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♪ Just hear those sleigh bells jingling, ring ting tingling too ♪
♪ Come on, it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you ♪
♪ Outside the snow is falling and friends are calling "Yoo hoo!" ♪
♪ Come on, it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you ♪
♪ Giddyup, giddyup, giddyup ♪
- ♪ Let's go, let's,,, ♪ - [record scratch]
Ooh! [stammers in fear]
Hmm, Tree-Scurrier to Little Drummer Boy,
All halls have been properly decked,
Over,
Little Drummer Boy, do you copy?
[exclaiming in distance] Hot!
Wayne?
Hot, Gingerbread burning, gotta go,,, [exclaims]
[gasps]
You didn't update your GBM software, did you?
[automated voice] Self-destruct mode initiated,
Exploding in 30 seconds,
- [both exclaim] - Ah!
- No, stop, - No, cancel, [yelps]
[yelps]
You have to enter your password to override!
[stammering] Huh? What's my password?
I don't know, It's your password,
[voice glitching] E-e-exploding in 20 seconds,
Oh! Got it,
Christmas, One, two, three,
Password, incorrect,
- Ahhh! - S-s-still self-destructing in five,,,
- No, no, no, you're incorrect, - Four, three,,,
Stop, stop counting down,
- ,,,two, one, - [yelping]
Merry Christmas,
[explosion]
[both exclaim]
[crackling]
Oh,
[car alarm blaring]
[sighs] Lanny,,,
I am initiating Snowball Protocol,
We will never speak of this again,
Well, that mission was not very tinsel, Wayne,
Not very tinsel at all,
Ahem, Zip it, Snowball Protocol,
- Oh, right, - Merry Christmas,
Oh, back at you, Jose,
- Merry Christmas, Alba, - Feliz Navidad,
So wait, Do you have any special plans for Christmas Day?
Nope, Not a one,
Oh, my family has a full day of activities planned,
and I'd love for someone to beat
my great aunt Lori at pin the horn on the narwhal,
Hmm,
She's starting to get a little too cocky about it,
So, uh, you in?
Oh, boy, that sounds fun,
But I don't know, we-we just worked all night together,
I mean, wouldn't you rather spend time with your family and friends?
I'm just a co-worker, right?
Oh, I thought, we,,,
Oh, Yeah, right,
Co-workers,
[woman] Wayne?
You didn't pick up when I called you all eight times,
What, did you lose your GBM again?
[chuckles] No,
Hi, Magee,
Oh, Tiny, hi,
You know, you know, your presence is a gift I'd love to return,
Okay, bye,
Oh, no, no, no you don't,
The Big Guy wants to speak to you both in his office S-T-A-T, Stat,
Not sure what you did,
because the boss usually settles in for his long winter's nap about now,
[whispering] It's probably about the GBM, [clears throat]
Okay,
I'll go in, smooth this over, and we can all get out--
Uh-uh-uh, He wants to see Lanny first,
[coughing] Remember the Snowball Protocol, [clears throat]
[whimpers]
Why are you being weird, weirder than usual? What's Snowball Protocol?
Nothing,
You're up to something,
If you lie to The Big Guy and he finds out,
you'll be demoted-- to gift wrap,
[groans]
Lanny,
Lanny?
- Gift wrap, - Hmm,
Hello, sir,
One long night, huh?
Have a seat, Wayne,
Huh? Oh, yeah,
So,,,
I have something here,
Oh, my personnel file,
Is this some sort of a review?
Not that I have anything to hide,
Well,,,
Lanny told me about your,,,
big secret,
He what?
You know, I don't know what he told you, sir, but this morning,,,
[laughs nervously] it wasn't that bad,
This morning?
Listen, I've seen other operations go way more sideways than this one,
[laughs nervously]
Oh! Do tell,
Well-- I don't-- N-now?
Oh, okay,
Well,,,
This one time,,,
[chuckles] I can't believe Magee called us in for a highly classified mission,
I know,
It's super classified and super important,
[Magee] Uh-huh, Yeah, mmm-hmm, okay,
Who called this meeting?
Glen, I should have guessed,
Which conference room, Tiny? Uh-huh,
Yeah, wh-what, save me the good chair, you know the one,
Ugh, he never listens,
Reporting for duty, Magee,
Good, because this is a mission of utmost importance,
I call it operation,,,
Eggnog,
Meet Commodore Charles Eggnoggington, the Third,
Nog, for short,
[Lanny] Aww,
Wait, I thought pets weren't allowed at work,
[shushes] They're not,
He's been sick because of his sensitive little tum-tum
so I brought him to work to keep an eye on him,
Which is why I said it was classified,
You can't leave this office,
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
You want us to babysit your pet?
That's the big classified mission?
Yes,
No, no,
No way, I'm out,
I'll have my mother bake you her famous Christmas lasagna,
Triple layered with parm on top,
Double layered, parm sprinkle to keep it festive,
Deal, I'm in,
Great,
Here's a few instructions,
Oh, and one thing,
Nog loves fruitcake but he cannot have any,
Isn't that right, little Noggy-Nog?
If anything happens to him, I will snap you like a candy cane,
Back in a hour,
Goodbye, my handsome little gentleman,
[blows kiss]
[giggles]
That's for him, not you,
[mewls]
All right, Let's start wasting one hour,
- [Nog barks] - Wow, This is super detailed,
[sniffing]
Ugh, smells like wet fur in here,
There's even a diagram of Nog's no-no pet zones,
Don't even think about touching his left flipper,
Come on, can't be that hard to watch him, He's mostly blub,,,
- ,,,ber? Huh? - [gasps] Where's Nog?
[Nog mewls]
Oh, frostbite,
Mail call!
For you, Zamir,
Careful,
[Lanny] Oh, there he is,
Target acquired,
[woman] Letter for you, Doreen,
- [Lanny] She's headed for the elevator, - [both panting]
[elevator dings]
[Wayne] Janice, Janice,
Wayne?
Janice, hold the elevator,
Why Wayne? So you can hire more carolers to break up with me again?
♪ Wayne, wishes to break up with you so here is your stuff ♪
- Mm-mmm, - What? I mean, that was her favorite song,
I, I get no points for knowing that?
Nope,
- Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm, - [panting]
- No! - [thuds]
[Janice] Bye, Wayne,
[groans]
Stairs,
[both grunt]
- Janice, please! - Oh, no, no, no,,,
What do you want?
Wait,
I waited long enough for you, Wayne,
[exclaims]
You're right, you're right,
What I need isn't here,
I'm dating someone new, and he's on the nice list!
Oh, where is he?
There he is,
- [both yelp] - No!
[Lanny] That ball goes straight to the toy factory,
- [beeps] - Check,
- [buzzes] - [Nog barks]
[screams]
[both panting and gasping]
Come on,
[panting]
- Oh! - [exclaims]
Ooh, sorry,
[screams]
Come back, sweet prince,
[sighs] I don't get paid enough for this,
[both screams]
[Wayne groans]
Okay, where are you, you rotten little eggnog?
Fruitcake delivery,
[mewls]
- [both exclaiming] - Oh, no, He can't eat fruitcake, Wayne,
[engine starts]
[♪ heavy metal version of "Jingle Bells" playing]
[both exclaim]
Over the fields we go,
Screaming all the way!
[both screaming]
No lasagna is worth this!
And with this final, delicate flourish,
my masterpiece is complete,
[sneezes]
[gasps]
No, no, No, no, no, Stay,
- Uh! No, no-- - [Nog chomping]
[gasps]
[gasps] His tum-tum,
- [beeping] - [gasps]
Wayne, Magee is back in five, [exclaims]
We gotta go,
Sorry, Chef, bye,
[sobbing]
I should have been a sugar plum dancer,
Hey, watch out!
[all exclaiming]
You almost scratched it,
Make way,
[sighs] You're right, Tiny,
I don't know why Glen called that meeting,
I mean, it was clearly a power trip so he could feel important,
Am I right?
[both panting]
Has he always been that shade of green?
Hold it together, Nog,
- [laughs] Tiny, you little gossip, - [Nog coughing and choking]
What was that?
[exclaims]
[Magee laughing] Good one, Tiny, I don't know who Glen thinks he's fooling,
but that toupee does look like reindeer fur,
- [objects clatter] - Oh, frostbite,
[both gasping]
Wayne,
[gagging]
Oh, no,
- Too much fruitcake, - Oh, no,
No, no, no, Not on the carpet,
[vomits]
[gasps]
- [squelching] - [groans]
Roasted chestnuts,
Oh! Little Noggy-Nog,
Isn't he just the cutest little ball of mush? [laughs]
[mewls]
Who let this window open? He could have escaped,
Oh, well I, uh,,,
Oh, no, I'm sorry, that was me,
I almost fainted from the excitement of playing with Nog,
- [mewls] - [Magee gasps] Oh!
I think I found my new babysitter,
I hate fruitcake,
[chuckles] That Nog,
[laughs heartily]
I hadn't heard that you lost him,
Oh, so,,,
that's not the big secret Lanny told you about,
[sighs]
It was not,
Well,,,
If it wasn't about Nog, uh,,,
[chuckles nervously]
,,,then I think it must have been something else,
[exclaims, grunts]
Uh, maybe Lanny mentioned the incident on the island last year,
Such a nervous talker, [chuckles nervously]
Oh, Lanny,
Oh!
I'd love to hear all about it,
Okay,
Yuletide Island, Oh, wow,
This is so tinsel!
And very humid,
Mm-hmm, [exhales]
Yep, no more chimneys, no more stockings,
Lanny, all I want now is peace and quiet,
[hammering]
Have to post all of these rule signs so everyone can have fun,
- [elf grunts] - Safely,
Okay, everybody, here is a detailed schedule,
I have a full day of fun activities planned for everyone
before our big celebration feast tonight,
And yes, it's laminated, so you can take it in the ocean, You are welcome,
So organized,
[sighs]
Ooh, quick reminder,
Find a sunscreen buddy,
Or you'll wind up as red as Santa's suit,
[all laughing]
You know, Magee, other people know how to relax,
They don't need instructions,
[laughs hysterically]
[snores]
Yes, they do,
[chuckles] I can't wait to do all the things,
I can't wait to do none of the things,
I'll be in my hammock, Thank you,
Okay, well,,,
see you later?
[Wayne grunting]
[sighs in relief]
- [thuds] - [grunts]
Well, you missed beach volleyball, Wayne,
Luckily they said hitting the ball with my face still counts,
[chuckles]
[sighs in relief]
- Last call for jet ski rides, - [exclaims]
Wayne, last call for jet ski rides,
This vest fits great,
[sniffs]
It smells like a sea dumpster,
Whoa! [yelps]
[sighs in relief]
Sorry, Wayne,
[exclaims]
You missed the sand sculpture competition,
Look, Wayne, I made the two of us,
I didn't win,
but I tried the hardest, [chuckles]
[water splashing]
[gasps]
Huh, Well, at least sand castle Wayne participated,
[exclaims in exasperation] That's it,
I am on vacation,
Nobody cares about your schedule,
I'm just trying to relax, but you just keep going on with your,,,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!
You know what, Wayne?
I spend so much time planning things, the least you could do is participate
and show some gra,,,
ti,,, tude,,,
Rolling snowballs, it's him, [gasps]
Renato,
[whispers] Renato,
[gasps]
[giggles] Oh,
That reminds me,
you know what I did, uh, as a thank you,
I booked you an appointment at Spa Navidad,,,
with Renato,
[whispers] Renato,
[crowd clapping]
What? There's no way,
I mean, he never has any last minute openings,
Oh, I'm actually scheduled to get a massage--
Quiet, Hey, Renato, your next appointment is over here,
[chuckles]
Come with me, my jingle bell,
[gasps]
But what about-- what about the schedule and the rules and like the big feast--
[shushes]
When Spa Navidad beckons,
you must heed its call,
Okay,
I'll handle it, you go, go relax, you work so hard,
You do so much for so many, so leave,
Oh, you got your hand in mine, [chuckles]
I feel so safe,
Wow, Wayne,
I'm surprised you're taking over as the activities director,
I'm not,
I am on vacation,
No more rules,
[crowd cheering]
[crowd chanting] No more rules! No more rules!
[Renato] As we embark on our journey,
join me, will you,
in some simple yoga poses,
Beginning with,,, Santa's Sleigh,
Next,,, Down the Chimney,
And now,,, Trimming Tree,
[groaning]
- I don't think I-- - No, no, no, Don't think, you can,
Hold it for three deep breaths,
Oh, what's happening?
- [straining] What's happening? - Two turtle doves,
- One partridge, - [wincing]
And release,
Ah, you've gone straight to Yule Log,
- You're learning, - Ow,
Hey, Wayne,
Uh, some of the other elves have question for you,
Oh, were you sleeping?
And now we must relax your mind,
Yeah, my mind doesn't relax well, I'm very worried--
[shushes]
All is calm,
All is bright,
[bells chiming]
Oof, you really know how to ring those bells,
[elves shouting indistinctly]
[screams]
Wayne, I mean, if you aren't gonna help them,
maybe we should get Magee,
No, she's busy,
Yeah, but-- hey, you know what?
If you're so concerned, why don't you take care of it?
Uh, yeah,
Sure, What are friends for?
How can I help?
- [indistinct shouting continues] - Oh, okay yeah,
Yeah, okay, I, I'll, I'll--
[sighs with relief] Oh, ow,
- [bones cracking] - Wow, Uh-huh,
Yeah, okay,
[winces, exclaims]
And on the final stage of our journey, you must travel inward,
to your place of merriment,
[thinking] Mmm, meetings,
Schedules,
Reports,
Handbooks, Labels,
Binders, pens, pencils, files, orders, sticky notes, calendars,
♪ I would like to thank Magee for scheduling this meeting ♪
♪ It could have been an email, but it's way more fun in person ♪
♪ It's 5 p,m, on Friday but we never dream of leaving ♪
♪ Where would we be without Magee? ♪
[cell phone ringing]
♪ Hiya mom, what's that you say, you're proud of me? ♪
♪ Oh, really? Despite how I ignore your unsolicited opinions ♪
♪ In fact, you think that all my life decisions have been perfect ♪
♪ Where would she be without Magee? ♪
♪ Her spreadsheets are accurate ♪
♪ Her spelling's immaculate ♪
♪ Let's circle back ♪
- ♪ To Magee ♪ - Thanks, fellas,
♪ Where would we be without Magee? ♪
[screams]
I, I can't,
[indistinct conversation]
I, I don't know, I,,, I don't know,
- [screams] - Lanny?
[panting]
- [yelps] - Hmm?
I hate this vacation,
and my back is burning,
[yelps]
Oof!
Looks like your sunscreen buddy really let you down,
[Lanny groans]
Oh, wait,
I'm your sunscreen buddy,
[crowd chanting] No more rules! No more rules!
Well, that's alarming,
[Lanny] This is so not tinsel,
[sighing in despair]
[Renato sighs]
You have achieved total merriment,
Our journey is complete,
[gasps]
The Yuletides, They summon me,
[wind blows]
[birds chirping]
Oh, a tip is optional, but I do have student loans, so anything is appreciated,
[birds chirping]
[Wayne groans]
Magee, we need your help,
Magee? Magee?
Are you broken?
Where's Renato?
[voice whispers] Renato,
[whistles]
Hm,
All right, fine,
Look, Magee, you drive me crazy, but,,,
I know you work twice as hard to make sure we can all relax, so,,,
thank you for planning this whole trip,
I screwed up everything, and,,,
and you were right,
[gasps]
Oh! Did you just say I was right?
[clears throat] Yes,
[crowd chanting] No more rules! No more rules!
- Oh! What in the-- - Uh,,,
[crowd chanting] No more rules! No more rules!
- No rules! - [Magee] Oh, Wayne,
[crowd cheering]
Coffee,
[slurps]
Schedule,
Bullhorn,
It's jingle time,
Yeah, to the right, to the right, okay, That's it, take it over there,
Feast this way, Stella,
Oh, good to see you Frankie,
[gasps] Charlie, you're looking sharp, [gasps] Glen,
You know, I never thought I'd be so happy to see you back in your usual
type A, fun-scheduling self,
I suppose achieving a little bit of merriment isn't such a bad thing,
Hmm,
[whispers] Renato,
And sorry, Lanny,
I mean, I just wanted my vacation, I didn't mean to ruin yours,
Glad you had my back,
[groans in pain]
Ah! Always,
[Wayne] I'll get you some aloe,
[The Big Guy] Mm-hmm,
Yes,
I read Magee's incident report about that,
[laughs]
It was very long,
[sighs wearily]
Sir,
I know I messed up this morning,
I shouldn't have initiated Snowball Protocol
and made Lanny keep it from you,
Oh, well, that's not the big secret,
What? Th--that's not it?
[laughs] No,
No, Wayne,
There was no need for Snowball Protocol,
Just open the file,
It's a,,,
bir-birthday card,,,
to me,
But I never told anyone my birthday was,,,
today,
Yes,
Your big secret,
Lanny discovered that Christmas Day also happens to be your big day,
and it has always been overlooked,
But overlooked no more,
That Lanny sure is a thoughtful one,
[sighs]
"Dear Wayne,
have the most tinsel birthday ever,
Your friend,,,"
[chuckles softly]
",,,co-worker,
Lanny,"
Friendship is such a wonderful gift,
[indistinct chatter]
[Lanny] She moved it! She moved it!
Did you guys see that? No more cheating, Great Aunt Lori,
[gasps] Wayne?
What are you doing here?
Well,,,
Christmas is for family and friends and,,,
you're just about the best friend I've got,
Aw!
[groans]
Happy birthday, Wayne,
Merry Christmas, Lanny,
Come on in,
Hey, everybody,
Wayne's here,
[all] Happy birthday, Wayne,
[Wayne] Oh, hey, Well, thanks, thanks everybody,
[Magee] Wayne, it's your birthday?
- [Nog mewls] - And there was a card?
Lanny!
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