PREVIOUSLY ON WHISKEY ON THE ROCKS
-[all] Cheers! -[roars]
[banging]
[yelling, screaming]
What was that? Did anyone spot us?
There's a submarine on Torhamnaskär,
What's it doing there?
Answer me, goddamn it!
-Where are we? -Sweden,
Shit!
-Possible diplomatic complications, Stop, -Understood!
So, that means our operation has failed?
-It has, Comrade Secretary-General, -[yells]
[Reagan] Pull!
The Russians have launched a potential attack against Sweden,
Get the choppers ready for Washington,
And get me the Swedish Prime Minister on the phone!
-Hello? -[disconnect tone]
-[Solveig] Who was it? -No, I was too slow,
They'll call again if it's something important,
THIS SERIES IS INSPIRED BY A TRUE STORY
SOME CHARACTERS AND LOCATIONS HAVE BEEN ALTERED
FOR REASONS OF NATIONAL SECURITY
QUITE A FEW, TO BE HONEST,,,
[sheep bleating]
[Thorbjörn] The sheep seem anxious,
[Solveig] No, You worry too much, Thorbjörn,
Unwind a little now that you have time off in the middle of the week for once,
[Thorbjörn] What's simmering over here? Ow!
Lamb stew,
-That was hot, -You know it is,
You could tell by the smell, You're a weird one, [chuckles]
-Has anyone called? -No, No,
Or actually, yes, Ola called, He's been trying to reach you, apparently,
-He has? -Mm,
-When he knows I'm having some time off, -Yes,
I hope nothing has happened out in the world,
-Like a new Harrisburg or such, -Not again, hopefully,
Anyway, he wanted you to call him back,
First, we'll have dinner,
The secretary of state and the world will have to wait,
-It'll do them good, -Honey, call him,
The stew needs to simmer a good while longer, or the meat will be tough,
Like when you do the cooking,
Oh, here comes the criticism,
Right, I'll call him from the armchair,
Hello, Ola, Did you call to check how the sheep are doing?
-[chuckles] -[indistinct chatter over telephone]
Well, I'll be damned,
Karlskrona, huh?
Yes, sure, I understand,
I'll leave as soon as I've informed Solveig,
Goodbye,
[roar of fighter jets overhead]
-You don't hear that every day, -No,
Now, it's your turn,
Yes, All right, all right, Take it easy,
Comrade Captain, 12 o'clock,
Swedish jet fighters,
You don't fucking see that every day,
[man 1] Well, this isn't easy, The sub has immunity as it's a government ship,
On the other hand, they didn't announce their arrival
in accordance with protocols,
And they're in Swedish waters without permission,
And inside a restricted military area,
You're saying the submarine does not have immunity, according to international law,
So, the gentlemen and ladies in this henhouse have finally concluded
that we need not apologize for the Bolsheviks' attack,
Hallelujah!
Mr, Prime Minister, Finally,
-Sweden is under attack, -No, we don't know that, Börje,
-Let's not jump to conclusions, -Conclusions?
A 262-foot Soviet submarine is 150 feet from land
inside a restricted military area,
What do you call this? A picnic?
-They might have taken a wrong turn, -Wrong turn?
-No one is perfect, Börje, -No?
-Or are you ready to cast the first stone? -Uh,,,
You don't repel Russians by throwing stones at them, Ola,
I have four torpedo boats in the water and four more on the way,
-I can strike at any time, -Whoa, whoa, cool your jets, both of you,
You'll have to excuse my attire,
but I understood from the circumstances that it was urgent,
This is the most severe violation of Swedish neutrality
since we let the Nazis ride trains through Sweden to invade Norway,
Or does the Secretary of State intend that we bow to the Bolsheviks as well?
We invited the Nazis,,, that we'll admit, but this is different,
Nice to have the patrol boats, in any case,
No one is to enter our waters to help the Russians leave,
-No, -We must own this matter,
-Own the matter? -As they say,
-Own the matter,,, We own jack shit, -What do you mean?
Who knows? Maybe this Russian submarine actually is the infamous Trojan horse,
packed with nuclear warheads,
Sorry to interrupt the general in the middle of his couplet,
but people are calling, wanting to speak to the prime minister,
Please, Barbro, I can't speak to the press at this stage,
By people, I don't mean the press, first and foremost,
No? Then who?
-Well, Chairman Brezhnev in Moscow, -Ugh, Anyone else?
President Reagan in Washington,
That's no better, Neither of them speak any Swedish,
Anyone else? Mrs, Thatcher?
No, she hasn't called yet, but your wife, Solveig, has,
Right, what did she want?
I don't know, Shall I call one of them back?
Yes, that's,,,
I say we start with President Reagan, and then Chairman Brezhnev,
Listen, the submarine isn't going anywhere,
And I think I need to know a bit more before I talk to the big boys,
A slip of the tongue would be bad,
[Barbro] So let's start out easy with Solveig,
-How does that sound? -Yes, that sounds good,
Good,
Mr, Prime Minister,
Solveig,,,
The world is ablaze, and he's calling Solveig,
Ready the chopper,
Karlskrona needs me,
Yes,
Absolutely, I,,, Yes,,, Well, it's,,,
The press is likely waiting down there to, well, sink their claws into you,
Shall we try to sneak out through the garage?
-There will be no sneaking, Håkansson, -Oh, my name is Martinsson,
Don't interrupt me when I'm speaking!
We have a,,, a buffoon for a prime minister,
and it's of utmost fucking importance that we sway public opinion to our side,
-Public opinion? -And when,,, Shut your mouth!
And you keep your mouth shut about what you heard here, Understood?
Not a peep from you,
[lift bell dings]
There he is!
[reporter] General Lagerkrantz, a comment on the situation?
As I'm sure you understand, all measures being taken are highly classified,
But the joint chiefs believe it's important that the Swedish public
actually understand the threat the Soviet Union poses,
It's a known fact that your grandparents were executed
and your mother fled the Bolsheviks before ending up in Sweden,
Yes, via Helsinki, in a box of fish, nonetheless,
Will this affect your decision in this severe situation?
No, of course not, But I'm afraid I don't have any more time for you,
-I have a country to defend, -What about the people in Karlskrona?
No, the people who live in Karlskro,,,
-Question time is over, Thank you! -I have a grandfather there, you see,
THE KREMLIN MOSCOW
-[exhales] -[single click of typewriter]
-And who are you? -[clicking of typewriter]
Daria Rudneva, your interpreter,
I've been here for four years, Secretary-General,
What do you want from me?
Prime Minister Fälldin has not answered our call,
Shall I try him again?
Not available?
Who does he think he is?
Uh,,, who is he, anyway?
-Swedish prime minister, Fälldin, -[telephone rings]
[secretary] Comrade Secretary-General,
you have the White House on line one,
What do they want from me?
It's regarding the submarine with technical issues in the Baltic Sea,
-[telephones ringing] -Uh,,, Well, this is relevant,
So, we need to answer that call and,,,
and get this matter over with,
-[Daria] Gaby, is that you? -Daria! How are you?
Good, thank you, We do as usual, huh?
[Gaby] In the name of world peace, hallelujah,
I'll transfer the call, Please hold,
Secretary-General, I have President Reagan from Washington on a secure line,
We just talked about this,
[Reagan] Leonid? You son of a motherless goat,
Are you there? It's Ronald here,
[Gaby] Mr, President Ronald Reagan here,
It's a great honor for me to steal a moment of your precious time,
Why do you keep bothering me all the time? Calling and calling,
You should go hang yourself,
Greetings, honored President, To what do I owe this pleasure?
Really? So you remember me?
Well, dementia appears not to have knocked out every brain cell yet,
What have you gone and done now?
Can't you find your own place?
Or does the entire submarine fleet wish to defect?
I'm calling to find out what happened
in the archipelago of southern Sweden,
Friends should always be honest with each other,
and we don't want to worry NATO unnecessarily, do we?
[chuckles]
Why on earth would I tell you anything?
Do you have delusions of grandeur?
With all the respect to you and the NATO,
but this is discussion only between Sweden kingdom
and Union of the Soviet Socialist Republics,
Surely, the only thing you respect is the bottle of liquor in front you,
-if you haven't finished it already, -[snores]
We have three surveillance planes over your goddamn submarine,
and we need to know if it is carrying any nuclear missiles,
So, would you, once and for all, say what's really going on out there
before war breaks out for real?
We are seriously concerned about the situation,
and we are strengthening our presence in the area,
So, in the name of maintaining peace,
do tell us what you are doing inside Swedish territory,
Do you think your clanking of weapons
will frighten the Soviet people?
As far as I'm concerned, you can go to hell!
[clears throat]
No,
I don't have time for you anymore,
I need to go take a shit,
[Daria] I'm very sorry, Mr, President,
but I have a very important meeting right now,
I'm sure we'll speak again soon, Goodbye,
-You don't hang up on me, you,,, -[disconnect tone]
I trust you handled the translation with traditional delicacy,
Absolutely, Mr, President,
Did you translate everything literally?
Of course, Comrade Secretary-General, as always,
I think what we need to do
is to go on the offensive,
Attack, What do you think, Dasha?
Attack! Exactly!
RUSSIAN FLEET JUST OUTSIDE THE SWEDISH BORDER
VALERIY KALININ, ADMIRAL
Admiral Kalinin,
New orders from Moscow, assume attack formation,
From Moscow? The minister of defense?
It's from,,, Comrade Brezhnev himself,
This is serious,
Assume attack formation, Half speed ahead, Execute!
[ships klaxon blares]
Commander, there are more, three destroyers, two corvettes,,,
an unknown number of subs in the water below,
and then we have NATO in the sky above us,
[Karlsson] Are they really going to break in to get their sub?
At war with the Soviet Union with a Bolshevik-hating commander-in-chief,,,
I don't think it can really get much worse,
The situation is extremely urgent, [sighs]
ANDERS KARLSSON, COMMANDER
I'll break the CoC and go straight to the prime minister,
Skip the Commander-in-Chief?
He's still on his way, so we can't get hold of him now,
[exhales]
This is what we'll do, I'll hold the fort here
while you set up the new mobile artillery on Tjurkö,
But we have no ammunition, It's being used for drills in Malmö,
I know,
But the Russians don't,
Call the prime minister,
[indistinct yelling, chattering]
[Gustav] We should've called the Home Guard after all,
[Harry] Yeah, they wouldn't have made such a fuss, [sighs]
If only Björklund had returned that hammer,
-Yeah, -Honestly, I don't understand that man,
No,
GOVERNMENT OFFICES STOCKHOLM
Hello, Commander Karlsson, This is Prime Minister Fälldin,
I hear that the situation has deteriorated, so to speak,
That's right, Five Soviet warships are approaching the Swedish border,
three destroyers and two corvettes,
At the moment, we can't rule out that this is a rescue attempt,
There's also an unknown number of subs in the water, NATO in the sky above us,
and Commander-in-Chief Lagerkrantz is arriving here momentarily,
And he is my superior,
Commander, we don't know each other, but I hear what you're saying and,,,
I agree that the situation is urgent,
These are my orders, Hold the border,
Do whatever is necessary for that, but no offensive excursions,
Tell that to Lagerkrantz before he runs amok,
We can't allow him to act on his own to avenge his grandparents,
Understood, Thank you, Mr, Prime Minister,
-[Lagerkrantz] Commander Karlsson, -Attention!
[clears throat]
General, that was a quick march, Welcome to Karlskrona,
Well, then, I'm assuming command, At ease,
Would the Commander mind giving a sitrep? But please, keep it short,
In the Commander-in-Chief's absence,
I felt the need to contact the prime minister,
who has made a few calls and in my opinion, very wise ones,
-What the he,,, -On the prime minister's orders,
we have dispatched the sub Neptun to mark our presence,
Commencing observation,
We have also placed the ice-breaker Thule in the Gåsefjärden inlet
to defend against any rescue attempts,
Further, Major Henriksson is on his way to Tjurkö to set up ARTE 719,
But the prime minister has forbidden any offensive action,
[phone rings in background]
Goodbye,
THE GOVERNMENT OFFICES STOCKHOLM
Yes, but I will be late,
You know what I'm dealing with right now,
Honey,,,
It's the last time,
Yes, we'll,,, we'll talk about it later,
-[Barbro] Hi, Ola, -[sniffles]
-Red or blue? -I don't know,
I say we go with blue, Let's not flirt with the Russians,
[snorts softly] No, you're right,
Frank Sinatra once told me, "Family, it's not a big thing,
It's everything,"
Thorbjörn needs you at the press conference,
It's already started, Okay?
[Ola sighs]
[Ola sniffles]
-[male reporter 1] Prime Minister! -[female reporter woman] Excuse me!
-Well, as I just said,,, --[male reporter 2] Can you answer our,,,
And, uh, we will not accepter any,,,
What's it called again? The,,,
I don't know,
My order to the military has been very, very clear,
Hold the border,
[reporters call out]
Defend the border?
If the Soviets try anything, will you go to war?
-Yes, yes,,, -Sorry, I'm late,
I think the Minister of the Forest Affairs
maybe can explain a little bit,
[clears throat] Yes, Thank you, Mr, Prime Minister, Well-spoken,
Everybody can make a mistake,
Sweden values the great bilateral relations between us and the Soviet Union,
However, we neither will, nor can be happy
about having foreign submarines in our own water,
On this, we are very firm,
-[female reporter] Mr, Prime Minister! -No more questions, thank you,
-Thank you, -[reporters call out]
[male reporter 3] Is it possible the Soviets have subs on the east coast?
[journalists call out]
A Soviet sub carrying 56 crew is firmly aground in the Karlskrona archipelago
since late last night,
The submarine is stranded in a restricted military area,
18 kilometers inside the Swedish border,
It is almost like a comic opera,
but all involved are taking it very seriously,
What we know is that the submarine is a so-called Whiskey-class model,
It was built in Leningrad and launched in 1956,
The world has never been closer to a third world war than now,
[male reporter] A Swedish fisherman spotted the submarine,,,
-But what,,,? -All right, all right, all right!
Just because they're talking about you, you shouldn't, uh,,,
think you'll get to meet fancy ladies and,,,
Lill-Babs and such,
[Gustav scoffs]
[Kalinin] The liberation operation has begun,
All ships are en route to the Swedish border to bring our comrades home,
[radar chirps]
1,300 yards out, Four minutes,
Switch to speaker mode,
1,100 yards out, Three minutes to the Swedish border,
TJURKÖ – ARTE 719 MOBILE ARTILLERY
[soldiers yelling, chattering]
Major, they're still advancing on the sub, What do we do?
Move aside,
[background chattering, yelling]
750 yards out, Two minutes,
Message the Neptun to mark our presence,
Messaging the Neptun to mark our presence,
[telephone ringing]
Orders from Karlskrona, Mark our presence,
-Activate floodlights, -Acknowledged, Activating floodlights,
[alarm sounds in background]
Comrade Admiral, There is a Swedish sub right below us,
-What? Are they planning to attack us? -Doubtful,
It's obvious that they want us to know that they are there,
Cheeky devils,
Maintain course,
[radar chirps]
450 yards out, One minute,
-Go to frequency-hopping, -But,,,
We're only to use that during war,
We are at war, Execute,
Now!
Go to frequency-hopping,
Acknowledged, Over and out,
What did they say, Major?
We are,,, at war,
Go to frequency-hopping,
Keep targeting the Russian destroyer,
Yes, Major,
Johansson,
Coordinates, Go to frequency-hopping,
200 yards out,
Comrade Admiral,
We're in the sights of the Swedish artillery on Tjurkö,
Our intelligence says it's no longer functional,
[random interference]
The enemy has gone to frequency-hopping,
Are they,,, planning to fight?
How do we proceed, Major? We have no ammunition,
There's nothing more we can do,
Shall we proceed with the operation?
One hundred yards out,
[alarm rings in background]
Turn off the alarm,
[alarm stops]
[signaler] Commander, they've stopped,
All of them,
-Yes! -[all cheering]
They're stopping,
They've stopped,
That was close,
Holy shit,,,
Contact Moscow,
[knocking]
[Peskov] What is it?
A message from Comrade Brezhnev, Comrade Captain,
Oh,
What does Comrade Brezhnev want?
He seems to be somewhat disappointed, Comrade Captain,
[exhales sharply]
"Esteemed Comrade Peskov, Stop,
May you burn in hell, Stop,
I will,,,
send your three horse-faced daughters to Siberia
if you don't put a swift end to the humiliation you have caused
the Soviet Union, Stop,
If the Swedes attempt to board the submarine,
you'll have to blow up that piece of shit,,,
with yourself still on board, Stop,"
How shall we respond, Comrade Captain?
[Peskov] Thank him for his clear instructions,
And add that his wise leadership
is an example to us all,