Rather fitting, this place, Don't you think?
Uh,,,
Sorry, you saw the chains and "No Entry" signs?
I'm with the BBA, This building is marked for demolition,
Very dangerous?
Relax, Ryan,
I work for the company too, Adeline,
You work for the company? What,,, What do you do?
Logistics,,,
Adeline, from logistics?
- Uh, looks like Moe hasn't,,, - I have the candidate files,
If you'd like to look?
It's just the three of us usually,
This is our biggest case yet,
So, I wanted to make sure everything was perfect,
I wanted to meet you too,
What you did for our company was,,,
Speaking? Oh, hi, of course!
Hello?
Are we starting yet?
Hello?
Oh, Ryan, heh, I see you're eager to get going,
Uh, to answer your question, P, we'll be starting in just a few minutes,
Everything alright?
Yeah, Can I clear something up with you?
Of course,
- Maybe? - Oh, outside!
Uh,,,
Sit tight, everyone,
What's up?
It's a bit much, isn't it?
What's that now?
It's like Guantanamo in there,
Oh, well, the hoods and chains are a necessity to this audition,
This client is very specific,
And as we grow as a business, we need to be more careful,
Adeline's suggestion,
Oh,
You've met her!
I'm set up,
Well, then let's begin,
What?
One's missing,
We know,
Carry on,
Welcome, to your Criminal Audition,
You can call me William,
This is my right-hand man, Ryan,
And this is Moe,
Ryan will now take DNA samples from each of you,
Ryan will also assist you in fitting your own criminal profile,
I'm already a criminal, so,,,
What?
Take this time to get to know each other,
To get to know your competition, What do you all think,
I think, J
will have no problem fitting a profile,
Now, there's so many ways I could take that statement,
I don't know whether to be offended or not,
I think she meant it to be offensive,
You know, you drive out prejudices through the door,
and they'll return through window,
Oh,,,
So you are educated,
Despite appearances,
That was a compliment!
You are all fine candidates, and that is why you have made it this far,
What do you think, being the expert and all?
I think it depends how far you're willing to go,
Oh, well, she looks like she'd go all the way!
Well, I think they're "Getting to know each other",
By morning, one of you will be our criminal,
"The Brick Lane Burglaries",
"The murder of Alan Guest",
Both crimes solved, criminals convicted,
Both arranged by us,
Criminals must love you!
Not just criminals,,,
Hmm?
Oh,
"The Silverman Disappearance,"
National news and everything, huh?
Four years Daisy was missing,
Four years of pain, for her mother,
Mister Silverman came to us,
He wanted his wife back,
- We gave them closure, - Amazing!
This is what we do,
These satisfied customers are willing to pay you handsomely,
- In cash? - Once you are convicted,
- And how much do you get? - We take a fee of course,
Now, let's hear Ryan's story,
A criminal, we made earlier,
I confessed and got manslaughter,
It's not exactly national news,
So that's why you're the expert,
And the money?
Not enough to keep you from here,
And you didn't even get famous!
Well, Ryan's skills were far too good to waste,
And if it's fame you're after, this job tonight, is the one you want to get,
Oh, my days!
This is our crime scene,
Not dissimilar to how we will stage your eventual crime,
Get to know it, inside out,
You're not just going to be confessing to a crime, you're going to have to live it,
Was there a struggle?
I was upstairs in the bathroom,
Well, that hardly matches up with our witness statement,
Look, you really need to concentrate on the details,,,
The police know the details,
Tell them your story,
Just make sure you're telling them and not the other way around,
So, she grabbed you, didn't she?
What happened next?
I couldn't believe it was happening,
I saw the blood,
That didn't stop me,
it made me want to carry on,
I wanted her to be sorry for what she did to me,
Is that alright?
We've got one dead, and another in intensive care,
If he doesn't wake up,,,
No comment,
You can't just say "No comment" to everything!
Listen!
If I keep refusing to answer, they're gonna know I've got something to hide,
Then when I crack, they'll feel satisfied,
Like they've done their little police work,
We know you were there that day,
Those thugs were disrespecting my wife,
So, I slit their throats!
Have you always had this violent streak?
You bet!
My sociopathic tendencies are really starting to blossom,
I can't stand people and their nonsense!
I like to cut through the bullshit!
You realize you only need to convince us you can commit one murder,
And you're not a serial killer who uses puns,
Oh, heh,,,
I understand,
It's just I thought you should know
that I took a man's eye out once, heh, and I ate it in front of him!
Wow,
What do you think of them so far?
I think they're as desperate to argue as they are for money,
Oh, well, strong personalities all around here,
Your missing candidate?
Well, we should greet our new guest,
You do it,
Moe!
In case,
Please, don't shoot,
- I'm innocent, - Down,
I'm innocent,
I see you went with my suggestion,
Oh, yes, Um, minus the ball gags,
Hmm,
So, they can just chatter away?
Indeed, Um,,,
- May I introduce you,,, - Team talk! Outside!
Of course!
We should make the candidates comfortable,
I'll go, uh, see what that's about,
Oi!
Be careful,
Yeah,
It's just, um, rather unorthodox
for the client to, um, be on the front line,
Uh,,, As it were, um,
It is my money, isn't it?
And this must be Ryan!
I've heard so much about you,
- Really? - No, not really,
Are you the reason we're missing that candidate?
Ryan! Heh, please, we're just having a little, um,,,
Yes,
Oh, Well, uh, mystery solved!
I saw your wonderful murder scene, on the stage in there,
But I prefer a little bit more realism,
What have you done?
Why don't you go and find out?
You do it,
Didn't see that coming!
Would you, um, like a cup of tea?
Something's not right,
I can see!
I love a good jump scare!
Morris!
- You did that, - Yes! I did that,
And you're with her?
Yes, I'm with her,
We're here to shake things up a tad,
"Shake things up", how?
If I buy a car, I like to test drive it,
I want to test drive those would-be murderers,
I,,, I mean, that's exactly what I do, uh,
Nineteen times so far,
I think we both know they haven't all been so airtight, William,
Heh, I mean, what happens after convictions is,,, is not,,,
I found this, Secret location quite easily,
Which doesn't fill me with confidence!
What? Look, this building will be demolished tomorrow,
No trace of us will be left,
Oh, I don't doubt that,
We're secure, We're,,, We're professionals,
If you want to stay then you're,,, you're welcome to stay,
But you must let us carry out our tests,
We have stringent, rigorous procedures that require the,,,
You've impressed me,
You're in control,
My assistant and I will be eager spectators,
Your assistant?
Hmm,
He's here?
Mm-hm,
So, this is safe?
Nope,
- Sorry, what's "No"? - Not used it before,
So, you don't know what this will do to them?
Nope,
It could kill them,
So, you lot are in charge?
For now,
Yeah, I think that'll be for the best,
Heh, okay, yes,
So, what have we here?
A little science experiment?
Only I have a gun,
Man of few words, isn't he?
We're a bit busy, so,,,
Do you know, when I was at school,
there was a little tuck shop and it was full of sticky iced things,
and I planned a midnight raid,
And my brother, of all people, exposed me,
You might say he grassed me,
And, uh, after I was suitably punished,
to bury the hatchet, I invited him to my room for tea,
I tied him up,
And I funneled boiling hot tea, down his neck,
I burnt his vocal cords quite badly,
He couldn't tell on me for quite a while after that,
Come,
Bring headphones, Stereo's in there,
- What are you doing? - A test,
Fuck!
Is it working?
Don't know,
You have been given a potent cocktail,
You are now more susceptible to telling,,,
The truth,
These are your possessions that you brought with you today,
They're the things that you will most likely take to jail,
They're the items that, you want to show the world,
However, we've acquired a few you may not want to show the world,
You've been in our homes!
You better not have raided my fridge!
Please, Have a rummage,
Hmm, And what is that, L?
It's a certificate,
Volunteer work,
Signed by the mayor!
Jesus, P!
What can I say? I'm a high achiever,
I aim, I have a mortgage!
My wife always says to me, "Preston, you,,,"
"P" for Preston!
Wait,
Wait, why have you all got code names and I've just got my name?
Is "J" for "J", spelt "J"!
Yeah, J,
"J", yeah!
P? P! You're a selfless man, known in your community for doing good,
I don't think you quite appreciate just how much you'll affect others around you,
Hmm, your wife, for example, The media will hound her,
Her life will never be the same again,
They'll make you into a monster,
They'll find you innocent,
They won't even press charges, you're practically a saint,
Uh,,, Listen!
I'm the prime candidate here,
I'm an accountant!
Saint Matthew, patron saint of the accounts!
Which means, I have an eye for meticulous detail!
Listen, you fucking peanut!
This is bullshit!
Before he was an apostle, he was a tax collector in Capernaum!
Is anyone going to ask Preston, why he wants to do this?
I was getting there, Hmm,
Preston, why do you want to do this?
It's a pleasure to meet you, Ms,,,
Miss M,
And what do you do here, Miss M?
I tell you, to get on with it!
I want to be a criminal,
I'm tired of the monotony of my life,
The nine-to-five, the expectation that I'll always do the right thing,
I've always done what's right,
- And now, I want to be,,, - Wrong?
L, look in his box,
Any books in there?
Yeah, they're all about,,,
About serial killers, Organized crime,
- Well, they are to learn! - Murder porn!
Uh,,,
Oh, You're a fantasist,
A criminal tourist,
Assure you, I'm not here for a holiday,
We'll see!
Let's move on!
We have an idea,
You're giving them more?
The situation is unique,
We should show off a bit,
For her,
Plus, we need to push the envelope with our techniques,
And overdosing is a technique, is it?
Moe says it's safe,
It's safe,
- This client,,, - Is our most prestigious yet!
We could go international here,
She's dangerous,
Ryan, I've always considered you a founding member of this company,
And you too could become a part of this expansion,
Seems more like escalation to me,
This is what we've been building to,
Let's nail this one!
It's not safe,
Fuck!
- Fucking, - Fucking,
L?
J asked you a question,
I,,, I said, is,,, is this your diary?
Yes,
Had fun reading it, did you?
Well, I suppose you haven't updated it yet today,
confessed how much you want to sit on my face!
I only write to my child in it,
You have a child, and you want to get locked up?
Fuck the do-gooder and fuck that little pervert!
She got taken away from me,
So,,,
do you want a desperate mother, a do-gooder or a perv?
When your daughter grows up
is she going to come looking for her mother?
Is she going to find a murderer?
She won't want to find me,
- You'll never see her, - I never do!
I'm just here for the fucking money!
Okay, so, J, maybe we could, um,,,
Uh,,,
L, carry on?
Must be difficult for you,
You've been through this, made your money,
Now you work for them,
You're not pretending to be a criminal,
You are one,
Let's take a break!
Yeah, come on, come on, come on, come one!
So, my desperate little pieces of meat,
Who wants to play a little game?
Who wants to phone a loved one and tell them what they've done?
- What they're about to do! - Indeed!
Uh, we're quite strict about, uh, contact with the outside world,,,
And I'm quite strict about you interrupting my assistant,
Who are you going to confess to, hmm?
Who are you going to convince that you're as worthless as I know you are?
I could phone my wife?
It would be the ultimate sacrifice!
Look at me!
I'll do it,
Who would receive the phone call though?
What, your social worker?
Your, absent, presumably estranged father?
My mum,
Dial away!
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
They have taken loads of drugs,
Now, we don't know what he's going to say,
he could give up the location, he could say,,, he could say your names!
Because my name's really Morris,
And that's William, and that's Moe,
I'm Moe,
Sure!
It's J, Mum,
Heh, Nah, nah, I didn't nick it,
Uh, Mum,
Mum, Mum!
Shut up,
Um,,,
I've really fucked up,
There's no getting out of this, Mum, I've really fucked up,
I killed someone,
Mum?
I mean, uh, he's dead, and I did it,
I,,, I dunno,,, I dunno what I was thinking, it was an accident,
but I,,, I just,,, I lost it, I got so angry! I,,,
I've got to go, Mum, I'll see you soon, yeah?
J? What are you talking about?
Are you still there? J, please, talk,,,
Well done, chap,
And what did we learn from that?
That the boy can lie,
Now, let's see if he's a killer,
I believe we discussed that as a very last resort,
This is a last resort!
I think they're going to hurt these people,
Just do as I say,
As per usual,
They have someone,,,
Someone?
Someone close to me,
So, we have no choice,
No,
No choice?
That's familiar,
Look, just let her get on with it,
We're in control,
I want to see how far you'll go,
You have a front row seat to your competitors rise or fall,
Let's begin,
J, you're first,
Pick a weapon,
Well, you want to play the part of a criminal, start acting like one!
You know, torture's proven to not yield results?
Oh, I don't require any information from him,
Just want me to hurt him?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, What are you doing? What are you doing?
No!
Fuck!
Uh,,, I mean, bravo!
Come on, man,
Come on, man!
What's taking so long?
There's just so many options, heh,
I can't decide how to torture him!
Well, from one enthusiast to another,
I'd bash his head in with this,
I,,, Interesting,
Do it,
I can't,
Now,
You may think I love being right and I do! Heh,
But I wasn't right, not this time,
I didn't think he'd get this far,
He failed!
This is your mess,
Clear it up!
Are we quite done?
- I'm eating! - We need to talk about,,,
We'd like to discuss,,,
the incident that just occurred,
Yeah, you remember that, when you just killed someone?
Do you?
Have you cleared up the mess?
Moe is dealing with it,
Not clearing up your own mess,
No, Keeping your messes around!
What have I got to do with this?
We're talking about what you have done!
With the greatest respect, I have crafted this process carefully,
over a number of years!
Do you seriously think any of those people could go far enough?
We fabricate evidence, We fix juries,
This,,, These things take time and a light touch!
You told me you had plenty of eligible candidates, perfect for my murder,
We have,
It takes, uh, skill to find what's special in these,,,
And you agreed I could eliminate those I didn't think would fit,
Sorry, Sorry, what is this? What have you agreed to?
- What have you agreed to? - I agreed to,,,
He agreed to that,
Let me show you, with my next task,
We have things to discuss,
I've got this,
She's going to kill one of us, isn't she?
I don't know,
Never met the client in my case,
Hmm,
Not sure I like the idea of knowing who I'm going to become,
You don't have to do this, you know?
I can get you out of here,
Thought you were meant to help us be criminals,
Not cowards,
I'm going to win,
Sorry,
Don't be,
Because I'm winning already,
Right, well,,,
I'm going to go check on B,
make sure he's not dead,
Who's B?
Sorry, you ripped his finger off?
- Yeah, - Yeah,
They want him for the next task,
I had to feed him, He needs strength,
We shouldn't just be feeding him,
We should be getting him out of here,
No!
Oh, I'm sorry! You,,, you wanted another corpse for your table?
I don't care about these people,
I don't care about you,
- You should be like me, - Why?
You'll stay alive!
Yeah,
Yeah, um, you're right, you're right,
Uh,,, Ahem,
I'll get him in,
Keep it hidden,
Okay,
Always have a back-up plan,
Ryan! Please, take your usual place for the question and answer session,
I'm really looking forward to this,
Yeah,
You sacrificed years of your life, and a murderer went free,
Tell the tale,
So, when you're chosen, uh,
phone calls are put in, evidence planted
and,,, and it's not long before the police,,,
Yes, yes, We know the details, tell us the human story,
Do you regret doing it, Ryan?
Oh, sorry, the, heh, old building, it'll be on again in a minute,
How was the victim killed?
It's a small detail, I don't,,,
Overdosed with sedatives and then, brutally beaten,
Beaten and stabbed, after death had already occurred,
An overdose, we all know what that is, technically,
An ingestion of drugs in excess, Excess that leads to death,
No, no, no, no, no, no,,,
Just like that,
Stop it,
Get up, get up!
What an overdose is really is a very weak way to kill someone,
Please,
Please, I told you, I have a family!
Morris, Morris!
You don't have to do this!
As weak, as your attempt to save him!
Now, Ryan, you're a criminal,
you should watch this,
You don't have to do this,
You should too,
The drugs would have killed him eventually,
Now, we couldn't have him running around free,
I had to strangle him,
Always have a back-up plan,
Well!
Let's move on, Two candidates left!
I only just finished that one!
This may be getting out of hand,
"May,"
Ryan, I have always been very clear,,,
You exploited them,
Alive or dead,
You did that with me,
I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that,
Have you asked yourself, why they are treating this like a game?
I kept you off the streets!
This one, beaten, drugged, strangled,
This one bludgeoned to death,
This isn't a typical place of work, Ryan,
They're from the criminal world,
You realize you are from that world too, right?
They are playing you,
I provide them with a service,
They need me more than I need them,
Yeah, heh, I'm going to tell you now, it doesn't seem that way out there tonight,
They need my help, That's why they're here,
Maybe they like what you do,
Have you ever considered you may be auditioning yourself?
What do you want me to do?
He has a gun,
He has a gun!
We have control,
They've been doing just fine without their bullets,
They want to see you in the interrogation room,
Why?
To interrogate you,
Chop, chop!
What's this?
You fucking me, or him?
Him,
Okay,
I have to do this,
I know,
Okay,
Do I scare you?
Why do they have to die?
You work towards facilitating murder,
Don't pretend we aren't all in this together!
Not to mention your past indiscretion,
My past has nothing to do with this,
Why are you here?
I was keen to meet you,
Isn't everybody?
How did he find you?
Same way he finds everybody,
He's a bottom drawer lawyer,
Represents the poor
and our little troubles,
He becomes a friend you can rely on and,
once you or your family suffer, many indiscretions,
he offers you alternatives,
Alternatives?
Ultimatums,
You're not scared of me, are you?
Well, not yet,
Sit there!
You'll pick the winner,
Whether you like it or not,
A new test,
How would you dispose of this corpse?
And you're trying not to get caught, remember?
Whoever gives me the worst answer, dies,
And begin,
Auto-erotic asphyxiation?
What?
Well, strangling himself whilst he's having a wank,
Fits in to what he did,
Well, because of what he did, he's got drugs in his system too,
I'd leave him under a canal bridge, he'd look like your everyday,,,
Addict,
Nah, Nah, nah, nah, He had cuts and bruises,
There's obvious foul play,
Then he couldn't have wanked himself to death either!
Then let's leave no trace of him then,
How?
- Throw him in the sea, - Yeah, right,
Anywhere there's a high level of Oxygen in the water,
there's a high level of sea fauna,
He'll be consumed very quickly,
Hmm, very good, J!
Ryan, who will it be?
L, or J?
No, Ryan!
He won, fair and square,
Actually, kill J instead,
What?
Didn't think you'd try and rescue him,
He's not as cute, is he?
I need a piss,
I've pissed in worse places,
Really?
In a bucket after I've just watched a kid get stabbed?
Much worse!
It's not because I'm nervous,
What?
The shakes,
I know,
Uh,,,
Stole it from Morris,
Thanks,
And turn around,
Oh, yeah, yeah,
Lydia,
What?
My name,
Oh, um,,,
Yeah, I know,
Oh,
So, now we're partners in crime are you going to tell me how you ended up here?
Well,,,
- William found,,, - Nah, how you really got here?
I made some mistakes,
Like you,
So, if I'm you, years ago,
What would you say to yourself back then?
That you have so much more worth than you think,
Are you saying that to you, or me?
Don't overestimate me, Ryan,
I've messed up a lot of lives,
Not just my daughter's, and not just mine,
Um,,, We should go back in,
crime, it does pay, apparently,
So, Lydia is our criminal,
I want to exercise Option B,
But, Lydia's alive,
- that was more of a,,, - It's more money for you!
What is option B?
You really think I would want to go through all that again?
I was curious as to why you stayed all these years,
Do you want to chime in on this, or?
Mm-mm, Mm,
Unless you're a successful candidate, you're a dead candidate,
You agreed to this,
For more money?
Oh, it was his idea, Wasn't it?
Oh, he was very enthusiastic,
Please say you agreed to this
after you found out they had someone close to you,
Tell him!
It was before, okay? But, look, they needed someone great, I had to put,,,
As I understand it, we have everything we need from you,
DNA, personality profile,
criminal record,
Everything we need to make you the perfect candidate,
Look, Lydia is just as good,
- you saw how well she performed! - My decision is final,
Come on! We had a deal, a deal is a deal!
What a pathetic man you really are!
You fucking think I'm just going to allow this to happen?
Have you ever considered, you may be auditioning yourself?
You're not pretending to be a criminal, you are one,
We're here to shake things up a tad,
You're not scared of me, are you?
Well, not yet,
Okay, so, where is she?
We need to see this through first,
Come on! Look, I've been more than accommodating!
You've been playing this sick game, "Oh, I want this person, no, I want that person,"
Well, you know, I,,, I'm sick of it! Fuck it!
Do what you want, kill who you like, I don't care!
Just where is she?
You know, how I know I can respect someone, William?
I judge them, on how well they protect what belongs to them,
who belongs to them,
You allowed me complete access to your so-called secure organization,
your water-tight procedure,
Your secret location,
And all for what, money?
No!
Who the fuck rattled your cage?
William, can't let them do this,
Use your words,
I took the bullets out your gun,
Ah, Look!
He nearly had me there!
Now, we have something to show you,
You're not dead then?
No,
Shit,
The tweed psycho brought them in with you, What are they?
Tapes,
Yeah!
Of what we do here,
I was so close,
To what?
My family
were under big financial problems,
And William offered us a solution,
He got us all on board,
They know you're innocent,
So, they just got rich and disowned you?
And then William was all I had left,
and he was there to pick up the pieces,
And what about the,,, the tapes?
Try and make sure no one else ever goes through this again,
Thanks!
What for?
For looking out for me tonight,
We're fucked!
Don't you want to know who it is?
Go on!
Hello, darling,
Get in the chair!
Do you know who this is?
- Yeah, - Yeah,
This is the person that you confessed to killing,
I thought I had justice for my sister, that the right man had been caught,
I waited for Ryan's pitiful sentence to end, so that I could kill him,
And then I learned the truth,
She was Ms, M's sister,
She was a very,,,
She was a very dear friend of mine,
- So, this is revenge then, - Yeah,
This sick and twisted system
let's despicable people escape justice,
Period,
It's interesting because I seem to remember
you brutally murdering four people tonight, so,,,
Yeah,
Did you ever just stop and think, maybe, just maybe,
we weren't the bad guys?
Get up!
I knew it was too good to true, the money the connections,
- I made a good deal! - We got careless!
You know, I thought I'd be destroying some vast network,
Some shadowy company fixing things for the rich and worthy,
Imagine my shock,
when I discover this well-to-do suburban couple,
And that you, killed my sister!
I'm truly sorry for what happened to your sister,
But I was put into a position,
Please, don't get me wrong,
I admire what you two created,
You fooled me,
You fooled the world,
Wait!
It is a great thing, I've created,
So why destroy it? Be a partner, With your power and influence
- we could achieve so much, - Exactly!
You're key to making this good thing, great!
Remarkable,
How you both haven't worked out what kind of person I truly am,
Now, as you did so well,
we've decided that you've won a,,,
quick death,
- Morris! - Shut up!
Because of your willingness in this whole sick charade
you will get a slow death,
And you will drag her corpse everywhere until then,
No, No,
Please, no,
No!
Please, no,
I know that a lot of people don't like the milk in first,
But it's been scientifically proven,
the milk cools the tea evenly,
It will still scald your vocal cords,
as I force feed it to you though,
You should be doing this to William,
Okay,
Whatever,
Oh,
Always have a back-up plan,
Look, if you help me to torture him, I'll kill him first,
Hold it in his mouth,
Mm-mm,
Hold it in his mouth,
Do it,
All those recordings you made, Ryan,
And you didn't realize the real truth,
Who started all of this,
It was his wife, Adeline,
Look, what we found at your house,
hidden in plain sight,
Look at how much you people have made from other people's misery!
I help people, always have,
If I get rewarded for that then I don't see why I shouldn't be able to,,,
Have a nice car, have a nice house?
Future?
You two want to be criminals without getting your hands dirty,
But you're covered in blood!
Now,,,
this is going to hurt,
Get up,
Come on,
You know what?
I won't burn you,
Thank you!
I'll let one of you live,
if you kill the other,
I'll do it,
- What? - I'm trying to survive!
Oh, wow, I was joking!
But that is hilarious,
Actually,,,
why don't you take it?
Do it!
No!
- Here, - Ryan!
Ryan?
Ryan, no, please,
Ryan,
Take the money, it's everything you'll ever need,
It's everything we have!
I'm so sorry, Ryan,
I wanted to help you, for what you've done for us,
Please, Ryan! Ryan,,, Can you untie us, please?
I promise you'll never see or hear from us again!
Ryan?
Ryan!
Let's go,
Shit,