
You're obsessed with her, honey,
She acts with me the same as with the other guests,
What does this gossip paint here?
Yes?
Hey, boss, I'm not going to be interrupting your vacation, am I?
I have no job,
I'm in the middle of an international conference,
Why your call?
Well, well, I'm calling because I've,,,
I've made progress with the investigation,
I already have enough suspects,
I'd rather it was one, The right one,
I know, boss,
In the number one position is Gordinflón,
He has horns like a house,
That is one of the good mobiles,
Who is Fatty?
Fatty is the baron,
And he is aware of that?
- No I dont think so, -So, what is his cell phone?
Sorry?
If he doesn't know he wears them, how is that going to be?
Certain,
Right, boss, he's right, that's where he caught me, yes,
Please don't pull evidence up your sleeve,
Boss, I'm seeing something weird,
There is someone walking in a diving suit through the garden,
He is at the beach, right?
On the beach there are people who dive with the suit in question,
Yes, that's right, it's very common, Yes effectively,
Let's see, who is number one if number one is not the baron?
- The gorilla, - Who is the gorilla?
The gorilla is a Greek film director to whom the baroness
does not want to give money for her next film, yes,
I've heard him say, "I swear I'll take it,"
In that tone, too,
-Well, he's already there, Is he, - No, no, no,
It's still early, I don't have any reliable proof that it's him,
Well, tell me about the chef of the house,
He doesn't have many reasons,
And what makes you think that?
Because they are all very folksy,
We have made good friends, they are very nice,
- Intuition tells me, boss, - Ã
Try to be objective,
You are not a communist, are you?
What's up, boss, what's up, Come on, look,
What a strange thing, the man in the
suit is crossing the garden with a rake,
Man, if there is a garden, it is normal
that they have rakes and that people use it,
Already, Well yes, you're right,
Maurice!
René and Mimine are waiting for you to play petanque,
Well, I have trouble, I'll leave you now,
Hello? Mister?
What a dry guy,
Do you like my Apache?
Oh, is it an Apache?
Let's see, it doesn't drive me crazy either, but
now that I know it's an Apache, it's funnier,
Works? The bow I say,
Obviously, everything is real,
- Jean! - Mister,
Can you come a moment, please?
Baroness lady,
Jean, I have received yet another anonymous letter,
Let me see,
"You're going to die, The countdown begins, I'll do it tonight,"
Okay,,,
Clearly, she is warning that something is going to happen,
Yeah I know,
Are good news,
How?
Sure, he's cornered, so we'll get him,
That shows that my method is effective,
Okay, I'm going to cancel the pirate party,
We'll hide in the hotel, I'm going to call Barclay right now,
No no and no,
We can not give in to an anonymous letter birria,
Eddie and Joe will be immensely offended,
You are absolutely right, they are not going to change their plans, quite the opposite,
Aid!
We are locked down!
He holds, he breathes, he breathes,
Yes, yes, breathe,
Swallow,
I enchirono tonight,
You calm down, Fatty,
I am going to prepare such a trap for him that they will even study it in history books,
Well my dear,,,
- You, calm down, - Nerd,
- That I have a gun, - Help!
- Iaco is unconscious! - What's going on?
Come on, sir,
Come on, come on, come on,
- Oh my mother, - Slowly,
- He's tomato, - My Yaco,
Yaco,
Watch out,
Breath breath,
I don't see red, but rather purple,
He drinks a little,
- Here, baby, - Slowly, drink slowly,
Oh my God,
-Claude! - Clever, It already has better color,
Someone explain it to me,
how does this door get stuck? It is impossible!
Wait a minute, Fatty, let's say the door was locked,
Did he just call you Fatty?
Well, it's just that Éliane doesn't put any limits on it,
How is this door locked? Get rid of nonsense,
Hello?
This is Chief Inspector Boulin speaking,
Maurice!
They're calling you,
What does he want now?
Sorry to bother you in the middle of the conference, boss, but,,,
I have news, does he know?
The crime is tonight,
Are you sure? And what do you plan to do?
I'm going to set him up during the pirate party on the beach,
What do you mean by setting a trap? don't scare me
Let's see, when he or she tries to attack the
baroness, I catch him, ready, super effective,
Well, I'm going to send the Draguignan police to back him up,
I don't need the police to back me up,
They're going to ruin my master plan,
I'll take the risk,
Tonight either I catch the culprit or the baroness tells her,
- You're kidding, right? - Of course it's a joke, yes,
A little humor before an operation like this calms the nerves,
Listen? Listen? No this,
- Hi boss, - Hello,
- Hey, excuse me,,, Who is it? - Hi, I'm Alain Delon,
- Alain Delon? - The same, yes,
Oh, so I'm talking to Alain Delon?
Is Laura Mancini there with you?
- What Laura? - Laura, the Italian actress,
Oh that Laura! I already know who she is,
- Do you want to talk to her? - Not at all,
No, he doesn't want to talk to her,
Very good, okay, Is she going to attend the pirate party?
Not at all,
No, she's not coming to the party, She won't come to the pirate party,
Very well, I will mention it to Miss Laura,
-She will be disappointed, - That's none of your business,
- What? - Which is none of your business,
It's none of my business, Very well,
Hala, another one that hangs on me,
What a bad slime everyone has,
Boolin!
I shit in the milk,
What the hell is he doing?
Everyone is waiting for you, Go Go,
I was thinking that his thing would be to dress up
as Mr Smee for the party, it would be a good cover,
No, You will pee the dogs,
Now that's a good cover,
Well, that's a shame because I love Mr, Smee, you know?
I've liked him for years,
But, captain, we are too far away,
- If we jump, we'll get our costumes wet, - Well, pull up your dress,
There are 20 cm, jump, Everybody does it like that,
Aren't you going to jump, Yaco?
- It's gone! - Iaco!
Man to water!
20 cm my balls!
Boulin,
- Were you the one who called them? - No way,
It was up to my boss, he wants to support me at all costs,
If the culprit gets scared, he won't fall into my trap,
Well, I think it's great that he's scared,
Her trap brings her to me, In fact, go and tell them to come closer,
It's much more prudent, come on, With discretion,
Sirs,
Chief Inspector Boulin, I'm running the operation,
They can go,
I want to set him up, not ambush him,
Okay guys, back off,
And the van?
The driver has gone to urinate,
Hold the dogs for me, I don't have time to wait for you,
What memories,
He has stalled,
Hey, hey,
Don't push the clutch so hard, inspector!
Do you think I don't know how to do it?
He has stalled again,
Let's go!
This is not right,
Let's go!
Milk, if it leaks all the time!
- He has shown off, huh? - Bass,
He has blown up the car, now what do we do?
- Where are the pooches? - They got scared,
They bit my pants and I let them go,
What has,,, what?
All right, guys, grab some shovels,
What the hell has he done? I told him to bring them closer and he moved them away,
Don't worry,
They're waiting for my order to intervene, There is no problem,
Oh no? And my dogs?
My dogs, And my dogs?
This is the negative part of the story, because they
have bitten the general and the sap has released them,
But with this smell of food, they'll come back, don't panda the cunic,
Find my dogs! Find them, Boulin!
- Daisy! - Daisy!
- Blaise! - Daisy!
Daisy, baby!
Daisy!
To hell!
Daisy!
Well, it's not bad,
Here, take this,
I'm going to roll another,
Fried tomato and cheese,
Give me plenty of cheese, which I haven't eaten all day,
That, that,
the baroness
Oh Lord, the Baroness!
- No no no, - Just a little bit, Eliane,
No no no no,
Madam Baroness! I'm already here!
The bastard broke my watch,
Excuse me, but you have raised your arm,
What do you want, Jean?
She thought that,,, That the man was attacking her,
And is it so?
No not at all,
Okay,,,
Do you want me to go get you a pancake?
No, Thanks, Jean,
Just what she thought,
- I'm going,,, - Better,
Don't run so much, little mermaid, Do not run so much,
Let's see, can you take off my ass?
Well, you know where I am,
Just in case,
Move away,
Well, I take the dogs home because they vacuum up everything they catch,
- I take the Great Riva, - Really?
And the rest of us to stuff ourselves into the other, right? How selfish,
What, you want my dogs to be depressed?
Pirate,
Hey Boulin!
Me?
Take Laura a plate with her grilled pork bacon,
He's a little down, because of Delon,
Delon, oh shit, He had forgotten me,
Miss Laura,
I'll bring you a plate from Mr, Lamarque,
Have,
He had forgotten to tell her that I spoke on the phone with Alain,
- What? - Yes,
- Alan? - Yes, Alan,
- Alain Delon? - Yes,
And what has he told you? Did he say when he's coming?
Yes, well, no,
It is that he has told me that he is not going to come,
- Sorry, - Nothing nothing,
Excuse me, I'm so sorry,
If only he is an unimportant nobody,
Thanks,
And did you leave your number so I can call you?
No way,
She has told me that she prefers that I not call her again,
I listened,
She doesn't get that way, miss, because she really doesn't deserve it,
I've been talking to him for a while
and, honestly, he's drier than mojama,
I forbid you to say anything bad about Alain!
Voucher, Calm down, I won't say anything else, now,
What happens?
And on top of that he gets a slap, it's not fair,
I am used to it, Ok, he is already,
- What's going on here? - No, don't even think about touching that!
-No, she is very dangerous, she is loaded! - I'm going to kill myself,
- No no no no! - No, Laura,
- Be careful, the trigger is very sensitive, - It's over!
Calm down, my kitty,
I'm bleeding!
Lamarque, help me, for God's sake!
Oh Cyrill,
What a scary night,
We almost lost the dogs, Well, I'm going upstairs to sleep with Daisy,
I'm going to put on my earplugs, I don't
want anyone to bother me, no matter what,
It's okay, sir,
Quick, the ship is sinking!
What was missing to finish the night,
What a prick,
He doesn't get so nervous, the bullet barely grazed him,
Yeah, but in two days I have to be acting, that's why it pisses me off,
And it hurts a lot,
Oh my mother!
Oh no,
This fool has disappeared,
I shit on,,,!
Captain!
Get comfortable! As if you were at home!
But do not forget that she is ours!
What are you doing?
You have to go serve the pancakes to the pool!
Yeah, but the pancakes can wait five minutes for me to smoke my pipe, right?
I really am freaking out, Smoke a cigar while you're at it!
Well, I'm going to smoke it quietly,
Garlic and water,
Hello?
Sorry, boss,
Boulin, do you know what time it is?
Yes, but it is very urgent,
Here,,, it's to sped up,
It's speeding up,
What do you mean by "is speeding up"?
Hello?
What is that turbine that sounds behind?
Madeleine, you're snoring,
Well, go outside!
Maurice,
- This is amazing,,, - Are you with a pig?
I'm not with any pig, it's my wife, you stupid!
And let her know that she has woken us up,
What does she do?
Maurice,
one thing: if the idiots from the police call
you, don't believe everything they tell you, okay?
Can you find out what's wrong?
Have you had a drink?
What are you doing there?
Get back outside, we're all up!
I'll call you in a moment, Maumau,
They claim me, a little kiss, happy kiki,
Bye fish,
What are my eyes seeing?
What the hell are you doing?
It's finger licking good,
But no,,, It's not for you, it's for tomorrow, bastard!
It's not for you, it's for tomorrow, bastard,
Look! Look!
Jean, go serve the cocktails in the jacuzzi,
That we've already taken care of the pancakes without you,
Calm down, chump,
There goes the professional,
Come on, Oh the pancakes,
- Look at her! Look at her! - How delicious,
- Here we go, Come on, -She is devastated, how horrible,
Jean leaves with the cocktails,
We're leaving now,
I remind you that you are all invited to my concert tomorrow night,
Bye, ragazzi!
Bye, bye, bye,
Be careful Jean!
Jean, Jean!
Now it is OK! Now it is OK!
Get out of here, I don't want you in the jacuzzi,
That he is not a slave!
Go ahead, waiter, let your hair down,
Zasca! That's it, thanks, gorilla!
I'm not a slave, so I'm going to treat myself!
BEWARE OF THE DOG
Nope!
Claude!
Jean has gone crazy!
Oh, how delicious the warm water that is reaching me,
Get out of there!
This fool is pissing himself!
I get out of here!
It's quite a show,
Don't touch it, please,
- No, no, you have to turn it around, - No,
But as he swallows his tongue, he suffocates,
Oh no, My film director,
Look, I told Claude that it was idiotic
to put a light bulb on top of the jacuzzi,
They don't pay any damn attention to me in this house!
He was supposed to handle security,
Someone is planning a murder and you haven't seen a thing,
And it is,
How yes? Have you had a drink?
Nope,
Up,
Get off my couch, you're getting it all wet, Now it is OK,
I'm going to have to go now, Harold,
Oh Mother,
- Nerd, - Give me a kiss,
No, there will be no kiss, No no no,
- Well, do you know what I'm going to do? - No,
- I'm going to call Chirac, - Then call him!
And, believe me, seen what has been seen, he is going to curl up,
frizzy!
Oh, the napia,
Thinking of waking me up every hour, you piece of asshole?
I'm Chirac, good evening,
Excuse me, Minister, I'm sorry,
I thought he was one of my inspectors,
Her man put her together at the Tranchant house,
That's enough of nonsense, this is not a circus,
How strange because he has always been very professional,
Listen to me well: go clean up that mess,
- You have 24 hours, - 24 hours?
- I'm not going to repeat it, - No, if with that I have enough and everything,
silly,
Bo,,, Lightbulb,
What her name?
Tail! Fat tail!
- Damn, -He's stunned, but he's superficial,
Oh well,
Little by little he will recover his speech,
In case of crisis, they have to give him 10 drops,
- Very well, - They'll calm you down,
Fat, fat tail! Damn, fuck!
Tail, tail!
God! Is that a crisis? Shouldn't I give him a few drops already?
- Use instinct, - Ok,
Whistle! Whistle! Jam!
He's already getting better, huh,
Do not worry,
The memories have to come back,
Mister,
Do you remember the moment when they urinated on you?
Idiot! Sucker, jacuzzi,
He still has a little left, huh,
Sir doctor, in two months he will have recovered?
We have to shoot a movie,
Damn, whistle!
- Tail! Whistle, wheeze, wheeze, - It's pretty regular,
I don't know if two months,,,
Eggs, my eggs!
I have my doubts,
Could you give me a hand? Yves is paralyzed,
Come on, good news,
- Yves paralyzed, - Doctor, can you come with me?
Ready, honey, the doctor is here,
Good morning sir,
My back is stuck, It is the first time that it happens to me,
If it is that at that age, the bones rust, right?
give me your hand
Oh no! Are you crazy? I have broken,
I'm going to put you on an anti-inflammatory,
He so he can move almost normally,
- Raise a little,,, - Yes, do it quickly,
- Tail, - Come on, look, there are croissants and everything!
- And hot, how you like them! - Fat tail,
- Minga, minga, - It's much better, huh?
Wait, wait, sir,
- Wait, I,,, No, I,,, - Idiot! I'll kill you, you fucking idiot!
Shouldn't we give him the drops?
- We've given it twice, - It's okay, we give them three,
Let's go,
He has given Me!
- Idiot! - But what?
-He can't throw away all the croissants! - Nope!
Take him to his room!
Nope!
No way!
- Good morning, Lamarques, - Hello, Yves,
The whore, if he's lame,
How are you, my pretty? I see you well,
Eggs! Fuck,
Chub of mammon
I love working with you, honey,
Roberto, next time I would like something a little more youthful,
- Without exaggeration, of course, - What you want,
- Godmother, Godmother, - Wait,
Kisses,
- Stop by the pelu, huh? - Obvious,
- Bye! - I'm going to Paris for acasting,
I'm sorry to ask you this, but,,,
Could you check on Carmen and Gabriel in my absence?
You know what I mean?
Of course, darling, don't worry, that's not going to happen in my house,
- Thank you godmother, - Have fun,
And memories to the Eiffel Tower,
Bye heart!
Carmen!
Sir, they're asking for you,
- Excuse me, - Nothing sky,
Yes?
Lefranc, Policeman,
Oh finally,
Yesterday was the last straw,
She left her service weapon with one of
my guests and she tried to end her days,
Why did she leave her service weapon with that woman?
I didn't give her anything, she took it from me!
Because you came on to him indecently,
Not at all, he jumped on me and groped me!
Sure, because all the women throw themselves at him,
She has logic, of course,
Well, let's see, to the point,
- Let's stay with you, Baloo, - No, Boulin!
Baloo is a cartoon character, he doesn't even exist,
If so he should be flattered that she mistakes him for him,
At least he knows how to add two plus two, and he sure as hell isn't a communist,
And neither do I, sir!
Well, on behalf of
the French State,
I apologize for the ineptitude of this hake,
From now on, I will be the one in charge of the investigation,
Thanks god,
- So, I'm going back to Paris? - No, you stay here as a butler,
But why?
It's silly if you don't know,
No, listen, I prefer not to worry your
guests until this matter is resolved,
It won't take me more than 24 hours,
Sir, I'd appreciate it if you could give me a quick tour of the house
and garden so I can get an idea of ​​the topography of the place,
- Our room, - How nice,
how much colour,,,
Look, Notice,
It is ivory,
I know that he is not very well seen, but Éliane loves him,
No, Don't touch it,
Look how wonderful, German faucet,
- German? - The best,
Saving a few francs is fine at first,
- but then it is much more expensive, - Certain,
I'm not rich enough to buy trinkets,
We agree?
100% yes,
That's why I crammed everything with marble,
Well, in our house in Bormes we adopt the same method more or less,
Do not tell me,
Yeah, we stuffed everything with Formica,
No,,, it's familiar to me,
- Formica,,, - Well, it's magnificent,
Take, go, Go pick up the butts in the garden,
There are zillions, it's crazy,
Wow, with that tone,,,
I'm going,
Notice,
It was my grandfather who had all that pine forest planted,
He had a hand with plants,
Beautiful, right?
The view is extraordinary,
And, when it's nice, you can see Monaco in the distance,
What? What happens? oh fuck!
Shit,
Who has been he?
Oh my mother!
Slow down, man, It hurts a lot,
It was an attack and I know it was directed at me,
Sure, that was why he had chosen to investigate incognito,
Come, Mr, Baron, let's take
a walk outside the property,
On the sly, I don't want them to spy on us,
What you have to do is continue incognito,
- Very well, - It's the only way to stop it,
- Yes of course, - There is no other,
- We have to,,, - Be careful! Watch out! What the hell is this?
Does it occur to anyone to put a sign to warn?
- Yes, but that's not your place! - Already,
You have to put it in front, man! Anyway, let's continue,
Let's stop beating around the bush with the guests,
- Let's do something, - Yes,
Mr, Baron, let's gather everyone in the hall in 20 minutes,
- All my guests? - To all the guests,
I'm going to interrogate them one by one and, as if by magic,
the truth will come out,
Boulin method,
Easy, easy, easy,
Do you agree?
I also have no alternative, Nope?
- Not good,
All I care about is making my guests uneasy,
I would not want,,,
Boulin?
Boolin!
- Gross, I am here, I am here, - It's okay?
Has it been hurt?
It was more fright than anything else, I fell on my feet,
Wait, I'm going to get help,
No no no! I'd rather you stay here,
Give me your hand to get me out,
- Me? - Give me your hand, I understand climbing!
- I know exactly how to push myself, - Sure?
give me your hand Give me, give it to me
- I'm going, - Give it to me, I'm coming!
No, don't pull me so much,
No, don't shoot me! Don't shoot!
- I got it, I got it, that's it, - It's hurting me! Watch out!
I'm crashing! I'm crashing!
What are you doing?
It's going to fall on me,
Is everything alright, sir baron?
Holy Virgin, this smell is disgusting,
And so,
- It's just,,, - I smell worse than a dunghill,
Well that's bad luck, it must have fallen on
a dead rat, because I don't smell like that,
- Oh no? - Yes, I smell it on you, but not on me,
Let's see,,,
- Yes? - Mr, Baron,
He's done, now I get it,
- The fact that? - Yesterday,
I was drugged,
Sure,
That's why I made the clown,
And with what?
Look at my pipe,
What happens to the pipe?
It's full of hash,
No, That's Amsterdamer tobacco,
- How? - And it smells pretty good,
No no no, This is not Amsterdamer tobacco,
Look, I've been smoking a pipe since '62,
Well, I'm sorry to contradict you, but that pipe is quite normal,
- Bye, - Very well, Let's check it out,
Notice, An ordinary pipe,
Clever,
Isn't this dope?
No, I'm sorry to contradict you, mate, but it's
Amsterdamer tobacco and, besides, it smells wonderful,
No, not to mention the toupee, Nothing of that,
Tobacco Amsterdamer,,,
No, give it to me now, let's see, again,
Amsterdamer tobacco,
Oh yes, yes, yes,
Oh yeah,
See, it's sour and rough,
It's not normal,
If it even hurts the throat, man,
pass it to me Moron,,,
It's crystal clear,
What's up, not at all,
It is very durable and there is even that touch
of honey that I love about the Amsterdamer,
No no no, Nothing like that, man,
My goodness, it's,,,
I have it clear, No, no, excuse me, no, no,
- We have to hurry because,,, - What?
He has made me gather the guests in the drawing room,
I'll be back in a jiffy, I'm going for the body of the crime,
I hope it's more convincing than the hash in his pipe,
Boulin,
He's dumber than a stone,
Have they called you too?
What do you do with a rake?
- Hashish stinks, Do you do drugs now? - TRUE?
Of course, and tell the baron because he doesn't want to believe me,
- You play great, I love it, - Thank you very much,
Well, a round of applause for the artist, right?
A round of applause for the artist,
Does anyone know why we've all been gathered here
apart from listening to our beloved Claude massacre "La cucaracha"?
Claude! Jean! Stop clowning around!
- We'd like to know what we're doing here, - Well, my friends,
This is Inspector Boulin from the Goldsmiths' Wharf,
Idiot,
- No,,, - Inspector?
Yes!
Today he is here to unmask the murderer of my cuchufleta,
Yes, and no,,, not to the achechino of my cunt,
What did you say?
The achechino of my cunt,
Are they drunk or what?
No, come on, let's get serious, I was the one who asked him to come,
Jean, I hand over to you,
Thank you, Gordinflón,
The killer is one of you,
What?
And I'm going to unmask it,
I suppose you are wondering why I have a rake in my hands,
- You are right, - Well, not me,
I just hope he drops it before I break the Murano chandelier
-that he has on him, - Oh yeah,
- Yes, you're right, cuchufleta, - Eggs,
Better not to damage the rake because it is a very crucial test,
And yes, Francine, and yes, Mr, Yaco,
It was this rake that blocked the door of thehammam
while you caressed quietly,
However, I have to confess one thing:
and it is that Yaco fucks your wife, my Fatty,
He has gone utterly insane!
Wait, have you done it again?
Quiet, What's up, if it's nonsense, can't you see that he's not right in the head?
Claude, darling,
Do'nt even pay attention,
- Honey,,, - Shut up,
Sweetheart,
Eliane, I feel very sorry,
but I forgive you because you are tremendously
attractive, I want to make love to you,
Enough, you'll do it later, Fatty,
- Tail! - After later,
Sorry, Let's get back to what's important,
The killer has touched the rake,
And the rake is going to talk,
Because when Boulin searches,,,
Boulin finds!
Eggs!
- For for, - Micropenis!
Fat tail!
Stop since I can't concentrate like this!
Give him all that's left, 'cause I no longer,,,
Eggs! Eggs!
You shut up!
He is crazy, he has destroyed my bibelots!
Fuck, fuck,
Well, let's repaint,
Recapi,,, Reca-reca,,, Let's see, let's repicatal,
Let's retupile,
We repeat,
Reca,,,! Pitule,,, Damn,
In summary:
this is an issue that,,,
Let me think for a moment and see,
- This fool has been fried, -He's stoned,
His pipe smelled of hashish when he entered,
Nerd, That's not hashish, Amsterdamer tobacco has been smoked,
- Tail! - An excellent tobacco,
- Hello, - Hello,
- A ticket to Paris, please, - 54,90,
Thanks,
Miss Peggy,
They call her, she's her agent,
Hello?
It's me,
Where are you?
Don't worry, they've already cut my ticket, I have an alibi,
They'll think I'm in Paris, but I'll wait for Carmen at Joe's party,
Are you sure?
Do not worry my love,
We're going to move to Hollywood and shoot our movie,
I know, Olga, it's a good role,
But I reject it, I only trust my Norbert,
By the way, greetings from you,
Honey, are you sure you don't want to come?
No, my head hurts, the hash has left me in tatters,
Besides, I'm sure he's going to sing his ass off and it's going to be awful,
Fatty, I don't like leaving you here alone,
- I know, - Well, whatever you want,
I'm taking your car,
If you feel bad, have a drink and rest,
And so you regain strength, my love,
Oh please, Claude, your car stinks of shrimp,
- I know, - Bye-bye, Claude!
Goodbye Claude!
Boolin!
Boulin, wake up, Boolin!
- Boolin! - Help! What's happening here?
The shotgun in my office is missing,
I don't trust a tragedy to happen at the concert,
Come on, lend me your gun, I'll take care of this,
No, not even talking about that,
A policeman never lends his service weapon,
No way,
Come on, let's go,
- Let's take that one over there, - That?
So, if it gets bad, it doesn't matter,
Calm down, Let's go there,
- My car! - Cyril!
I take the liberty of taking your car,
Don't suffer me, I'm going to treat you divinely,
It's an emergency!
Be careful with the clutch, please,
- Come on, step on it - Patience, Boulin,
I don't know this car, it belongs to Cyril, and I haven't gotten the hang of it yet,
He is stepping on eggs,
- Come on, step on him! Accelerate now! - Slowly!
Is he screwed up or what? Are you going to step on him or not?
Nope!
Here it is, you can already hear the music and see the stage,
Tall! stop!
There, to the left, the path!
- Tall! -He's going to kill us!
Hit the brakes, man!
Mother, what a trip,
Stop or shoot!
Drop your weapon!
Come on, turn around, asmao,
Game over!
okay?
Ben, my dear, what were you doing there? What's going on, Claude?
Cuchufleta, I have come as quickly as possible,
Come here, my kitty, Come,
- Shall we handcuff him? - Yes, go ahead,
I wanted to murder her, Madam Baroness,
Ben,
How could you?
I didn't want to kill you, no, You were the decoy,
I wanted to kill that whore to keep her life insurance,
Life insurance, that was the motive,
If he knew! This Ben was too nice to be true,
Come on, take it away!
You will be your mother's son,,,
It's a monster,
- Thank you, Mr, Mulan, no,,, - You're welcome,
my fawn
I am glad, Madam Baroness, that I have averted disaster,
In the end, who has solved it? Who?
So Boulin, For you to see, huh?
When a precise method is followed from the beginning,
the result is always up to par,
Jean,
Chap, mate,
Isn't he starving?
Yes, yes, a little yes,
Well, turn right there,
Let's see if we can find a quiet place to have a snack,
How beautiful is France,
You are right, She is unique,
However, I have a bad taste in my mouth with the investigation,
Really? But we have arrested the culprit,
The thing is, the culprit was out in an
Alpha when I got to Tranchant's house,
- Oh yeah? - Yes,
And they put an arrow in my ass half an hour later, in the garden,
I don't think it was an accident, it was an assassination attempt,
Yes?
Yes Yes,
But he was able to come back, eh?
Nope,
- Nope? - He confessed everything right away,
Except that,
And I believe it,
Well, let's see, the million dollar question:
If it wasn't Ben, who shot the arrow at me?
Of course,
Sure, it's a good question,
I think his accomplice has been released,
I would like you to discover it and put it in the bag,
If we let them attack law enforcement and get away with it,
The Republic is going to hell,
And that is serious,
It is understood?
I miss him more,
Yes, but only an ass, an ass,
- You have three days, - What?
I have three days for what?
To discover the accomplice,
Very well, Very good very good,
I crush cowards like cockroaches,
- Oh yeah? - Yes,
Well, it's,,, Like cockroaches, it's a,,,
That of the cockroaches is a good expression,
MYSTERY IN SAINT-TROPEZ An investigation by Inspector Boulin
Eliane,
What if we go through Portofino, since we are?
I'd love to, Claude,
I love you,
Come on, give it a go,