RIVERS KNOW THIS: THERE IS NO HURRY
WE SHALL GET THERE SOME DAY
Ten, nine, eight, seven,
six, five, four,
three, two, one…
Excuse me, I know, Excuse me,
Excuse me,
Yeah, I know,
Excuse me,
Oh God, sorry! I think I've made a mistake,
I think so!
It's just that my girlfriend has a dress just like yours,
- Yeah, sure, - Honestly,
It's exactly the same,
If you don't go, you're gonna get slapped,
She's not really my girlfriend, but,,, Fede!
See, what did I tell you? Look,
Something crazy happened,
- Basically,,, - I saw,
Fuck you, Dante,
I told you that you'd get slapped if you didn't go away,
You should go after her,
You think?
Listen, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry about what happened, I didn't…
Can I buy you a drink?
It's an open bar,
I'll get you two, then!
Dante,
Alice,
Happy New Year,
KITCHEN VARIOUS
OCTOBER 2010
26 DANTE'S BDAY
BRUSHES, BRIEFCASES, PALETTES
STILL TIME
No way,
- Amazing, - Thank you, I practiced for a month,
No!
No, Don't do it!
Happy birthday,
I love you,
I was like a ninja this morning turning off your alarm,
Why, what time is it?
Fuck!
This damn door!
Have some respect, That took me two hours to make!
Alice, I'm running late,
No way am I not making you pancakes for your birthday, It's a tradition,
Yeah, I know, but it's really late,
There we go, Ready,
Wait, it'll burn! You have to count to ten,
One, two, three… four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten!
No!
Eleven,
Twelve, thirteen,
fourteen,
- What time will you be home? - I don't know,
- I have to take this box to my father, - Today?
Okay, I'll go during my lunch break, Bye!
SACKS INSURANCE
Hi, Good morning,
Dante, the guys from Wardrobe Planet are coming today,
- The contract is ready, right? - Yes, sure,
That's today?
I emailed you,
Oh, Dante,
Happy birthday,
Thank you,
LIFE IS WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU WHILE YOU ARE BUSY MAKING OTHER PLANS
- Waka waka, - I told you not to bring anything,
As my grandfather always said,
"Show up at parties with at least as much alcohol as you intend to drink,"
Quiet, it's him,
We can finally drink something!
- Are you on your way? - I still have to go my dad's,
- You said you'd go at lunch, - I know, I forgot I had a meeting,
I won't be long, I'll just take him the box and come,,,
Excuse me,
Here you go, This is all yours,
- We found it during the move, - Thank you,
- Look how great this is, - Listen, Dad,,,
Look how nice this ship is, Put it there, Go on,
All right,
Oh, there it is, My hat!
Oh, you've been on my case for two months about this hat,
He even said that I'd stolen it,
- Dad, - Who?
That isn't the hat you stole,
I had loads of others,
Because I lived at sea for many years, Get it? Yes or no?
I'd throw you in the sea, How about that?
I mean, does it seem right to you that I'm paying her to treat me like that?
- Oh, you pay her? - Yeah,
Since when, sorry?
You know, a lady came to stay here,
- Her name's Rosa, - Yes,
A nice, elegant woman, A widow,
Passionate about art,
So much so that she spent two hours telling me about artists, painters,
She mentioned names I've never heard of,
But I really like how she talks,
She has this sweet,
delicate, angelic voice,
She's got a nice ass, too, and at 63, if you please!
- Sure, - Hang that up somewhere,
Dad,
And I would really like it…
Here we go,
…If maybe when…
The hat has been hung, Bye, Dad,
…you find yourself passing by…
- Yes? - Yes, this is the carpenter,
The door is ready,
Thank God, Maybe you can bring it to me tomorrow,
Tomorrow, sure! He wants it tomorrow!
- All right, The day after, - The day after, sure!
Now?
If I waited for him to come, the sheet would still be up next year!
Give me 30 minutes,
He'll be here in half an hour,
Don't worry, This one will be empty within ten minutes! Another round?
No, no problem,
No,
I'm here,
There's a traffic bottleneck,
I know, but you did say "bottle,"
I said, "Bottleneck,"
Yes, sweetie, but the root's the same, Homophonically speaking,
Did I tell you I'm a Latin and Greek professor?
Alice, I'm…
Surprise!
Happy birthday, honey,
Thank you,
- Nice, Is that your new key ring? - Huh?
- Key ring, It's a joke, - Are you already drunk?
Yes,
I know you're mid-move, but do you really have to do that now?
What if someone needs the bathroom?
- Here, - What?
Listen,
I brought you some Barbadian rum,
Extra aged,
Exceptional product,
And besides,
I can tell you that with a certain degree of knowledge
'cause I've had half the bottle,
You didn't wash your hands,
But
this is your real present,
Ta-da, Happy birthday,
- What is it? - A ticket for the roller coaster,
Remember how, as kids, we'd stand beneath the roller coaster,
too scared to try it?
I remember,
I thought, "My little friend is 40 now, He's a man, Time for some crazy shit,"
We'll do it together, Saturday's good,
No, I'm busy on Saturday, I have a million things to do,
- When, then? - I don't know,
Look, the days are passing by without me even noticing,
What are we gonna do?
Become a public servant,
I've been saying it forever, You'll work half as much, have more free time,
But if I work more,
say until 50, then I'll buy the time,
You're such a genius, I love you,
- Happy birthday, - Thanks,
- We know you like plants, - Yes,
- How lovely, Beautiful, - Did you see?
That book you were telling me about?
I have to deliver the illustrations this week,
That's great, I'm happy for you,
And this is for you,
My gift?
- You can tell me if you don't like it, - Sure,
No way!
This is you,
And that's you, It's the same dress,
Another round, guys, Come on!
- Thank you, It's great, - The stamp?
My father used it,
He'd let me play with it when he took me to the office with him,
And she's used it to sign all her artwork since she was a kid,
Do you really like it?
It's amazing,
Pervert,
Drunk,
Thank you,
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, dear Dante
Happy birthday to you
Become a public servant!
Did you really like the drawing?
Amazing, Should we hang it in the living room?
It's yours, You decide,
Okay, living room it is,
By the way, I have another surprise for you,
What surpr,,,
If you aren't too tired,
And who would this be?
Arwen
from The Lord of the Rings,
What is this? Some kind of role play?
I'm a half-elf, More role playing than that,
I couldn't decide
between Arwen of Rivendell and Frodo of the Shire,
Then I realized I didn't want to stick all that hair on my feet,
And what is more exciting than a nice hairy foot?
Well, if I may,
has anyone ever told you you're a fine piece of half-elf?
Look, have some respect, I am still a lady of a certain age,
Oh yeah?
Almost 2,700 years old,
You tell me,
You look great,
Ali?
Yes, I'm here,
Everything okay?
Yes, I'm a bit nauseous,
I didn't think you drank that much last night,
Don't make me laugh,
Ali, what time did you get up to tidy everything up?
What?
- But when did they bring this? Last night? - What?
What do you mean, "what?" The table,
What table?
"What table?" What,,,
I don't know if I feel like going tonight,
Why? What's tonight?
Didn't you want to go out for dinner for your birthday?
Happy birthday, honey,
For my birthday?
How many times are we gonna celebrate,,,
All right, come on, Who are you dressed as now?
What do you mean?
Come on,
Alice, I'm telling you,
You're getting a bit carried away with this dressing-up thing,
You're so silly, What have you put up here, a pillow?
What's wrong? Are you ill?
Yes, No,
I mean, I'm… Are you okay?
Yeah,
I'm doing better now that I've puked my guts up,
It's just that you're…
you're bloated, I mean, really bloated,
Yeah, I'm a real whale,
Maybe something's made you sick,
'Cause you said you puked,
Maybe it's an allergic reaction,
You know, I read that somewhere, I don't remember where,
But I read that this bloated belly is an allergic reaction
to when you're pregnant,
You're what?
Oh God, Feel,
- What? - Feel,
- What? - It moved,
Oh God!
It's strange, but it's amazing,
By the way, we're entering the 21st week today,
What does the 21st week mean?
You're right, It isn't clear, Why do we say, "21st week"?
Why don't they make it simpler? Like, "Five months, Five and a bit months,"
Twenty-one weeks…
Hang on, This doesn't make sense,
We celebrated my birthday here last night,
Everyone was outside with streamers, trumpets,
"Happy birthday…"
You gave me gifts, You gave me that drawing last night,
That was last year,
What do you mean, "last year"?
Are you joking? Or are you being serious?
OCTOBER 2011
Why does it say "2011" here?
I'm having a panic attack,
I need to sit down,
No, you're making me have a panic attack,
No, don't worry,
I'll sit down now,
calm down…
You get some rest,
Yes, I need to rest,
- Have a nice shower, - Yes, a nice shower,
- I'll make you some pancakes, - Yes,
- You go back to bed, - Yes,
Then call work and say you won't be in today,
Yes,,,
No, if anything, I'll say I'll go in after lunch,
- All right, yes, After lunch, - Yes,
I'm going for a nice shower,
Oh God, sorry, Did I hurt your belly?
No, don't worry,
What's wrong?
No, it's nothing,
I had the strangest dream,
What dream?
I dreamed you were pregnant,
No way,
Being pregnant is all we need!
- Again, - Huh?
What do you mean, "again"?
What…
Oh, sweetie, no!
Come here, darling,
Say "happy birthday" to Daddy,
No,
Happy birthday, Daddy,
What a beautiful baby boy,
Baby girl!
Baby girl, Yes, of course, Baby girl,
I mean, it's just that it looks like a real baby girl,
Yes, she is real, Really real,
Can you take her? I need to warm up the milk,
- No, - What's up?
- I haven't washed my hands, - Even better, make some antibodies,
- Go on, honey, - Yes,
By the way, we should get a dog,
I heard it does wonders for the immune system,
Oh God,
And it also aids the development of emotional intelligence,
- I'm not quite sure what that means, but,,, - I have a son,
- A daughter, - A daughter, right,
- Who'd have thought it? - Not me, that's for sure,
Who'd have thought it?
Come here,
What's her name?
What do you mean, "What's her name"?
What do we call her?
By her name,
Oh, of course,
Let's play a game, Let's count to three,
and then call her
and see which way she turns,
Why?
It just sounds like fun, that's all,
So…
- One, two, three, - One, two, three,
Galadriel!
What the fuck are you saying?
Don't swear, She'll copy you,
What kind of name is Galadriel?!
What do you mean, what kind of name is it?
She's an elf from The Lord of the Rings,
Galadriel,
Yes, honey, the wife of Celeborn, the queen of Eregion and Lórien,
They'll make fun of her in school with that name,
- This again? - Yes,
But you were convinced, Why are you rethinking it now?
You said it was a nice, special, international name, honey,
Don't pretend you don't remember,
All right, look,
The results of your tests
are all normal,
You're in great shape,
How am I in great shape?
Doctor, I don't remember anything,
I don't recognize my daughter,
Listen, My father has early onset Alzheimer's,
The two wouldn't be linked?
- Alzheimer's isn't genetic, - No,
Have you told your wife about this?
No, and we aren't married,
At least, I don't think so,
Oh, there we are, No, We aren't married,
But I haven't told her anything, The last thing I want to do is worry her,
Because there's nothing to worry about,
I have nothing to worry about?
Doctor, I celebrated my 40th birthday, went to bed,
and when I woke up, a year had gone by,
I went back to sleep and another year went by,
Look, the same thing happened to me, That's how it is after 40,
Time passes without you noticing, It's physiological,
Physiological how? I haven't lived the last two years,
Have you been working a lot recently?
- I think so, - It's stress, then, Slow down a bit,
Enjoy spending time with your wife, your daughter,
Dante,
Well?
Well, what?
It isn't such a tragedy for you to go for once,
Why, don't I ever?
Dante, please, I have a deadline tomorrow,
All right,
All right, I'll go,
Nothing to it,
Do you need to poop?
Are you hungry?
You weigh about five kilos, How much resistance can you have?
No, Please,
If you stop, I'll buy you a moped when you're 14,
You'll soon wear yourself out,
A little car? Want a little car?
Hey? A little car?
No,
Don't sleep, Dante,
You aren't tired, Dante,
No,
Don't sleep,
Come on,
What's this?
No,
What's with this?
Oh, you mean…
I've been telling you for months,
But how?
OCTOBER 2013
Here we go, Ready,
Happy birthday,
Thanks,
Yeah,
Listen…
You have to count to ten,
Alice…
something isn't right,
No,
Well, yes, not one thing,
There are lots of things
that aren't right,
- Do we wanna talk about them now? - No,
- Listen, I've got something to do, - Why, are you working today too?
We said we'd at least spend your birthday together,
I'll be back after lunch,
- At least give Galadriel a kiss, - Who?
- Your daughter, - Oh, my daugh,,, Sure,
Gala…
You said it quickly, I didn't… I'll go,
You've grown so much!
You're walking!
Alice, she's walking!
The baby's walking!
Look,
She's been walking for three months,
- How has she been,,, - Daddy,
"Daddy"!
Did you hear that?
She said, "Daddy," Her first word, "Daddy,"
Don't try it, That wasn't her first word, It was "Mommy," I sent you the video,
Why a video? Where was I?
- All right, her second word, "Daddy," - Eighth,
Eighth? I wasn't even in the first five?
Mommy, ball, yes, no, woof, grandma, poop, daddy,
Even "poop" beat me?
Well, she does see poop more than she sees you,
No, sorry, but since when do I smoke?
Dunno,
Thanks for coming,
No worries, The school is occupied,
My students are dumb, but they do some things right,
Here,
Thank you,
- What do I do with it? - It's 10:30, I thought,,,
From the bottle?
- Well, leave it there, - "Leave it there,"
Easier said than done,
Fine, Come on,
Valerio, I don't know how to tell you this…
Is it alcohol-free?
- What,,, - Alcohol-free?
No,
It's good, Drink up,
So, I think that I have
time traveled,
What era did you end up in?
In this one,
I mean, here, now,
So you time traveled and ended up here in the present?
Yes,
It's obvious that you have no idea how time traveling works, Dante,
I mean, I'm from the past, right?
But it's like the last three years have flown by,
You know? Not flown by as in a figure of speech,
But actually flown by, in a single day,
Have you been to the doctor's?
Yes, I went last year,
- Last year? - Well, yesterday,
What did he say?
He said that I'm stressed,
that I need to slow down,
I saw a documentary the other day about American experiments,
the kind of thing I like,
They took two accurate clocks,
They synchronized them to the same time,
They left one in Washington and put one on a plane and flew it around the world,
And?
When the plane got back, they checked it,
and they realized that the one that had stayed on land, which was…
Oh, in Washington,
…In Washington,
was ahead of the one that had traveled,
So, what?
The same amount of time passed faster on the plane,
The faster you move through space, the faster you move through time,
I don't know, I was drunk,
- So, what? - The point is… That isn't the point,
You feel like time is flying 'cause you never stop or take a day off,
You're always rushing, Even what's happening with Alice,,,
Why? What's happening with Alice?
- What's happening with Alice? - I asked you, What's going on?
You told me things weren't going well, that you were thinking of getting help,
Of getting help from who?
How should I know? A professional,
You complain about your dad so much, I don't think you want to be like him,
So, give in,
Now,
Not like you usually do, in a month or a year,
Today, Now,
- I don't smoke, - And don't smoke,
The problem isn't what I do today,
The problem is what I do on the other 364 days of the year,
Sure, What do you mean?
That said,
if I quit my job today…
- No! - Today, yes,
- Thanks, Valerio, - It's the classic mistake everyone makes,
I love you, but don't do it, No worries, Bye,
DIRECTOR
Dante,
What are you wearing? Come on, come in,
Excuse me,
Where did the director go?
DIRECTOR
Excuse me, Francesca,
Can you come here? I need to tell you something,
- Sure, - Thank you,
So I have become
the director,
Indeed,
Since when?
I mean, it's been…
- Eight months, - Eight months?
Yes,
Everything okay?
Yes,
Francesca, listen, since you know me well…
You do know me well, right?
Yes, quite well,
How did I become director?
Well, when Pintucci retired, you seemed the most obvious choice,
You've always worked hard for this company,
And to think I was about to quit,
- I mean, last year, I wanted to quit, - Why?
Because I wanted to change everything,
Life, pace, everything,
You would've been mad to,
The director's salary is
interesting, I'd say,
Not to mention the benefits,
The benefits?
Of course,
Free policies, life insurance, death benefits,
health insurance for the whole family,
I see,
For the whole family,
That'll be why I did it, For sure,
Happy birthday,
Thank you,
Gaetano chose it, It's from him too,
Gaetano,
Of course, Gaetano,
Thank you, You didn't have to though,
It seemed the least I could do,
If you hadn't given me time off, I wouldn't have even gone on my honeymoon,
You got married? Congratulations, To whom?
- To Gaetano, - To Gaetano, Of course,
Great guy, Gaetano,
- Are you okay? - Yes,
I'll open it later, Thank you, Francesca, You can go,
We got you a cake,
I'm telling you because you don't like surprises,
But just pretend it's nothing,
Happy birthday to you
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIRECTOR
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, director
Happy birthday to you
One of the most attended masses at St, Peter's Square
since Pope Ratzinger gave up his pontificate,
- No, - Now on to other news,
Alice, the pope quit?
Dante, where are you?
In the car, Why, where are you?
Where do you think? Therapy starts in two minutes,
Therapy?
Why, are you sick?
Are you being funny?
Our therapy, Dante, Don't tell me that you forgot,
No, of course not,
Can you send me the address? Just to be sure,
Alice, are you serious?
What are we meant to do with couples therapy?
We've already discussed it,
We need help,
- Unless you want to throw it all away, - No, of course I don't want to,
So,
let's pick up from our last session,
We were talking about your communication issues,
and the attempt you're making to try and find a new way
to dramatize your emotions,
What did he say?
Today, we're going to use a technique known as "Couple Sculpting,"
Great, I like it,
Dante,
You have to try to represent what you are experiencing
in your relationship with Alice,
Ask her to move in the couple zone where you see her,
then represent your personal boundaries within this space,
Right, like a game of charades,
Yes, like a game of charades,
I don't think there are any problems,
Our relationship is great, so…
- That ugly doll, what's it… - Your daughter,
Oh, our… Nice, She's pretty,
The game of charades, yes,
It's easy,
Can you…
Here we go,
The baby,
Oh,
Yes, I…
The baby
stands between us, so…
Like this,
She fell, It's not like I did it
on purpose,
Go ahead, Alice,
Thank you,
Move away,
Go on,
Further,
Even more,
- The desk's in the way, - Underneath,
Underneath? What do you mean, "underneath"?
It's low, I can't get under,
It's not that…
All right, everything has its limits,
Sorry, this seems really…
It's a bit much, Be patient,
Dante, what were you trying to say with your spatial representation?
What was I trying to say? That there's no issue, I love my family,
What family? You never spend time with Galadriel,
With who?
- Galadriel, Our daughter, - Our daughter, of course, I know,
- Listen, a few sessions ago… - Yes,
…you said,
"Sometimes I don't go home because I need to spend some time alone,"
- I did? - Yes,
I said that?
He'd rather be at work than at home, He gets bored at home,
That's not true, I always said I've never been bored with you,
No, that's not true,
You said that I'm bipolar, Strange way to tell someone they aren't boring,
When did I say that?
I've also suggested we do things together, like yoga,
Yoga?
Yoga's great,
Well, now, maybe yoga isn't…
He complains about how I look after the baby,
- No, - He says I still act like I'm 15,
- I told you that,,, - You don't even like my drawings anymore,
This is madness,
- You used to be proud of me, - I still am!
- You were interested, Asked questions, - Listen,
- We don't talk about anything anymore, - You can't say,,,
It would be strange if we actually did manage to talk
'cause you're always at work!
I'm working my ass off in the office so you can sit at home drawing!
That'll do for today, I'll see you next week,
Alice, about what I said, I don't know where it came from,
- Forget about it, - I love your drawings,
It's no problem,
We come here to say the things we've never told each other,
- We aren't going home together? - I have things to do, See you later,
- Dante, - Alice, Where are you?
I'm at home,
No, you aren't at home, I'm here, you aren't,
The other house,
The other… What other house?
Alice, will you please come here?
We can't take a break if we're sleeping in the same bed,
You said so yourself,
What break?
We don't need a break, Tell me where you are, I'll come to you,
I need to take Galadriel to dance class, I'll come by later, okay?
- You will come though? - All right, fine, See you later,
Bye,
Yes, No, look, this really isn't the time,,,
On the balcony?
What balcony?
It's only three floors,
With your luck, you won't even die, just get pretty hurt,
Hey, She doesn't want a child with me,
- Who are you talking about? - Rosa,
My neighbor, She doesn't give a damn about me,
- Dad, don't be a baby, Come on, get down, - Leave me, I said I'd jump and I will,
Dad, behave yourself, I have enough problems of my own,
You work too much,
If I work too much, it's for the good of my family,
You don't even know what that means,
I was a great father,
I'm always telling Rosa,
That's why she doesn't want you, 'cause you talk a load of shit,
Maybe you're right,
But at least
your mother
never left me,
Alice hasn't left me,
We're taking a break,
Sure,
No doubt,
Know what makes you so lucky?
You can't remember all the crap you did,
When you left home for six months with that woman,
Who?
When you spent 100 million lire on a boat 'cause it was a bargain,
100 million, Dad,
And you didn't have enough money for my school trip, Remember?
No, you don't remember,
Go on, jump, I'll wait down there for you,
Alice,
Alice?
Welcome home,
Francesca?
What are you doing here? How did you get in?
How did I get in? With my keys,
Oh, I took a shower,
You shower at my house?
It's ready,
Happy birthday,
Oh yeah, sorry, I burned it a bit, I'm a disaster in the kitchen,
I mean…
But I know how to apologize,
Listen, I need to…
- I was thinking about something, - What's wrong?
Weren't you married to…
to that dude, to Gaetano?
Yes, but that ended a year ago,
Damn, how time flies,
Listen, Francesca, I need to tell you something,
And now I don't even know how to,
I mean, the reason you're here…
I mean, I don't…
No, I know… I mean, it's obvious that…
But, I mean, I think it was just an episode,
There, You know what they say, a one-night mistake,
Dante,
We've been fucking for six months,
Six months?
But how can,,,
I think that's Alice,
And?
And look, can you come here for a sec?
I need to ask you a favor,
I need to talk to Alice for five minutes about something important,
Could you just go in the bathroom for a moment?
- The bathroom? - Yes,
You can take this bathrobe off, Five minutes,
- Dante, - I swear, I'll sort it, It's important,
I'll sort this out, and…
If you can really… I mean…
Don't flush…
Am I disturbing you?
No, no way, No,
Do you want to come in?
- Yes, - Yes,
- Happy birthday, - Thank you,
So…
No, you said you wanted to talk to me, It sounded urgent,
No, it's nothing serious, If you want, we can talk about it at your,,,
I miss you, Dante,
I know this break is the best thing for both of us, but…
Something great happened to me,
What?
A gallery owner wants to exhibit my work,
- That's great news, - Yes,
It's not 100% certain yet, but…
It's great,
But it didn't seem so great when I couldn't share it with you,
My first instinct was to call you,
but then… I didn't think it was the right thing to do,
But then you called me and,,,
I love you,
I think I love you too,
What are those?
What?
Those,
No, those
are a present for you,
Without a box?
I wasn't sure about the size, so I thought…
You'd try them yourself?
Dante, is there a slut hiding here somewhere?
What? Alice!
There isn't a woman in this house right now?
There isn't a woman in the house right,,,
The bathroom is part of the house,
Listen… No, wait a sec…
Ali,
I'm sorry for calling you "a slut,"
No problem, I get it,
No, really, I'm sorry,
Don't worry, It's not your fault,
- Listen,,, - Nice shoes, by the way,
Thanks, I got them on sale too,
Can I say something? Alice,
- Alice, honestly, I can explain, - You don't have to explain anything!
Your idea of a break was obviously different to mine,
Alice, I want to be with you, What do you want me to say?
Can I tell you something?
You've gained weight,
I have never been treated like this in my life!
Listen, Francesca, this thing, whatever it is, can't go on,
This thing, as you call it, ends here, don't you worry,
Please, promise me!
- You're a total loon, - No, I'm not,,,
Listen, if I were to call you and ask you to meet up,
like, I don't know, I invite you to dinner or ask you to stay the night,
you have to say no, all right?
I'm never setting foot in here again, Don't worry,
Fuck you,
The drinks are ready, darling,
Are you fucking with me?
- What did I do? - What did you do?
You said you'd never set foot in this house again,
- When? - What do you mean, when? Just now,
- How much have you had to drink, darling? - Stop calling me,,,
Who are all these people?
And this kitchen…
What is all this?
"What is all this?" It's your kitchen,
Mine?
Look, Francesca,
listen carefully,
This thing between us
is a big misunderstanding, okay?
A huge misunderstanding,
Also because, you know, the secretary with the boss,
Something so disarmingly banal, it's even a bit tacky,
- You're a total loon, Dante, - No, I'm not crazy,
It's just that this isn't the life I'd have wanted to live, Do you get it?
You think you're the only one who feels like that?
You really think this is the life I'd have wanted to live?
A year and a half of relationship with an unaffectionate schizoid like you,
You weren't my first choice either,
- I loved him, - Who?
Gaetano, my husband, I loved him so much,
But you know how it is, these things take two people,
You know what?
I am sick and tired of having to settle,
I'm sick and tired, and I don't want to waste even one more second,
There, done,
- What? - I joined Tinder,
What the fuck is Tinder?
There are a lot of nice, polite, good-looking people out there,
Not this guy,
No, not him,
Not this one either,
Nor this one,
These are all shitty examples, but I'll find someone better than you!
So, goodbye, Take this,
Happy birthday, Screw you!
Excuse me,
You have to,,, Excuse me,
Hey! Excuse me!
I'm sorry, I don't feel very well, so the party's over,
Thank you,
- Come on, everyone around Dante, - What are you doing?
- A selfie, - A what?
- A selfie? - No, you don't get it, You have to go,
Get out of my house now!
Please, get out! Thank you,
Quickly!
I don't even know who you are,
- Why are you here? - You invited me,
- I invited you? - Yes,
Oh, All right, you can stay, Where are you going?
- You scared me, - Come on,
Do you still see Alice?
Yeah, I bump into her every now and then,
Still the same,
I know,
I'm the one who turned into an asshole,
No, you didn't turn into an asshole, You just changed,
- Like everyone, - But when did it happen?
It doesn't just happen overnight, It happens slowly, so you don't notice,
It's called life,
Know what I wished for on my 40th birthday?
Yes,
No,
To have more time,
And I was sure I'd be able to,
But it's the only thing I don't have,
It's sad, huh?
Know what's sad, and I mean really sad?
What?
I'm 45, I've not been in a relationship that's lasted more than three months,
I have no kids, I think,
I teach a subject in college that the kids think is almost useless,
and they're probably right,
and this was perfect for making me forget
my miserable failure of a life,
It made me feel like everything was okay,
But it doesn't work anymore,
In fact, it gives me gastritis,
And my back hurts, Did I tell you? For two months now,
You aren't a failure, You're just drunk,
Let's hope so,
Another round,
Anyway,
we never used the gift I got you,
What gift?
"What gift?"
The roller coaster,
Yes, I know, You're right, Sorry,
I was very hurt,
But I forgive you,
Empty,
You cut your hair?
Three months ago, You only just noticed?
If you came to see the baby, she's asleep,
No, I came to talk to you,
Go on,
- I don't want it to end like this, - No way, Please,
The same story every birthday,
Listen, Dante,
There's no point pushing it,
We weren't meant to be together, You were right,
And you moved on, You're with someone else,
- It's over with Francesca, I swear, - And I want to move on too,
Move on?
What does "move on" mean?
- You're seeing someone else? - No, I mean, not yet, but…
I've started looking,
Looking…
Alice, you can't break up with me,
We broke up a long time ago,
We were so good together!
- We were one, - Maybe that was the problem,
For years, I was convinced that I was nothing without you,
That's why I was so upset when you weren't around,
But I've realized now,
What?
That I can do it,
Are you saying you don't need me anymore?
I'm saying that maybe I was wrong to need someone,
Bye, Dante, Happy birthday,
Alice,
I love you! I,,,
Love is a bit much, but you seem nice enough,
Look out,
Sorry, but who are you?
Alice, there's a stranger in your house,
- What's going on? - Can you go, please?
- You're wet, - Sorry, who is this guru type?
He sometimes likes to joke like this,
When are you gonna get back in shape?
- When will you get a personal trainer? - Who is he?
A personal trainer who speaks four languages,
Who doesn't speak four languages these days?
You do,
Why do I care how many languages he speaks?
Can you go, please?
Galadriel, that funny guy you call a father is here!
- Should I make something to eat? - Thank you,
He cooks too,
Happy birthday,
Alice, does that guy live here?
Do you mind taking Filippa with you?
No, I have enough trouble with one kid,
- Her little pal too? Please, - Filippa, come here,
Alice, please,
In what world does it seem normal to you to name a dog Filippa
and a baby Galadriel?
Hi,
Hi, Dad,
But you've grown so much,
That's not true,
I mean, before you were…
And now you're… You're tall, I mean, you're really…
Dad, let's go to the park,
Yes, let's go to the park,
Want to do this?
The castle?
How old are you now?
- Five already? - How old are you, Dad?
I've lost count,
Why? Are you old?
Yes, honey, I'm old,
Am I old too?
No, honey,
I want to be old like you,
What are you saying?
Listen…
- Galadriel, - Galadriel, yes, I know your name,
When did you get Filippa?
She's Omar's, Mommy said you didn't want dogs,
No, it's not that I didn't want dogs, It's that dogs make a mess
and destroy the house,
I wanted to tell you something about Omar,
Honey, you shouldn't be so trusting of strangers, okay?
Omar isn't a stranger, He's Mom's boyfriend,
Yes, and that's my point,
I should be Mommy's boyfriend, not Omar,
But you're Daddy,
And…
do you like Omar?
Yes, except for when he tries to make me laugh but can't,
Do you like me?
Yes, especially when you say mashed potato is ghost poop!
Do I really say that?
That is quite funny,
But you get mad when I don't eat it 'cause it's gross,
What do you like to eat?
Ice cream,
Ice cream, Oh,
Chocolate ice cream,
No, Daddy, I'm allergic to chocolate,
Remember?
Yes, of course, you're…
Listen, honey,
Is there anything I don't do that you'd like me to?
More time,
You mean spend more time together?
No, it's just that when we are together, you're always on the computer, the phone…
I want to be with you, Actually with you,
Doing what?
Nothing, but together,
Daddy?
- Can I get down? I need to pee, - Yes, sure, Come on,
You know what?
I haven't peed in seven years,
That's not possible,
It is possible,
Really, Seven years,
Bye, sweetheart,
- Daddy'll be back, - When?
Soon,
- Listen, Dante, I wanted a quick chat, - What do you want?
Alice and I have been seeing each other for a while,
Things are going well,
- We were thinking of moving in together, - No,
Are you still joking?
No, I'm not, You can't move in together,
Look, I'm not asking your permission, I'm just letting you know,
Listen, Omar,
We were really happy together,
Even if things aren't great now, it'll all go back to how it was, Got it?
You should come train with me,
Yeah, sure,
- I don't have time for gymnastics, - You have a very limited idea of my work,
Balance isn't part of the body, It's part of the mind,
You don't know how many people like you come to me,
Consumed by your plans,
Caught up in what you have to do tomorrow, in a week, in a month,
And in the meantime, life gets out of hand,
- And you know what comes next, Dante? - What?
Regrets,
Do you know what His Holiness the Dalai Lama says?
What does His Holiness say?
- Are you fucking with me? - No,
Your fourth language is Chinese?
- Tibetan, - Same thing,
I learned it by meditating,
And what does that proverb mean?
It's not a proverb, Those are the words of the enlightened,
He says, "There are two days a year on which you can't do anything,"
"One is called yesterday, and the other is called tomorrow,"
That is a proverb, by the way,
- Valerio, - Hey,
I'm in the park, I've been waiting 30 minutes, You coming?
Yes, Coming,
Ta-da,
Happy birthday,
Thank you,
So Alice has a new boyfriend,
No, Still Omar,
Oh, you know him?
Yes,
Well, "I know him"
on Instagram,
On what?
- Instagram, - What's that?
- You don't know what Instagram is? - No,
You're in the park? You take a photo, Instagram,
Got a kitten? You take a photo of it, Instagram,
Using the bidet, you take,,,
- Instagram, - Instagram, exactly,
So basically, you take photos?
- That's it? - That's it, No small thing,
Anyway, he isn't the right person for Alice,
- No? - No,
She needs someone like…
Like what?
Like me,
Like you?
What are you saying?
Are you crazy?
Until the other day, you were telling me, "Omar's so cool, I really like Omar,"
"I'm so happy she's with someone like Omar,"
I really said that?
Yeah,
Anyway, the exhibition was great,
- Whose, Omar's? He paints too? - No, Alice's,
- Alice's? - Yes,
She did it?
I want to go and see it,
But we did go, Dante, Together,
Hey,
How much have you had? Are you drunk? You just took a sip,
What about you, have you quit?
Quit what?
- Drinking, - Oh, yeah,
Of course,
Are you okay?
Yes, really? You've lost weight,
Eight kilos,
Eight kilos? Damn, how did you do it?
Well, I got cancer, They say that helps,
You're such a dick,
What the fuck are you doing?
Are you okay?
- How are you? - How am I?
You know how I am, I'm drinking fruit juice,
I have five sessions left,
We're running some tests next week to see how it's going,
What does that mean?
It's going well, Valerio, isn't it?
Yes, it's going well, Yes, Hey,
Don't worry,
Don't worry, At worst…
at worst, I die,
Right,
Remember that thing about the roller coaster?
Let's go do it,
- When? - Now,
When… Like, right now,
You're nuts,
Come on, let's go,
Come on, Be patient,
Just sitting makes me wanna puke, Imagine if I'm upside down,
So, what are you doing now? Shall we spend some time together?
No, I have things to do,
All right, a bit longer,
I said I'm busy,
I'll see you tomorrow,
Promise me,
What?
That I'll see you tomorrow, Promise me,
Come on,
10 OCT, 2014
15 SEPT, 2011
Hi, Alice,
No, nothing,
It's just to tell you that, at the end of the day, Omar
is a great guy,
And so, in my opinion,
you really should think about moving in together,
Oh, you already live together? Yes,
Well, of course, because in the meantime…
Yes, You did the right thing,
Bye,
"ALL THE DAYS I WAITED FOR YOU" 2016 INK ON CANVAS
I've always said I was doing it for them,
So they could have everything,
To give them everything you didn't give us,
Dad?
Really, everything I did, I did for myself,
I was the one who wanted more,
So I could tell myself I was better than you,
The apple…
never falls far from the tree,
This morning,
we went out to sea early,
Rosa and I,
This morning?
The recess bell was about to ring, and we had to go back to school,
And when the sun was high, Rosa got hungry,
So I got the sandwich, I split it in two,
and we ate together,
Really slowly,
Because we didn't want that moment to ever end,
Then we lay down
and we made love,
Today is the best day of my life,
Who are you?
I'm Dante, Dad,
Dante,
Sorry,
I got lost,
What were we saying?
Nothing,
Nothing, Never mind,
Please,
don't tell the teacher we made love,
Dad, wait a second,
Come on, Valerio, answer,
Valerio, don't play games,
You can't die as well,
Valerio,
Go on, answer me,
Hey,
- Why the fuck are you calling? I'm here, - Valerio!
Hey, What's up?
- Are you okay? - I'm okay,
- How are you? - I'm good, How am I?
Like I was when I left you here 20 minutes ago,
Did you get your dad's boxes?
Your dad's boxes, We came to move them, didn't we?
No, it's just that… I didn't feel like it,
- It's too soon, I told you it was, - Yes,
I'll take you home,
Are you okay?
I'm fine, Dante,
- Are you okay? - Yes,
- Valerio? - Yeah?
I don't want to go home,
Where do you want to go?
Well, it is my birthday, isn't it?
Yes,
Well, then, there's something we still have to do,
It's amazing!
- Yeah! - It's amazing!
Dante,
- We totally have to do it again, - You fainted after one minute,
- But it was still amazing, - Told you, I've been telling you forever,
OFFICE
Valerio,
Listen, you have to… do me a favor,
What?
You have to lend me your car,
- My car? - Yes,
Why?
Just because,
- All right, But how am I gonna get home? - Thanks,
You are so handsome with hair, So damn handsome!
Another round,
- Dante, - Alice, where are you?
At home,
Oh, Are you coming to my place?
We already agreed I'd leave the kid with you tonight,
You stay as well though,
What's this? The usual birthday syndrome?
When?
Half an hour, I have to do something first,
Half an hour? Sure? You'll be on time?
On the dot,
- Good morning, everyone, - Dante, where were you?
- The meeting started an hour ago, - I know,
I called you at least ten times, Are you okay?
Yes,
I'm good, I'm great,
Sure? You seem upset,
Oh, no, that's because I just fainted on a roller coaster, I think that's why,
What do you mean, "a roller coaster"?
Maybe we should postpone, What do you say?
- Let's reschedule for tomorrow, - Sure,
No,
No? What do you mean?
That I have more important things to do tomorrow than come here,
Francesca, How many vacation days have I accrued?
Ninety-six, Why?
Ninety-six days,
All right,
- I'm taking them all, - What do you mean, "all"?
All, as of now, obviously,
Dante, what are you saying?
We have the Sanix contract next week, We've been working on it for two months,
What happens next week
we will think about next week,
Well, you will think about it,
I'm on vacation next week,
Oh, Francesca,
I owe you an apology,
I'm sorry if I behaved badly,
if I hurt you, if…
I seemed like a total loon to you,
I hope that one day you can move on and forget,
Dante, I've been with someone else for three years,
What do I need your apology for?
- Gaetano, - No,
Giulia,
Congratulations,
Good job,
"ISLE OF DOG PAWS" ASSOCIATION
Hi, Daddy,
Here we go,
Daddy, is he for me?
Of course he is, Do you like him?
Yeah, tons, Thanks!
You're welcome,
He's gorgeous,
- But don't dogs destroy homes? - Yes,
But look how happy she is,
All right, I'll head off,
You said you'd stay,
I thought it was more of your birthday madness,
Absolutely not,
What do you want to do?
Nothing,
Nothing? We came here for you, It's your birthday,
Exactly, It's my birthday, and I don't want to do anything at all,
Is this 'cause of what I said yesterday?
No, I don't even remember what you said yesterday,
I don't even want to,
I don't want to think about yesterday or tomorrow, I want to think about today,
And today, I want to be with you,
Doing nothing,
But together,
You get bored doing nothing,
Not with you two,
Come on,
Galadriel, time for bed, Come on,
Daddy, will you read me my story tonight?
Of course, honey, Go on, then,
Yes!
Hey,
Kiss,
Bye, sweetie, Good night, See you tomorrow,
Bye,
If you want, you can spend the night here with Galadriel,
She's definitely going to want to sleep with you anyway,
Well, there's always the couch,
If I'm not mistaken, you loved sleeping on the couch,
You never finished a movie, Remember?
Go on, send Omar a message, He's not jealous of me,
Well, he is a bit,
The guru?
Of me?
- Did you have fun with Daddy today? - Yeah,
- Did you see how cute the puppy is? - Yes,
What are we gonna call him?
- Dunno, - Dunno?
Nice, Great name for a dog, Dunno,
Come on, Daddy!
Shall we read a story?
Yes, it's in my school bag,
But Mommy made this,
THINGS THAT PASS
It's my favorite book,
Mommy said she drew it for me when I was little,
"In life, there are many things that pass, that change…
that leave,"
"Sleep ends…
just like tears dry,"
"Leaves fall…
and so do milk teeth,"
"Everything passes sooner or later,"
"It slips by
or changes,"
"There's only one thing that doesn't go away…
and never will go away,"
NEVER
"Never,"
What about you, Dad? You won't leave either, will you?
Of course I won't leave,
Go on, stir while I pour it in,
Go on, stir,
Oh, it's about time!
Good morning, sleepyhead,
But… what are you doing here?
We tidied everything up, but we wanted to make you pancakes before leaving,
All right, your birthday was yesterday, but we can bend the rules this once, huh?
Daddy, yesterday was a super cool day!
Yes, Go take your pajamas off, and then we'll leave,
But…
I mean, is today…
It's tomorrow,
27 OCTOBER 2019
Everything okay?
Yeah, I'm fine, I'm…
I'm great,
Listen, Alice, I…
I wanted to tell you…
But I don't even know how to tell you now,
These last few years, I don't really know what I did,
You just did what you wanted to, Dante, That's all,
Let's put it this way,
These years that have passed, I've lost them, and I know it,
Nothing I can do about that,
But I think I've figured out what I want to do from now on,
One day a year isn't enough to prove you're different,
And then, different to whom?
- You're you, You've always been you, - But people can change,
So you say today, and tomorrow?
I want to be with you tomorrow, And the day after tomorrow,
- Why, did you take a vacation day? - No,
- Exactly, - I took 96,
When?
Today, Yesterday,
What's wrong? Aren't you happy?
No,
it's just that I know you,
You'll get bored doing nothing,
You'll find a job while on vacation from your job,
No, I promise that won't happen,
People don't change, Dante,
There's still time,
It's ready,
No, hang on,
You won't enjoy them if you do that,
Trust Daddy, He's an expert in these things,
Daddy's right, You have to get to ten, or you'll burn yourself,
One,
Two,
Three,
Four,
- Five, - Five,
Six,
- Seven, - Seven,
- Eight, - Eight,
- Nine, - Nine,
- Ten, - Ten,
Now,
STILL TIME
FOR ADRIANA
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