Okay, boys, It sounds like a grand affair in there,
Now let's show them our invitations,
Arthur, we should get out of here, Come on,
Arthur,
- Come on, - For Christ's sake! Patrick!
- Come on! - Why are we leaving?
- Hurry up! Come on, follow me! - For Christ's sake! What's the matter?
- Come on! - I don't understand! Patrick! Stop!
Stop right now! Tell me! Why are we in such a hurry?
There's coppers coming, Arthur, at precisely one minute past ten o'clock,
Come here, ya filthy bastard!
Run, Arthur!
Come back here!
Down there!
There's two of them!
Come on, that way!
Shh! Shut the fuck up!
Down there, Come on!
Over there!
Down that alley! Down there!
Someone paid you,
Who?
You don't have to tell me,
No, I can fucking guess,
Did he call me a Liffey eel, by any chance?
You did this for money?
- No, No, - You did,
- Arthur, stop it, - Did you think to just ask?
Huh? Open your mouth,
Open your fucking mouth!
Arthur,,, Stop it,
Fuck,
The man who has your name is Henry Grattan, yes?
He said he knew,,, he knew my sins,
He said he was gonna tell my father, Arthur,
He said he was gonna tell my father,
- It's okay, Shh,,, - He was gonna tell my father,
It's okay,
I understand,
It's okay,
You must walk away from anyone with this cursed name,
There is nothing but bleakness and blackness
will come from any connection,
But,,, but I saved you, Arthur,
No, no, no, no, no,
You must cut the ropes,
Run and wait for a check in the post for your services,
No, Please, no, Arthur, please!
What we have is not a service,
What we have?
We Guinnesses give generously to the poor,
We give generously to the poor, but we do not forgive,
Please, Arth--
As my Uncle Henry will soon learn,
I am a wild enemy to have,
- Go away, - Arthur,,,
Arthur, But--
Have you heard of Phil the Fluter Of the town of Ballymuck?
Times were going hard with him In fact, the man was broke
He just sent out a notice To the neighbors, one and all
As how he'd like their company That evening at a ball
And when writin' out He was careful to suggest to them
If they found a hat of his Convenient to the door
The more they put in Whenever he requested them
The better would the music be For batterin' the floor
With the toot of the flute And the twiddle of the fiddle-O!
Hopping in the middle Like a herrin' on the griddle-O!
Up! down, hands around Crossing to the wall
Oh, hadn't we the gaiety At Phil the Fluter's Ball?
Fuck's sake!
"I think it's nearly time," says he "For passin' round the hat"
So Paddy passed the caubeen round And looking mighty cute
Says, "You've got to pay the piper When he's tooterin' on the flute"
What on earth are you doing?
Taking samples of the water from the stream that feeds into the lake,
I saw you take a fall,
Did you laugh?
Yes, of course,
The great man stumbles,
There are three streams from three natural springs which feed the lake,
I'm taking samples of all three back to the brewery,
Our specialists who test the purity of the water
can tell me which of--
I'm your morning's entertainment,
Specialists who test the purity of our water will tell me which is most pure,
Then I will dig a well,
You will send the clean spring water to Cloonboo?
Yes, I will erect several water pumps,
Fear not, each of them will be labeled with the Guinness name and a harp,
Because as we established last night, all acts of kindness
must be publicly branded for the good of the company,
I suppose that means you'll make us put the harp on our housing trust building,
Well, we are detonating half of Dublin for you and Anne, under the Guinness name,
You could've sent someone else to collect the water samples
and saved your clothes,
I just wanted to do something,
Couldn't really sleep last night,
Yesterday, I found out you are not who I thought you were,
And that we might have more in common than I thought,
Mm,,,
It's fine,
No, please,
Please! I fucking,,,
Tea?
What?
Well, it's just the way you say "tea," So brightly,
Like flicking a crystal glass,
Whatever do you mean, my love?
When you arrived home at half past one in the morning
and I looked out my window, I saw you get out of the carriage
and throw up into the fountain,
Oysters,
Oysters! "Tea!"
What "oyster" tore your clothes and drew blood last night?
It was a pursuit,
Running into alleys,
Leaping over rotten fences,
Hiding,
Hiding from the police,
No, really, No, no, Please, I really-- I don't deserve tenderness,
It's all my fault, My fault, and my stupid family's name,
What matters, my love,,,
is that you escaped,
And therefore nothing really happened,
Life continues, Your reputation is unblemished,
And when the next election comes around, you can stand again for Parliament,
MPs are above the law,
I almost get arrested, The next day, you have me standing for election,
I want you to have power,
- Mm,,, - I don't want to be married to a brewer,
I want to be married to a government minister,
- Mm, - A knighthood,
Lord Arthur Guinness,
Only love will get you caught, Find someone, fuck them,,,
Mm,
,,,hail a cab, and come safely home,
Just so you know, I can't bear to be the face of another scandal,
- Dubliners hate me, - Arthur,,,
As husband and wife, we decide these things together,
And together,,,
we will soon realize that I'm always right,
Ahem,
Begging your pardon, sir, madam,
Mr, Rafferty is here,
- I'm not sure at whose request, but,,, - Mine,
I have a job for him,
It is science
that has helped me to discover the truth,
And I have calculated,,,
I have calculated
that we are now living in the sixth unsabbatic day of creation,
That it is 6,000 years since Adam was betrayed by Eve,
And therefore by this calculation,
it is scientifically proven,,,
Uncle Henry,
I've come to hear your confession,
And therefore by this calculation,
it is scientifically proven
that the end of the world
is coming to pass very, very soon,
How dare you interrupt a sacred sermon
inside the house of God--
I have permission from Sir Arthur Guinness to be myself,
To be absolutely myself,
regardless of your kinship,
I'm capable of sacrilege by deed even here,
And it would be deeply unholy of you
to provoke me into a passion that I cannot control,
You are threatening my life on behalf of your master,
My master,
who you once compared to a Liffey eel,
An eel who you said
you had by the gills,
Now it is the eel that has you by the gills, Henry Grattan,
And, yes, my master is threatening your life,
At first, I thought the sons would be softer than their father,
But they are not,
With their steamships, and their locomotives,
and their global plans,
they will not be stopped,
Which is why they need you gone
to a place away from Dublin,
Enough to get you and your family to London,
I will not be bullied
by an unrighteous mandrake Mary Ann
cuckolded by his own foreman,
Well then, tear up the check,
And I swear to God, here in his own house,,,
this Sunday,
when your congregation comes to this church,
they will hear the grave news
that their holy prophet was found washed up on the rocks
at the foot of the Poolbeg Lighthouse
with lampreys writhing in his throat
and leeches sucking on his eyes,
We are far away from heaven And we are far away from hell
Living in the endless mist And waiting for a yell
The dreams are getting bigger But the thirst is big enough,,,
Sir, the road is closed, They are taking down the old tenements
to make way for the new Guinness housing estate,
I'm not afraid of a bit of progress,
But good will never win
Dear Byron, I am writing to share glad tidings from Dublin,
You should know that the profits that are flowing from New York
are being used to serve God's purpose,
The secret deal which you struck with our Fenian friends
is therefore a disreputable means to a virtuous end,
In this work, I am supported by the women of the Guinness Trust,
who never cease to surprise me with their devotion to the cause,
I am also working tirelessly to build bridges with the Fenians,
And I must say, I am finding their representatives reasonable
and indeed agreeable,
This political intercourse is resulting in many happy outcomes,
I am doing this on behalf of my brother,
who is being persuaded to stand for Parliament,
which is why I am writing to you,
Since you have been so successful in selling our beer to the people of America,
perhaps you can be just as successful
selling my brother to the people of Dublin,
By the time you return, you'll see parts of the city much changed,
You may also come home to find me changed,
- Saints and sinners, oh - Edward,
Often losers, never winners
All of the new trust homes are within the sound
of St, Patrick's Cathedral's bells,
Look, feel, and rejoice,
Clean water in every home, and a water closet,
an ash closet in every home too, even for the bachelors,
So you and Edward have been working together into the night for a year
and using an absurd amount of candles,
And I know because I see the trust accounts,
And in the flickering candlelight,
with all that passion in the air of doing good works,
a feeling that you are actually making a difference in the world,
and in that moment, as of yet,
there has not been one single kiss?
Let me show you the bedrooms, Each have their own fireplace,
Not one kiss, Dodo?
- One, - Hallelujah, praise the Lord,
Well, there is a reason for the absence of kisses,
Edward has another woman, yes, Is that it?
He is my brother, He doesn't have to actually tell me things with words,
There is a woman,
And oddly, I think he loves her,
Oh dear, Did he actually use that word?
Like you, I don't need him to say things out loud,
How do you know about her?
Because Edward told me himself,
And because he's unsure of what he should do
with this forbidden love,
This is all terribly romantic, but he is not a child anymore,
And there has been at least one kiss,
Three days ago,
when the keys to the new apartments were finally cut,
Then there is hope,
What do you mean, "hope"?
I,,, I,,, I don't want bloody hope,
As if a woman alone is hopeless,
No, this is all nonsense, because today is a celebration,
God, I hate Fridays,
Here, Stop complaining,
As I understand, Aunt Agnes,
who was told by Anne, who was told by Adelaide,,,
That in her opinion, Adelaide would now respond favorably
to a proposal of marriage from me, yes?
I know, thank you,
Well,
it's about time, isn't it?
About time for what?
I got married, Surely it's your turn,
It's not about taking turns,
Ah, okay, I see,
It's about the Fenian girl,
I understand from Olivia, who was told by Potter,
you've had a letter from the Conservative Party,
- Fucking Potter, - Mr, Disraeli himself has written to you,
And asked you to stand for Conservative Party candidate
for Dublin at the next election,
Yes, I've politely declined,
Even though it would be very much in the best interests of the company?
No need to pour, Thank you,
Apparently, there was a significant kiss,
which might've changed things, I'm not sure,
Apparently, in the letter, Disraeli was virtually begging you to stand,
- Should we get fucking rid of Potter? - My question is, why would you not stand?
My question to you is, why would you not marry?
Ah,,,
Well, as someone with long experience
of impossible love,
I will tell you
that you and this woman in the docks
can never be together,
So you must find happiness in the world of what is possible,
I always instinctively reject your advice,
And I reject yours instinctively, However,,,
it appears that Anne and Olivia are suggesting that,
for the good of the company,,,
we both grow up,
And fulfil our father's dream of becoming true aristocracy,
Come on, I will run for election, and you go say goodbye,
Hello,
- How are you? - Good, How are you?
I've drafted a leaflet which explains in language a common Dubliner can understand
why Home Rule is a logical first step towards an independent Ireland,
Also, my landlady has requested an extra ten shillings a week
in return for turning a blind eye to your visits,
- I said it would be okay, - Um,,,
For a little while,
it will not be necessary,
Why will it not be necessary?
Um,,, my brother has,,, decided
to, uh, stand for the Conservative Party
in the forthcoming election,,,
,,,supporting the union,
But I will make sure he will not burn the bridges you and I have built,
You have my word,
The word of a Guinness brother means what?
Look, it's,,,
,,,an unspoken agreement,
If there are other things going unspoken, I suggest you speak them now,
We feel,,,
For the duration of the election, we feel it's best if I don't come here,
"We"?
Look, Arthur's political opponents will be looking for any weakness,
- Oh, and I'm your weakness, - You know you have been my weakness,
Yes, I,,,
I feel that it is time
for both of us
to become realistic,
But you will need a man,
A permanent man,
And all this time, you've been temporary?
And I came here today,,,
to tell you that I have been thinking,
and,,, and now I'm certain,
I,,, I think I'm,,,
I've been thinking that I will propose,,,
to her,
To Adelaide,
You mean your Lady of Divine Mercy,
who builds your houses to ease your guilt?
Look, I could stand here and lie like almost every other man of my class
and have two fireplaces to sit at, but I am not that man,
Are you in love with me, Edward?
Because I know that you once were,
Yes,
I once was,
I see it clearly,
Arthur gets elected,
Edward gets himself a suitable wife and the brewery,
The holy, sacred fucking brewery goes on from strength to strength,
because in all the world, Edward, when it comes down to blood and beer,
the brewery is all that matters,
You've never lied to me, Edward, but you lie to yourself,
You tell yourself this is one love replacing another,
but in truth, this is you running away from me
because I am bad for business,
Go home
to where you belong,
Save yourself ten shillings,
The wind whistled you in Behind the springtime
Float, Old Note, new among my mind
You hold the note The note just moves the movement
Let go the note and so move everything
I can't come to quantify the feeling
I was walkin' home Half in the dreamin',,,
- Tighter, - Yes, ma'am,
Leave it,
I don't pay you to stand around gawking,
Sorry, ma'am,
Try again,
I was told you wanted to see me,
Yes,
- How are you? - Things are as you know them to be,
Good,
These
last two weeks,
she has been so concerned,
Has she shared her concern with you?
A fear of a certain kind
has been shared with me,
I sense gentleness,
in you and her,
Sex I will accept, but not tenderness,
They are the same,
You can be the same, she can be the same,
but there is nature which might have intervened,
An accident, perhaps,
I expected you to take precaution,
Sometimes she insists,
Stop!
With the election coming, we cannot afford scandals,
She's taking an awfully long time to get ready, even for her,
It's as if she's been forced to change into a different dress,
Well, we should pray not,
What? Pray?
Pray to who?
Whoever blesses an arrangement like ours,
it's not God,
Lady Olivia will be here presently, The carriage is being brought around,
I had to choose a different dress, yes,
Oh dear, oh dear,
Now, we can always,,, figure out a way,
Perhaps we should speak about this after the wedding,
Today's a wonderful, wonderful day,
And there will be no lumps and no grumps, Arthur, you will,,, smile,
Yeah, Um,,,
- Ah, Potter! One more thing, - Yes, sir,
- We're putting you on the door, - What door?
The door of the cathedral,
We've heard our dear brother Benjamin has been drinking again,
He's coming from London alone, God help us,
If he makes it to the church, make sure,,,
- Potter, make sure you keep him outside, - Yes,
Oh, Arthur, have you remembered to put the bottle of water in Dodo's carriage?
- Yes, yes, yes, - What water?
My brother and his future wife have some private joke
about clean water being more precious than champagne,
Edward, look at me,
Please,
- You're a Guinness, - Mr, Edward, your carriage awaits,
If you want me from a time
All rise,
When I was just 15
Amphetamines
I want to know how much you care,,,
,,,the coming together of Edward and Adelaide Guinness,
If you want me by a church
On Christmas Eve,,,
- Can someone please shut that child up? - Arthur!
Benjamin, Benjamin!
I now pronounce you husband and wife,
There's nothing to see here, Move on,
Ben,
What the fuck?
You've been at your brother's wedding, and you had too much to drink,
You must have fallen asleep,
They left you here because they have no regard for you,
Oh,,,
- Would you like a drink? - God, yes,
I knew what would happen,
They have no love for you, Penny-pinch your inheritance,
leave you to sleep at the table, and probably laughed at you,
One of the maids told me you were here,
And I heard you came to the wedding alone,
My wife
is disgusted with me
because I'm drinking again,
Well, I am not disgusted with you, Benjamin, and I never will be,
I know,
Stop, Stop, stop,
I came here like an angel of mercy to show you what real love is,
I did, I did,
Go 'head
Go 'head,,,
How the fuck does this work?
Go 'head,,,
Hey mister, mister Is it okay to take your picture?
Think you wear the wrong size Cuz them clothes don't fit ya
Could you probably, possibly Accept the possibility
The winner hedges low You can jump to the side and scream
Hey missy, missy Would you still hold and kiss me
If I didn't have a car Nice clothes, would you miss me,,,
When clearing up after a party, you start with the broken glass,
All the food, you can throw away,
The booze, you keep for me, To inspect,
It's a,,, it's a shame to waste it,
Na-na, na na
Those of you ladies new to House Guinness,
the rule is that copulating couples must not be disturbed
and are to be cleaned around,
Go ahead there, Nuala,
Go 'head
Do what you wanna do
Did you come to admire the view?
Shouldn't you be in some grand bed consummating your vows?
Take a seat, Mr, Champion,
I've been reading in the papers there's an election coming,
Why did we teach the working classes to read?
I also read that you're running for office again, Mr, Guinness,
So if politics is back on the agenda,
I imagine there's a renewed desire
to hide the various indiscretions from the voting electorate,
Indiscretions?
Well, Edward,
there were your Saturday nights and your New York arrangement,
And you, Arthur, of course, your Friday nights,
So now possibly is the best time
to discuss what might be called
an indiscretion tax,
Mm-hm,
Sorry, could you take a look at the map, Bonnie?
This is Dock 7, where we're sitting right now,
Only this is a map of Dock 7, how it'll look in a year and a half's time
when we've swept it clean
and built yet more cooperage and mash tun capacity,
This area just here, you see?
Which is designated to be a new hogshead loading bay is currently,,,
Well, it's your office, Mr, Champion,
But, of course, in order to facilitate this great big brewery expansion,
your office, your stables,
your lodging houses, The Angel pub itself
will all be improved by,,,
Dynamite,
Pooh,,,
And since your own tenancy agreements are rather dubious,
we hereby serve you notice to quit,
Ah, ah, ah! But, but,,, since we are a famously philanthropic company,
we might find it in our hearts
to compensate you,
You see,
the days of men like you haunting these docks, they're gone,
Let's say £3,000,,,
Mmm,
,,,and an annual fee of 500,
In return for a completely uneventful election
and a very peaceful evacuation of these premises,
By the way, you have one week,
My price is 10,000,
Or you can go to hell!
Seven and a half,
Final offer,
I feel like you and I are becoming something of a team,
I don't know what we're doing
handing over the election to the New York cowboy,
Oh, it's been ages
Since we made the front pages Sin deireadh linn ar hiatus
Back to annoy 'em cunts that hate us
It's back to basics,,,
"The New York cowboy" is responsible for an increase in profits
throughout the east coast of the United States
and Washington, D,C,, where he claims
the president of the United States is himself now a drinker,
Mm,
Cuir i gcéill go bhfuil tu deas
I do shuigh i do phálás Ach téimid ar fad i do phlámás
Greetings
from New York,
Ag ceangail rudaí nach bhfuil nasc,,,
With my return to Dublin, our election campaign begins,
The demolition of Dock 7
we sell to people
as proof of our virtue,
as proof of our willingness
to confront the sins of this sinful city,
A vote for Arthur Guinness is a vote for virtue,
If I am to hide your excesses, I need to know what they are,
I'm gonna need to know the truth
about the people I'm gonna be working with,
'Cause it's been ages
Controversy won't faze us We hold all the cards and they're aces,,,
Up until
two months before my wedding,
Ellen Cochrane and I were sleeping together
on regular occasions at her lodgings in the docks,
I am the Conservative candidate standing for election in Dublin,
I've got absolutely no faults or no secrets whatsoever,
Except for the fact that I was a regular frequenter of that rat's nest,
And,,,
my dear wife, whom I love in my own way,
very much is pregnant,,,
,,,with my foreman's baby,
Fuck me, it's been ages Since my mickеy was contagious
So you thought The Kneecap craze was over,,,
So, infidelity,
Three,
Sodomy,
Two,
Lost love and random acts of violence,
One,
A more typical Dublin family would be hard to find,
'Cause it's been ages God bless us and save us
Back with a bang and it feels amazing Going nowhere or going places
Oh, it's been ages Since we made the front pages
Sin deireadh linn ar hiatus Back to annoy 'em cunts that hate us
It's back to basics A scumbag hood, I'm shameless
Take more than that to tame us All your fault 'cause you made us famous
Is fada an lá, ó a bhí muid de do chrá
New centerpiece, Telegraph Did you miss us? Are you glad?
Go bhfuil muid ar ais le plean Bhí sos againn, its been class
Ach anois ó seo amach Is linn an buacht
Gach lá ar an nuacht, bolscaireacht
Propaganda machine Kneecap back all over your screens
Drochmheas ó mar a bhí Ach i bhfad níos measa
Wait and see 'Cause it's been ages
Controversy won't phase us We hold all the cards and they're aces
Try to protect your kids But they'll hear us
,,,do mhamó faoina áit ag an tabla
Goidé a chím,,, ceangailte le cábla A cúl,,, bhean ban
Le triúr fear ann i mbalaclava Goidé a tharlaíonn ansin
Píosa fada maith a deánfaidh Muid as radharc
But I wanna be back In the Sunday World
So I smacked that cunt With the back of my hurl
Stick that in your paper
Oh, it's been ages Since we made the front pages
Your fault 'cause you made us famous Stickin' our face in your papers
But we got love by our neighbors You keep track when you're giving favors
Sad
Cuir i gcéill go bhfuil tu deas I do shuigh i do phálás
Ach téimid ar fad i do phlámás Téimid ar fad i do phlámás
Achan uile rud ar shon do leas Níos mo votai sin do tasc
Ag ceangail rudaí nach bhfuil nasc,,,
Call in your face And then you're scum
That's enough for the story that'll run Sensational headline, that's job done