رسانه اینترنتی مای موویز MyMoviz جامعترین سایت فیلم و سریال
- Hanna? Are you leaving? - Yes,
I was thinking of the summary of the vision statements,
- It has to be ready for the board meeting, - Right, I'll work late tomorrow instead,
- I've worked late all week on it, - Great,
Ola and I are having popcorn and finishing the Friday quiz,
THE YEAR I STARTED MASTURBATING
Hey! What are you doing? Hey!
- Just drive, - But we're having dinner,
- Yes, we were at 7 PM, - And what time is it now?
- Not 7 PM, - It's 5 to 8,
- We have a babysitter! - I don't feel like it anymore,
Feel like it? It's what we decided,
- Don't you want to go? - Sorry,
You got a parking ticket too, I had to move the car,
Here you go, Something to drink?
Yes, a bottle of Möet, Or do you say Mö-et?
Yes, Great,
- What are we celebrating? - Us, The future, Maybe,
OK,
Are we celebrating that you've finally done it?
- Do you really want me to do it? - Wasn't it six months ago you said:
"Next month, I'm quitting my job, start working out and stop stressing out,"
Yes, but then the job got more fun, and being able to afford things is nice,
Hey, I have something for you, or rather us,
- What's this? - It arrives in two weeks,
- Is this a joke? - Champagne! Very much like Möet,
You bought a sofa that's more expensive than a Tesla without talking to me?
You've told me you like surprises,
Yes, like breakfast in bed, A huge sofa called "The Swan" is not a good surprise,
- I paid for it myself, - Have you looked at the menu?
- We were just going to, - Great,
So because you make more than me, my opinion is irrelevant,
- Jesus Christ! That's not true, I'm sorry, - Are you ready?
I highly recommend our climate-friendly scallops,
We'll have those,
- There you go again, - What?
Deciding what I'm going to eat, Maybe I want something else,
- Something else,,,? - Yes,
Our special dish at the moment is Rocky Mountain oysters,
- Thanks, I'll have that, - Nice,
Do you realize you just ordered bull's testicles?
We recommend ordering seven or eight of them,
And you can share, nibble a little, bicker a little,
Well, he's in charge so,,,
Yes,,,
Well,,, Herning, Herring,
Or if you prefer, I can make a selection of my favorites,
Yes, you do that, Thanks,
- What? - Nothing,
I decided that she should decide, It's totally different,
- Morten, Hi! - Hello!
I remembered you told me you were going here,
So I went in, Sloth speed behind the bar, though,
Do you know who I just ran into outside?
Oscar, You know, the dude with the sweatband, my old PT,
He used to be stacked, now he's thin like a stick,
I was like: "Shit, what have you done?" He's been on a keto diet,
I was like: "No, don't do that, You look like crap," Didn't tell him though,
You know,,, Hi,
- I'll go take a leak, - See you later,
- You told him about our date night? - He can be here if he wants to,
- What's the problem? - Nothing,
But like I said, I'll do my best to make sure we do things like this more,,,
- Drinks,,, - We're having a sensitive conversation!
Excuse me, but,,, Thanks,
Fucking customer service society! I mean,,, Seriously,
- Aren't you going to take the call? - No, I'm here with you,
It might be about Eli,
- Hello? - Hi, You need to come home right away,
- Did something happen? - No, but Eli wants you home,
You're supposed to babysit him, We've barely had time to sit down,
His attachment bond with you is crucial,
It regulates the child's sense of security and ability to,,,
- We're coming, - Bread rolls made with ancient wheat,
- We'll take the check, please, - I see,,,
Thanks for a nice evening, "A thousand thanks", as you say in Norway!
Are you coming?
- Is that yoghurt you're eating? - Yes,
- Are you coming? - Yes, I'm just tidying up a bit,
Hanna, did you buy the hemorrhoid cream?
- No, I'll get it tomorrow, - What?
- Shush! He just fell asleep, - Mom, I'm thirsty,
I'll put this down,
There,
Why don't you stop eating that yoghurt and eat me instead?
Oh, Mr, Hansen,
Mr, Yoghurt Man, Do you want to eat my yoghurt?
I'm taking off my shirt for you, Enough with this vroom, vroom,
I'm very tired, Can't we wait until the weekend?
I want to see the vroom, vroom in your underpants,
Look, now your shirt's coming off,
I want you to kiss me all over,,,
Ouch! Easy tiger,,,
- No,,, - Didn't you tell me to eat you?
Yes, but if you come inside me, we can make a little Mini-Me?
I'm ovulating,
Or a Mini-You,
I have to go to work at 6 AM, I'm too tired for this,
Tired, huh? The restaurant, The Swan,,,
- The Swan is,,,? - The sofa,
You know I can't come on my own,
Your baby talk doesn't really make me super horny,
You don't even have time for the family you have now,
So I don't know what you expect to happen,
OK, You know what? I'll do it,
- Do what? - I'll quit my job,
Well, if that's what you want to do, you should,
- Well, I had,,, - Wait,
Obama,
- I have something,,, - Just a minute,
I need to talk to you about something, It's not that easy, but I,,,
I've noticed you haven't been feeling very well lately,
You're not alone, My sister-in-law went through the same thing,
- Here, - What's that?
A number, It's for the Women's Center, You ask for Sofia,
Wonderful girl, In my opinion, you should leave that fucking bastard,
- You deserve so much better, - No, you don't get it, He's not like that,
You're a strong woman, Smart, hardworking,
kind, and most of all: you're awfully talented,
What's this?
You now represent us in all international forums,
- You told me this would be impossible, - Congratulations,
- OK,,, - You'll be going to festivals,
Cannes, Venice, Berlinale, San Sebastian,,,Gothenburg,
I know, but that's not why I came, What I wanted to say was,,,
I've been a little stressed out, I should've told you sooner,
I get it, You don't need to apologize,
This can happen to anyone, Strong women, weak women, It can happen to men,
But there's help to get, Alcoholics Anonymous,
- No,,, - Just google,
The thing is that this promotion would mean a lot more stress,
But you'll be able to handle that, If anyone can, it's you,
You're the best employee we've had,
You're fantastic, Irreplaceable, I can't imagine anyone better,
You're popular, good with people, languages,,,at English,
I mean, you're,,, Wow,
- What was it you wanted to talk about? - I came here because I,,,
I want,,,
I want a raise,
Is that him? He knows you're at work, He doesn't respect you,
- So,,,I'll think about all this, - You'll get 1000 more a month,
2000! But don't tell anyone, especially Ola,
You know, anyone can do my job,
I'm grateful, I'm super grateful,
But I,,,
- What? - What floor are you going to?
- I'm just going up and down, - OK, Got it,
Anyone can do my job, Anyone, Ola, No,
- Are you going down again? - No, sixth floor, I'll do it,
Sure thing,
- Hey, I'd like to talk to you, - It'll have to be a walk and talk,
- I have to go home, Lasse has thrown up, - Lasse?
The kids' goldendoodle, Our goldendoodle, It's a shitshow,
So, I was thinking,,, That I might start,,, I quit,
God! Are you OK?
Shit! 3000, That's all I have,
It's not about the money, but thanks,
- You have to think this through, - I've made up my mind,
What about the report? And the festivals?
- The Christmas party,,, - I know,
Maybe saying this isn't very smart, but my job isn't hard,
Anyone could do it, Asrin, Golnaz' niece, The intern,
She'll do a great job, I have to change my priorities, Sorry,
- Is this some Machu Picchu thing? - No,
- No one else can be Eli's mom, - Oh, shit, I, I,,,
Sorry, I'll counterbalance my overtime, Then we won't drag anything out,
This is Morten, Leave a message after the beep,
Stop, look and listen,
Hi! I didn't think you had time for the Wednesday workouts,
- I did it, - What? You broke up with Morten?
- No, I quit my job, - But why?
It's been so stressful and I promised Morten,,,
Promised Morten? It's not the 50s!
You can have a family and a career, It's possible,
So you think,
- Whatever, now it's done, - Not whatever, it'll look bad on your CV,
We just updated your Linkedln profile, Fuck,,,!
- What's wrong? - I have milk congestion,
My whole body hurts, I sweat constantly, and my pussy feels like sandpaper,
Come on, girls! Let's go, No rest, Go!
- I gave birth three months ago, - Come on, Good reason to work out,
- Sandpaper? - Petter has a rug-burn on his dick,
Do you want to join me and check out the party venue for my 40th birthday?
I can't, I have so much preparing for Saturday,
This is just resting, ladies, Work out as hard as everyone else!
- Yes! - Work out!
- She's turning 40, - All the more reason, Come on,
At 40, lots of doors start closing on you, Hanna,
Do you know that the risk of a miscarriage increases by 50%? And deformities,
- Petter also wanted to work out, - You have a babysitter?
- No, Ebbe's sleeping in the pram, - I left him over at Mini-Wellness,
What? Petter! He's three months old! An infant!
You can't just put him there like a jacket,
- Ebbe, darling! God damn it, - What?
Are you crazy? A kettlebell could fall on him,
I have to buy rain pants,,,pick up a photo book and do some stuff at home,
- Right, Bye, - Bye,
- Don't forget the naming ceremony, - Of course not,
- I'm supposed to be the one working out, - So what?
OK, let go,
I QUIT MY JOB!
Do you think dad will be happy now?
- Can you paint my face like a zombie? - Zombie? Sure, I can,
- Should we put some brains here? - The white,
There,,, Look at that!
It's going to be great, Put out your arms like this,
Hello, What?
- Hi, We came as soon as we could, - Hi, honey, The Hulk! Or half a Hulk,
What happened?
He took a kickbike to lunch, Then he was attacked,
I was scanning it, when I felt someone lifting something from my back pocket,
I tried to go after him, but then the wheel got stuck in the tram track,
I fell and twisted my foot, And my AirPods were run over,
My God,
- And so you ended up here at the hospital? - Yes,
Eli, do you want to go buy an ice cream with Ali?
- Eh, no, - I want ice cream,
Or, I was going to get coffee anyway, Oat milk?
- Yes, please, - OK, Excuse me,
- How are you feeling? - How am I feeling? What do you think?
- Here's paracetamol and some water, - Thank you, You're so cute,
- Oh, Is that so? - He means "kind", He's Danish,
Let's see,,, It's so crazy that you fell off a kickbike, I did that too,
- You did? Wow, - Yes!
I also fell once, But on a bike,
Wasn't so bad,
- I worry this might change me, - We've to keep trusting people though,
Exactly! You can't just stop believing or helping people,
I know! I'm the same, That's why I became a nurse,
- Really? - I work with people too,
But in a more creative way,
I have to go, I'm afraid, But I'll be back, Get some rest,
- Thank you, See you, - Definitely,
You don't work with people,
Sure, there are people at your work but that's not what Louise and I talked about,
- You and Louise? - Yes,
OK, I get that I don't always nail this home life and family thing,
- But I'm gonna be better, - Ouch, damn it!
- I'm sorry, - Why are you so rough?
- Thanks, - Here you are,
- Where's Eli? - He found a plane in the playroom,
OK, But we need to talk here, Could you wait outside?
Talk? He needs peace and quiet,
Maybe you should stop clinging to his ass like a sticker,
- Hanna! - Sorry,
when we get home, I can make that Banana Split you like,
Banana Split? He's lactose intolerant,
- Do you even get what he needs? - What?
The man has to go to the hospital to get some warmth and tenderness,
The nurse is better at giving tenderness than you,
She's probably taken a ton of courses, It's her damn job!
I'm super warm, aren't I?
You're many things, but you're not particularly warm or chill,
- So who's more chill than me? - My whole phone book, I think!
Alexander, chill, Anton, mega chill, Too chill at times,
- Ariana? - Same level,,,
Well, I can't get close to you, You get annoyed when I want to hug you,
I wonder why? I only matter to you when you want something from me,
Could you give him some water? The man is choking over there,
Hey buddy, want some water?
Do you know how hard it is to live with someone who feels constantly offended,
Who's never satisfied and always blames me for everything?
- Maybe you shouldn't be with me, then! - What?
I could've died today,
I'm done with this, We're not a good match,
- Are you breaking up with me? - I've really tried to make this work,,,!
- Well, but,,, - Hi,
Damn it, I quit my job for you, For us,
Quit? Why the hell did you do that?
That's what you wanted, It's all you've talked about!
- That I work too much! - It won't change you, Hanna,
Look, you can crash as long as you need to, until you find a place to stay,
Of course, I can find a place to stay, But,,,
I know this is tough, but I need to do it,
The only thing you've given me is stress and hemorrhoids,
I'll go to Ali's in the weekend, You can pack your things when it suits you,
OK,
I'll move out, but on one condition, We need to see a therapist,
We have a child together!
So immature!
Hi, this is Caroline, Please leave your name and number, and I'll call you back,
Why are you crying, Mom?
- Because I'm so glad to be your mom, - OK,
I'll be staying at Caroline's for a few days,
Why?
- Because she's sad and needs my help, - OK,
But we can see each other and talk on the phone whenever you want to,
BUTTHEAD
- Hi, - Hi, Hanna,
I'm sorry, There's been so much stress at home with Morten,
I need a place to stay for a few days,
Here, sweetie, There you go,
- So this is when I hear from you, - Eh,,,
What the hell, Hanna! Ebbe's naming ceremony,
Shit,,,
You were supposed to be Ebbe's godmother!
We've been reflecting on our relationship and we feel it's enough now,
- What's this "we"? - You'll have to respect what we say,
OK, I'm really sorry!
You've been in your baby bubble, You haven't always had time for me either,
Rent a hotel room, You can afford that with your job,
I spent all my money on the Swan,
A stupid gigantic sofa, But never mind, I don't want to be alone right now,
I can't be the friend you need now, Sorry, Talk later,
Hi, Hanna!
- Hi, Mom, - How are you? - Just a minute!
- I'm not doing so well, actually, - I can barely hear you,
It's this crappy old phone and it's so loud here,
I'll call you later!
- OK, but I just,,, - Here's your coffee,
Bye,
LOOKING (FOR A FRIEND) A PLACE TO CRASH,
WOULD BE GRATEFUL FOR AN AVAILABLE BED/SOFA,
This is Beata Franzén,
I'm calling about the party venue you were going to see today,
Hi,,,
I'm sorry, but my life is one big mess at the moment,
- No worries, How about Tuesday at 7 PM? - That sounds fine, Thank you,
I'm sorry, We're closing now,
OK, I just need to use the restroom,
- But no drugs, It's a policy thing, - No, of course not,
- Do you have somewhere to stay? - Of course I do,
- Can I leave my stuff here? - I doubt anyone will take it,
- Hello? - Hi, Leyla, This is Hanna,
- Hanna who? - From high school,
- Oh my! - Hi,
Are you kidding me?
Did you miss me? Are you moving in?
Hi! Let me look at you, You look so nice!
- Still no ass! - No,
- Shit, what a nice life you got! - "Got"? It wasn't exactly free,
This is our youngest kid's room, She's such a spoiled little brat,
This is the kitchen, the first floor, the living room,
open fireplace, not turned on right now, a pool,
And here's Emir's room, He's 17 now, You can sleep here,
Teenagers,,, Why are they so disgusting!
Where are they?
At Mike's mom's in Dalarna, They'll be home tonight,
It's a bunk bed, I'll make the bed for you down here, He'll have to sneak in,
I would have given you the guest room, but we're refurbishing it,
- This will be awesome, - Great, Beats sleeping on the street?
Hi!
- Good morning, - Did everyone eat already?
It's 10:30 AM! They're at work and school,
I work from home today,
As always, I think you bring out my wild teenage self,
There's a difference between being 14 and 40,
- Double espresso, - Thanks,
I have someone who can help you with that,
With what?
- Is it bad? - Yes, Very,,,
But hey,,, What's happened?
Well, we're,,,taking a break,
I can recommend a couples therapist,
He is into God and stuff, Not your average Swede,
Family values, you know,
- God's unity! He'll bring you together, - You think so?
I'm sure, I'll send you his number, and this woman's number too, for,,,
In order for this to be meaningful, you should both consider carefully
whether either of you wants to stay together,
I want to,
If he can, you know, change,
What do you think about this? Do you want Hanna to change as well?
No, I can't do this anymore, My body's given up, dammit,
Oh god, just deal with it, Like women have since forever,
It sounds like you want some blame sharing, Hanna?
Yes,
Most couples have issues they must work on in their relationship,
But it doesn't always succeed, Then you need to imagine another scenario,
Otherwise, the situation can get really deadlocked,
It just feels a bit vague, Can't we just make a deal?
I start prioritizing you, and you stop whining,
You need someone you can't run over!
Or someone who doesn't mind, Someone really strong or really weak,
- Can't we go eat? - I have to go to work,
Can you look after Eli next Thursday?
- Yes, - Thank you,
- What are you up to? - I have a meeting,,,
"Meeting"? Are you going on a date?
With whom?
I've fought for this relationship for two years,
But you've been too busy to even notice how shitty I've been feeling,
It's too late now!
I want every day to be the sweet life, Now, Not later, when you have time,
Damn it, I've been working like crazy to make sure we have money,
- You only care about the sweet life, - What's wrong with wanting the sweet life?
Remember our parent-teacher meeting tomorrow at 8 AM,
Are you kidding? Do you know how Eli got rain pants in the correct size?
No, Do you know what he gave Hampus for his birthday?
No, because I buy those things, I handle all that stuff all the time!
I shop, bake,,, You don't even notice it!
You are the one forgetting Eli's stuff, and I have to remind you!
In the future, you can change the toilet rolls yourself,
Fucking sweet life, We're parents, god damn it!
I'm sorry, your credit card's been declined,
Do you have another one, or can you call someone?
Hey, I wasn't done, Hello!
The finance guys still haven't got their drinks,
- Fix it, - Yes, got it,
He's such a pain in the ass, He thinks he owns me,
You know what? Fuck the payment, It's on him, How about that?
- Did you find a place to stay? - Yeah, sort of,,,
Nice, Congratulations,
Here we go!
You forgot your phone,
- "Butthead" is calling, Is he your guy? - My ex,
Shouldn't you take care of those finance dudes in there?
- Your boss seems quite upset with you, - Yeah, well,,, I guess,
There's something fucked up about his chi,
His energy is all over the place, He should be concerned about that,
- Not me, - Liv, Hello?
- You don't get paid to chit-chat, - I'm sorry,
I think you're very angry right now, You seem furious,
You see his flushing face? You can't have an adult conversation with him!
Seriously, this job is not really for me, Actually, I'll quit,
My bag? Never mind, I'll do it myself,
Come! Let's get litty in the titty,
Don't look so terrified, It'll be fun,
- Where we going? - Shot race,
You're super cute, but I think we need to change your shirt,
Just try it out, It'll be great, Wait, Just a little eye shadow,
- Did you steal this from a baby? - Yes, You're going to look great!
Don't worry about work, You can just get a new job,
And it's you who choose them, not the other way around,
But seriously, how are you?
- You seem a bit blocked? - What?
What does your pussy tell you? Is it also disappointed?
- Why? Should it say something? - You have to listen to it,
I think you should set your pussy free, or you'll be dead before you're 40,
- I'll be 40 in a few weeks, - Then we've no time to waste,
Close your eyes and think of your pussy, Do you feel it throbbing?
That is all your untapped life energy,
That's where you have your engine of life, Liberate it,
- I don't know,,, - Don't be a wuss, Just listen to me,
Look at someone hot, Then keep thinking with the inside of your vagina,
Look away for four seconds, Then look back,
Sometimes, you need that to reboot the system and get back on track,
Prioritize the pussy!
La-di-da,,,
Be quiet, You have to leave before they wake up,
Wow! A tribal! That's so retro, When did you get it?
- 98, - 98?
That's when I was born,
Hanna!
Hi,,,
Oh, shit,,,
- I'm really sorry, I,,, - Unbelievable,,,!
Christ!
- Here, your shirt, - He should have left already,
Come on,
Oh, shit!
- Fuck, I forgot my phone, - See you,,,around,
Bye,
Hi, Sorry, I forgot my phone, Can I,,,?
- OK, - Thanks, I think it's,,,
Yes, here it is,
- Do you want these? - Thank you, no,
I recognize you,
Are you also getting treatment at Maria?
- The drug addiction center, - No,
- Hello? - Hi! Will you be here soon?
Yes! I,,, I'm on my way, It's just,,, I'm coming, Bye,
Hey! May I,,,
Hi, Sorry I'm late,
It's been such a stressful morning,
Thanks for waiting for me, Really,
So, have I missed much?
Could we just get a quick coffee?
- What the hell's wrong with you? - Get it together!
You just thrust a used condom into the face of his teacher!
What the hell are you wearing? What's wrong with you?
- Where is Eli? - Don't talk to him, You'll scare him,
Hi! Sweetie,,, My darling! I've missed you!
When are you coming home?
It'll be a while until mom is home again, We talked about that,
But we can have ice cream on Thursday,
- I have something for you, - Have you?
Thanks,
- Thank you, - Mom has to go now,
Hey,,, Morten, wait!
Hello! Morten!
Shit,
- Sweden's most hated woman, - Hi, babe! Quattro Stagioni?
It got chaotic with that guy, and my back hurts like hell,
Screw him, This is about you and your vital energy, That's the thing,
Masturbating, for example, Bet you don't to it often,
Not often,,, Try never,
- Are you kidding me? - Well, I get bored,,,
I start thinking about groceries, cleaning, stuff I need to fix,
If I get a little spare time, I just feel tired, not horny,
All research shows that masturbating releases a lot of feel-good hormones,
- They are good for back aches, - I'm taking your Coke,
Oxytocin, dopamine, lowers cortisol levels and strengthens the immune system,
- You sleep better, - How have I survived all these years?
Well, that's the thing,
You're a prime example of the fact that hair and skin suffer
when you masturbate too little,
I'm gonna show you something important, so pay attention,
- What are you doing? - This is your vajay,
Here's the pubic mound, the labia, and here's the vagina,
- Here's your clitoris, Have you two met? - Not so loud, Sure,,,
Then you may know that it's the only organ that solely exists for pleasure,
It has 8000 freaking nerve endings, Each of which you're missing out on,
Anyway, here, about 3-5 cm up, is the G-spot,
That's the one that can give you fountain orgasms, squirting,
And between the anus and the vagina, we find the M-spot,
With a little bit of pressure, you can get the awesomest of orgasms,
Further down, as you rotate your fingers towards the anus,
against this soft wall, that's your O-spot,
- The shrimp? - Yes,
Easy to stimulate with anal sex,
Then you have the P-spot on the urethral orifice,
By stimulating it correctly, you can come just like dudes,
It's like an amusement park, and you've never bought a ticket,
Such a waste you're in a female body, You should've been born a man!
Thanks,
Why are you still here? Go home and masturbate!
Home,,, I don't have a home,
Buy what I send in the text and find a corner where you can masturbate,
I have to go, I want to hear everything about the masturbation later,
- Yes, - Prioritize the pussy!
Bye, babe, Kisses,
- How was everything? - Good, I pay for both,
Hanna! I called you back, but you didn't pick up your phone,
- Did something happen? - No, Mom,
Could I stay here for a while?
I can't work in peace at home,
Sure, you can stay here,
- But you guys are going somewhere, - We'll cancel it if you need us,
I'll call Gunilla and say we won't come,
- New shoes, How chic, - Yes,,, No,
Well, how are you?
I'm OK, It's just all a bit much right now,
- Did he break up with you? - Why do you think he did it?
It,,, Yes, yes,
- Oh,,, How sad, - It'll be alright, honey,
Well, it's very lucky that you have a good income, then,
If you're going to be a single mom,
I quit my job as well, actually,
- Oh my, - It'll be alright,
- Many people freelance today, - That's what I was thinking,
- Hello, - This is Beata,
You were supposed to come have a look at the venue yesterday,
- There won't be any fucking party, - Right,
- Good morning, honey, Did you sleep well? - Very well, I mean, kind of,,,
- Coffee? - Yes, please,
- Here you go, - Thanks,
- What is it? - Nothing,
I think it might be good for you to take it easy for a bit,
You've had so much work,
But work is the only place I don't get shit for being me,
Maybe Morten will come back to you if you work a little less,
I understand it's been hard for you guys, I didn't think you'd break up,
- Me neither, - Then you should just work this out,
- Hanna! - I need to find a job,
There's nothing I'd like more, then for you to be here, Truly,
- But I've already found a replacement, - OK,,, That was fast,
Well, I gave the job to Asrin,
- Asrin? - She's great, Thanks,
- That was just something I said,,, - But she needs an assistant,
Oh my God, Hanna, Hi!
Why didn't you tell me you were quitting? Let's grab a soda,
- Admit it was you who got the Netflix job? - Well, no,,,
A woman finally gets the job, Congratulations, Freaking Netflix!
- Let's treat ourselves to some sugar, - Thank you,
I didn't get that job, I don't have a job at the moment,
Staffan said you needed an assistant, so I thought,,,
Sure, I just need to have a quick peek at my calendar,
It's a bit tight, but we can do the interview now, Come,
Interview? I had your job, You were the intern,
But correct procedures are important,
and you need to have the proper motivation for the tasks, That's important,
- Are you good at keeping deadlines? - Yes,,, I'm good at that,
Oh, this is a good question, Which word describes you best?
Goal-oriented, individualistic or co-operative?
Well, I guess I'm goal-oriented,,,and co-operative,
- All those things, I'd say, - Classic answer, Good,
Do you have basic Office skills? Excel, Keynote,
You took that course, but I had to help you quite a bit,
Yes, but that's because I gave you assignments, You were the intern,
OK, good, I needed to know,
OK,,, We can do this one instead,
Can you give an example in your career where you went the extra mile?
- Well,,, - Hi,
- Are you going up and down again? - No,
- Just take me where you're going, - Absolutely,
- Adam, - Hanna,
My friends gave me a singing course,
One of those "experience" gifts, Go ahead,
,,,all the way up to the main vocal cords,
- Hi, welcome, Come in! - Hi,
Drop in, Nice! Keep breathing,
Inhale, Exhale,
And just breathe a few times, Let go of all that stress,
Babies, They can scream as much as they please, Why is that?
Dogs can bark for days without getting hoarse, and why is that?
It's all powered by their womb, Let's do some barking,
Everyone, down on all fours,
Start from your womb, Now, bark like a big, brown labrador,
Thank you very much, Fantastic! Now, let's bark like a,,,
- Could it be a cocker spaniel? - Yes, Bark when ready,
Wonderful, Thank you, thank you!
Exhale the bad energy and inhale the new,
Hi, What's your name?
- Hanna, - Hi, Hanna,
Let's start with you,
- OK, what are we going to do? - Come,
Relax, Our voices mirror our inner powers,
Its vibrations can heal anything from negative energy to physical woes,
The vagus nerve is our most important organ,
Singing stimulates it, So pick a song,
- Huh? - Pick a song,
Pick a song? I can't sing,
I'll count to three, and then you pick the first song that pops up in your mind,
One, two, three!
On my pillow Leave the winter
Now, sing right from your womb,
On the ground
I wake up lonely
There's air of silence,,,
Please, let me go, Let me go, Thank you,
It's just,,, I need to go to the bathroom, and then I have something to do,
You're welcome back anytime, Let's say goodbye to Hanna,
- Shit, my life,,, - You've sung from your womb though,
I quit my job to be more present in my relationship,
But now we've broken up,
And I don't have my job either, Or I got it back,
but as an assistant to my old intern,
- How about your life? - what does your gut say about me?
- You have a mom who adores you, - No, can't say I have,
You have a child, less than one year old, but who sleeps all through the night,
You have a girlfriend from Linköping who'll get her PhD soon,
Wow! Great guesses, But all incorrect,
- I guess it's time soon, - The girlfriend from Linköping?
I'm afraid she doesn't exist either,
So you're just emotionally open to be constantly interrupted for four years?
Yes, Exactly,
Can I invite you for dinner? That is, if you aren't afraid of heights,
You seem pretty brave and open to new experiences though,
BUTTHEAD: CAN YOU BRING OVER ELI'S HARMONICA?
Gosh, that kiss was amazing, Totally different than Morten's,
He's taking me hang gliding tomorrow,
- Hand gliding? - Hang gliding,
- Some experience gift thing, - But, you barely know each other,
Yeah, but there's something special about him,
- Hey! What are you doing? - Sorry! I'll be right there,
Fuck, now I feel anxious, Screw this, Such a bad idea,
What does your pussy want?
- It wants to glide, - Good,
This is the boom which keeps the wings separated,
Here's the lower rig with the wires,
And it's very important that you check that these are correct,
Then we hook you on,
Try and lay down now,
- Lay down? - Yes, And grab the harness there,
- Hi, - Yes, hi,
- How are you guys? - Good, How about you?
Well, I'm good, I found a new job, It's not as demanding, so that's nice,
- That sounds good, - I'm learning to unwind more,
I've begun singing, well, one time,
And then some hang gliding stuff,
I've eased into myself a bit more now,
Have you found an apartment?
Yes, Well, no, I'm looking for one,
I felt kind of bad you had to move out,
But it was sort of my lease, so,,,
Right,,,
- Well, you wanted to speak to Eli? - Yes,
- I thought you and I could,,, - Eli, do you want to talk to mom?
- Hi, I love you, - I love you too,
ZERO APARTMENT HITS
No,,, Shit,,,
- No! - Oh! What happened?
Sorry, it's a friend who's died, so,,,
Oh, dear,,, Was it a close friend?
- Yes, quite close, - Oh, that is so sad,
Thank you,
Right, and here's half a balcony - a French balcony, neatly styled,
- 17,000,,,? - Nice wallpapers,
Fridge, freezer, stove, microwave, You name it! It doesn't get any better,
- No, - Spot on!
And here's the bedroom, Nice view to the court, Bathroom, shower,,,
What's in there?
That's rented out,
But I think you should take it,
You won't get a better deal for a city apartment,
It doesn't get any better,
Hey Hanna! Sorry, I can't talk right now because Peter has a cold,
I'll call you later, OK? Kisses,
LIV: DID YOU LISTEN?
I'VE RENTED AN UGLY APARTMENT AND ADAM'S GHOSTED ME,
LIV: ADAM WHO? BUY THE STIMULATOR,
The vagina can tell us about life and how we feel,
Treating the vagina like someone who takes care of you
can be a path to well-being,
What does it want you to start doing?
Would it make the vagina happy if you cut back on spending so you could work less?
Book quality time for yourself, Dance, take a spa bath,
Read comic strips, erotic fiction, start riding horses,
Does the vagina want your inner slut to emerge?
Does it want you to do things that make you laugh?
Does the vagina think,,,
Everything all right in there?
Yes,,,
You should care about others, but not forget about yourself,
When does the vagina say "no"?
Hanna, You're late,
I had to take all the notes myself, Very stressful,
I'm sorry,
BE ON TIME! IMPORTANT
- Hanna, Hey! - Hi,
- You good? - Yes,
Asrin and I thought it would be great if you could empty the office storage room,
We need the space,
- Sure,,, - Nice,
I can help later, but I'm rather busy just now,,,
- Now? - Yes, please,
And one more thing, The vision document,
I'm working on it right now, and I based it on your earlier one,,,
It was so well structured,
So I thought you could fine tune,,,finish it?
I just have to see who's calling, I'll get right to it,
Great,
- Hello? - Hi, Your humongous sofa has arrived,
I almost broke my back carrying it up here,
Can you come and get it, please?
Well, it was meant for you, so what do you want me to do?
It takes up a lot of space, Just get it sorted, thanks,
Hi, Caroline's resting, so she can't talk, I can't either, Bye,
- Hi, What's up? - I'm good,
- Where's Eli? - He's playing with Lego,
- Hi, - You've already met Louise,
Hi,,, Yeah, you watch my Instagram stories,
Well, you seem like a nice girl, so that's good,
A girl without a life of her own who only thinks of you,
Food, pillows, and such,
Well, should we do something about that sofa?
- Maybe you want these as well? - Yes, Thanks,
- I'll take the painting as well, - The painting?
- But that's ours, - I paid for it,
So maybe it belongs to me a bit more,
- Shush, Don't wake him up, - I'm sorry for disturbing,
- But I need to talk to her, - She feels let down by you,
And she's tired, all the hormones, Becoming a mom is tough,
- I know, I'm a mom myself, - Yes, but you're more "mom on the side",
- No,,, - Wait, Keep your voice down!
- Please, Hanna! - What are you listening to?
A freaking anxiety aquarium,
Look, I know I've been annoying,
That I've been tied up with my own problems,
But this is the worst crisis I've ever been through and you've been nowhere,
All because I didn't come to some crappy bourgeois naming ceremony thing,
I thought our friendship was worth more than that, but I guess not,
So yeah, fuck you too!
I supported you during this,,,
Stop, Go and spin a fucking wine bottle!
I supported you during your "I want a baby by myself" phase,
before you met this fucking Jordan B Peterson quoting doodle,
We went to Denmark for your IVF, I've had your back for 20 years!
And when I need you, you dump me! But somehow I'm the lousy friend,
She doesn't need this negative energy,,,
Do you hear how this mansplaining imbecile speaks on your behalf?
Speaks fucking volumes!
When you remember who you were, look me up,
It felt liberating, But there are not many left now,
No Morten, no Carro, no Adam,
Chill, They seem super lame anyway, Come on, Keep your chin up,
I often think that all love songs are about me,
Like: You're simply the best Nothing compares to me
And that it's my pussy that sings to me,
Lean on me when you're not strong
we need to change you, This won't do, We need to do a sage cleansing on you,
That gets rid of bad energy and adds good vibes,
We have to leave now, Come, honey, I can take that twig, though,
I promise I'll try it out, Did you have fun?
- Bye, Eli, - Bye,
You're jumping so far! I can't do that,
- If you could choose any boat,,, - None of them,
- They're all rusty, - Not all of them,
- I said none of them, - None,
- Why? - That one!
That looks nice, You don't like the brown one with round windows?
No,
- Mom, this is so cozy, - Yes, it is,
With the vagina in mind, you can make decisions that make you feel good,
Not just here and now, but in the long run,
Then you have to ask yourself: What makes the vagina feel good?
When is the vagina happy?
Maybe it thinks you should stop working and start studying instead,
I mailed you a link for an audiobook, Can you listen through it?
- Yeah, sure, - It's no literary masterpiece, Still,,,
- No problem, - Super, Thank you,
Masturbating while looking in the mirror can provide extra arousal,
You can also try to photograph yourself, Or maybe you want to read
or view something before or during masturbation,
as a trigger or an enhancement of that feeling,
Separate the labia minora, lift up the clitoris foreskin,
Separate the pubic hairs so you see the perineum,
All this is fantastic, strange and fertile territory for you to explore,
What? What did I do that you find so terrible?
Didn't you know that masturbation makes you happier,
That it alleviates stress and back pain?
Reduces stress, Makes you more efficient,
And 39% of all men jack off at work, Only 6% of all women do it,
So you guys have figured it out, right? Ola?
Masturbating people are apparently better bosses, Staffan,
Maybe we should introduce masturbation breaks at work,
Vibrators instead of stress balls,
Maybe we can put them in the Christmas goodie bags for the party,
Well,,, Maybe,,,
Well, I'll listen to the rest of this chapter, if that's all right,
Can't we fix this Bluetooth thing too? This got a little weird,
I think you need to log off,,, I'll take a look at it,
Stop, look and listen,
Hanna! Wait, Hi,
Shit, I've been thinking of you,
Did you go to the hang gliding? I wanted to go, but life got in the way,
I wanted to call you, but I didn't have your number, Sorry,
- Actually, I didn't notice your absence, - How was it?
Fantastic, Life-changing, you know,
Have you been doing any womb singing lately?
No, my mom was admitted to a hospice that same day,
- So I've been with her, - Oh,,,
My God, how is she?
She has cancer, She only has a few weeks left,
Life, you know, But,,,
,,,thinking of something else would be nice,
I totally get it if you're done with me,
But if you have time Saturday, maybe you can give me one more chance?
Just one more chance, And this time, we'll exchange numbers,
Fine,
- Not outside of the city though, - OK,
We can meet at my place at 8 PM,
- Hi, Thanks! - Eli's harmonica,
- What took you so long? - I've been a bit busy,
Did you do something? You look rather,,,nice,
- Thanks, Maybe I'm less stressed, - OK,
- Nice, You want to come in? - No, I can't,
Thanks for this, It's really nice, All the photos,
That trip was great,
- Isn't Louise here? - Huh?
Isn't Louise here?
No, I wasn't really feeling it,,, So,,,
I bought an extra ticket for the concert this Saturday, if you want to join me?
I was thinking we should talk after everything that's happened,
Well,,, Actually, I can't this Saturday, but maybe some other day,
OK, what are you doing? Are you going on a date?
Give him a hug from me when he wakes up,
- Goodbye, - Bye,
- There's something special about Adam, - OK,
- He's so mature, - That's great! I'm so happy for you,
Don't forget you're the important one, Prioritize the pussy! What are you wearing?
- I have a leopard dress, - Leoparddress?
- Well, I have a T-shirt under it, - T-shirt? Fashionista!
- Yes, Wait, I think he's here, - OK, Prioritize the pussy!
Come on!
- Hi, - Hi,,,
Hi, honey, Shouldn't you be asleep? It's almost 8 PM,
- Sure, but he needs his raincoat, - OK, But is it raining?
No, but it's just in case,,,
- Why are you dressed like that? - I'll,,,just get the coat,
- Hi, - Hi,,,
Hi,,, I'm sorry, Morten, Adam, Eli,
- Hi, Morten, - Adam, Adam,
- Do you want this? - Nah, don't need it, It's not raining,
- Come, honey, - Goodbye, sweetheart,
Sorry, that got a bit weird, I didn't know he would come over,
- Hi, - Hi,
Adam has spent the last three days at hospice, at his mom's bed side,
He looks really worn out, But that doesn't make me less horny,
- Should I take off my T-shirt? - No, panties first, then the T-shirt,
Are you allowed to sleep with someone that sad?
- Yes, Just take them off! - OK, Wait, he's coming now,
- Hi, - Hi,
- Need a hand? - No, I got it,
- Are you sure? - Yes,
Just relax on the sofa, I'll be right there,
Now, go be your most sensual you, No underwears, no tears,
Make that pussy happy,
Hi, Plupp, Plupp, Plupp, Here I am, My name's Plupp,
Fuck, I'm sorry, We share the same account, I guess he's putting him to bed,
- The wall is made of peat and moss,,, - Oh, God,
Bluetooth,,, Wait, There, Gone,
UNLISTED NUMBER
- Wait, Let me hang up, - Hello?
I'm calling from Ersta Hospice, It saddens me to have to tell you,
but your mother has just passed away,
LIV: DID HE MAKE THE PUSSY HAPPY?
She wasn't the greatest mom,
But I wanted her to be a great grandmother, She would have liked that,
I really want to be a dad, I've felt it for so long now,
- You'd be a great dad, - You think so?
- Yes, - Talking to you is so awesome,
- It really feels like you understand me, - I think we're quite alike,
It's at times like this you realize how short life really is,
- Postponing things isn't always good, - Exactly,
A while ago, I promised myself to find someone
who cares about and understands me, and wants to start a family,
Nice,
You're absolutely amazing,,,
,,,taking this so well,
If only you'd been a few years younger, Having kids is a deal breaker for me,
My ex and I tried IVF, and I can't go through that again,
- But I hope we can remain friends, - Sure,,,
Now the deep frog pose, We're most present with our palms together,
And down, Womb against the floor,
We just left mercury retrograde, This a good time to manifest,
Nice, girls, You're so good!
Let's do a classic,,,chassé, Foot on the bar and hands above your head,
Like that, And then we bend our knee,
why do you look so old?
He didn't want a partner at all, He just wanted a hyper-fertile uterus,
I feel so stupid,
why not focus on yourself instead of those dudes?
I thought we agreed on that, You know which body part comes first, right?
Put away the phone, We're doing an exercise,
- I have to go, - Where to?
- Mom wants to see me, Sorry, - Call me later,
The mantra of the week: It's not easy when it's tough, but nice to get it rough,
Hanna!
- Hi, Mom, - Mom is here,
- Hi, - Hi,
- Hi, honey! How are you? - Fine,
- What are you guys doing here? - Eva and I were just talking,
- I'm so glad you could come, - I need to go to the bathroom,
You do? Well, of course, We're going to the restroom,
I think he misses this, Being a family,
I realize that I've disappointed you, That I've upset you, But,,,
,,,I needed some time to sort out my emotions, And,,
,,,I think we should do it,
Have another kid, Be a family,
A real family, For real,
There, Let's sit down,
Eli, sit down, Grandma needs to buy a coffee,
Do your strongest!
Come on! No, not so rough, Ouch!
He's a strong kid, Should Mom and Dad try as well?
Mom is stronger,
- Let's do it for real, - Yes,
I've got some great news for you, You're getting your old job back,
- Right,,, what about Asrin? - No, I prefer you,
She also got into a Master's program in California, So there's a vacancy,
But that's irrelevant, We want you because you're the best,
You can even move over today, Everyone wins,
Wait! I'm sorry, I,,,
Actually, I'll have to,,,decline,
Wait,,,
- Is this because of that bastard? - No,
I'm tired of being the overachiever all the time, I want to be mediocre,
Like Ola, Hand in lousy reports, go home early, and feel just fine,
- Man enough, That's what I want, - But,,,you have such,,,
- I need to have a life outside of work, - This is,,,
If I keep working here, I want to be down at Ola's level,
What?
- Well, I guess that could work, - OK,
- What do you say, Ola? - Sure, I guess,
- Sorry, I meant that in a good way, - Sure,
- She meant it in a good way, of course, - Got it,
- Can I change desk right away? - Yes,
- Hanna, Hey, - Hi,
I just want to say it's great having you back,
I liked Asrin, but she was so quick,
Also, her hand lotion was so strong that I got a rash on my chin,
Reactivated my old rosacea allergy,
- Did she touch your chin? - No, I don't think so,
I think she used my keyboard at some occasion, and then I touched my face,
Anyway, I just wanted to say it's great to have the old team reunited,
Mom!
- Hi, Mom, - Hi, honey!
- Hi, - Hi, sweetheart,
- Hi, - Hi,
- You're late? - Just a few minutes,
- Should we go inside? - Come, honey,
You think it'll be exciting? Come and look, There are a lot of birds,
Have you seen the wolves? Look, Eli, There,
- Look at that arctic fox, - Isn't it a lynx?
Sure, It looks like you after your tenth parking ticket in one week!
You know, I really want this,
But it's like,,, We'll just end up in the same place,
You were right, I've prioritized the wrong things,
I've been focused on making everyone else happy
and never really listened to myself,
- Is it because of that cap dude? - Oh, no! His mom,,,
Actually, this isn't about him, It's about myself,
I need to be able to be who I am,
And if you can't handle that, then it's OK,
Prioritize the pussy!
OK,
- Hi, - Hi,
I was wondering if you'd like to meet?
- I don't think I can, - OK,
- Some other time, perhaps, - I actually don't think so, Take care,
No, not some points, He has no points,
He took so many drugs that he ended up in a coma,
- Hi, - Hello,
Hi, It's me, your lousiest friend, Do you remember me?
I've missed you, dammit,
I'm sorry, Hanna, I'm so sorry that I've been in the clutches of this
supposed natural wine feminist who really just wants me barefoot and pregnant,
Will you just listen to me, so I can explain?
Sure, It's about time,
- OK, - OK?
Sorry! Sorry!
I mean, shit! I didn't know what to say, The whole situation just got so weird,
There are restrooms over there,
- What? - Surprise!
What are they doing there? Are you kidding me?
- Mom! - Hi, sweetheart!
- Hi, - Hi, Mom!
Hi, Dad!
Well, congratulations,
Hi, love! Caroline and I invited everyone who's been helping you out,
And a few others
- A crisis is a crisis! Happy birthday! - Hi, I'm so sorry,
- What's this for? - Because you are a star,
Right?
Hi!
That maybe fits you better, So sexy,
- Hi, Vagus Venus! - Congratulations,
Hi,
- And you,,, - Hi, Hi,
No, no, I didn't have anything done,
- Why do you have tears in your eyes? - Because I'm so happy to be your mom,
She seems different, right?
More,,,chill, More mature,
- Hashtag, Hanna 40, - Absolutely,
- Should it be sexy or funny? - Sexy,
Hello!
This is some good stuff,,,
Feeling good in these areas is important,
We're considering introducing a pleasure pause at our workplace,
- OK, A pleasure pose? - No, not a pose, a pause,,,
A break where you can,,, smoke or masturbate,